Celebrity Big Brother 2017: Whatever you've heard, it's from a pack of sheep

Bant-urgh

Who goes? We decide. Makes a change! I don't even know who's up for eviction, so what gives? It all feels a bit cobbled together this series. I liked this series until the first eviction. Now it just feels like a conveyor belt, like when they swapped people with that glittery loo roll and they didn't swap Danny Wisker (ugh) but we did get Marc O Neil (so that was something). We get invested in housemates, when you evict them, it's like when our favourite dies in a soap. If it's a democracy, it's just about bearable, but the Austin bullshit was deplorable, and even Jasmine got the shaft, but, weeeeelll.
Interview with Jasmine. I like her 'get it in the back door' joke. She does joke!
Jasmine is used to a healthy lifestyle, not the toxic atmosphere of the BB house. Emma is not a fan of Jasmine's foul mouth. Why does she have to rein/reign (both look wrong) in the language? It's past the watershed, stop being so prissy.
Jasmine admitted in her interview that she dated Calum before. Mind you, who hasn't?
Emma thinks the crowd are booing her. They probably are cos she's so uptight, her hair looks shit, and yet more office wear. Sigh. The way she told off Jasmine there just reminded me of all the things I hate about Emma. Stuck up.
New housemates are immune from nominations but can still vote. Bullshit. The new housemates are like when your favourite in a soap gets replaced with a different actor but playing the same character. Not good.
I like Kim winding Nicola up. So much for respect for your elders. Mind you, Kim is a mega cunt. Is she for real, or is she faking it? I can't even tell anymore. She seems totally insane.
James J nominated Jedward and Speidi. BOOO! Bad noms. James J nommed Jedward. Ugh. Yet also Calum! Yay.
Calum nommed James J and Jedward. Chloe nominated Jedward because she's 'heard they're shit stirrers'. I liked Jedward saying 'whatever you've heard it's from a pack of sheep.' Too true. Chloe also nommed James C, prob cos she gets the vibe that he (correctly) can't fucking stand her.
Jamie nominated Jedward for 'thinking it's the Jedward show' and for 'wanting to win the show'. Um, isn't that the name of the game? To win? Twatface.
Jamie also nommed James J for calling him 'a washed up footballer'. Another fact.
Coleen nominated Jedward and Jamie.
OMG Speidi nommed James (which one?!) for being a threat (oh, James C) and Jamie for 'unaccetably screaming at Jedward.' Not cool! Not cool is right.
Bianca nominated Jedward and James C. Bad noms.
Jedward nominated James J and Nicola. Why not Jamie after the way he shouted at them! That was a fail.
Jessica nominated Coleen and James C. New people should not be allowed to nominate, who cares what they fucking think? No one cares who Pointless Pav or Sam 'loving life' votes for. Then they just get evicted all in a row. We know the drill.
Kim nominated Nicole (Nicola), got angry when Nicola corrected her name and moaned about 'gang handedness' again and then started to fake cry. Start calling Kim Karen and see how she takes it. 'It's a shame such a lovely girl with a kind heart is such a bitch.' Those two things don't go together. Kim also nominated Bianca for no reason. She's nuts.
Nicola nominated Jedward for being 'defensive'. No wonder they're defensive, everyone's having a fucking go at them. Nicola nominated James C because she doesn't want to swear in front of him. What?! That is NOT a reason.
Stacy nominated Jedward for being 'covertly hostile.' Jedward are twitching. One in particular is taking it worse. These noms are putting me on edge. I hate the way they're talking to Jedward, it's disgusting. Bad atmosphere!
James C,  James J and Jedward on block. I don't want any of these three to go when the three new people are still there. It's not fair! Fuck you, Big Bro. Crowd chanting 'get Jedward out', fuck you as well, creeps.
Still, that was good for Jedward getting kicked just before the lines opened, cos people feel sorry for them then.
What has Nicola actually done to Kim? Is Kim going senile? She's batty as fuck. I LOVE the term 'gang handed' though. Stacy trying to talk sense into her. Don't bother. Stacy swerved the noms well there, didn't she? Stacy is back under the radar, nice work.
I think James C is ready to go. I want him to stay but I feel he should go, cos this is beneath him. It's beneath me watching it.
I like the way one Jedward acts like he's personally attacked when they have a go at both of them. He's like 'the reasons you nominated me..' not 'us'. Imagine being so close to someone that you're a me not an us. That's cool.
Jedward just tried to ask James J what the problem was and he walked off, so what can they do?
Why is Kim intent on saying they'll all not be friends? 'Why is James Cosmo being voted out because he's nice... cos the world is a miserable place.' She's actually right. That's why they swapped Austin for her and the Geordie Shore numpty (not much airtime for her tonight, what a shame.)
Kim is pushing Spencer and everyone looks on edge. I think they're missing Austin's brand of wonky eyed unhingedness rather than Kim's. What has Nicola done to Kim?! Nicola is being quite restrained. I think I'd cry if I was her. It's great for her game though if she plays it right.
The crowd are like a baying mob. Gross.
OMG James Jordan got evicted! Sweet! James C seems to be building up quite the momentum! I think it's an anti newbie vote. Don't bother nomming James C, he's untouchable!
Although I hate him, I still think it's criminal James Jordan has gone with some of the others still in the house. He was at least trying to entertain us, and he knew he was a cunt, he wasn't just a cunt trying to disguise he's a cunt like Jamie or Calum.
I'm not surprised Jedward were saved with the way they were 'gang handed' just before the vote was open. Hopefully James Jordan will think twice about the way he spoke to them. Unlikely, though.
Why are Jamie and Calum looking so glum in the background?
I thought James's interview was quite good. He comes across quite well apart from his annoying voice and going on about 'banter.' Ick. Lol, was Spencer really crying at him leaving? Good God. My England, my kryptonite. Up your game, man!
Will James C still be James C now James J has gone? Luke A never shook off that A, did he? Luke S, though. He knows how to shake off a whole suitcase full of cash. #neverforget #onemississippi
I was feeling very depressed in the first half of that show, but James Jordan's eviction saved it for me.
Time to kick out some newbies, please. It said when they went in, one wouldn't last the weekend. So why are there still three hanging round, cluttering up the place? DUMB. I hate it when Big Brother forgets to go through with it's own twists.
Anyway, somewhere on a sofa tonight, White Dee is angry, Audley Harrison is laughing and Gary Busey is honking at the sky.