Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Squad (own) goals

This has been the cheapest season on CBB ever for me as I haven't spent a penny voting, because I hate everyone. So I've saved about £3.50. There's your bright side. Well, mine.
I like Emma's top and hair but not the work trousers. I like the fact Bear has different hair every single day. Today he's bleach blonde. He will 100% win. The game is over already. Don't think his ex going in yesterday was a coincidence. He is promoting a programme where exes turn up unexpectedly. It doesn't take Inspector Winston or DI Dan to do that maths. It's product placement taken to the nth degree. Who's the real doughnut? Us, of course.
It's cruel to put people's dogs in the house. James: 'I prefer dogs to humans.'I prefer anything to humans. Llamas, unicorns, it's all happening under the banner of animal cruelty.
Daisy May (James's dog) is all about the airtime. Cute, though! Nice to see him with his dog. Good to have a pet with a double barrelled name, too. Classy.
Lewis taking phone calls in what looks like Michelle Bass's old bedsit is good practice for when he works in a call centre, right? (Too easy).
Frankie got a message from his sister Ariana saying he's 'fan favourite.' What? Britain's favourite player! Who knew? He's going to get a shock when he comes out to a shrug a bit like Bear gave his boot-faced old girlfriend yesterday during the 'am I being funny mummy' task.
It's good to know the nation is embarrassing itself in front of a pop princess, though. What must she think of us? (Mind you, what do we think of her, hating America and having Frankie as a brother?) Just kidding, I like Frankie now. In comparison to these other people, anyway.
How come everyone gets nice things except Bear (oh, so he wins cos of the sympathy vote, got you). Lewis going on about 'the one'. Shut up. Another failed shopping task. They just lob the shopping across the garden anyway. I feel like we've not really seen the housemates starving this year, unfortunately.
Renee's letter: don't care. Bear sulking: don't care. Lewis giving Katie a pep talk: don't care.
Sam going on about her fans again. 'I gave Page 3 girls a voice.' What voice was that? That little box where it tells you what their hobbies are? 'Sam, 50, loves wine and bragging.'
Not sure about giving blowjobs getting rid of your double chin, I suppose shoving a dick in your mouth is less calories than an ice cream (although there's some calories in spunk, right?) Why is Renee always going on about blowjobs? Aubrey has been 'slowing down' giving blowjobs to her gross boyfriend. Renee: 'Put that shit on the counter for a daily chore.' On the counter? WTF? If blowjobs were on my chore list, they'd deffo beat washing up and hoovering. I'd tick blowjobs off first.
Do the housemates know it's a double eviction? It's better when they don't.
Katie is annoyed that Lewis said she just follows others around. Well, she does. She's bugging the crap out of me, actually.
Don't feel THAT sorry for Bear having a one man pity party. 'I'm the only genuine person here.'
Sam doing her coming out story on eviction night. Frankie trying to one up with his coming out story (including his famous sister).
Lewis is giving Katie more BS: 'I don't want to see you as some second place schmuck.' Lewis: 'Look in this mirror and say 'I like myself.' Calling people 'princess' again. Stop that.
I like Bear's pink heart on the side of his head (chic!) Lewis getting some boos, yesss. Aubrey is in some naughty nurse gear. There's a lot of pale pink going on.  Bear's on the zebra again. I was told on Twitter I'm not allowed to find Bear entertaining tonight. How can you decide what OTHER people find entertaining? I actually don't find ANY of them entertaining, but Bear more entertaining in comparison to everyone else, who aren't entertaining me whatsoever.
SAFE from eviction is FATBOY. Nar! I thought it would be Bear. Katie must be fuming after she turned on Fatboy in the week. Who would vote to save Fatboy? He's pointless! Ooh, Emma told them it's a double eviction.
I wonder if they're going out hand in hand? Hope so! Lewis getting boos. Ha.
Bear is actressing big time! He's not sitting on his mark on the couch! Off he goes on his zebra again.
Lewis is out! YESSSSS! And JAMES! OMG. Double trouble. Wish it had been Sam but pleased to see Lewis go. And before James as well, ha. Did James diffuse some of Lewis's boos? That's the trouble with the two by two. You don't get the true boo picture.
The double interview, worse than the double exit. Thank god we don't have to watch the PDAs anymore. I'm glad Marnie outlasted Lewis.
Lewis: 'I quit TV because I was coming across as a bit of a douche.' Um. You can file that under 'This week's CBB in a nutshell.'
Lewis on Marnie: 'I feel like I've done six months with her.' Sounds like a prison sentence.
Lewis wants a woman like his mum: creepy! He's obsessed with his mummy. I hope I never see him again; not even on the front of the magazine (deal).
James thinks Bear can be an 'amazing asset to this country' writing and directing. OK then.
James is off back to Mrs W and Daisy May. Sounds like a good sitcom. James thought BB was going to be 'easy money'. Why is Emma digging him out about chucking coffee over Bear? Who gives a fuck. Don't apologise, James.
Joint best bits. Squad goals!
An hour and a half show and my blog is short as fuck. This show is dead. When does it end? I'm ready to go back to sleep for the winter.