Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Channel 4 Drugs live: The ecstasy trial

Hahahaha, lovely. Drugs! Live! Except they're not live. They filmed it before, presumably in case someone died.
So Keith Allen on an e isn't all that shocking. A pregnant Fearne Cotton on ecstasy is shocking. Jedward on an e is shocking (half would be enough for them, I'm sure). Anne Widdecombe on an e, that I'd pay to see.
Host Jon Snow - why doesn't he get involved?! He's always in disaster movies, isn't he, declaring the end of the world. Hold on, isn't he in Human Traffic? I'm pretty sure someone has a weird trip out and Jon Snow is dancing in the middle of the club. It's all adding up, He's a secret pill muncher.
They are giving them 83 milligrams (what does that mean? These measures as as incomprehensible as alcohol units) of specially prepared ecstasy. Normally when someone 'specially prepares' ecstasy, it's with brown sugar. NB. 'ecstasy' is a lot harder to spell than it looks.
Dr Christian Jessen! Obviously a pillhead. The first patient is gurning. He says he feels 'calm and general wellbeing and feels lovely.' Yes, there's a reason it's called ecstasy and not 'misery'. That comes later.
So they are giving some placebos and some E and then asking them how they felt when their friend died - ew.
In all seriousness, it is time to properly investigate ecstasy. Let's face it; enough of us will be finding out the effects in about 30 years time, probably in the form of severe Alzheimer's.
Here's what I know about ecstasy. I used to do a lot. I've seen someone take it and say 'why don't they put this in the water?' The same person said, 'I want to give this to my mum.' Ecstasy is one of the most harmless, non-addictive and fun drugs there is. It's not to say people don't die... they do. But it should be up for adults to decide if it's worth the risk, as they do with smoking, which provide no pleasure, and jumping out of planes, which is just stupid. It's time for drug takers (like bisexuals) to come out of the closet and say, 'It's not that big a deal.'
This woman patient says she 'got loads of happy memories back.' Er.. where's the bad side? Oh I know, next Tuesday. Aw, she's crying with happiness. But she feels disconnected from God. Oh well, do another pill, that should sort it out.
How many people are going to come off this trial and go find their nearest dealer?
I can't think of anything worse than being stuck in a scanner on E! Just looking at that machine makes me anxious.
That bit where John Snow said 'take us deep inside the brain' and parted the massive plastic brain was the lols. It's like something off Brass Eye.
Gap yah kid is saying he took E last on Friday and it made him feel 'at one with himself.' You parents must be proud. Don't admit you're a pillhead on TV! It might hinder your job prospects.
LOL to the jaw clenching diagram. Jon Snow just said GURNING. Lolololololololol.
How can anyone not enjoy a feeling of euphoria? It's like saying you don't like crisps. Only Morrissey would say such a thing.
My boyfriend can't stop laughing at the light up brain. Lightupvirginbrainwave. Is it Christmas?
Seratonin! This has just gone like Human Traffic. My boyfriend is certain they're trying to sell us some E. He just said 'are they going to mention the incessant looking for things and not being able to go for a wee?' Maybe later. How about the electric shocks in your brain and the nightmares where you're paralysed? I feel like I've been on this ecstasy trial for about 15 years now. And I'm still not skinny.
I never even knew e came from a tree until THIS YEAR. Which proves that there's not much info on ecstasy, because I've read a whole book in it (incidentally, the writer of said book 'Ecstasy Reconsidered' died in a car crash).
I never knew it used to be called empathy, either. Trust the DEA to shut down the 15 years of fun times. Probably because no one wanted to go to war when they were on it. They were too busy listening to Darude. Someone just said 'disco biscuits' and it sounded as quaint as 'ghetto blaster.'
OK they're giving it to a former SAS soldier now. RELAX. 'I didn't want nothing to do with it.' I've heard people saying that about E a lot. Some people don't like losing control, but in some ways you're more in control that with booze - you can drive a car, for example (JUST KIDDING). Soldier: 'I started getting the hump with it' - LOL. He didn't have a good experience because he was fighting against it. It's like someone going incessantly, 'are you alright? Can you feel it? Can you feel it?' Just get on with it, FFS. Enjoy those free drugs, misery guts. 4% of takers don't like it. That's 96% who are happy customers!
No long term effects? My own two eyes (and poor memory) would tell me otherwise.
Ha, the guy in the studio has got his gurn on. Where the fuck is Keith Allen?
Patient: 'the pink door looks really pink.' What's worse, people talking about their drug experiences or people talking about their dreams?
A woman just said 'an entire pallet of vocabulary'. And she's not even high.
Dr Christian has come to tell us about DEATH. A man called Parrott is telling us about the downsides. People are NOT aggressive on E. I've accidentally befriended someone who'd snogged my boyfriend a few weeks before whilst on E back in Northampton in the 90s. I stopped punching people as a teenager when I started doing E and it was no coincidence.
He's right about the memory. All drugs impair your memory. Including booze. With E, though, you'll never have a whole section of the night missing though, and you probably won't accidentally end up on New Years Eve getting a cab to sleep with your ex-boyfriend who likes Doctor Who. You'll be too busy watching quiz shows and listening to hard house.
Ooh, there's a guy who's son has died now. Buzzkill. You don't see Leah Betts dad about much these days, do you? He used to be worse than Mitch Winehouse for self-publicity.
This 'Shabs' guy is more like it. He's been taking E since he was 14 and it's not done him any harm, ha. He seems perfectly OK!
I prefer these people who like doing E and staying in. Oh, it's just a cover for their homosexuality. Bless. (Blowjobs don't count if you're on E.)
It doesn't even need to be discussed that doing e enhances your friendships. Just staying up for 12 hours with someone enhances your friendship, and being able to be more honest, plus a heightened feeling of empathy enhances your friendships. Until a week later when that person is still on your couch demanding cups of tea.
This Shabs is an eloquent chap. Why are all the e-heads either really posh or thick as fuck?
It's all over! That was kind of boring, and I said too much. Do we get the comedown show tomorrow? And where the fuck is Keith Allen.
For all you need to know about ecstasy, just watch a few MTV Dancefloor charts presented by Russell Brand. It's like digging up a 90s time capsule. What with Matt Alwright getting a bottle of piss in the face, this has been a good night for TV, but this show could have done better. It was too sanitised. I want to see people vomiting and picking the E out of it to take it again. Let's see Jon Snow pick the bones out of that.
I guess I'll be blogging this tomorrow then! It's good to be back.

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