Saturday, 15 June 2013

Big Brother 2013: 'Are they your own eyes?'

Hello! Here's hoping for a recap under five minutes tonight. I haven't seen the live feed today because I was watching The Voice, although in retrospect, I'd have been better off with this lot of pretentious, self-obsessed show offs instead.
OMG! Gina hit Sallie. I mean, it wasn't much of a hit, but it was contact. I wouldn't like that in there. I don't like people touching me full stop, let alone with aggression. How can they be arguing so soon?! That was the same night Gina went in, right? Seriously, how can anyone wind you up that quickly?!
Wolfy in the shower! Sallie's backhanded compliment to Sophie who was worried about going in the shower: 'Doesn't matter what you look like, babe.' She looks just fine!
Jemina and Barry Styles is the most cringeworthy 'showmance' ever. I can't even look at them, it makes me heave.
Oh, Michael, don't talk to camera, you're hammy enough as it is.
Jemima's job website sounds classy. I think the crux of that conversation is, she's a hairdresser.
Fire in the kitchen! Health and safety. Call Mario. Tweedledum and Tweedledee need feeding. Do these two ever stop moaning? Oh, now they want peace and quiet. They're obsessed with how they're being perceived. The worst type of housemate is a self-conscious misery guts. You'll regret carping your way though the weeks when you get out, but not as much as I'll resent having to watch you. 
Ha, Sophie doesn't like Sallie. Not surprising. It would be like befriending a venus flytrap.
New housemates are in (again) now. They seem to be keeping the recap reasonably snappy. I think things are definitely better on the production side this year (except BOTS). Not much of a task when we decided not to shred the new housemates cases. Barely worth the recap, really. ACTING, Michael!
Sallie's quite sharp really, telling them to move away from the couch or Michael would know they'd been watching them. Having someone's mum in there is a bit of a downer, if you ask me. I'd evict her asap.
Dexter's Tuco shoes crack me up. PIMP DADDY.
OMG Gina is sooooo rude. I love the fact no one was replying to her. What a spoilt bitch. You know where the door is. Well, there's a lot of doors, but if you get someone to assist you, you can probably locate the one marked 'exit'.
Tonight's best chat up line: 'are they your own eyes?' Oh, Dexter. I soooo don't want him to get evicted. I think he's the most interesting housemate; him and Sallie, just for the egos. LOL Dexter has a 'hall pass from his girlfriend.' THAT'S now the best chat up line of the night. I don't like Michael making fun of him, though. It's too easy! I don't like Michael's personality. I know he's acting, but he reminds me of that snarky dude off Conspiracy Road Trip. 
Sallie to Hazel: 'have you been out with anyone famous'? Let's get down to business, hey?
Oh God, Gina is unbearable. She can't be 4 real. No one could be that stuck up. I think she could be the biggest cunt of all time on Big Brother. How is that humanly possible - just think about some of the contenders for a minute!
Sam: 'you came down with your fucking tits'. OMG the way he speaks to women! He has NO MANNERS. Someone needs to get him in line before he gets a slap in the face or thrown out. 
Why would people think you're stuck up, Gina?! You seem so down to earth!
Where's the camera on this fight?! Where's the decent camera angles? How did it even start? Editing!
'Your cheap Primark shoes!' LOL. Do these two know each other or not? Why would there be that much beef on the first night? I don't get it. I feel like we're missing a piece of the puzzle. Why is Gina calling Sallie a tart? She didn't even see the launch night sideboob?
At least this means Gina will be evicted on Friday and not Dexter. You weren't 'shoved into a house' - you signed up! 'Lots of weirdos' it's BIG BROTHER. 13 years of it, we've had, where have you BEEN?! Honestly. Look, seriously, I'll help you find the door. Just fuck off.
Pretty good for a third show, no? Normally at this point I'm still working out names!

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