Tuesday, 10 January 2017

Celebrity Big Brother 2017: My sanity is being compromised

Edited out
Austin looks like he's on a mega airtime grab tonight! Bring it. It's not vote to evict so the more airtime he gets the better, even if he is being a brat.
It's the morning after the night before. I like Jamie saying 'I don't even remember getting home last night', that was actually funny for him. Oh so Nicola has a hall pass because her husband cheated?! That's good. Nice to have a get out of jail card in your back pocket. I hope her husband agrees. If not, oh well.
Angie to Calum: 'Take a night off drinking. Your liver can't work that hard.' Guarantee you he's drinking later. I give her a pass on that one as his dad was an alcoholic so I can see why she'd worry about it with her son.
Jasmine: 'Stacy is a hot mess. Her clothes are worn in.' That's mean. Jasmine is really catty. I don't see Stacy saying shit about her.
Spencer and James Jordan are plotting to wind up Austin. James Jordan would let someone punch him in the face in the house because they'll 'lose their money'. Form an orderly queue, housemates.
I like Big Brother giving Angie a task which is guaranteed to wind up the other housemates, detoxing them.
Spiedi do not look thrilled at the prospect of detoxing. I like Jedward's sunglasses indoors look.
Angie is picking all the fatties. James C looks pissed off. He doesn't want to 'share his body.' Coleen needs 'unclogging.' Sounds nasty. Why is Ray J hiding behind his hoodie and asleep all the time? Is he depressed? He's a useless housemate, that's for sure. She also chose Brandon and Calum, haha. Unlucky.
Ha, they're not allowed to smoke without approval from Angie or Big Brother. Angie should have put Austin on the detox. *lights fire*
Nicola is tired of people telling her to work out or what to eat. Nicola: 'I don't drink water, it's for washing.' You have a bottle of it in your hand?
Brandon: 'Kebabs my downfall.' Well, it beats cocaine, healthwise.
Ray J is eating too much toast and doesn't know 'how to cook lettuce.' He 'usually has a chef.'
Angie telling Ray J he's gained weight! She's going to give him an eating disorder.
OMG Angie is going to make them fast or eat leaves. This is horrendous.
Angie: 'This task won't cause animosity' as she calls everyone fat. I must admit, I would be like Coleen during this task.
Ray J meditating: 'Peace, happiness... smoking.' At least he's being forced to do something. Angie is really laying into Ray J! 'You're slime.. grow up and stop whining.' What a bitch!
Calum apologising to Ray J on his mum's behalf, haha. Now he's trying to tell her to settle down. Calum: 'Ray J mopes about anyway.' Ha. Why is he so mopey? (Answer revealed later!)
Calum is shitting himself that Angie is going to get nommed. Hold on, she's already nommed!
Austin has one eye on dip and one on dazzle... uh oh. If he was my boyfriend that would be the warning sign to bolt the door. Aggressive drunks are the worst.
Austin: 'Not to be a bitch but I don't like you' to Stacy out of nowhere. Austin is worried for Ray J's wife. As if. He's always fake concerned for other people's relationships, it's so transparent.
Oh God, now James Jordan is getting involved. Out of the frying pan into the fire.
Calum: 'Austin loves a row.' Aint that the truth.
James Jordan: 'You're a boring cunt throughout the day then you have a drink and become an even bigger cunt.' Weeeellll. What's your excuse, James?
I'm glad Stacy is sticking up for herself. Austin: 'You don't understand the game.' Nor do you, Austin, it's to be likeable and popular! Look at Jamie O Hara sat there saying fuck all and enjoying the show. Fencesitter!
Austin basically just admitted he nommed Stacy. Stacy: 'I laugh too loud and love too hard.' I relate to half of that.
Why is Big Brother giving them a game at 11.23pm when they're drunk?! And a shitstir task at that. Spencer, Jasmine and Coleen have been named most untrustworthy by the public.
Bianca didn't understand the 'edited out' tweet. She's a bit dim. Spencer's reading out loud skills are abominable. Can't Heidi do it for him? You could tell Spencer wasn't lying from his reading out!
Heidi not reacting to the 'batteries out of her back' comment. Oh no, she did. Spencer: 'She's solar powered.' Heidi actually took that well in the end, doing a robot voice.
Ha, they're making Jasmine read out the 'cuter than her' about Stacy thing. I recomended they did that!
I think Ray J is on the mute task that Austin had last year. Why does he look like he's got a balaclava on all the time! It's like he's trying to disappear into the wall.
Why is Spencer standing there with his eyes closed? Weird. Maybe his batteries have run out.
Coleen is crying cos the public said she was fake. They didn't, they said she was untrustworthy.
You think Jasmine would apologise to Stacy, if she wasn't such a cunt. 'I was joking!' Jasmine is not known for her hilarious jokes, let's be honest. More her bewitching vagina.
Stacy is right, Jasmine is mean. Oh, finally she said sorry from behind her toothbrush. Big of her.
Austin, it's not that hard to be apart from your boyfriend for six days. I've not seen another human for ten days, let alone anyone I love, or even like.
Austin is having an old skool DR breakdown. 'Fuckin' hell!' Why is he stripping off? I'm not complaining but...!
'This is a nasty evil place.' They need to send in that security guard who shit Bear up. I must admit, I would feel nervous living in that house with Austin. He's a powder keg. I can't be around aggressive drunks. It's not cool to make people feel on edge like that. Even my cat just turned round and faced the opposite way to the TV.
Austin is gonna sleep on it. What a performance! Honestly. Did they really give him more booze after that? Big Brother is being a bit irresponsible with the housemates' welfare this year.
The detox task is over already! That was quick. More booze all round! Twice as much for Austin (and Nicola!)
James Jordan: 'Can I open the door for you if you leave?' Haha. Austin: 'My sanity is being compromised.'
James J: 'There's always someone who talks about leaving but they never walk.' James is trying to push Austin over the edge. James: 'The door's just there.'
Austin: 'James you will get punched in the mouth.' James: 'Make sure it's a good one.' Threats of violence! James is a wind up merchant and Austin is an easy target. I hate James! Ugh.
Nicola and Austin are being pricks in bed, giggling and messing about. Did Austin just pinch James's arse?
God, they're in bed and arguing. Could you imagine how annoyed you'd be in that house if people were arguing in bed?
Austin: 'My mum told me that Billy Elliot was a bad ass.' Ha. James: 'You'll walk within two days.' Ooh, way to make Austin stay.
James: 'You'll probably have another boyfriend next year.'
Austin: 'No one asked you Coleen, go to sleep in your single bed.' James: 'Your boyfriend won't be waiting for you.' That's a low blow.
The glee on Spencer's face when they were arguing. Sweet dreams!
So why has Ray J left the Big Brother house? Oh apparently because of dental pain. That would explain his top being zipped up over his mouth the whole time. I'm surprised anyone noticed. Poor sod didn't even get to sleep in a bed the whole time he was there. You think someone might have swapped with him for the night?!
I'm sure Big Brother is pleased he's going. They got the Kim Kardashian scoop and the Whitney scoop; he had nothing else to offer. Hopefully Big Brother will spend some of his fee on some decent tasks, or a decent new housemate who is awake some of the time.
Oh, yeah I did my podcast today! Enjoy. Also, my cat has turned back round to face the TV now it's over! Enough said.

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