Friday, 20 April 2007

American Idol

Even though I haven't mentioned it so far in my blogular I have been following American Idol, in spite of the fact it's a personality-free zone. The songs are also weird country/ MOR shit we've never even heard of this side of the free world. The contestants are boring fuckers. Simon Cowell is like Simon Cowell replicated in a Crimewatch reconstruction. 110%? Check! Karaoke! Check! Cruise ship caberet? Check! Child being forced to stand up sing at a garden party? Check!
Randy has stopped saying 'dawg/ in the dawg pound/ a'ight' and therefore is pointless except for being a kind of male Oprah Winfrey yo-yo dieter sideshow attraction. Paula is constantly drunk and pointless.
Tonight I'd read that Cowell rolled his eyes when Chris made a comment about the Virginia massacre and rightly predicted they'd cut it out. Sadly Simon didn't realise we have You Tube, so we watched it anyway. I was less fussed about Simon's eye-rolling and more concerned about Chris 'twitchy' Richardson's blatant sympathy-vote pulling opportunistic display of shoehorning in 'I lost a lot of friends'. Really? Name them. Call me cynical. But I'd rather be a heartless cunt than a naive sheep. Next week it could be a dying grandma to distract from his dreadful singing. Who knows.
Worse than all of this, including mass murder, is Cat 'stroke victim' Deeley's insipid links. If you're a man and you fancy her, seek help: half her face is sliding off. This is a woman who would probably greet the news of being diagnosed with terminal cancer with a sugary 'Fantastic!'
Seriously, drop dead, you pathetic bitch.
Disclaimer: I was drunk when I wrote this but its still true.


Red said...

Husband used to like a bit of Cat, and his interest in her peaked when she managed to fit an entire mobile phone (and not one from the new dinky generation, either) in her mouth. But even he is bored with the Deely links. It's not so bad when she's got someone to bounce off of (even if it's Art Garfunkel; the episode with the guys from Good Charlotte was better), but when she is on her own and reading off a script, she is quite terrible.

I used to quite like Chris Richardson, but he has bored me now. Also, I went to the AI site and read somewhere (probably his profile) that the first person he would thank in the (unlikely) event of his victory would be God. Now I don't know about you, but that puts me off a man. How about thanking your singing teacher, or your parents, who paid for singing lessons? Or the American public, who voted for you? Nah, Chris has only got weeks to live. I'm all for Blake now -- as long as he stops beatboxing. He even made me like that Marc Antony song last week.

lightupvirginmary said...

In non-drunken retrospect, my rant seems a little harsh hahaha.
I don't like ANY of 'em! They are so boring. I don't get the Blake thing either. Chris is probably my favourite as he's the least bland, but he's like a favourite nazi dictator or vegetable. Bring back Taylor Hicks! Even he sucked.

* (asterisk) said...

I'm all about the Blake, aiiight. He da man. He in the dog pound now, daaaawg. Et cetera.

On the subject of La Deeley: she really isn't doing it for me. As my esteemed colleage said above, she just don't got it when she on her own, aiight. That, plus the links are pointless.

But I can't help but be fascinated by her inverted nipples...

lightupvirginmary said...

I knew there must be SOMETHING interesting about her! ;-)