Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Celebrity Big Brother 2017: Sands of (air)time

'Who do I start fights with?'
I heard Brandon Block has walked, ruining all my 'on the block' titles to come. Damn you! Still, ultimately no great loss. He wasn't even a let down, cos I didn't really know what to expect from him, but he gave absolutely nothing. Another one bites the dust. Hopefully we'll get a newbie now, maybe?
New task takes place in the land of nod! They have to wear PJs and carry a teddy.  Nicola and James J are in charge. No sleeping, no lying down, no yawning, no hot water or make up. It's a bit unfair to take away make up as it unfairly penalises women and not men. And don't give me that 'some men wear make up' bullshit. No men in there are this year. Oh hold on, maybe Jedward.
I can see up James C and Brandon Block's nighties, oo-er!
James Jordan admitting he's trying to wind up Austin. Dick. I HATE James Jordan. I can't believe people actually like him, he's revolting. Not one redeeming feature. At least Austin has a good side, even if he is hiding it well at the moment.
Angie has to ruin the fun of trampolining by bringing lymph nodes into it. Ha, Calum is telling her to STFU.
Jedward are looking a bit wee willy twinkie tonight.
What is Stacy going on about? Oh, she's calling Jasmine fake. Jasmine is fake. Fake as fuck. What set Stacy off, though? 'LOUDER!' Hold on, Stacy has mascara on. Maybe she slept in it?
Coleen: 'Why would you come in and sing your own song?' It's called promoting yourself, Coleen.
James has put Stacy and Austin on sand watch so they have to sit with each other. Austin: 'I haven't antagonised anyone.' Ha. Nicola: 'The task is just turning egg clocks.' Or egg timers, as we call them.
I do enjoy Stacy rubbing Austin up the wrong way, even though I can't stand her.
Jedward chatting with Speidi about James J and Austin: 'It's like the two biggest nobodies are the biggest attention seekers.' Meow! True, though. I guess it was inevitable Jedward and Spiedi teamed up. They are both in their own worlds and both inscrutable.
James Jordan and Nicola ordering a McDonalds. Spencer sniffing it. Weird.
Angie slagging off chicken nuggets as 'a bit of anus that gets stuck in your tooth.' But the advert says otherwise! Haha. Meal ruiner. Enjoyment destroyer! Jamie O Hara sniffing chicken nuggets. Nuggets are OK, but they're not that good. I'm not sure if that was good advertising for McDonalds or bad.
There's now a task where some people are blindfolded and the others have to be their eyes and ears. I can't really be bothered to explain it, ha.
Ray J doesn't even get a final DR session. Big Brother is really annoyed with him, aren't they? Lawsuit!
Jamie O Hara is bawling about missing his kids in the DR. Boo woo. How often does he even see them anyway? Sorry, that was a bit mean. But I'm leaving it in cos I dislike him.
Oh, Jamie can't talk to Calum about his feelings cos 'he's a lad.' Please. Grow up, you sexist prick. It's not the 1950s.
Jedward mocking the 'louder and louder' thing is funny.
Jasmine wants to send out a message that 'women can figure it out.' This is the fakest thing I've ever heard. Is Jasmine even on the block to be coming out with this bullshit?
Jedward's face at Jamie crying, haha. Yet when Nicola takes him outside, he's moaning about 'big characters'. So is he upset about kids or lack of airtime? Clue: It's the airtime.
Dear Lord, the James Jordan museum. That's terrifying. That's some dystopian shit. Angie: 'Look how skinny you were!' Hahaha. Fat shamer of the year. God, she's unstoppable.
I never did this poll! Ha, the audience said James C is a bigger dreamboat that James J.
Heidi and Spencer's joy at being named 'manipulative'! 
Jasmine is the least deserving 'all star.' And James J is the most deserving? Are the audience high? Who filled in this poll! Coleen is not two faced either. She's outwardly rude.
I saw this slumber party bit on the live feed. Stacy not picked for the party! Mean. And Angie as she doesn't like food or drink or enjoyment.
Angie sure knows how to make a situation worse. She's a bit of a cunt, really. It's not just the food and drink tyranny, it's just her personality is quite abrasive in general.
Angie vs Stacy is a dull argument. I hate the way people call Stacy 'girl' in an argument, Austin did it as well. I think you know what I'm saying.
Spencer's dancing face is the best. I feel like I've had a glipse of his orgasm face. I also like Austin's lapdancing. And tasks where they keep them up all night. Shame we never get to see any of it! Thanks, Big Brother! 

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