Friday, 19 August 2011

Celebrity Big Brother - I would drown them

This useless Twitter live feed they're giving us instead of you know, the real live feed that the producers are watching to give us the shite Twitter feed (wouldn't it be easier to just give us the feed?) is a bit like your boyfriend deciding to stop having sex with you, and just waving his willy at you and going ner-ner-ner-ner-ner every time you walk past him. Imagine if instead of showing Corrie there was just a Corrie feed.
7.43. Norris raises an arch eyebrow. Sophie puts out some tins of beans. Kevin comes stage left wearing that fucking jacket he hasn't replaced despite winning 100K on a scratch card. And now for an advert. Not just as good, is it?
Anyway, I'll get off that soapbox now. Hopefully they'll come round. I need another thing to watch like I need a hole in the head anyway. I'm about two weeks behind on the BBUSA live feed, lol.
Also, I'm desperate to know what Lucien Laviscount is doing. He sounds like something out of Made in Chelsea. Brian actually looks quite handsome again, much better than his The Mint days. My boyfriend fancies Brian Dowling. That's the sort of relationship I'm in.
I'm a bit worried about how much airtime Katona's going to get. I'm just not interested in her.
What is up with Tara's accent? She sounds half Polish! I fancy Bobby! I can't help it. He's a sex bomb. I like the way they're writing their names on the screen (they're meant to be celebrities, surely we should KNOW their names). Amy goes 'I did Towie' which scares me as that's what my kitten is called. He's too young for that sort of thing.
The DR chair does look good, like they've spent a few quid on it.
Welcome pack wars. No one is even noticing Kerry is wigging out. They just expect her to act like that! I thought her divaing was quite good. I like the way she picked Jedward as her target for her divadom as they wouldn't know the difference. I like seeing Jedward forced to interact with people as I suspect it doesn't happen often. Her tantrum was good! I thought she did alright.
My cats are having a tear up dangerously close to my TV aerial. I haven't got an outside aerial so I'm only watching this by a thin thread. Calm down kitties!
Jedward in the DR remind me of Sam and Amanda. Sam and Amanda would be Jedward's perfect match! I'd love to witness that wedding/ celibate marriage.
That's mean when they were all taking the piss of Jedward in the garden! Jedward are a self-sufficient entity. They live in a bubble. I'm surprised they didn't take a double bed together. I bet they dream in unison.
Fuck a duck. Lucien Laviscount (only address him by his FULL title) does fancy Amy. His face fell when Bobby Gorgeous-bollocks arrived. Oh Lucien Laviscount, don't you look just like *insert name of literally any mixed race person here*.
I like this Amy better than Jordan, anyway. Sally admitting she had a drink problem within the first couple of hours. She's an attention seeking missile.
I'm not sure I buy the whole 'she owns the house of commons' BS. That Amy is not without guile. Jedward on the other hand..
As messed up and slurry as Kerry is, she does exude a natural kind of warmth. OMG I can't believe that Bobby guessed Kerry was 36! Doesn't he know anything about manners? She's in better nick than he is, he looks 35.
Sally trying to give Paddy a lesson in... I don't know what, snobbery? was cringeworthy. What's the point?
Jedward album advert! Subtle as a brick.
This punishment for Kerry isn't fair. It makes her look bad and she hasn't even done anything wrong. Does she know the others are watching?! 'I can't do this... oh alright then.'It's like John James going 'I'm not going to get in that crab outfit.' [cut to John James in crab outfit].
Tara Reid and Pamela look like mother and daughter on that couch. Dried up mother and daughter who've been sharing the same box of Nice and Easy in buttercup yellow.
I feel sorry for Katona. I don't really want her, Sally or Bobby to go yet. But Kerry will go.
Brian just said 'the power is in your hands'. On BBUSA they say 'the power is up for grabs' as it's not in the public's hands. It's in the backstabbing racist, homophobic contestants hands, where it should be.
A vote to save at last! Finally the penny drops. Well done C5, you got one thing right. Jedward FTW!
I think I might blog The Bachelor too. I know, what a wild night. I got offered a free Doug Stanhope ticket too, but it was too late to get there! Bugging. Stay tuned.

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