Friday, 6 June 2014

Big Brother 2014: Launch Show (again)

Evening! I'm going to try and be more positive tonight. Tee hee!
I've decided I like the wanker in the box the best. Let's face it, it's a power move being up there, as everyone has to come out and talk to you, no matter how much he gripes. They should have just picked one of the boxes up in a crane and thrown it over the Borehamwood borders. He's clearly a complete bastard but I love a sarky posho.
Mark: 'I'm not having this.' Fine, don't have the five grand, then. I liked Pauline mimicking him.
Matthew was hardly 'completely excluded', people were talking to him all night.
Pauline to Matthew: 'You'll get over it.' Matthew: 'You will be sorry.' Matthew is not taking it in very good humour.
Winston and Steven sizing up the women like they're prize cattle. This pair are unbearable. They make the metrosexual empty brainboxes of of series' past like Dale, Kris and Luke S look likeable. Hair watch: Steven has a comb over, and who knows what's going on with Winston's head. The amount of plucked male eyebrow in that house is upsetting.
Bidet talk! Very posh.
Andrew: 'People always have bad impressions of me.' Why could that be, I wonder, as he sits there sulking and frowning at everyone, whilst making veiled threats and adding 'just kidding'?
Who does Danielle model for, the Innovations catalogue? She looks like fucking Grotbags. Ugly inside and out.
Tamara looks like a not-much-younger Katie Hopkins in her memory wall pic.
Matthew 'wouldn't even want the power.' OK then.
Who's pissed on the toilet seat!? Christopher! That was a short whodunnit. I suppose it's good he admitted it, but why do that?! Gross. If there's ever poo on the loo seat, he's the prime suspect.
Tamara is finding Danielle and Helen 'monotonous'. It's the first night! Her type is 'good looking and stupid'. Unlucky on both counts in there, then.
LOL to Danielle putting a dampener on Kimberly wanting to get naked. Spoilsport!
Stockbroker talk with Winston and Danielle. High brow. She likes a real 'man's man.' Why the fuck is she talking to this walking douche-monger then?
Steven looking Kimberly up and down as he's talking to her. Ugh. Steven: 'I've been to 190 countries.' Chat up line of the year.
Kimberly: 'I wouldn't say I'm intelligent but I've just finished my Masters.' Way to insult yourself. Guessing people's age! Dangerous.
Pauline is quite shrewd saying she's only got the power for one night. But how long can she get away with that?
OMG Pauline gets to give a new housemate a pass to the BB final! So whoever she picks, we have to put up with them all summer. I hope she doesn't give it to Mark, I'm finding him a bit fake. It's a bit unfair on the second lot as she's not met them. Would it have been better if she'd got to kick one out? Pauline needs to keep Matthew because she could beat him at the end. Strategy! She's bound to give it to someone she's bonded with over the past 24 hours. I trust her decision more than most.
New housemates! Toya. The UK's Ika (BB Canada reference for you there). 'Momma didn't raise no fool.' She's got 'dictatorish' tendencies. I like Toya, she's not going to take any prisoners. She has a 'different personality for each of her weaves.' I hope she takes some of these 'first night' girls down.
Chris is in next. 'I'm going to be a right misery in the house.' Great opening line. Pound shop Dom Joly. He's gonna 'urinate in the kitchen.' Sandy's already done that. He seems like a 'normal person.' Ugh, Chris is creeping up to Emma. I'm glad she gave him the cheek. We're getting Jack and Joe's dad vibes here.
Next in is Ashleigh. Oh no, Northern Irish accent. I can't deal with it. Pretty, though. The other girls (Tamara and Danielle) will hate her.
This lot already seem like a better bunch than last night. Mind you, you could put the Westboro Baptist Church lot in there and they'd probably be more charming than Danielle, Matthew and Steven. They'd have the signs ready made for outside, too.
Is Pauline getting to see the VTs (technical talk) too?
Next in is Marlon. He works 'in optics.' Is that opticians or behind a bar? 'Marlicio'. How can he be straight wearing that studded vest? I can't bear all these metrosexuals. It really signals to me the end of humanity. Men should be hairy and a bit dirty. I would rather go celibate than sleep with a man that uses hairspray, has skinny jeans or plucks his eyebrows.
Next housemate! Ash is a male model. 90s hair. Is that in vogue? He's like Ziggy 2.0. It's not you, it's me. I like the zoom in on the boat shoes. All boat shoes should be incinerated, all in one huge bonfire, tonight. Start gathering them up. Quicker!
Jale is the last house mate in. Oh great, a gobby fat person. She's taking healing crystals into the house. Wolfy times!
Pauline IS getting to see the VTs! Interesting. That's a LOT of power. Minority report times!
Why does Pauline like Ash so much? He was talking just as much smack. I had a suspicion she would pick Helen. It will give her a chance to show that she's more than just someone who slept with Wayne Rooney too. I wonder who her other choice would have been?
I suppose it would be frightening to be given a free pass to the final in a way as you'll never know if you're liked. But then again! She'll have a big target on her back, but it don't matter. She can just treat everyone like shit and they can't evict her! Bhahaha.
Aw that's so cute that Pauline and Helen crying. They are obviously genuine people.
OMG Pauline is going to be able to nominate the same person every week! I'm not sure about that. Unless it's Danielle. I suppose if she nominates a big enough arsehole they will go anyway.
So I guess the moral of the story is: be nice to Pauline. And if you haven't already; be very afraid.

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