Celebrity Big Brother Uk 2016: Monday big spoon, Tuesday little spoon

Bums vs ballbags

When did Christopher Biggins just become 'Biggins'? Why did it look like Chloe Mafia was feeding Heavy D mini eggs out of her hand on the LF? Who's the bluntest out of James, Saira and Marnie? None of these questions are answered in tonight's blog.
Bear has got the hump about wardrobe space. Saira is calling him 'Stephen' like a mum. 'Let's all have a line each' - it's not the first time he's said that, I bet. He is being a total dick (comedowns are a bitch) but Saira is sooooo bugging. I can't deal with her.
That boom thing isn't going to become annoying, is it? BOOM!
Renee got MRSA from having her arse deformed. There's a lesson in there somewhere. It's weird the way Renee called it 'MURSUR', isn't it? Like she can't be bothered to pronounce initials. Aubrey had a good old feel of it, too. Jeremy from Baywatch couldn't get away with that shit.
I love Bear calling Fatboy by his proper name, Fatboy. (Thanks to the guy who nicked this joke off me on Twitter without retweeting, I know it was funny, but really?). 'He keeps doing things, like getting the batteries... he's a snide!' Sounds like Callum on the eco bikes. I love him describing Frankie as 'the other fella who did the silly dancing in the garden.' Then goes: 'He's done my eyedrops, hasn't he.' Bear doesn't like Frankie stealing his eyedrops. I do think that's a hygiene risk. 'I get a bit funny with my eyedrops, I've got three with me.' This guy has OCD. 'Chloe, old big tits.' Charmed, I'm sure. Bear is putting everyone on blast. He doesn't want to go out for drinks with Grant after one night: 'give it a week, play it cool then we can start organising trips to the zoo.' On James: 'Don't tell me to keep it down, we haven't got neighbours.' Will no one think of the workers at Tesco in Borehamwood? It's a party house, I'm partying.' OK, this guy is going to be good value. He hates EVERYONE! Yes.
Frankie doesn't know about the sexist institution of Page 3. Let it stay that way.
Saira is trying to put her own personality onto Marnie in revenge from vibrator gate. Good luck. She's soooo patronising she makes Andy West look laid back. Marnie seems to KNOW HERSELF so leave her be.
Biggins is doing a classic shitstir task, calling Bear and Lewis the two least talented. He called Frankie egotistic. Marnie and Heavy D trashiest. Most iconic: Sam Fox.
Saira and James 'Muslim' chats set my teeth on edge. Saira is clutching the rulebook. Just don't talk about religion FFS. Although I suppose it's more interesting than people's boobs 'accidentally' falling out. I agree with James that people don't need religion to act decently, but at the same time acting decently is respecting other's beliefs, whether you agree or not, so it's a two way street.
Can't wait to see Frankie's presentation 'Ten things I love about me.' Pantomime horse punishment: lazy. Mob wife is boohooing about doing drugs. Marco's sex chamber has been renamed the Sam Fox suite.
Frankie is rapping about how wonderful he is. Classic. James looks SO pissed off. I like the fact Frankie just went on and on. I think he kind of revels in people hating him. He's definitely being entertaining. I saw his Twitter bio says 'social media mogul' and 'shine bright like a me' on it, which made me laugh.
Marnie saying Lewis is handsome. Slim pickings or what. She does fancy Grant but won't admit it.
Cheryl put Katie on blast in her autobiography. Saira: 'Cheryl is the nations sweetheart.' No, she's a racist mingebag who beat up Auntie. Speak for yourself!
Biggins has to spill a drink over the housemate he wants to nominate. Haha. Good one. He drenched Lewis, lol.
Renee saying Lewis acts like a dick and is over-confident. True. Renee is discussing nominations with Aubrey. BLATANT. They probably think Biggins is the most famous man in England.
Marnie quizzing Grant about Anthea. She's very blunt! 'Did you love her? How long were you with her? Did you get bored? Do you like the young 'uns' ie. me? Marnie doesn't know who Anthea Turner is. That makes me feel ancient.
I saw this 'do you like getting spooned' bit on the LF. Grant is like a lamb to the slaughter! I don't think he's flirting. I think he probably thinks Marnie's on a task but his old fanny rat spidey-senses are tingling and he can't resist.
I think he thought 'getting spooned' meant something else. Wednesday: night off. 'Cool, man.' But he did say 'I'll think about big spoon/ little spoon.' Blatant come on.
Grant apparently looks like Kevin Spacey and and he's sexy. Neither of these are true!
Heavy D fancies Chloe and wants to get in there quick as 'there's a shark about'. Who's that? Ha, him showing off his 'Ferrari' and 'sun' tattoos was one of the most pitiful things I've ever seen on TV. I'm hoping her standards are low as he was bragging about making his pants last five days earlier.
Did I really need to see Frankie's ballbag? His arse was actually alright but the nutsack was a step too far.
The show ended on a low with Bear talking shit in the pool. A change from taking a shit in the woods, I guess.