Wednesday, 13 January 2016

Celebrity Big Brother 2016: Smoke and mingers

I heard more about Big Brother today at work, on TV and on the radio than I have since Nasty Nick packed up his old kit bag. The airtime was real, baby. We talked about it at work non-stop. I miss those days, when people cared. I have to remind myself that was a long time ago. Big Brother is like a failing relationship. There's a few of us just clinging on, but the glory days are long gone. Like, a decade ago.
Puppet task! Everyone hates puppets. So they've teamed up all the people who hate/fancy each other. So does Christopher Maloney have to be the new Jonathan now? Due to medical reasons David can't take part. Because he's like, dead. That little spare room is sneaky, isn't it! 
Tiffany apologising to John: 'I get beside myself sometimes.' John: 'I know this is how you make your money.' SHUT UP. Patronising twerp. Tiffany is all sweet and cowed. Damn right, Angie can be a pain in the arse. Let's be frank, that fight was caused by Angie's astronomical ego. The rest was stoked up by John. The end.
Megan's stupid rant and then Big Brother going 'Alright Megan, if there's nothing else.' Big Brother is being quite rude/sassy this year. Mmm, sausage sandwiches! Fuck you, Megan. I'd imagine getting off with Scotty T is 'like being served up sick in a bowl' so just go back to that disgusting well for a slug.
John patronising Darren about watching what he says is quite ironic as John is the one who is shitting himself about public perception. Who died and made John HOH?
Puppet shit stir task. Hold on, are people saying Tiffany is the most BORING! I can't understand what's going on with this task. I don't know who's who or what's what. They need to make the outfits more distinct for old people like me.
Smoking is all Darren has got, lol. Poor sod. This mean tweets aint that mean.
Stephanie is a gobby twat or whatever it said and Megan does have a face like a smacked arse.
Standard puke task now. Do we have to? I know all the I'm a Celeb freaks are in there, but please. I can't.
I see David climbed out of the grave to nominate. At least Megan nominated John for alienating Tiffany. Who'd have thought she could see that clearly?
Was surprised Scotty T and Gemma nommed Stephanie. Scotty T pretending to have morals, ha.
Quite a split vote, really. A few surprising ones, too. The noms were too quick. Would have liked to have seen more of them. Feel like I've seen nothing of Kristina or Nancy in weeks.
So John's F2F noms. The Angie nom 'for her her own good' was a bunch of crap. The John nom for Darren was sneaky so I'm glad he is irked. When was Darren a 'happy go lucky guy'?! He went in the house looking like the bastard child of a basset hound and Gary Barlow. He's 'picked up habits in the house' that Darren wants to make clear is smoking and not drinking or doing piles of charlie (although all the nose rubbing?!). What's it got to do with John if Darren's smoking? Angie: 'Sounds like a good friend.' Uh? Out of all the people he could have nominated, it makes no sense. It reminds me of James's nom for Austin 'to teach him a lesson.' To take out the competition, more like.
Nancy, Stephanie, Angie, Jeremy and Gemma are up. Don't care who goes out of those but I'd like Nancy to stay as she's the only one I'd like to see more of.
'Angie, do you think you've learnt anything from John's noms?' 'Yeah, he's a true gamer.'
Darren 'just cos I smoked 25/30 fags cos I had a stressful day.' But whose fags were they? You can't give up smoking and take up smoking with other people's fags. They get ANGRY. But the big question is, roll ups or real ones?
The 'as a friend' nomination is the cruellest of all. So Darren talks to John and John gets on his high horse AGAIN! What a drama queen. He is one fake ass bitch. This is GREAT for Darren's game. Hugging John he should have stuck a knife in his back. He's had to stand, watching people drink, like a more bearable Chloe-Jasmine.
'With the smoke goes the drink, with the drink goes the drugs,' says Gemma. Where do you get the drugs from on BB? Dr Ottoman? Ted?
OMG Gemma is digging up the the past. You shouldn't meddle with those parent/child rifts, those things run DEEP. Angie pronounced it 'Zoe'. So that's ZOE BOWIE (or Duncan, as he's known now).
DAVID'S ALIVE! Not that one, silly. He's been in his cryogenic chamber. David asking Stephanie to take her hair down - creepy! He is funny though. The house needs his energy, I think. It needs something. Electric shock suits?
Tiffany is unimpressed with instant potatoes. Dog food is appropriate for Megan.
Stephanie came in to turn things round, but unfortunately she's a cunt on Hollyoaks, at the Vatican and in the Big Brother house. Darren Day is all like 'fuck it, forget abaht it.'
Ha, a party is going on and Nancy is dancing with Jeremy. I love the way she always looks smug. She's like a more likeable Kristina. Stephanie and rat face not invited.
Darren has beaten 2 class A drug addictions and a class B drug addiction. Poor Darren, he's not even allowed to have a smoke now. What were the two class A drugs? I can only think of coke and heroin. I think E is class A but non-addictive, unless you count enjoying that feeling where you use up all your happiness for life in your 20s and then spend the rest of your life crying. I suppose that could have been addictive at the time, ha.
Megan's tantrums are boring. She seems like a complete cunt. I enjoyed Stephanie laughing at her. 'It's not fair.' No, what's not fair is you ruining my TV show. Stick to your own unintelligible kind! I wish she was available to be evicted. I don't see why she isn't.
Ugh, what an anti-climax that was. They had so much opportunity to build their audience share from people who would be watching just out of curiosity today, but they don't care, so the audience doesn't care. It's a shame. Also, no podcast at the moment as James is ill, so we're completely missing being able to comment on David-gate. Also, my blog is miserable. Also, blah. Good night.

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