Friday, 8 January 2016

Celebrity Big Brother 2016: Some of my friends are gay

Fucking hell, I was just watching the end of the live feed from yesterday and Christian (John Partridge, whatever) just invited Jonathan to go and see his musical IN NORTHAMPTON. Yes you are reading this correctly, Jonathan is coming to my home town, Northampton. Hope he brings Scott Disick, he would fucking love the Roadmender. OMG my head is going to explode at this news. However, the article I read also said they may be letting Christian LEAVE THE HOUSE to rehearse IN NORTHAMPTON. This is like Rylan's X Factor tour rehearsals all over again. But in Northampton. OMG. I am agog. Stop the press.
Anyway, there was some more good stuff on the live feed but I'll save some nuggets for the podcast, which is unfortunately not going to be happening until Sunday as I'm on my tod tonight. Drinking alone, and probably shouting at the TV. Good times.
So I spoke to my mum today and she thinks Christopher Maloney and Daniella used to be a couple. Will you tell her or shall I? She was probably shitfaced on her two for a fiver bottles of wine while watching.
I'm worried Winston will stay on a vote to save? Am I mad?
'David is volumising his hair' or 'head' as Gemma said. OMG the Irish thicko just made me laugh with his 'did you get your money back on your hair transplant' to David. LOLs. He's my fave thicko now.
Angie: 'I was addicted to heroin and I called my gynaecologist to inject me with valium. It was no big deal.' Angie and her son seems like a sad story. I don't even have anything funny to say about that. 
Nancy doesn't like being perved on my the creepy Winston. Don't blame her. Meanwhile he tells Tiffany she's allowed to eat a sandwich but not a blamanche while keeping her body in shape. Very gallant. 'If we were in here for two weeks you'd fall in love with me. If you coul get your body in shape you could have so much more work.'
Daniella is NOT forgiving Christopher one bit. He has been disloyal. She is like the mafia. I wouldn't fuck with her. She is NOT happy. He's fucked man, he needs to sleep with one eye open. She HATES HIM.
Winston get a warning for being a sexist pig. He's so offensive I don't even find him offensive, really. It's just too ridiculous. 'Lacivious', that's a big word, Big Brother, don't make Megan spell it, whatever you do. 'Nancy was getting undressed right next to my bed and making a big deal of it!' Victim blame, much? 'If they want to stay on the shop floor and act that way.' THE SHOP FLOOR! Think about that for a minute. Then he runs to all the dummies in the house and goes 'have I ever groped you?' Fuck off. The fact those two thick bitches don't think he's inappropriate says it all. They are self-sexists.
Stephanie blaming someone for 'saying something as it's risky to Winston.' Shut the fuck up.
Kristina is sharing 'very private news' on Big Brother. Has there ever been a pregnant woman in the Big Brother house before? Except Makosi, of course. Oh, Kimberly. I'd forgotten that as she wasn't a human. They cut that a bit short anyway. Too happy, probably. They want to show more arguments.
Winegate! A Big Brother staple. Poor Nancy, she's getting fucked about from every angle. Note it was all the cunts drinking the wine. Megan 'did not mean to do it in a bad way.' Go through someone's stuff and nick things. It's like Alicia's bananas all over again. I liked the fact Christian said Nancy can say what she wants about calling Megan a little girl. Stephanie is a twat as well. The way she jumped in was so annoying. I knew she was rotten. She's a bad egg.
Ah, a classic Big Brother shitstir task. I loved Jonathan calling Scotty a barbarian for sleeping with 1000 women. Is that like David Gest's 1000 cousins? Can you imagine if a woman said it? He must be riddled. Jonathan is the only person who can read so is quizmaster. All the UK people have the mental age of three year olds. Still, at least they can cook.
Kristina plugging her book during the task, ha. Please, let me never hear the words 'David Gest' and 'oral sex' in the same sentence again. I can't. I'm getting Michael Douglas flashbacks.
I'm kind of impressed with the threesome on the wedding day thing, that's like real rockstar behaviour. I wonder who the third party was? 
Winston described 'adoption by gay couples as child abuse'. Christian read that out rather jauntily, as if it was 'loves snuggling kittens'. But turns out that was the calm before the storm.
Darren Day was spending 2K a week on coke? Joseph pays well, doesn't it. Danielle was probably spending 4K. She probably looks at Darren and thinks 'lightweight.' Did he sell his hoover? He didn't even have the technicolour dreamcoat to sell.
Winston's 'hell yeah man!' to his homophobic comments was fascinating to watch for the other people's faces. Maloney looked like he was going to gag and Christian looked like he'd just smelt a fart.
'Christophobia!' Is that hating Christopher Maloney? Winston declaring he's not homophobic as Christian and Christopher sit weeping, lol. Great telly. Winston, we've seen your VT! Backs against the wall! Play it to the house! I liked Kristina cuddling John/Christian.
You can't blame the press for shit that comes out of your own mouth, Winston.
One of the thickos goes, 'Don't bully the fucker, we're all entitled to our opinions.' This was the one I liked, they're back equal again now. Who said 'everyone is entitled to believe in whatever they believe?' That's balls. Actually, you're not entitled to state homophobic opinions on UK Big Brother. Oh, except in your VT.
I liked Christians face when he had his tongue out and his teeth batred like he was going to kill Winston, literally visually seething and then wanted to give Winston his case. He is a BIG TIME gamer. He's playing the game right now. He's playing it REAL GOOD. Also, why is he still wearing his ballet dancing box-issue cycling shorts and muscle vest?
Ha, Angie has spent 35 years fighting for gay rights. The new Dickinson/Visage! 'Mincing straight arsehole?' That's a weird insult.
Stephanie is doing the 'not for adults' loveheart hands. Embarrassing.
Kristina is safe! No shit. That pre-planned pregnancy strategy was a blinder.
Hold on one minute! Now Emma tells us the housemates get to decide who goes between the final two housemates. WHAT THE FUCK! Why did I just spend 50p saving Nancy then?! You CAN'T ask people to vote and then tell them that afterwards, surely it's not even legal. I'm gonna take Emma on Judge Rinder. That is RIDICULOUS. Have a free vote and then fuck around as much as you want but don't take my cash and pull that shit. That is a joke. And I couldn't give a fuck about 50p. It's the principle! What's the T&Cs on that shit?
OK, second show, and thank god for the reprieve cos I had to rewatch half of that just to wrap my head around the sheer aggogleness of it all. 
The housemates have to choose who goes now by holding that person to their chest. They are failing to understand basic rules. IT'S NOT THAT HARD.
Now we'll see who the true gamers are. Jeremy voted to evict Nancy. Fail. You're next, buddy! YOU'RE GOING HOME, BITCH.
Jonathan: 'It's time for Winston to go.' I like this now cos it's more painful for Winston. Tiffany has gay friends, y'all. Darren's brother is gay, you know.
So as usual a black person goes first, you total racists, hahaha. Just kidding.
13 votes for Winston, LOL. Should have been a clean sweep. Jeremy clearly supports hate. Boo to him!
I hope Winston feels like a piece of shit. I hope that public shaming made him feel as bad as he makes others feel. I'm glad it rained on him, too. Should have played 'It's raining men.'
Can't wait to see Jeremy's meltdown on the live feed now. Finally I learnt his name! To go against the baying mob is bold. To defend a homophobe! What's Nancy done that's so bad?! He's gonna shit himself. And rightly so.
So Winston is backtracking in his interview, smart move, mate. He's being 'portrayed' as a people hater. Yeah, damn you Big Brother. Stop putting words in his mouth. It's all in the edit, etc.
He's a Christian! There's only one good Christian and that's Christian from Eastenders. Winston makes Zainab look tolerant. Ha, he is not backing down on the child abuse statement. Ick. he should be kicked off and Rylan should refuse to interview him.
'So many women in the house are insecure.' Not surprised with you calling them fat.
He's a red blooded male, Emma, give him a break. 'Here are your best bits.' Should have just cut to white noise.
I actually think Emma handled him reasonably well (for her).
PS: Isn't it nice that Marcus Bentley pronounces Angie Bowie right? ;)
PPS: Our launch night podcast is still limping along! Check it out, you slaaaaaaaags.

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