Saturday, 29 March 2008

American Idol: 'Molten Hot'

OK about five days late and so I only started paying attention halfway through, but bear with me. Firstly, and most importantly, will Paula stop saying NITCH? I's not fucking NITCH you thick fuck, it's NICHE. NICHE!!!! The next time you say NITCH I'm going to put my fucking foot through the telly! And that goes for people who say CLICK too. It's fucking CLIQUE!!!! I know you're thick and American but for fuck's sake. Get a fucking grip.
Oh yeah and Paula's leather gloves. She must have had sweaty hands.
So let's get down to the nitty gritty ABUSE (I mean, critique). Carly. Frowny, but I like her. She did karaoke classic, turn around bright eyes (or whatever the fuck it's called.) I like it, cos it has Bright Eyes in the title. What of it?
Michael Johns- Aussie. He did a medley. Is that allowed? It seems like cheating. I like him as well though.
David Archu... you know, the one who's a child. Theme park performance! Truth. Also, camp as always. He doesn't do it for me, perhaps because I'm not a pervy old man.
Cliche spot: 'you could sing the phone book' and 'ghastly' by SC. I LOVE it when he says 'ghastly'.
Krusty Le Crab (the one who WONT DIE) shamelessly cheated by singing some song that would appeal to braindead patriotic Americans, GOD BLESS AMERICA, which showed evil genius. Kind of shot herself in the foot by saying as a kid when she sang 'people were all like shut up and you're getting on my nerves'. Yes, just like now. She always gets in by the backdoor, just like George Bush. Possibly she's a lizard. Keep an eye out.
David 'bob bob bob' Cook- the first baby in history to have a receeding hairline. Yeah, he is a total fish-face but he DOES have a good voice, and he took a risk with Billie Jean. So good on him. My other favourites are Polly-Pocket Ramielle, who requires you to say 'she's cute' at least once every time she's on the screen. And Carly.
Was sad to see Chikeeeeeeeeze go in a way, he was kind of smooth, I liked him a bit. I don't really like Syesha, I think she's a bit smug. Brooke I sort of like but she's a bit hit and miss. And she can't take criticism.
PS. How sexy were all the mums?!


Anonymous said...

since paula is half french i am sure she knows how to pronounce that word

lightupvirginmary said...

Is that you, Paula???

Red said...

I was gutted to see Chikezie Eze go. I thought the Vandross song was a load of dross, but I thought he was overall really good.

I loathe the Ramielle girl (a ugly Mutya Buena replica, and those shorts were so Club 60-80 on a Florida vacation), and the Irish girl looks too much like a slimmed-down version of my new step-sister-in-law for me to like her. She did good with the Bonnie Tyler song, but I can't get past the bits when she closes her eyes and shrieks. Ugh, I hate her mouth.

Singing about loving America ("where at least she knows she's free...") is so manipulative! It saved her bacon this time, but that girl's on her way home soon enough. Isn't she the one who sold her horse to go on American Idol? Fucking heartless bitch to boot.

lightupvirginmary said...

I liked chickeze too, I thought he was good last week.
Ramielle is GORGEOUS! An ugly Mutya just isn't possible. They always dress them awful though.
I know what you mean about Carly, she is a bit frownly, but she does have a good voice. I like her bizarre tattooed husband too.
As for god bless america... that was just crass. She's going to have to give the whole nation a blowjob next week just to stay in the game.

* (asterisk) said...

That's the way they say niche in America. Sad but true.

You happy that Conor is playing Reading?

lightupvirginmary said...

well they are still WRONG!
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
I'm going to Reading on the Saturday so i won't be seeing our boy. :-( I'm sure he'll do a couple of solo shows around that time though. There is a bootleg of his solo stuff on here somewhere if you haven't heard it (this is a really good thread with loads of BE bootlegs) ... but as usual I miss the screaming. :-)

* (asterisk) said...

You'll miss all the best bands if you go on Saturday