Celebrity Big Brother 2016: Big Brother, plz grow some balls

Shit, since I last wrote a blog THREE people have left! It's been a quieter week this week, and still we've lost three. As Emma said, it's lucky they put 16 in. CONVENIENT, you might say if you suspected certain people were on a contract.
So it's a sad goodbye to David Gest (RIP), a fuck you to Angie Bowie (in the paper today saying Bowie strangled her; thought she didn't want to talk to the press?) Apparently she gave up £200,000 to walk. She wasn't worth £200.
I was very pleased to see the housemate evicted was rat-on-the-beach Megan. God, can someone sort out her style, the Princess Anne hair and the Dallas make-up makes her look in her fifties. I was chuffed to see her go instead of a decent housemate like Tiffany or John. I was surprised to see so many people boohooing on Twitter about Megan leaving. She had no redeeming features, thick as fuck, psychotic and a borderline racist. Excuse me if I don't cry my eyes out. Oh, she did have one redeeming feature, I take it back. Her arse cheeks. Or is that two? Either way, see ya.
It's obvious GC was going to stay on eviction night because the idiot general public (t.m. Helen Wood) AND the producers seem to love her despite the fact she is literally blowing up their game by refusing to play it. So then they give her immunity. You can say she picked where to stand but one of the task team could pushed a gold OR white mask up, cos let's face it, the handles they were turning weren't operating the boxes. Jeremy pulled his off (oo-er) and it still popped up. That sentence didn't get any better, did it?
So I suppose the 'top story' apart from GC vs John is Stephanie and Jeremy. I admire Stephanie just because she's the only one standing up to Gemma. Christopher and Darren finally appeared to say a couple of negative things about Gemma, AFTER they heard her get booed. Steph's thrush battle yesterday was revolting in more ways than one. But what was more gross than pigeon shit knickers, or creaming your knickers over Jeremy and admitting it, or knickers being left on the table, or the gang up eyes (redux) is people on Twitter calling Steph a slag. And it's not just the people using that word, it's the whole tone of the self-appointed morality police. They're worse than Scotty T. Who does it actually affect that Steph is 'cheating' (if you can call it that) on her boyfriend on TV? Her boyfriend. How awful for him, etc. But is it affecting your life? No, you're being given content for a TV show you watch. You might not want to watch that; I don't particularly, either, I think it's played out. She's not going to dump her boyfriend and commit to Jeremy, she's keeping her options open and I DON'T BLAME HER. Jeremy could just as easily fuck off back to Ireland. She's got Big Brother Brain and Jeremy is her Big Brother Boyfriend. Her OWN boyfriend has surely dumped her by now. But I don't think Steph can see outside the situation like we can. I think she probably thinks she can patch it up. Maybe she can. And if she can, or she can't, what's it got to do with us? Of course we can comment on the show, and what she's doing and blah blah blah, that's what Twitter and blogs and pods are for. But take a look at yourself, and ask yourself, have you ever done anything wrong in your life? The fact is, the Twitter handwringers are just like GC when she saw Jeremy and Steph under the covers; pleased as fucking punch to have something to be outraged about. So do us all a favour, and get off your high horse (if you're on one). Otherwise, you're no better than John Partridge, ha.
Anyway, in other news I heard GC cut her finger and has been 'rushed to hospital'. Don't rush back. Is it wrong to hope she gets gangrene? She'll probably come back with the Sunday papers and a new wardrobe.
Tiffany has been doing SO WELL lately. Her bathroom convo with John on the live feed over knickergate was one of the weirdest and most compelling things I've seen. Two true gamers in action, hamming it up. Fuck, yes. I think John is great and he must stay to the end. He's so dramatic and totally fake, therefore a great housemate.
So who's writing the warning, cos we've had Highly Offensive, HIGHLY OFFENSIVE and now HIGHLY Offensive language. But which is worse?
Er, why the fuck is Gemma getting a blowdry? Typical selfish bitch move by her there. Why doesn't she just fuck off home if she wants a blowdry? I actually think I hate her more than any other person on Big Brother ever. Is that even possible? The levels of bile runneth over! I spend the entire episode FURIOUS. Can't be healthy. No wonder Chris and Darren are nervous wrecks.
Bossing the hairdresser around, argh! Hold on, is that the stripper from the other night? I note that was cut from the highlights, and not surprised as I thought it was borderline sexual assault. Plus who wants a stripper with a beard? This beard thing must end soon. It's already been going on ten years too long. BEARDS ARE DISGUSTING. SHAVE THEM OFF.
So it's not 'a proper Essex blowdry'. What does that entail, glittery hairspray and a magazine deal at the end of it? Yes, she's still fucking moaning. GC is getting the full Frankie Grande edit from the producers now. They must despise her because she's making them look a fool. She has no respect for Big Brother, won't do tasks, comes and goes as she pleases. Just get a fucking turnstile in and be done with it.
Stephanie informing Jeremy about her required after sex etiquette while holding his hand. Can we just call her relationship done and let them get on with it? Then I can actually enjoy the romance instead of it being a bit grubby. It makes me cringe when I see them together, not because I care, but because I know I'm going to have to unfollow another 20 people on Twitter calling her a slag. And they were people whose opinions I respected, people I liked. And that hurts my feelings.
So here it is, Gemma tried to peel a potato with the sort of knife that should probably be banned in Big Brother and cut her finger 'through to the bone'. Darren: 'That's quite a bit of claret.' Is that you, Danny Dyer? Bleed, bitch, bleed!
Dt Ottoman was in no rush. Let's hope she treats him better than she does her hairdresser. GC has gone to the hospital to get stitches. Imagine how relieved they must all feel. I wonder if we'll ever get to evict her and feel the same way?
I just missed the rules to the task but I guess I'll figure it out. Oh it's like 15 to 1. You answer a question and then knock someone out (not like that, although...). Scotty T thinks Darren might win the whole show. Danniella made Chris lose a life 'cos he's her friend'. Er...?
Tragic that Christopher didn't dare say Gemma was the drama queen of the house. What a fucking wet weekend. He nom-vommed her face to face! He'd been growing on me, too. I hate the words 'man up' but MAN UP has never been more apt in this case.
Scotty T targeting Steph again. With friends like him, who needs enemies? And still he'll win it.
GC threatening Danniella: 'Play it properly then.' Scary. She's like a one-woman mafia.
Gemma's face when Stephanie was being honest about what a cunt she is. Danniella sticking her oar in. What a bitch.
Danniella: 'I want a gift from my kids.' Who said it was that anyway? She's demented. I know she's having a bad day, but Jesus. I read on Twitter the prize was a facial. You can't just make up what prize you want. If you want to see a picture of your kids, go home. I hope your letter from home gets shredded, too.
So Danniella was cool to lose a life when it was Scotty, but not when it was Steph. 'And so you know it.' Gemma's face said she got whatever she wanted. Danniella stormed out the room.
GC (shouting): 'Stop it cos you're a very nasty girl!' Steph hadn't actually said a word. Then Gemma goes, 'She's mugging you off left right and centre' to Jeremy. Then she screams in the kitchen 'She don't let up!' Who? YOU! Steph was just playing the game, participating in the task, an alien concept to you, I know. Disappointed to see Tiffany go with them. She had a duff edit tonight.
Danniella: 'The bird's a fucking bully.' How has Steph bullied anyone? She's the one BEING BULLIED. And I don't use that word lightly, although I generally don't give a shit about that word (unlike slag). Which brings us to:
'You're a fucking slag, love!' Danniella screams, while out of earshot. Really brave. Well you're a washed-up dog. Then they bash out the fire exit and Gemma goes 'they either remove her or we're going.' Um... do you want an Uber or just get the bus?
I love the fact the task just went on after Gemma and Danniella flounced off. Jeremy and Steph are the last two standing and he threw it to her. That was actually a really sweet moment. Whatever you think of Steph, her relationship with Jeremy is real, unlike GC and Danniella's, which is rotten.
So Christopher can see that GC is fucking up Danniella's chances, but will he dare say it to anyone but Darren? The chainsmoking chickens in the corner! They should have a sign up in the corner saying 'Spines not required'. Christopher is right, GC is playing Danniella. That sums it up completely. I'd really warmed to Christopher after that jungle task, but I'm really fed up with him when he won't stand up and be counted. If he DOES, he could go deep.
The housemates are playing charades when the miserable cows re-enter. I'm shocked they don't even get a warning from Big Brother. They looked very cheerful in the DR. They are MUGGING OFF Big Brother (and us watching). Gemma doesn't mind going in a cage now. That claustrophobia clears up quickly, doesn't it?
Then they come back in and say sorry to Jeremy, but not Steph. It's just wrong. That felt horrible.
I'm really pleased Steph has immunity but less of the 22-year-old girl crap. She's right to feel aggrieved, though. She's not 'over thinking it'. She understands it completely. She gets it.
There was a bit with John getting involved (never!) and Tiffany summing it all up in the DR but that doesn't really need repeating. 
Danniella then apologised. I do think Danniella is just a basketcase in with the wrong crowd. Her apology seemed genuine - I think she's just missing her kids, but no need to be sexist.
Gemma to Steph: 'Giwls have gotta stick togevver.' Ok then. Steph seems to be hinting she's done with her boyfriend now. About time. I wish she'd just say it outright.
Random moment of the night: Tiffany to Darren: 'You're such a force in here. You're so sexy and masculine.' A force! He's less than a drip. Darren thinks she's on a task but he's 'very flattered.' Tiffany thought he was 30! Hahaha. Darren: 'I'm happily married.' LOL. He's not trying to be a love rat in there, Tiffany. All I can think is Darren Day smells great or something. Women just fall at his feet. But in reality, he must smell like Rothmans.
Don't forget to listen to Big Brother Bile, it's going a bit stale now, but should be a fresh episode early next week: Bit on the snide
Cheers for reading. Goodnight!