Sunday, 18 June 2017

Big Brother UK 2017: I hate it when you waste a shag on someone shit

Oh Jesus. How to carry on? Just keep swimming, I guess. Think of the pod.
Kieran's 'bird is the word' thing is good, isn't it? *kills self*
Oh they don't know Kayleigh's gone yet. Only Rebecca knows the smack Kayleigh was talking in the DR. But will she be honest about it?
Chanelle: 'How can you get mad about someone perceiving you in a certain way when that's how you act?' Good point. Chanelle said Ellie and Rebecca like Kayleigh. Why?!
Tom and Ellie are baking a cake for Raph and singing an annoying song. It's no 'cooking an egg', is it.
Chanelle saying Kayleigh came up 'against a queen' ie her. 'I'm sure she'll be fine with her big fanbase.' Ha.
Rebecca has a maid? Chanelle: 'I'd rather not have that and not be a mard arse whiny princess.' I think I'd rather have the maid.
No one looked that bothered when they found out Kayleigh left. Charlotte and Rebecca are victim blaming. 'When you're angry you say things you don't mean.' What, like you're going to stab someone with a sharp object? They don't actually know the real reason Kayleigh went. Oh hold on, Rebecca does. She just chose to ignore it.
Chanelle: 'She's deffo going to unfollow me.' How were they already following each other?!
Tom and Hannah are making up.. ish. I like Hannah's plaits.
Rebecca still trying to work out why Kayleigh left. Unbelievable. 'It's just an absolute, massive shame.' No it isn't.
Raph going to Lotan: 'Chanelle never threatened Kayleigh.' Go Raph! Kayleigh got evicted, Kayleigh was the one who took it too far, so wind your fucking neck in Lotan, you dumb twat.
Lotan sees himself as the house peacemaker when actually he's the house douchebag.
Big Brother wants to throw Raph a party but he has to do some shit first. Like singing happy birthday in four languages. Cute. Never seen Raph happier than in the DR on his own. Big Brother has finally sussed he's our fave and is giving him some airtime!
Cool, Big Brother giving Raph a quiz about Big Brother! Amazing. OMG the way Raph said the words 'Helen Wood'. What a legend. I love Raph! How knows dates things happened! I don't know those sorts of details. Finally he had to custard pie himself in the face. He is the cutest. Feels like Big Brother actually got a clue with that bit. It felt old skool.
Aw, Raph's got a cake with his face on. I'm glad they did something nice for him.
I wonder what music they're really dancing to at Raph's silent disco? Something shit, no doubt.
Raph looks kinda hot in the bath, just got to put that out there.
The other housemates are so crap. People say they like Charlotte but I don't. Fucking pointless. Anti-tainment.
Chanelle: 'I hate it when you waste a shag on someone shit.' I actually found that pretty funny.
Raph and Chanelle are buzzing in the DR! They have the cutest friendship. I'm sure Kayleigh leaving was a cherry on the cake. Bed buddies! Aw.
Raph: 'We both want to make the most of this experience have have a good time.'
Haha, Big Brother is obviously annoyed they're enjoying themselves so it shitstirs about nomination rule breaks. Ellie and Tom got sent to jail. You shouldn't be allowed to drink in jail. Oh yeah, the jail is the bus stop. I never even realised before, ha.
Even the grumpy sisters are having a laugh in the DR now! What's going on!?
Lotan threw water on Rebecca and said 'can't tell me you didn't get a bitch wet.' Charmed, I'm sure.
Chanelle has a long tongue. She's very coarse, but there's still something sweet about her underneath.
Ellie and Tom seem like genuine friends, even though I can't stand either of them.
Lotan is so irrelevant. I wish they'd stop showing him.
Deborah: 'Rebecca's written a book and I don't even know what the book's called.' I doubt very much if she wrote her own book.
Raph doesn't like Lotan calling women bitches. Yes, Raph!
They are now discussing who should pay on a first date. How long before this ends in a row?
Lotan's never been on a date he's just 'always ended up with people.' Uh huh. Slag.
Chanelle fancies Jeremy Kyle! 'Put something on the end of it.'
Ellie is drunk and touching Lotan up.
Lotan is carping to Tom about Ellie touching him up. Just tell her to stop it.
Joe is giving Ellie a pep talk. Ellie is crying because she's shitfaced. OK, enough with this storyline now. We get it. We don't care.
Tonight felt more like Big Brother than normal. If Rebecca, Kieran, Lotan and Ellie weren't in there with their shitty fake showmances, I could just about stomach it but the last 15 minutes let us down. When is the new blood coming?

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