Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Bear-time (This aint what I came for)

As Bear came sliding down the banister...

Just watched the live feed cue cards/ fake sleep scandal and it really is shocking (if you haven't see it, they fake going to bed so Big Brother can film a fake schmaltzy goodnight, then they all get up again. If I'd been watching that on live feed I think I would have keeled over with shock. I actually believed the show was still real. I know, what a mug. I can be gullible, though. Earlier in the show they also made them all 'sit on a mark' while they did a voiceover. Frankie even said 'it's our last night at work.' AT WORK. I HATE hearing the Big Brother voice (ie. Ted) telling them to brush their teeth and get a good night's sleep. It is completely at odds with the concept of Big Brother. Hate, hate, hate.
I think Big Brother lost a lot of viewers today (two of my friends told me they were never watching again), and I don't think the inevitable Bear win is going to help matters.
My predictions of the order are Bear to win, Frankie, Ricky, Marnie, Renee, Aubrey (out first).
After looking hot the other night, Emma is looking rough again. Mismatched black top and navy trousers: no. Unflattering as fuck. Her lovely hair looks shit as well.
Frankie's doing some great journeying: 'Shine bright like a Frankie and when people throw shade, shine brighter.' I liked Bear's two fingers to BB.
Highlights package to the song 'This is what you came for' despite it being NOT what I came for, quite the opposite, actually. No final supper. No two by two evictions. Do we have to sit through six individual interviews? *pours more wine*
Bear would describe Big Brother in one word as 'fishtank'. It must be two words as I'm getting the red underline, but I'd OK it if I was sub-editing Bear's journey.
Aubrey and Marnie both look gorgeous. I like Aubrey's pastel hair.
OMG Frankie out sixth. I was surprised, but not as much as he was. I LOVED the way he came out of the house with a sprinkle of glitter. Fabulous. He was working it.
Frankie: 'I don't understand how the voting works.' Emma: 'People vote for who's the most popular.' LOL. I guess Ariana doesn't have as much clout as she hoped.
Frankie: 'My fan base is predominantly in America.' And your mind. I love Frankie talking strategy and BBUS! Next up, BB Allstars! Yes. I bet he'd just go back to being an uber cunt again, lol.
I thought Frankie was good in that interview. He's very professional. Bye, our Frank. Frankie asked about Bear in the interview AND Bear was mentioned in his best bits. Bear, bear, bear. What's the opposite of a subliminal message?
Is Aubrey getting booed?! Why! I'm embarrassed for my country. Aubrey mentioned Bear so Emma didn't have to. What is the crowd on? Aubrey was fine. Didn't Tiffany come out in a similar position?
Marnie out next! The Geordie wins are OVER. Yes. Although she's more entertaining than Ricky and nicer than Renee.
Lewis, stop doing loveheart hands. Not for adults. Marnie: 'Bear deserved to win, he's put on a good performance.' Enough said.
My internet has given up the ghost, just like my enthusiasm. This has been a struggle, emotionally, technology-wise, everything. It's all gone wrong.
Ugh, Big Brother is so fake ass. Talking of fake ass, here's Renee out next! The top American dog. Renee: 'My agent and my son are going to be so proud of me.' Priorities. Renee is annoyed she didn't have her Xanax. Yeah, they med you up on BBUS  On CBB they confiscate Lauren Harries sleeping tablets.
There's a lot of glitter on the evictees tonight. Even Emma has glittery eye shadow on.
Honestly, though, how did Fatboy make it to the final 2. He's done NOTHING. He wouldn't even eat that century egg. Trying to scrape together Fatboy's best bits will be like panning for gold in Antarctica.
No holding hands and shit for Bear and Ricky. They couldn't be further apart on the couches.
So Bear won! No shit. Bear should come out riding the zebra. Thought he wasn't even gonna hug Fatboy for a minute then. Say what you like about him - it was a fix, he was a cunt - it's true, but he still deserved it more than them. And he made me laugh. Also, the super obvious ending will hopefully make Endemol etc take a good hard look at themselves and sort out this car crash / joke of a season. Bear even told us to vote for him at the start! Take heed.
I loved Fatboy coming out and spraying aftershave on. It looked like Old Spice though. Task swerver! He could have won if he'd just eaten that century egg. Maybe.
I like the fact Bear had no eviction outfit, bragged about being in the house on his own and then went 'you should have put your money on me.'
I like the way Bear exited the house, cuddling the zebra, posing and then going down the banister. That was cool! Three good exits tonight, all from men!
I like Bear's 'Bear to win' sash also. 'Honestly, I feel great, I knew I was going to win it.' So cocky, lol. It would be great to have that much self confidence though. I admire it.
I love Bear giving Emma shit. I am annoyed with her being rude to him when he's won. Have some respect for your winner. You created that monster.
Emma can't handle him! Mentioning the window smashing but Bear deflecting. They could have ejected him if they were that bothered. The fact is, they want lowest common denominator housemates. The trouble will be trying to get people to sign up to future CBBs.
Bear: 'I'm a good diffuser of situations.' Emma: 'You're a professional wind up merchant.' True.
Emma: 'Couldn't you have broken up with your girlfriend?' Bear: 'Couldn't you have worn a red dress?' Good comeback.
Bear's best bits were too short! He had loads. Is he wearing a Hawaiian shirt and shorts to advertise Ex on the Beach on the sly? I'm surprised they didn't plug it in the ad breaks they're so shameless.
Emma put up a good fight with Bear but he won.
People on Twit moaning about Bear cheating on his girlfriend etc. Who gives a fuck? What is he, a woman? Did he entertain me? Yes. The end. Was a crap series and we got the winner we deserved.
And you know what the funniest part was? They didn't even show the goodnight section in the end. So you just blew the edifice of your show apart for NOTHING.
Now Big Brother needs to take a long hard look at itself and work out what to do next. I don't have to blog this shit, or pod this shit. Give us the show we deserve, or fuck off. I'm getting too old for this crap, really. I promote your show. Can you make it worthwhile?
PS: Thanks for reading and all the support. I appreciate it. Let me know what you thought of the final in the comments or on Twit. See you soon - one way or another!