Wednesday, 30 May 2007

Big Brother 8: Ladies Night

That title is so lame. I apologise.
Well, it's my birthday today. And instead of being taken out to dinner, wined and dined (as if!) I decided to stay in and watch BB. Folly? Well...
I'd heard a rumour it was all girls but thought they'd never do it. It's like the Big Brother producers delight in pissing us off. Don't even get me started on that apology. They should have got that snivelling CEO dude to do it wo came out and told us we were all deluded for thinking Jade was a racist cuntrag. Anyway. Let's try and wipe that from our memories, just like her magazine deals.
I was annoyed it was all girls, for obvious reasons. It feels unfair. If they drip feed us men it's kind of boring. It will all be beefcakes shipped in to impress the chavs. The girls will be rampant by then. There might be sex. It's not exactly romantic, is it? It's like setting up rats in a lab.
So. A bunch of girls discussing fucking make up is not an appealing prospect. Hopefully we can get rid of half these girls quite sharpish. Even so, it's not the best start. My boyfriend is mildly amused that the girls are going to eat the man alive when he enters. But that's not what BB is about. It's more meddling. Yawn. I just want to see normal dynamics develop. (and a cute guy would not be too much to ask!)
On the plus side, the house is aesthetically pleasing. I'm pleased it's more comfy for them. The colours are quite cool. I like the topsy turvy stuff. And the diary room chair looks fab. But what the fuck is the point in the shared beds when it's all a bunch of women?
However. Despite my grumbles, some of the girls seem quite interesting. So here's my first impressions, insane though they may prove to be. And the order might not be right. I can't be expected to remember everything! It's my birthday!

Sam & Amanda: Said 'we're twins!' to everyone who came in. No shit. They are 18 and like pink. So fucking what. Not as amusing as Davina would have you believe. In fact, not amusing at all. They might be novel simpletons and nice and la la la but them just being twins isn't exciting enough for me. Drown them in the bath.

Lesley: What's the point? Is she the new Derek? The new Germaine Greer? She looked shit scared as a million leggy girls bounced through the door. I can't see her ripping it up. In fact I can see her scarpering. Why do they put people in like this? I suspect she's just another Dawn/ Sandy.

Charley: I don't really have a problem with people not working, fair play to them if they're happy with that. She seemed OKish, bit ballsy: the usual shallow nightclubbing WAG. Nice legs though.

Chanelle: Is this her real name? No. Is aspiring to be Posh interesting? No. Is she pretty? Yes. Do I care? No. Likely to hang with Charley, I think. She might be alright. I shant judge a book by it's cover at this stage.

Tracey: Well, we thought it was a geezer at last, but no. Kurt Cobain with breasts, 30-odd going on 60. Likes 'having it'. Fucking ravers! There's an anti-drug advert if ever there was one. Just grow up. I stopped wearing tie-dye when I was 14.

Shabnam: Amy Winehouse. I said it before Davina! Some cool clothes, interesting make up, I was endeared to her when she said 'please don't boo me, I'm fucking scared!' I think she's one of us. I hope so.

Emily: Peaches Geldof. Actually, she's prettier. I expect she'll have some cool clothes too. Might be a bit posh but it's not her fault. Described 'indie' as a new type of music. I thought she was going to say 'nu-rave'. Bet she likes the fucking Klaxons or the cunting Kooks. Still, pleased to have some indie kids in there. They might put some indie fellas in there soon. Skinny ones! (Now I need to grow up)

Laura: Beth Ditto! It's a proper cut-price NME bash. Welsh so inevitable comparison with Helen. Likes squash and food. I can't disagree. Might be a possible winner?

Nicky: Pretty, seemed a little dull at first, but had good manners when she went in. Seems quite a cool girl. Glad there are some people who seem half intelligent to slap these bimbos into shape. Makes a change.

Carole: So that's where Grotbags has been. Nice tash. Another unemployed person. Can hang with Tracey on the 'ugly hippy' step. Oh well, at least there will be two less at Glastonbury.


Red said...

Happy belated birthday! And what a way to spend it.

Lemme ask you this: did you catch Big Brother's Big Mouth too? Russell Brand's gone, they've got Chris Moyles instead! I mean... Chris Moyles?!?!? What a fraud. Well, at least I won't have to stay awake until all hours to hear how Russell Brand pulled down his trousers and pants and rubbed his dinkle and stuff. Nope, not worth staying up for this big twong.

Missed most of BB (watched The Apprentice instead), but so far I'm not impressed. Laura and Carole seem okay, though.

lightupvirginmary said...

I did see the Moyles, I hate him with a vengeance, fat bully that he is. I can't see him sitting on too many laps, can you? I think he's only doing it for a couple of days then we're getting... George Galloway!!! Is that a trade up or a trade down?