Monday, 21 January 2013

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: Paid to be pricks

Well it's been an eventful day in Big Brother land. There was a fuss on Twitter about Luke A having fake followers (not bothered) and Kaff went on The Wright Stuff and declared Rylan had been leaving the house to rehearse for the X Factor. Now THAT'S a shocker. Obviously this is totally unacceptable, and BB are already trying to wriggle out of it. It makes me sad because the very premise of Big Brother is no contact with the outside world. Remember that? It explains the lack of live feed, though, doesn't it? God knows what they're all doing every night, probably on their mobiles and laptops talking to their agents, if not leaving to go down Waitrose or Sugar Hut. I do feel like it's the final insult to us as viewers, in what has been a very distorted series of Big Brother indeed. As we got snowed in today we decided to do a 'breaking news' podcast on the scandal, check it out here, if you're hard up between now and BOTS.
Spencer's rocking a minty green teacher fleece today, with a khaki green shirt. Ha, Spencer is going to always appreciate 'minorities'. Everyone is against you because since the moment you've walked in that house you've acted like a gigantic penis.
Tricia's finally getting some airtime! So I heard Tricia was favourite to win today. Bullshit. Even if Rylan's votes halved after rehearsal gate, he'd still get twice as many as the others.
Tricia put herself second from the highest in the 'letter from home' task. Apparently you only want to hear from your family if you've got kids. What about if you have a much loved partner? A dying mother? A best friend? Nah, they don't count.
Should have known BB would turn that task on it's head. They should have learnt by now. Spontag already plotting to foil the task, but they look a bit twitchy about it.
Who would send Spencer and Heidi a 'letter from home'? Their agent? Their plastic surgeon (oh no, I think he died). Their Pomeranians? Rylan should dig Spencer and Heidi out about the hand job issue. Put 'em on the backfoot!
It's extra evil that Spontag are going to fuck up this task after Rylan shaves his beard off. Ha, and Spontag are pouring on the blackmail: 'don't let him do it'. I don't think that was 50% of Rylan's facial hair. I'd say it was about 30%. I'd find it hard to sit there and be such a cunt as them all the time. I don't think I could keep it up.
You can see Claire is ready to KILL Spontag. Of course Spencer and Heidi aren't going to split up (for two hours - honestly, you think they'd be sick of each other). Ironically, she NEEDS a restraining order against this bastard. Spontag are actually emotionally abusing their housemates now. I don't like Claire, but that was unnecessary. If they said 'it's only a game' to me, I'd be close to punching them, seriously. I feel like they've crossed the line. They are actually winding me up now, and I've been championing them for weeks.
At least Rylan IS digging them out. I don't blame him for flipping, if I was in that situation, I would go fucking mental, I would flip my lid and be out on my arse.
Thank God this pair aren't having children, because their gene pool is rotten. No you wouldn't do the show if you had kids because YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE KIDS, HEIDI, BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING BRAINWASHED. Argh, I don't know why this is bugging me so much. It's really getting my goat. Don't get me wrong, I can't STAND Claire, it's not about that, or kids either, it's just about their lack of basic humanity. Toadie never had a former identity as Ryan so that was hardly a stretch for him to give up for a task. I kind of liked that moment where Rylan and Claire looked at eachother and he said, 'smile'; it was like a real moment of friendship. Spontag are poison, plain and simple. They'll never be happy, they're just damaged as fuck. Is it really funny to upset people like that? And for everyone going 'oh they've been demonised since the beginning' it's because they couldn't even be bothered to get of their 5,000 dollar arses and say hello! They don't even have the basic manners chip.
I will say one thing; Spencer is right in that he didn't pick the order, though he can hardly blame Tricia for putting him last after the past few days. Finally Razor finds his tongue: 'fucking disgraceful.'
I agree with Tricia that none of them should have the letters. Solidarity! Show Spontag what friendship is really about.  UK! UK! UK!
Spencer is 29! Fuck me, he looks rough. Why is he so shiny? You could use his forehead as a make-up mirror.
Frankie's got his knives out again, like when Susan Kennedy in Neighbours used to obsessively clean when she was freaking out about Karl having an affair. Toadie will remember that reference.
Hahaha, my boyfriend loves it when Spencer impersonates the housemates, so he'll enjoy 'if the British public had half a heart.'
I love Rylan in a rage! He's so un-intimidating! He's fab. You go, Rylan, I'm still backing you, all the way, baby.
Toadfish hit the nail on the head when he said 'they're paid to be pricks and they're doing a good job of it.' The most insightful thing he's said in two weeks.
I love the fact Spontag are reading their own letter. 'Their parents must be proud of them.' I imagine their parents have disowned them. Who IS that letter from?! I need to know. What does it say?!
Ooh even Frankie piped up. 'You're not fucking reading mine, that's for sure.' You've really pushed it now, you've riled Frankie! Now you've done it! They already read their stupid letter anyway, so it was a bit of a pitiful protest. 
At last, the fencesitters revolt! Good on 'em! That actually made me feel proud. I actually felt like I cared about my housemates for a minute. Heidi looks embarrassed. I wonder who she would be if she'd never met that evil prick? Probably happy with a kid and not carved up to look like a 50 year old Barbie. Stupid idiot.
Spontag will not be winning this show now. I don't care if it's an act, or what anymore, I just don't want to look at their fucking faces anymore.
Yeah, don't tell Heidi what to do, that's Spencer's job. Spencer, your English accent is worse than your Australian one. If I was Speidi I would crawl under the covers and hide with embarrassment rather than sitting picking my nails like a pair of dicks. I'm still dying for Rylan to call them out about their undercover shuffle! It's the perfect comeback.
Oh shut up, Claire, bleating about your kids. It's like Janine on I'm a Celeb, and I DO hate women whinging about their kids on reality TV. It's a job, you're going to do a job, you signed up for it. Also, Spontag weren't laughing at your kids. They were just laughing about being douches. They have NO sense of decency, haven't you worked that out yet? Yeah they're callous. And they're picking up the pay cheque. As are you.
Even I don't know how I feel after all that. But it's not positive. Now let's see how they try and spin Rylan's song and dance routine on BOTS. Until tomorrow...!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Nice article. The direction that C5 have taken the show in is causing me to have serious doubts about if i can continue to watch it anymore.

The championing of arrogant selfish housemates that are in turn supported by a seemingly ever growing section of the audience that are determined to support whoever that series wanker/villain is at any cost is a real turn off for me.

C5's "target audience" seem to lap up the negativity and conflict. Im on the verge of letting them keep it i have had enough.