Monday, 14 January 2013

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: Especially after he electrocuted my wife tonight

Marcus Bentley says, 'Following Friday night's argument, Big Brother has decided Heidi and Spencer will sleep in the basement until further notice.' Translation: 'Heidi and Spencer's lawyers have decided they'll sleep in the basement until further notice.' Remember when Big Brother used to have some control over the housemates? Me neither. Heidi and Spencer can say 'jump' to Big Brother and Big Brother will go 'how high?' and probably give them a multipack of toothbrushes, a machine gun and some disgusting American chocolate.
Spontag's flag has fallen down. 'Fix the flag, fix the flag.' Oh, fuck off.
Gratuitious shot of Lacey's side boob? Check. Spencer fanning his face like a nutcase? Check.
How can people still like Claire (from Steps)? As far as I can see, she has no redeeming features. Razor in his pants! ARGH! Claire's losing her appetite? I'm not surprised looking at Razor's bikini line. OMG Razor, shut your fucking legs! Or C5 put a warning up on the screen.
So I know who's up for nomination and I'm not very impressed. Deadwood floats. 
Big Brother to Rylan: 'Anything else you'd like to talk to Big Brother about?' 'Global warming. I don't know what it is.' Aw. I still love Rylan. You can't stop me, and you can't stop him from winning either. Heidi and Spencer's entertainment value will only get them so far. The villains never win.
Spencer just wants to 'tap that booty'? Ewww. I read in the Daily Star (well, saw a link for it) they'd fucked in the basement. BOLLOCKS. I doubt if they've fucked for three years.
Toadfish: not nominations for not tidying up again! Is that the REAL reason you're nominating Spontag? It's not, is it? So stop beating around the bush. You're not in Lassiter's now, laddy. Time to play with the big boys.
Oh God, Tricia is voting for Lacey because she's so untidy. 'I'm forever picking up after her.' Don't then. You're not her mum! Fuck off, you boring old bitch.
Why does everyone hate Lacey now? She's harmless! LOL, Frankie was 'afraid' of Spencer and Heidi when they came back into the house! Is that why he burrowed into a little hole? What a scrotum. Don't be scared, little Frankie. A little toot will sort you out and then you can be as mental and aggressive as Spencer and Razor combined.
Why are Spencer and Heidi constantly drinking mineral water? Kathy don't like rows! Why was she in Eastenders for so long then? Lacey looks cute today in her camo gear and her make up all sexy. I feel sorry for her. Oh stop crying, Gillian! There's nothing worse than a Big Brother crybaby.
I like the fact Marcus is just calling Ryan 'Toadie' on the narration. Rylan: 'do you get on with everyone at Neighbours, any arseholes?' I love it, so blunt. 'Would you ever jump ship to Home and Away if they offered you a load of money?' Toad-jerk: 'Yeah.' Ha! He's probably been fired already, that's why he's hopped over here.
Uh oh, Lacey's talking politics. Fuck. Claire looks stony-faced. Gillian and Tricia are pissed off, too. At least she's got an opinion, even if it's ill-informed. Ha, now they're talking about convicts being shipped to Australia. Toadfish is doing his war dance; stand back. 
Claire's nominating Lacey for being 'crude.' Her name is 'Banghard', FFS. At least she's more interesting than you; mind you, so's er... everyone. Lacey's crumb of kindness has been seen as an allegiance to Heidi and Spencer and has smacked her in the face a bit.
Razor's nominating in his coat. At least he's put some clothes on at last. He looks like he's about tho go for a hike. I love the fact Razor loves Rylan, they're just such an odd couple. Ha, Razor is nominating Lacey for burping and using the 'c' word cos it's not ladylike. It's alright for you though, isn't it, Puff Daddy? Fucking hypocrite! He reminds me of my mum's boyfriend who read my blog and goes 'there's a lot of swearing in it.' Well it's my blog, not my dissertation! I can say whatever the fuck I want in it. Cunts. I nominate anyone who uses the expression 'the 'c' word'. In fact, my boyfriend's friend came round on New Year's Day and called me out for 'using the c word a lot'. How about you don't come into my house and tell me what words to use, hmm? No word offends me, except sexist ones, like 'slag'. 'Cunt' is multipurpose.
Spontag are scoffing on Walkers again! You can't blame them though, Americans don't have good flavours of crisps. They DO have ENORMOUS bags of crisps though, so that's a bonus. You can literally climb inside them, Oh, my boyfriend would go mad at them chomping crisps whilst nominations are announced. As soon as I open a packet of crisps he just gives me a death stare. Chomping crisps noisily is one of life's great pleasures. But not during nominations. They're always chomping crisps on BBUS as well, they're mad for it.
Ryan looks freaky in drag! Rylan is quite good at the make-up though. I feel sorry for Lacey! I think she'll go. Aw. Rylan: 'let's hug it out.' Heidi: 'No.'
It's good that Razor is up for having a bit of make-up on, some men can be so straight about things like that. It's just a giggle, isn't it? It won't make you gay, just a finger up your bum (sorry).
Do you think Rylan will get to put make-up on Spontag? LOL. Heidi to Lacey: 'they don't want you around all young.' Ha! Yeah, stop being so young. Spencer; alliance talk. He's poisoning Lacey's mind good! Drip, drip, drip. Lacey, stop taking advice from Spontag. They are disturbed individuals. Actually, some of what they were saying is quite true. A lot of the oldies are on a downward slope. It's only really Rylan and maybe Lacey who could get something out of the show.
Haha, getting the housemates to add up to a minute, what does that remind you of? 'One Mississippi, two Mississippi...' Bye bye, Luke S. Many lols. I can't BELIEVE they are dragging out those old electric shock suits AGAIN. Those things must have moth holes in by now. And I can't believe Heidi and Spencer are actually wearing them. Frankie and Razor look like Tweedledum and Tweedledee.
What is that vending machine for? Eww, check out Toadie's sweat patches. Groo. It is cruel putting Claire in that orange lycra.
Spencer and Heidi should be FORCED to attend the losers party and drink cheap cider (is there any other kind?) I bet they get their own bottle of wine in the de-basement.
Tricia's coming off a bit 'Tina Malone'. Ha, is Big Brother refusing to let Spontag into the basement?
Oh well done, Spencer, for taking part in a task, what do you want, a lollipop? 'We're not comfortable to be around Ryan since he electrocuted my wife tonight.' I wish he'd electrocuted YOU! She was laughing, FFS, it was a game! These two aren't for real, are they? Richey Manic would have no truck with them. 
Heidi having to hang out with the common people. Rylan: 'turn that frown upside down.' Honestly I'd flip out at them. I don't know how everyone stays so patient. They are absolutely pathetic excuses for humans. No wonder they've got no friends. They're odious. Keep them in!
After a call to their lawyers, Heidi and Spencer were allowed downstairs again, probably to feast on babies blood and Jesus juice. Oh Spontag, stop pretending you're scared of Rylan and Ryan, they're about as scary as Jedward. STFU.
OMG I just saw the start of 'Botched up Bodies!' MY EYES!

1 comment:

Tony said...

This is cool!