Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Why do they care?

Reality bites

Ugh, when will this series be over? It's like a nightmare I'm trapped inside and I can't get out.
Lewis is mindgaming Marnie! Making her jealous with the eyelash girl and then making her come talk to him in the morning. 'I would have respected your distance' means, 'I would have waited until you came crawling, which didn't take too long.'
Saira and Renee slagging off Chloe thinking she's asleep (but talking SO loudly). Who sleeps wearing false eyelashes? Maybe Courtney Love in the mid 90s after a bender. Chloe looks pissed off. Play it up! Game! Who uses the word 'climax'? I'm glad Saira's gone. That was really horrible and uncomfortable. Like the opposite of when Alex overheard Evelyn and Laura talking about him.
Chloe in the DR asking why the others can't be happy for her and Bear. 'Why do they care?' Good question.
Ha, then she went and told Bear that Renee called her a prostitute. I love Bear sticking up for Chloe! Ooh and now Chloe's going to stick up for herself! Even better.
Saira and Heavy D emulating Chloe and Bear was just plain mean. Why is Saira so offended by a 'massage'? Cos she's a frigid bitch. She is jealous and stuck up. She hates all the young women. She's gone the full Joey from BBUS.
Chloe is not looking too hot without her make-up on, bless her.
Renee: 'I would call you a hooker or a whore.' Fucking old trout. They WERE alluding to that, don't mess about, supposed gangster's moll.
Chloe: 'I think Saira's a fucking snake, full stop.' Correct. Chloe to Saira: 'It's dodgy when you have a bit of fun, because you're not a fun person.' SO TRUE.
Renee: 'I'm not going to be attacked by a fucking troll.' You ARE the fucking troll.
I love the expression 'social idiot' (Marnie on Saira). Best thing she's ever said.
Dare task. Fuck this electric shock pad bullshit. Where are the electric shock suits? I demand to see Frankie in full Lycra.
Marnie pied Heavy D in the face. I don't think she thinks he was the least trustworthy, I think she just wanted too. Sam called Bear the 'most boring.'Um. She should fail the task for that.
 Renee in the eating task is me. Although probably the only way to make me eat something disgusting is to blindfold me. Gagging on fishy things! Mmm. My favourite thing to watch (no really, it isn't.)
James thinks 'the house would be quieter without Bear.' You don't say.
Marnie looked so pretty on eviction night. Lewis looked like a knob as usual. 'For the first time I can look in the mirror and call myself a good man.' Where does he come up with this bullshit? What rot.
I love Bear trying to get Saira to take the coffee with her. What a mental mindset he has.
Bear being saved: 'Fuck yeah!' Haha. I bet he says that all the time in bed.
Oh God, Bear, Heavy D and Lewis getting a killer nomination each. WHY??? Can they nominate each other?
I LOVED Bear calling Renee 'very negative' when he nommed her. Great revenge! He's obviously forgotten about the spit sandwich. Lewis nominated James for playing an 'under the radar game'. Well, that much is true.
Heavy D is giving it the old Negan treatment! OMG! He nominated Marnie for 'not being a nice person'. Lewis did not look pleased. Frankie's face was also a picture. What's Heavy D's beef with Marnie? I was sure he'd nom Chloe! I would love it if Marnie went, but can't see much chance of that happening. Renee calling Bear 'a fucking roofer.' Bit mean to roofers.
Ooh, bring on the risque sexual activity! What could it be? More strangling in Marco's sex chamber? Hope so.
Renee HATES Bear so much cos he won't fuck her. Meanwhile the others are fucking in the shower. Is that the 'risque activity'? Chloe can't drown with those lips. They are deffo buoyant.
Renee is still bitching and moaning about being nommed despite saying she wouldn't.
Everyone bitching about Chloe topless dancing. WHO CARES. Sam: 'Call me a prude, I don't care.' FUCKING HYPOCRITE, FUCK OFF. That's one of my top hates, women who have made money from their bodies slagging off OTHER WOMEN doing toe exact same thing. It's the SAME THING. Do you not think people called you a slag on Page 3, Sam? Shut up then. I'm guessing 'it was art' was a joke.
Aubrey: 'How come you didn't nominate Chloe?' Because she's harmless!
Bear is now messing about on a plant and Fatboy is calling for security because 'they've knocked over a tree.' GET A GRIP, MAN. THEY ARE HAVING A LAUGH. Try it sometime! Don't get me wrong, I hate Marnie and Lewis. But at least they're doing SOMETHING. The others just moan.
Lewis, keep wabing round your ginormous rubbery willy round at your rubber faced girlfriend cos your pale flabby arse isn't much to speak of. I do feel a bit sorry for Heavy D trying to get some sleep. But not that sorry?
All the old people hiding in the bathroom. God, Frankie without his make up. Scary. James trying to arrange a mutiny.
Haha, they're all in the DR threatening to walk. Walk then, bitches! I've seen strikes in Big Brother before. John McCruick didn't speak for about five days cos he had no Diet Coke. This is amateur hour.
What do you do when you don't support either side, when there's no one to root for? When the choice is between a sadist who is at least entertaining and people who are probably OK, but so boring you can't stand them? What's your next step? Answers on a postcard.