Friday, 20 January 2017

Celebrity Big Brother 2017: Trying to take down Bambi

Womb people
They fucking love pressing buttons in Big Brother, don't they? All around the world, Big Brother contestants press buttons. Derrick, Luke S, Ika, Dan Gheesling, Jason Burrill... even Nicola McClean is an old hand at it.
Ooh Emma's pink lipstick looks divine. I don't mind her hair or coat either. Still not a fan of the rapist gloves, but I'll give her a pass for now.
Ooh are there 'who's on the block' spoilers depending on who's dressed up tonight, ala BBUS? I have avoided seeing who's on the block cos I want to enjoy the button pushing in all its glory.
Coleen and James C in the old codgers corner. James: 'Don't, don't' at the thought of Jedward's lapdance. Hold on, Coleen didn't Coleen a lapdance for Calum! Hypocrite. Chloe is everything Coleen doesn't want her daughter to be. Well, fair enough.
Chloe is wrapped in a blanket that looks like a furry pink vagina. Picking her nose in the diary room: a new low.
Jedward annoying Nicola and saying 'is it your time of the month?' That's not going to go well.
Bianca likes Jamie, eww. What for?!
Chloe can barely speak. 'Have you ever been to Ibiza before?' to James C. His face tells me not. I guess Borehamwood swimming pool isn't as warm as San Antonio.
I do sympathise with James C but he's coming off a bit snooty now, what with refusing the costume and sneering at Chloe. It's too easy to sneer at Chloe: believe me, I know. But it's a trap Big Brother has set us.
Ha, Stacy and Bianca are telling Chloe off for being 'on Calum' last night. Can't Calum speak for himself. Is he incapable of saying no? Now cuddling her! MIXED MESSAGES. Calum is such a vagina tease. No, 'fanny tease' works better.
OK so here's the button pushing. If you push the button before your sidekick, you're safe. If neither push, you're both safe. If you lose, you're on the block.
EVERYONE is gonna push it, unless they wanna go home. We know Nicola can push a button quick. Quicker than two Jedward. 'Save save save' and 'Me me me' not as good as 'shred shred shred'.
Speidi AND Bianca didn't press! Aw!
Ooh, Kim vs Calum! I know Kim's up! Boo. Ooh, Kim didn't even press. Good gaming! Typical selfish fanny rat Calum.
I like James's fake pressing of it. Ooh, Jessica didn't press either. James wants to go! Denied.
Jamie vs Coleen! Will they press? How much conferring time did they get? Coleen didn't push and Jamie did! Shit.
Nicola: 'Coleen won't take it personal.' James: 'Oh, she will.' Lol.
Stacy, press the button! She pressed it HARD! Haha.
Up for eviction is Chloe, Kim, Coleen and Jedward! Hope Jedward is safe. I also hope Kim is safe. I don't think Coleen deserves to go. Chloe should go.
Jedward are getting more cheers than previously. I LOVE their glittery jackets.
Stacy apologising for pressing the button to Chloe. Who cares? Chloe doesn't count. Just ask James C.
So Stacy is getting moaned at for pressing but Calum gets a pass? Pft. What about Jamie? He pressed too. Seems like it's fine for the guys to push buttons but not girls. Ooh, James C is calling Jamie a rat. Love it!
Calum: 'I have no loyalty to Kim.' He has no loyalty... ever.
Stacy shouting at Jedward is good for their game when the phonelines are open. Jedward are the house punching bag.
Ooh Bianca has a boyfriend outside by the look of things! Stephanie Davis times. Imagine leaving your boyfriend for Jamie. Yick.
Jedward: I've not seen so much guyliner since John James was in the house. They don't think Stacy is allowed an opinion because she doesn't have a single out. 'It's like trying to take down Bambi.' Should Jedward be referring to THEMSELVES as Bambi? That's pretty weird.
Claum flashing his arse at Stacy. He's such a slut.
Jessica's accent is horrendous. I can't bear it. WHY are we not seeing more of Speidi?! I'm mad.
Oh God, Stacy vs Jessica again. Why is Jessica not up so we can get rid of her? Even her own mother wouldn't save her.
Now instead of one upping childhoods, they're one upping bad times in the BB bungalow.
Ooh Coleen saying Jessica is full of shit, ha. Love it.
Calum's jacket with the lips on is non-stop eek.
They didn't push a 'buzzer' they pushed a 'button'. Where are the electric shock suits? We've had the fish guts. Electric shock suits are better. Except James C won't wear his.
I really hope Chloe goes. Some hope, right.
Kind of explains why Bianca is so quiet if she has a boyfriend. Her and Jamie are future planning. Dubai, but first stop, magazine deal. All these scummy celebrities to to Dubai, don't they? I wouldn't go to Dubai if you paid me.
Calum appears to be rubbing something on Chloe's boobs.
God, it's so bright in that bedroom. Calum: 'Think about your careers' to Jamie and Bianca under the covers. What careers? What's your career?!
Ooh here we go. Jedward doing their Twitter shout outs, lol. That's so BBUS.
Ooh they are telling them who got the MOST votes. And it's COLEEN. WTF! That's gonna throw the cat among the pigeons. That is random. Who is voting this year? Must be oldies voting for James C and Coleen. I'm glad they told the house that, though.
Anddddd we're back.
So one housemate gets eternal immunity (Helen Wood) and one gets eternal nominations (Bear).
Jedward have different hairdos! OMG it's Chloe! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I love you. Finally you see sense.
I actually don't mind her rubbery catsuit. The only bad thing about her leaving is it's a relief for Calum.
James C is having a great night! His bessie saved and the irritant gone. Should have pushed the button. Should have taken the car, Pieface. Should have used the veto, Marcellas. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. It's your fault, Chloe, not Stacy, not anyone else's.
Chloe was only in for a week but I bet it was easy to do her best bits. She gets best bits. Austin didn't even get best bits.
Notice Emma doesn't have a go at Chloe for her base behaviour in the house.
Don't let the housemates choose who gets eternal immunity! Bollocks. Let us choose. Don't do a Pauline!
Big Brother is stuttering.
Bianca chose Jamie, Calum chose James C (doesn't he want to go!), Coleen chose James C for being 'her rock' (Paul Burrell times), Speidi chose Nicola, James chose Jamie (why!!!! Why not Coleen), Jamie chose James C (not Bianca!), Jedward chose Spencer and Heidi (aw), Jessica chose Jedward (sweet!), Kim chose Jedward too! Amazing. Nicola chose Coleen (trying to crawl to the public). Stacy chose James C.
James C: 'Now they can see the real me.' He's gonna go the full Helen Wood. You pigeon chested twats!
James C nominated Speidi for eternal nomination! Nooooo! Whhhhhhhhy? Hopefully Speidi will buck up their ideas now. I wanna see them GO TO WAR.
At least Calum or Jamie didn't get the eternal immunity. GROSS!
I consider tonight a win. We live to fight another day. Jed safe and Speidi safe... for now. I have heard rumours of some exes coming in, including Calum's ex? Who next? The guy who delivers Calum's papers? Calum's dentist? Calum's hair technician? Calum is not that interesting. Flip the script, Big Brother. Use your imagination. Or just leave shit alone. One or other.


Unknown said...

I wanted Coleen to go . Chloe done a lot in the time she's been there .
I doubt speidi will be evicted until the final week . We not seeing much of speidi . They need to up their game .
Kim has calmed down . Was it a act ? (Probably)

Why is Coleen not happy with some of the younger people having fun ? I

n.k. said...

Evict me? no luvvie.wouldnt bloody dare dear. the chicken livered rat bags.poor Chloe you know that young girl never did any harm to me,the little bitch,got in with the wrong crowd dearie I put her right luvvie she will be down the docks now as we speak luvvie sucking cock for a couple of tenners,I earned seven! Poor Spider didnt deserve that permanent nommy watchamacllit dearie, Ive had A lovely night even with these gang handers,that Nicoles A spunk monkey and thats swearing luvvie,such a mother fuckin bunny, Oh well off to bed now dears busy day Saturday Im havin that bitch Colleen,lovely lady.

E said...

Great blog, Linsey, as usual.

Agree that Callum and Jamie are gross. Sleaze balls. Bianca run.

n.k. said...

Sunday night....The spud faced nippers mask slipped big time tonight ha ha ha!