Celebrity Big Brother 2017: Washed up and shipped out

Televised tweet of the week

Hi there! I hate the fact there are already spoilers about the 'shock' eviction. Either do it live, or don't bloody do it. Why should people have to hide from Twitter and the online papers all day? Sucks so much. Luckily, I'm adept at spoiler dodging. I just put one hand over my eye like Nicola during an argument.
I love Calum and Coleen trying to be Jedward now with the water fights etc. Nice try, losers.
Kim: 'Love and lust! Two different things. Every wrinkle tells a dirty tale. They couldn't publish my life story, it'd be far too mucky. It should be called The Temptress. It should start, 'dig me deep, I'm a long bodied woman...' Ooh, lovey. What masterful diary rooming.
Why is Bianca going to Coleen for advice, when John McCruick already said she's crap to go to for advice? Bianca doesn't know whether to 'pull away' from Jamie. That's what he'll be doing during sexy times with no condoms in the mix.
Jedward are 'going commando for easy access to their junk.' Good to know.
Jamie thinks Calum's opinion is 'irrelevant.' 'We spoke about it, then put it to bed, like men do.' Fuck you, sexist prick.
Ooh, the police are showing them tweets now in the 'interrogation room'. This will fuck up their day. They are playing Bianca someone having a go at her on a tape recorder. What decade is this?
They are showing someone calling Kim a 'horrible old witch.' Fuck that person. Kim is God. Kim respects the twit's opinion. I love Kim flirting with the copper.
Kim: I don't regret a thing in here I've done or said.' LOL at her stroking the copper's beard.
Jedward's synchronised eating when Coleen is getting her grilling for bitching.
I love James C saying the rude tweet was from his agent. 'A boring old man', that's a bit harsh. 'People need to stop worshipping him'. True.
OMG the Calum tweet is by someone I know off Twitter! Why can't it be my tweeeeeeetttt! His tweet is SO FUCKING GOOD, though. So true. So, so true. 'Dull as fuck, arrogant as fuck...' 
Calum will take all of it. 'LJ815... you my friend can suck a dick.' We all like sucking dicks, don't we, lovey? It's not really an insult, as sucking dicks is fun for all concerned in general, so STFU Calum.
Ooh I know the person who did the negative Jedward tweet too! I'm well jel now. Why not my tweets, BB? I think I might be friends with everyone who hashtags CBB on Twitter cos I think hardly anyone watches Big Brother. Why is Coleen calling Jedward two faced? They are just mucking about.
I like this tweet blaming Nicola for people leaving, haha.
I don't really get that tweet calling Jamie a snake, as he hadn't acted like a snake, just a dickhead. Misleading tweet. 'Bianca would be a massive catch for me.' What is she, a mermaid? 'You're a bellend. If you don't like it, fuck off.' No, you fuck off, maggot.
I like to think they did read out my tweets to someone, they just never showed it. I'll tell myself that.
Jamie is now grassing to Calum that Nicola just said Calum's 'not real'. Grass. The nerd herd are a-turning on each other!
Coleen is bitter than Jedward didn't 'take in' the mean tweets. Why should they? Also, Tara Reid took the time to get to know them. So something got through to them then.
Jedward on the trolls: 'If we went to their house I bet you'd find a 'I love Jedward tshirt'. I love them both sipping their tea together.
Last part of the Judgement day task. Vanessa is back to send someone DOWWWWWNNN.
When she called Jamie's name my heart soared. It was just delicious. He's 'guilty as charged.' What's the charge? Being a washed up footballer?
OMG! Jamie is a goner! Not even a goodbye! LOLLLLLLLL! That was fucking amazing. I loved the music, I loved everyone's faces, I loved the handcuffs, the whole thing was just magic. TAKE HIM AWAY! Calum's face was a picture. Bianca just looked gormless as usual. No goodbyes. Just 'he's going in another room.' No, he's not. No secret rooms this year. And we thought Austin got the shaft with his eviction.
The other housemates still don't think he's gone. Ha, it now says 'ex housemate' on the wall.
James C: 'It would be Jedward or Kim they would fake evict.' I like the fact Kim pulled him up on that.
Big Brother is telling Bianca in the DR that he's really gone. He doesn't even get a crowd!
Coleen doesn't understand why Kim stayed over Jamie. Cos Kim is entertaining as fuck and Jamie is a weasel.
Calum is definitely secretly enjoying it as Nicola packs up Jamie's velveteen jackets. Why is Nicola packing his things and not Bonka? Bianca is blaming herself. Don't slut shame yourself. The public spoke.
Jedward think Bianca should be 'bawling her eyes out' haha. Love it. They are more emotional and James C is about Jamie going.
Ooh, Kim is taking on James C, bring it! She's like the antidote to him because she SAYS it. He doesn't say it. James C is looking at her like she's nuts.
I like the look of a Jedward all wet look. I do not like Calum's loafers with no socks.
Kim 'is having a catch up' with Nicola. 'You puzzle me... when do you bury the hatchet?' I admire Kim!
'There's a deep sadness in you' to Nicola. 'You're a lost soul.' Nicola: 'I have some issues.' Shame that conversation didn't end with a fistfight.
Calum's annoyed because Jedward are singing in the bedroom. Calum: 'I just want the fucking show to end. I'll kill everyone. Fact.'
I liked Coleen calling him 'grumpy bollocks.' Calum says people don't know what's important in the house... like sleep. Zzzz. Boring twat.
Kim wants to win! 'I won't put an act on to win, though.' Yes. I love her calling Nicola brazen for saying she or Jedward should have left. It is rude!
Jedward are singing in high pitched voices in the kitchen. How can everyone sleep with all those lights on? No wonder Calum's grumpy. Where does James C sleep? In the smoking area?
One Jedward immediately blamed the other, haha. Calum: 'I'm begging you', grabbing his crotch.
Calum's tattoos are disgusting. I love Jedward giving it back to Calum. 'We respect you, you are right because in your head you're right.'
Bianca and Nicola are saying NOTHING. 
Calum: 'No you don't respect me because you want to argue with me.' He's SHOUTING. He's so angry these days! His game is falling to pieces.
Jedward: 'You came out here to have an argument.' True.
How come Calum is allowed to 'come at' Jedward like that? When Jedward aren't allowed to walk towards Nicola? The double standards are epic.
Jedward said it's 'ever since I nominated you', ha.
Calum: 'No respect, it's out of order... blah blah.'
Jedward: 'We've been rooting for him since day one. Sleep when you're dead.' Deadwood, in Calum's case. Ooh, it's vote to win now! Whoop!!
I'm leaning a bit more towards Kim to win now, but I'm going to vote for both Kim and Jedward.
That was a great episode: Jamie disposed of in a manner befiting him and Calum's personality cracks showing worse than his scalp. It's Kim or Jedward's to lose.