Sunday, 3 July 2016

Big Brother UK 2016: It's only a pancake

Pancake slay
Is this still on? And you're still watching? And still reading this? And I'm writing it? Madness.
'Evelyn, Jayne and Andy survived the public vote.' WEAK housemates!
HAHA Jackson wants to propose to Georgina as he exits the house. 'Give me the ring'. Buy your own ring. Getting proposed to on Big Brother is right up there with being proposed to on Jeremy Kyle.
Charlie is pining for the days when she used to wear Jason's shirts in bed. So that IS a thing. Who knew? Evelyn, obviously.
Hughie vs Andy! DING DING. Andy: 'The public know I'm not a snake.' Don't speak for the public, Andy.
Hughie: 'There's no such thing as a wrong opinion.' Untrue. 'You're a story carrier!' True. Andy: 'I'm a 33 year old man, I don't need your advice.' People who quote their ages in arguments = instant lose.
Hughie digging out Andy in front of the group was hilarity. 'You're a liar and a story carrier.' (Funnier the second time round). I love 'story carrier'. I love 'trouble riser'. I love Hughie. OMG a 'news carrier.' Haha - I love this, especially as Andy is a former journalist. Brilliant.
OMG naked Jackson! Yes. There's not been enough naked housemate action this year. More arse, please. Ooh, he's splashing Evelyn over the top of the showers. PROPOSAL CANCELLED.
Hughie's going in the POO-EL. I love the way Hughie pronounces everything. Any Hughie airtime is magic. Everyone else is a prick.
Andy in DR moaning about Hughie: 'Of course I don't like being in the middle of bad situations.' LOL. Also, 'it's nice not to have Georgina here whining and moaning. Georgina wants Jackson to be someone else. That's not love. I bet there's a part of him that's relieved she's gone.' Nice. What a nice man Andy is. Cut to Jackson throwing Evelyn on the bed. Weeeeelll, they're only messing. It won't fly with Princess Jasmine aka Georgina, though. Still, Andy, STFU.
A task is happening. Balloons. Sam reading books looking for 'enigmatic'. Andy listing words. What the fuck is going on? Bring on the electric shock suits. Counting clocks. Blinking. They've literally spent 2p on this. Oh my friend Arif just told me the task is impossible to pass. So how do they pass? There is literally nothing at stake. I really must pay attention at the start of tasks. Or they should just flash up 'BUT THE REAL TASK IS.'
Hughie battling with the feathers: 'This room smells like somebody died in it.' Several chickens, by the looks of things. Hughie: 'I look like a fucking chicken.'
Emma is feeling horny. TMI.
Every time Alex does speak (once a week), it's nothing particularly pleasant, have you noticed? It's always got a bit of a whiff of sexism/ narcissism which is not a winning combination (see Danny Wisker for more details) .
Jayne's motto is 'what you don't know can't trouble you.' She's not wrong. Andy thinks otherwise but later sought Jane out and said he was 'taking on board' (t.m. Callum from the eco year) what Jayne said. Brilliant. He even smiled!
Sam is moaning in the DR because Ryan is more entertaining than him. Not hard, even Emma is more entertaining than him.
Andy: 'Is Georgina perfect for you? No. But it's none of my business.' EVERYTHING is Andy's business. EVERYTHING.
Fair play to Lateysha letting it all hang out on the garden in her bikini. More naked jacuzzi housematesness, please.
Hughie finds Andy sinister. I think the word you're looking for is sssssssnake. Or arsehole.
Charlie is telling the others she fucked Jason a WEEK before she went in the house. Ha. I feel like we already knew that somehow. Is that one from the Mail Online?
Pancakegate. Not as catchy as placentagate. Although more tasty, right? Chelsea is angry about people cooking at midnight. Has he never heard of a midnight feast?
Andy and Sam are bonding over being gay by being homophobic. 'Sterotypical gay' klaxon.
Ryan looks like he's having a good laugh. 'Let's go bed and give everyone head.' Better than carping, isn't it?
There's a title here, something to do with pancake batter, but I can't quite get to it.
Chelsea is moaning about the pancakes being too thick. He's just trying to have a 'converthation.' Sam just said, 'It's only a pancake.' Ha. Nice. Apparently it's more than a pancake. Chelsea is being an aggressive dick and taking the mick out of Lateysha's accent. What's the problem? Battered as a child or something (nearly a joke there).
'Fucking pancakes, fuck off' cracked me up for some reason. 'Gangster pancake!' someone just said. I can feel a GIF coming on. I want to call this blog 'a load of old crepe' but that would be wholesale stolen from Adam Buxton so I'll resist.
It's Hughie's birthday! I loved the row between him and Ryan, hilarious. Lucky they're both gay so there can't be any allegations of sexual harrassment. Well there could be, but they both give as good as they get. Most any other housemates and that would have ended in tears. Yet I can see these I two in a splosh porno. And cheers to that.


Unknown said...

Waa hoo for my name being on your blog.
I enjoyed Sunday's show .
If it wasn't Pancakes it would have been something else , drinks maybe but that's been done with Natalie .
Jackson is out of he's shell now that he's misuses is not there . She must be so pissed off watching Jackson getting up to all sorts .

J(F)OTV said...

I still love Jayne!