Saturday, 2 July 2016

Big Brother UK 2016: I don't wanna cuddle

I just watched the live feed from last night and thought it was probably the most interesting yet, giving insight into Andy and Jayne certainly, and seeing them as humans, not characters, I suppose. I still hate them, though, obvi. But considering it was post eviction feed, it was actually quite relaxed and candid.
Dear God, not another episode focused on Charlie and Jason. I can't cope.
Ryan will be 'fizzing' if Georgina goes as she's 'tv gold' (true) and a nice person (not). Pass the bubbly.
Jayne is telling Andy to 'say it to people's faces.' That's not how sssssssnakes operate.
Georgina says, 'The housemates are like art, subjective.' If the housemates are like art, Georgina was the Mona Lisa. And Jackson is like graffiti on the side of a train. Actually, that;s quite romantic. Andy is like that thing that involved elephant dung.
Chelsea's hair is looking on point at the moment. What a brave man.
Jason is upset Charlie hasn't apologised: 'it's sick'. Jason: 'I hate liars.' I LOVE them. Charlie wants 'a word' with Andy. Uh oh, this should be good. Andy: 'I'm not a stirrer.' Haha, mentions that he doesn't go round rubbing his hands together with glee when someone gossips. I have seen him do it! He is a hand rubber/ wringer. God, he is SO SANCTIMONIOUS. Cannot bear it. Great housemate, though.
Sam: 'Would you eat your kids placenta?' Jackson was offered the chance to when he had his baby. Georgina not happy. 'It's VILE! Talking about your ex.' Georgina is a total bunny boiler. It's a shame the idiot general public evicted her. Georgina: 'I don't have a maternal bone in my body.' Haha. Hughie, Lateysha and Sam are all appalled with Georgina. Georgina is jealous of Jackson's baby like Charlie is jealous of Jason's dog. Georgina is jealous of the baby momma. 'Gushing out all her bits.' Ha, that's how I see pregnancy. I love Georgina. Charlie: 'You will have a baby one day.' Fuck off. 'You'll feel differently when you're older.' I thought you're meant to be 31? If she's 31, I'm 12. NOT EVERYONE WANTS A BABY.
Andy is pontificating on what viewers want and who will be evicted. He thinks Georgina would get on his nerves as a viewer. Not more than you do, Andy. He is obsessed with public perception. That's what he was talking about on the live feed, too.
Georgina: 'Please can you get my fucking suitcase?' to Jackson. What is he, the bell boy? God, she's unbalanced. Sam is clearly appalled by the way Georgina treats Jackson, and for once, I agree with him.
Georgina doesn't want her friends to be sad if she leaves, ha, that's nice of her. I can't believe she thought she was so safe with the way she carries on. It's mental.
Andy comforting Evelyn and then she flopped in his lap like she was going to give him a blowjob. Evelyn is a waste of airtime. Tragic. One of the most pointless housemates ever.
Charlie has actually got Georgina sussed. Georgina loves Jackson, so she treats him like crap to test him. Jackson is done with Georgina. He's not, though, is he?
I have actually liked Charlie tonight. Plus she always looks good on eviction nights, just like a mess the rest of the time. She's actually being insightful and helpful to Georgina.
Aw, Georgina crying on Jackson and then moaning about her make up. There is something cute about them, despite all the mind games. I can't help it!
Hughie: 'I knew it!' when Jayne was safe. Hughie needs more airtime. Evelyn hyperventilating. Andy: 'Count to seven when you breathe in. Count to five when you breathe out.' Is that a thing?
Georgina: 'I didn't see that coming.' How can you have such a lack of self awareness? If I was up for eviction, I would be 100% certain I was going. Ha, Evelyn trying to hug Georgina was the lols.
Georgina: 'Don't leave me' to Jackson. It's you leaving, not him! 'I love you, I'm so sorry.' Aw.
Jackson choking on his tears, screaming at the window and generally acting like a super douche was amusement. Alex: 'Get it together.' Yeah, fam.
Laura has made Jackson a cut of tea. SLUT! Jackson is mooning at a picture of Georgina. 'See you soon, sweetpea.' Standard.
Charlie and Jason are having it out in Marco's sex chamber, now the snore room. ZZZZZZ.
Jackson has gone back to perching in the diary room. 'Georgina reminds me of my mum and I love my mum.' Er, I think that's just something you think and don't say. Aw, he's going to take Georgina to Disneyland. Is that a euphemism? Or is there a Nottingham version? 'That's my GIRL, MY MISSUS. You put that bitch up.' So she's your mum, your missus, and a bitch? He really is the anti man. My feminist heart is swooning as we speak.
Jason: 'Charlie has told me she's accepted it so many times over the past four months.' He is forever counting months! Andy says Jason will come out 'looking like a gentleman.' They are such a friendship of convenience. They would never be mates in real life. Jason doesn't really look like a gentleman. He looks like a man about to blow, desperately trying to look like a nice guy.
Charlie and Jason's argument is now at the level of 'sit down' and 'no I won't sit down, I'll stand up'. AMICABLE. They've been perfectly civil. I'm on Charlie's side, if anything.
When Evelyn and the twin talk. Tumbleweed. When they twerk, even worse.
Andy in the DR: 'The public saved me. I'm doing the right thing, I believe in my principles.' He is such a self-aggrandising twat. The public will kick your arse out next week cos you're the only person with a storyline.
Aw, Jackson is bawling in bed. Probably thinking about his baby momma.
Charlie and Jason's awkward cuddle is how I feel about Big Brother UK in general at the moment. When he said 'I don't want a cuddle' he sounded like a five year old. I don't want any more Charlie and Jason, please.
Jason is giving Evelyn a shirt to wear in bed and Charlie is annoyed about it. Oh shut up. Do women really wear men's shirts to bed? I thought that was just something that happened in films.
Bring on the fresh meat or whatever it is. But you can't reanimate a corpse. And you can't bring back Marco and Andrew. Or... can you? If so, please do. Thanks, bruv.


toureasylover said...

Your blogs give me life Lynsey! I swear your writing just cracks me up. Marco's sex room... I actually laughed out loud.

Unknown said...

Have you listened to their funny pods ? They just as great .