Saturday, 15 March 2008

Big Brother USA- Lunatics, the lot of 'em

Sorry I've been AWOL, I've been really busy and the TV has been shit.
OK this one is for me and J-O-T-V. I am still LOVING Big Brother USA, it's absolutely bonkers. I have no idea what all the rules are, head of household, power of veto, some bizarre thing with keys, but I'm sure it all made sense at one point or another, on some distant planet. Some of the best bits of our show are sadly missing, such as a baying eviction crowd, and endless tedious conversations about the shopping list (oh...)
Rather than just ingratiating themselves with the other contestants and generally having a jolly good time, as in ours (except for when Charley was in it), with the nicest person generally winning, in Big Brother USA they lie, fight, backstab and generally try and ruin each other's lives. It must be absolute hell living in there with that lot. I'd be sleeping with one eye open.
I'm one behind so don't RUIN IT, as my friend John of the Visor constantly does, but it's been nuts this week. I'm glad they aren't couples anymore, as that was kind of annoying and risked good characters getting chucked out just because they were teamed with some psycho. But there is ALWAYS a risk of good characters getting chucked out in the game, as the voting just seems utterly random. Wouldn't you keep in your friends, logically?
I was VERY disappointed when James suggested Chelsia for eviction, and I guess it's only fair that he got put up in the end, but it's a shame as those two are my favourites. I like their matching pink hair. They seem the most 'normal' despite James's sordid gay porno past. He's not mentioned that yet, has he? Funny that. I wonder if they have live streaming in the US? I'd watch it, just to see if they ever do anything else other than lie and scheme. Surely they just sit and chat about celebrities, and their mates and their favourite bands once in a while.
Joshua, the (only openly) gay contestant, seems genuinely unhinged. And after seeing pictures of his micro penis coming out of the shower, I think I understand why. He's one ANGRY person! I wouldn't be at all surprised if he stabbed them all to death in their sleep one night. His nemesis is Matty, an american version of our very own Anthony Hutton (remember him? Yes, that misogynist 70s Thunderbird who won our BB by accident one year). Matty seems to think he's god's gift, despite having the most punchable face I've ever seen. He makes me feel physically sick just looking at how smug he is. I hate him so much I'm actually on spawn of Satan Joshua's side. Then there's hapless Natalie, a bug-eyed face on a good body (well it should be, she obviously forked out for it), who is in love with Matty, despite him treating her like a piece of shit. I KNEW that as soon as the couples were split up it would turn into a boys against girls vibe. So predictable.
Which brings us to there's miserable Sheila, 15 years older than everyone else, and prone to taking one comment and vowing to kill you stone dead for it. You may be in good nick for your age, as you keep telling us, but you're still a miserly old bint, so fuck off. She even makes me feel sorry for Psycho-Eyes Adam, who called the disabled children in his care 'retards' in the first week. Nice.
The other bit part players are Sharon, so inconsequential she left and came back and no one noticed either way, and Ryan, who has created a jaw line he doesn't have with a ridiculous beard and who is getting visibly fatter by the hour.
Oh and it's all hosted by an android. That person is not human in any way shape or form.


Anonymous said...

I can't remember what happened in which episode so sorry if info from the last episode bleeds into my memory of the one you're up to! Right, where to start?? I was far more passionate about all this on Thursday evening, you need to be more to the minute so I can unload this kind of thing right there and then!

One thing that bugs me about this version is the seeming lack of BB authority - in the UK the housemates are so under the thumb, constant bellows of "WOULD SO-AND-SO PLEASE COME TO THE DIARY ROOM IMMEDIATELY" are sorely missing. In the US it feels like there aren't any rules with the housemates running their mouths off about nominations and who to get rid of. Constantly feels like that week in UK BB7 when BB went on 'holiday'. Perhaps that explains why the series is helmed by a hairy android.

Hair and tits aside, I don't think Matty's the US version of Anthony. Anthony was a pretty simple lad taking each day as it came, whereas Matty is a scheming toe rag whoring illusions of friendship all over the shop to cover his back. Though while I agree he's irksome I can't help being charmed by his bravado at the same time! He plays dirty, but it's quite comical on this side of the cameras. Unlike Joshuah: a vile, VILE queen. Matty vs Joshuah? No contest - the look on Joshuah's face after the veto meeting was priceless!

Btw, when Sharon mentioned Matty liplocking her to get in her good books wasn't it really weird how Sheila and Natalie used that information not to view Matty as scum but instead consider Sharon as a gameplayer?? Just when the popular decision seemed to backdoor Matty the revelation saved him!

Sheila I am LOVING. Sure she was a cow in the first week or two, and totally stabbed her best buddy Allison in the back, but since being split from her ball and chain (Adam) I think a new side of her has emerged. The old Sheila would've spent the week bitching and griping about losing that 10k, instead she quickly made do with the leotard. She's also emerged as an interesting game player too. With Adam her behaviour was so irredeemable she couldn't help but sit back and quietly hope she doesn't get nominated, whereas now she's in a better position to alter the course of things and was even the instigator in James being put up - I loved that! On a similar note I think Adam's also come across as more likable since the split. Donating that 10k to Sheila was proper 'aaw'-worthy.

For the record they do live streaming, YouTube's littered with choice cuts. The full uncensored pool fight is on there, which was an interesting watch. Live streaming is how Joshuah's microslug got revealed too. Also, the housemates aren't the only ones being kept in the dark about James's past judging by his MySpace profile's comments section. Speaking of MySpace, Alex has posted an interesting blog vaguely hinting at what he would've done had he been voted back into the house. Interestingly he wouldn't have re-aligned himself with Matty.

Did I ever tell you Alex was my guy? He looks like a gimpy ex-boy bander in his MySpace pictures though. If you've not seen their MySpaces yet here's the collection by a random fan:


lightupvirginmary said...

john, you need a blog (oh I forgot, you actually have a social life). You're right, actual Big Brother has been airbrushed out. I was pleased that james stayed (obviously) even though it made the entire week completely pointless. He and Chelsea were having some right old snog action considering she knocked him back. I didn't mind alex though, he was quite cute (if mental).
Reasons Matty is like Anthony- misogynist, vain, self-obsessed. I prefer Josh! I honestly do. I just can't abide Matty at all, he is the kind of man I want wiped from the earth.
I was so happy when Sharon admitted she snogged Matty cos I thought she might go. I never saw them snog originally, it must have been one I missed. It was typical they rounded on her.
Cool, I'm checking out that myspazz stuff now. Cheers.