Big Brother UK 2017: I gnome it's over

So they bump the time slot of Big Brother tonight to 10.30pm so they can show a documentary so depressing no one would voluntarily watch it (I didn't watch, but I know the story and couldn't bear to hear the details again). This is not a good sign for Big Brother, if they care so little they stick it on at bedtime, and shunt the evictions to Thursday for two weeks. Not good.
The 'coming up' for the show looks shit. I hate everyone.
Ellie was 'sick in her sleep.' Um, that's quite dangerous. Ellie basically admits she's a bunny boiler. Ellie 'plus alcohol equals danger'. No it equals a boring TV show.
Joe telling Ellie to sip her drinks, ha.
Lotan is giving Ellie a lecture about fancying him. They have already shown about four more minutes of this conversation than I care about. Lotan's haircut looks like it was done as part of Helen Wood's (drop out) beauty school.
Charlotte and Raph don't like big dicks cos those people are bad in bed. That can definitely be true.
Lotan: 'In here I'm not the dreamboy, I'm just me.' Stop taking your shirt off, then.
Ellie has a nice bum, shame about her IQ.
Chanelle and Kieran are on a secret task. I couldn't quite follow all the rules, but the housemates think one thing and Kieran and Chanelle think another. And there's gnomes.
Kieran has a manbun today. Just when you thought he couldn't be any more of a knob.
Maybe this task is good if I followed the instructions? Everyone seems to be a fan on Twitter. I can't get into it.
What's Lotan mad about? Is he creating a diversion? I can't work it out. I think it's a fake row with Tom. It's like something off Hollyoaks. Rebecca needs to tighten her bra straps.
But the real task is... etc. You know the drill.
Lotan: 'Chico used to be a dreamboy.' Mint banter. 'He used to have long hair and a massive dick.' OK then. They should get Chico on CBB, I actually like him.
I like Chanelle's strategy of 'you don't shave and wear granny knickers when you go on a date so you don't do anything but then you end up having whore sex with a hairy vagina and granny knickers.' Lol. Hannah's face was a picture.
Yay, the housemates are going to get shitfaced again! Drink responsibly, housemates.
Joe in the DR: 'Rebecca's not my cup of tea.' They're going to show him saying that at some point.
The other hms calling Joe 'a flip flopper.' Raph: 'Kindness is not a weakness.' But what about your VT, Raph! Haha.
The sisters are strategising with Raph. Raph has caught the sun.
The housemates are playing truth or dare. Kieran is doing a lapdance for Joe. Anti sexy. I like the fact one of the sister's wigs is just sat on the edge of the sofa like a cat.
Joe has to say 'which housemate is not being their true self.' God, Big Brother loves a shit stir. Joe said Rebecca. Why does he hate Rebecca now? Storyline! Rebecca's face. I would be scared if I was him.
Deborah: 'Joe is mean. He could have said that in a better way.' True. He enjoyed saying it nastily.
Joe is starting on Rebecca again. 'It's not that I don't like you, it's that you irritate me.' Lovely!
Joe: 'The way you talk, the way you smile, the way you act.' Ouch! Joe is definitely not 30 years older than Rebecca.
Was Kieran even there when that happened? Rebecca is moaning he didn't stick up for her.
I like the awkward silence with Joe, Kieran and Rebecca.
Ooh, Joe looming at Rebecca! 'Back away from me now!' Joe: 'Don't bring my daughter into it!' Rebecca: 'I'm somebody's daughter.' She only said 'how would you like someone speaking to your daughter like that'. She didn't say his daughter was an idiotic bint who calls everyone 'babes.' Unrelated: Joe's daughter started on me on Twitter the other day, haha.
Kieran: 'You deserve it' to Rebecca. What a nice guy. What a good friend.
Joe is sitting back chilling now. Rebecca, he didn't start on your appearance. He said your smile annoyed him. I suppose that is part of your appearance though.
Rebecca: 'I'm a thirty two year old woman.' And the rest! No fucking way am I five years older than her, she is in her early forties.
I like Chanelle's unicorn pyjamas. I liked Rebecca calling Joe 'potentially violent', ha.
Rebecca is a little nutty, no? BB calling Kieran to the DR to sort things out with his mum. The DR body language is good.
I didn't think Kieran was there when they had the first conversation! I never saw him.
Well, that was worth staying up for! I'm definitely going to be watching BBBOTS until half midnight! Er...
Have you heard the pod yet? It's a loooooooong ting. Look, Arisa Cox likes it, so if it's good enough for her, it's good enough for you!