Monday 12 November 2007

Vain Men

As I'd already seen the Location, Location, Location's I'd taped tonight, I had to find some other brainless TV to watch when I slumped home from work. So I found this little gem on my Sky Plus 'Anytime TV' which means you can watch it too, if you have sky plus and feel so inclined.
Personally I can't think of anything worse than vain men. Even moisturising is unacceptable to me in a partner, so you can forget about shaving legs or getting a manicure like in this programme. The first guy was from Northampton, my home turf! Typical Shoe Town twattishness. He said 'we're just catching up with women.' It's not something worth catching up with though, is it? Vanity isn't an accolade. It's a curse.
Also, was it a coincidence that half of these vain men were going bald, so they went to the gym and got a spray tan to compensate. Well, let me break it to you, it doesn't! Just accept what nature dishes out gracefully. Don't get your balls sugared! Urgh! Did I really need to see the back, sack and crack wax too? URGH!!! I was literally agog. They filmed right up his crack! It's humiliating! he looked like he wouldn't be able to sit down for a week. Honestly. Just be hairy! You're a MAN! (For the record, I don't think women should humiliate themselves in the name of vanity either; most beauty treatments of that kind can be done in the privacy of your own home- but then I'm very shy about those sorts of things.)
I like dirty, scruffy men. I like geeky, skinny men who don't know what mascara is, and use bubble bath instead of shampoo by accident. I don't like muscles. I look at a six pack and just think of all the hours that person must be in the gym. I look at muscles and just think 'they must be thick'. I'd rather go out with someone a bit chubby than muscly. A man counting calories bores me rigid. It's such a turn off. Vanity smacks of being insecure, and insecurity in a man is not attractive. Men should be confident or nonchalant. Not needy.
I don't like men who sit in the bath for an hour preening (unless they are reading something). I don't even like men who use products in their hair. Mind you, my boyfriend doesn't even wash his hair, which is possibly too much the other way.
Men should look like men. Men shouldn't care what they look like. The whole vanity market is just a money-spinning ploy to make men as neurotic as women.
Run, men! Run for your lives. Stay grubby and hairy.

13 comments:

Shep said...

"I'd rather go out with someone a bit chubby than muscly..."

Don't make me fall in love with you, missy...

* (asterisk) said...

Ha ha. I fear I fall between two stools.

Worn makeup in my time? Check.
Balding? Check.
Moisturizing? Check (when I remember and don't have too much facial hair to rub it in properly).
Shaving armpits? Check.
Shaving face? When I have to, check.
Chubby? Check.
Trying to lose a bit of weight without being a mental about it? Check.

I think we men can find some middle ground. We don't have to turn into girls, but neither do we have to be muscle-bound meat-heads.

lightupvirginmary said...

Shep- you're easily swayed!
asterisk- shaving armpits?! But yes. The middle ground is where it's at. Once I've agreed what the middle ground should be. :-)

Red said...

Don't knock a man who shaves his armpits until you've tried it, gal! I now look at other men's hairy pits and literally vomit a little in my mouth. Hairless pits is where it's at!

lightupvirginmary said...

I guess it could be good... in a way. No, still not convinced!
It will probably be all the rage in a couple of years. Trendsetters!

Shep said...

Never! You hear me, never!

Whitstable may be going through a 'Menaissance', but here in quiet Devon we shoot men who even channel-surf towards Ugly Betty.

I'm not joking.

* (asterisk) said...

It also makes the tattooed armpit look way better, of course, but that's not the reason I started doing it.

Ah, look at Shep, all macho now he doesn't work in a book store. Funny!

lightupvirginmary said...

I'm glad this post sparked such strong reactions. You pansies! ;-)

Shep said...

For your pleasure, now * (asterisk) and I will wrestle in front of a fire...

* (asterisk) said...

Can we wrestle in front of a fireplace, rather than in front of a fire. You know, it might be dangerous if there's a fire raging and all. My man-bag might catch alight.

Shep said...

You pussy, this is exactly what I'm talking about...

lightupvirginmary said...

burns victims are soooo sexy. ;-)

* (asterisk) said...

Shit, am I gonna hafta bookmark this post?! It's getting more and more difficult to find!

Well, LUVM can have Shep and his 3rd-degree burns, and I'll sit by the radiator, watching TV and reporting back to you both.