Wednesday, 14 June 2017

Big Brother UK 2017: The race of spades

Yes I did write a blog about Arthur's actual leaving (although... um... not much to say about that, thanks Big Brother) but Blogger ate it and yes, I did press the back button. And the rest. So yesterday I went on strike in protest. I'm sure but BBUK and Blogger were seriously concered. Actually BBUK probably was as the ratings are on the slide and then some. It's weird cos BB is always crap, always full of fame whores, always with the outside contact, never with the live feed, but people seem to actually care this year. And people LIKE Love Island. Not anyone I've ever met, but there you go. Probably young people. So why doesn't BB cater to it's audience of 30 plusses? Now THAT is the million dollar question.
God the house is depressing now. Raph is lovely (too lovely for that mess) but he's not exactly entertaining. Charlotte does nothing. Imran and Sukhvinder: truly a social experiment for their marriage (just don't put a bread bag over her head). The rest can go die. Joe, Kayleigh and Tom are actual SCUM. The others are just pond life, bobbing about.
I didn't see spitgate (couldn't find the energy to rewind it) but the way Kieran called Chanelle a 'cunt' was really mean. ROTTEN PEOPLE. I may say 'cunt' but I say it with a smile on my face (90% of the time).
Charlotte looks like she's sleeping with some Victorian-era teddy bears.
What's this task? Charlotte and Raph are housekeepers? Kayleigh in charge? God help us. Chanelle and Lotan are running the beauty parlour, which is ironic, as they're both beasts.
I thought it was funny when Chanelle said 'no English.' She does say the odd funny thing, but it's once a week.
OK, so they've put Marnie, Gemma Collins and Nicola McCuntrag in for a task. Why no Kim Woodburn? Why these three mutts? (No offence). Kayleigh looks ruff today. Her personality is poisoning her face.
Gemma Collins loves Joe. Case closed. Ugh are these people actually staying over? Why?
Kayleigh is shitting herself because Marnie is best mates with Charlotte Crosby 'who she's not allowed to go anywhere near.' Restraining order? Understandable.
Marnie: 'I was with your mum on BOTS' to Charlotte. Charlotte sobs. Sukvinder: 'At least she's still alive.' I'm sure they would have told Charlotte if her ma had died. Probably via a tweet.
The way Kieran talks about Rebecca is disgusting. Ugh, Rebecca asking how their relationship is viewed. CUT THAT BIT OUT FFS. At least let's pretend we care about the integrity of the game for ONE SECOND YOU THICK FUCKS. God, who am I kidding? They probably give them the betting odds while they're at it.
Gemma is bonding with Joe. Drop the bomb.
Rebecca: 'This fucking house is a pile of shit and I don't want to be here.' Fuck off then. She is obsessed with Kieran. 'A couple of million people watching.' Not unless it's time warp week. Not unless the Odessey is bending space and time again, and we know it's in the garage. Rebecca: 'I just miss my friend.' As the song goes, 'With friends like these, who needs enemies?' Kieran treats her like a piece of shit.
I love how Imran is proud of Sukhvinder being bossy.
Kayleigh: 'Deborah's always got a face like a slapped arse.' Well, she's got a point, but so does nearly everyone in there, cos it's fucking awful and depressing as shit.
'The VIP guests' lol. Only if VIP stands for 'Very idiotic pricks.' (I know, it's poor, but why use my brain power thinking of something different? The producers can't be bothered to give us good housemates).
Imran is going mad about Ellie and Chanelle eating. I don't know why.
Imran is being a kitchen Nazi. I hate people who go on about how long it takes them to cook. I didn't ask you to. Get over it. Who cooks for THREE HOURS. No meal takes longer than about 10 minutes to eat. My favourite dinner takes 12 mins - chicken and chips, since you ask.
Lotan is shouting at Hannah. I'm not sure why. Oh cos he said 'say my name'. I missed most of what they were arguing about. I also don't care because I hate all of them.
Hannah is upset cos 'as a black girl they try and get the worst out of you.' I'm not sure it IS a race thing, but I wouldn't be surprised if t was. If she feels like it is, I'll take her word for it. She's black, I'm not, she's in there all day long and she knows what subtle racism looks like. I'm sure if people were being racist, they'd cut it out these days. Fuck everyone on Twitter going 'race card'. If you're white, what the fuck do you know about it? Unless you can can understand nuance and put yourself into someone else's shoes. Everyone on Twitter just seems boneheaded when it comes to race. Other people's lived experience is different to yours! Check your privilege. I had to look up how to SPELL privelege, that's how out of touch with mine I am.
Kieran: 'I don't understand what's going on.' Me either. And I don't care either. I like the fact Deborah started on Rebecca for no reason, ha. Fuck Rebecca.
Hannah is right, black women do get labelled aggressive for no reason. Look at the way Kayleigh goes on and no one calls her aggressive cos her skin is lighter (I'm still not sure if she's white or not but you get the point). Hannah: 'If you walked in my shoes every day and 10 million people tell you you're aggressive all the time, I take that personally.' That was actually quite moving.
I don't like the way Sukhvinder just spoke to Raph. Can't Raph catch a break?
Kayleigh and Sukhvinder just had a row. I don't even know what it was about, but it ended with Sukhvinder saying, 'Don't call me Sukh, I never said you could'  to Chanelle, haha. Sukhvinder does like to revisit old arguments. Hope the flat earth comes up again soon.
Kayleigh: 'My fucking boyfriend has Charlotte Crosby tattooed on his fucking leg.' Her old face, new face, or a portrait of her wetting the bed? Who's her boyfriend? No wonder Kayleigh so angry. Imagine having to look at that every day. I'd demand an amputation.
Kieran is comforting Rebecca telling her how she is and isn't being portrayed. How would he know.
I really wish I'd lost this blog and not my one from two days ago.
What's the point of the 'VIPs' even being in there. What is the point in LIFE!
Kayleigh bitching on the stairs about Marnie's 'disgusting behaviour' at a charity event. I wonder what she did? Probably shit herself. Kayleigh acting all demure like Princess Diana. Pull the other one.
Lotan's long nipples are freaking me out. At least Tom has hardly been in this episode. I feel how Sukhvinder is acting. That was the WORST EPISODE. Argh. These are dark days. DARK DAYS.
Guys, we're in trouble. If there's no one to root for, and it's not even enjoyable anymore, where do we go from here? Answers on a postcard please.
PS: Thanks if you've left a comment. It's just a bitch to log into Blogger and reply cos Blogger is a wanker.
PPS: Catch the podcast while you can, this could be its swansong!

1 comment:

n.k. said...

Lyndsey keep your chin up,and the other one! Seriously what A load of old shite this once great show has become,lets hope the G.C. eats Tom thumb , Nicola assassinates the mayor and Lotan snogs Marnie and her botoxed filled head explodes. Anyhoo dont give up blogs/pods etc.we all appreciate you so much. You will always find one of these fucking idiots to slag off,toodle pip!