Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: LGB-see ya

CI-slayed

Bring on the Biggins bashing! I wanna see what he got kicked out for in FULL GLORY. It must be pretty bad. Can't wait! Haha at Biggins 'getting removed from the house' face. Like a naughty schoolboy. It would be a shock to live with Bear and be ejected before him, though. You'd be like, whaaaaat?
Rule breaks from James for talking noms and Bear for disrespecting the have not rule. They are being sent to jail (if you can call it that, it looks like it's made out of paper, plus you can escape from it). Is the hot water already off or what?
Loving Fatboy complaining in the DR about Bear being a 'litterbug'. It's quite a petty crime, really. Ooh, Bear is busting out of jail! No respect for the rules. That's what you get for making your jail out of origami. Big Brother threatening the entire house! Get that hot water off now.
Here comes Biggins downfall! Ooh, gay talk. What offensive thing is he going to say about his own people this time? Bisexuals created AIDS! Oh God. Renee is going conspiracy theory style, how AIDS was invented to wipe out third world countries. That's 'developing countries' to you.
Biggins telling Grant he's 'been careful about what he says.' What would he normally say!? Is this it, what he went out for?
Both the girls astride the two guys. GRIM. Lewis has got a stiffy. Vom.
Big Brother is telling Lewis to stop doing dares to 'humilate others.' What's up Big Brother's arse today? Talk about being prissy. Relax. Plus those dares were like a week ago.
What comment did Biggins make about Jewish people?! Why aren't they telling us! Why cover for him? ARGH how annoying when we've waited this long! What a swizz. Biggins is 'very sorry and very sad'.
Haha the other housemates reactions to Biggins going. Frankie was not happy. 'Maybe he's sick.' Bear: 'Who cares, who gives a fuck?' LOL! Big Brother should tell them why he's gone as otherwise they'll speculate worse things.
Lewis telling Heavy D to 'respect the process.' Moral code, ha.
Grant going (again). Heavy D's suit is visual vomit. Marnie upset about Grant getting booed, haha.
Eternal nomination again and still no twist. They could have CGI-ed one in to save Bear. He's carrying the show at present.
Bear: 'I can get a whole lot fucking worse.' Yes! Frankie shitting it about nomming Bear, lol. Ha, Bear kicking off and calling Frankie 'false' and telling him to 'bore off'. Ha! Frankie spinning it that bear being permanently up 'is not a bad thing'. Especially if Bear goes, hey?
Bear now intimidating Katie. 'I'm not going to suffer all the small talk now.' Haha. Katie is such a drip. Stand up for yourself!
Lewis is making sure Frankie doesn't feel intimidated by him, ha. He's a true gamer.
Bear is telling Chloe he likes her, haha. Showing his sensitive side there, aw. Bear really loves that eye mask. Is he going to a swinging party later?
Fatboy giving Katie a pep talk is like a puddle giving a sponge a pep talk. Airtime deficit.
Ha, Renee doesn't like the fact that Bear drew a dick next to Aubrey's name (well, he spelt it Audry, but...) Dick doodle rage! How can you be offended by a drawing of a willy? Renee is 99% hot air, 1% hypocrisy.
Ha, the Americans digging Saira out for not nomming Bear. Saira can vote for who she wants. Humpty Dumpty, sorry, I mean Heavy D, is much more annoying.
Aubrey on Bear in the DR: 'There's no compassion, caring, depth, understanding, intellect.' True. If Bear's a disease, he probably caught it off your jam sandwich.
So should Biggins have gone? I think so. Should some of the others? Yes. Should they try and cast some civilised people for next CBB? One or two might be nice. Thanks! Bisexuals: as you were.

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Eternal lame

Camp? Moi?

Emma's hair in looking good shocker! Whatever next?
I can't believe Biggins has been ejected and not Bear! Appaz he compared Big Brother to a concentration camp but this was one of a 'number of comments.' Bisexuals around the country are rejoicing as we speak. I can't stand Biggins anyway, but I enjoyed his clothing choices.
Is it fair though, for someone to be removed for words rather than actions (ie. Bear and Aubrey?) They make the rules up 100% as they go along. It makes no sense to me.
Is it just me or do James and Grant seem to have got disproportionately low airtime this year? In fact it's not just them: Fatboy and Sam Fox are also near on invisible. Bear being Bear is all well and good, but can't we see a little suuiiink suuuiink from the other housemates that you've paid to go in there? Even a chat about Brexit and hoover strength would be fine. How much do you think they made on the phonelines tonight? £40?
Think what Frankie Grande must think about English women from the likes of Marnie and  (lesserly so) Chloe?! It's a national embarrassment.
Saira shouting at Chloe: 'You're playing with other people's emotions!' The way she speaks to people! OMG. So rude. Why shouldn't Chloe play with fire? It's her life. I liked Chloe's face during that conversation, like 'whhhhhhaat?'
Bovey getting some much-needed airtime. But was then boring.
Saira: 'I don't care' when she clearly does. Renee: 'It seems like you're trying to force your views on everyone.' Never a truer word spoken. How can Saira be that old and NOT KNOW HERSELF? I've known myself since I was about 15.
I don't even know why Marnie is shouting. She is proper scum. Foghorn.
Bear comes back in after a stern tell off from Big Brother. He's doing his apology tours. Have they replaced that window yet? I don't know why Bear is even apologising to Saira, what did he do to her?
Frankie calling Chloe, Lewis, Bear and Marnie the minions. Alliance talk! Love it.
I think Heavy D might be a bit... simple? Is that OK to say? Oh well, I've said it now.
Saira is sooooo jealous of all the young girls. She wants to have 'a bit of a laugh'. When!
Grant and James both got silence. Is that worse than boos? Ugh, I hate 'save me' speeches. CRAP. Why did James get such booage then? Makes no sense.
Ooh secret mission for Frankie! See his face light up when he was given the task? I liked Frankie's action sequence, jumping in the pool then screaming at people in the bath. Frankie's singing bit was funny, too. Frankie made me laugh out loud like the dogs in that TV show. Could my Frankie bet be about to pay off?
Bear has noticed Chloe and Heavy 'sitting next to each other.' SO WHAT.
Lewis: 'It's nice to meet a bird you wanna be pals with.' FUCK YOU. Going on about his 'clique'. TWAT. Lewis wants to look out for Saira. WHY.
Aubrey's hair extensions have black roots! WEIRD.
Sam lamenting Fatboy has no wine. He has no airtime either. 'Sharing is caring' but Bear doesn't care and therefore doesn't share.
Bear snogging Chloe in the bath, grabbing her neck and feeling her boobs, ha. SEXUAL.
I love James's confidence that he's going to be there for another week, cos it's true.
Bear would not fare well as a have not, eating the luxury food. I thought he wasn't going to break any more rules! Aubrey spitting in Bear's mouth. WHY! Bear: 'She's one of these kinky bitches.' Seems so. That's why he didn't care about the spit sandwich, cos he's into it.
Chloe: 'Bear's not my kind of guy.' Ha. She's attracted by him being a 'bad boy' ie. a twat. So much tongue! STOP SNOGGING. Why is Bear sleeping on the floor anyway?
OK eviction show! I like the half hour break in the middle as gives me the chance to fix up my blog and read Twitter. 'Get Saira out!' Of all the people.
Why is Grant getting cheered? I don't get it. He's done nothing except been a bit sleazy.
Imagine being in the crowd, seeing him come out. Bit dry, isn't it.
The most interesting thing about this interview is the different ways people pronounced Grant when they nominated him.
Poor Grant, he got so many noms! God knows why. Bovey has no lips. He should get Chloe to lend him some of hers.
Grant is in the backtrack zone over Marnie! He was being 'humorous.' Haaaaa. Grant called Bear 'desperate', ha.
NOM BOMB time. How are they gonna rig it? They have to give someone 'eternal nomination'. I bet you a million pounds that person is safe.
Heavy D and Bear are picking up all the noms! Renee did Saira. Chloe did James. Bear drew a picture of a dick next to Aubrey's name. LOL. I love Bear riding the zebra after being nommed. He's such a cocky twat.
Bear is taking the eternal nomination well (not).
I can't believe they didn't say 'but the real task is' and save him. Bear will be safe anyway on a vote to save cos knobheads will vote to save him. (Like me, probably).

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Artificial sleaze

What trash awaits us on CBB tonight? Sexual assault? A fight? An ejection? I've heard something kicks off but I have no idea what. Ooh Bear looks like he's going MENTALZ in the coming up bit. Bring it on!
Frankie: 'Beans on toast, is that breakfast?' No. Well, yes for other people.
Bear is issuing orders: 'Get in the chair and face the wall. Frankie sit on the zebra.' Biggins: 'Is there anything Frankie won't do?' Yes, have his own career and talent and stop mentioning his sister.
This task is just a license for some housemates to abuse others. Which is actually quite a good idea for a task, really, if you think about it.
Aubrey: 'Heavy D has become the most disgusting thing on earth to me.' She speaks for a nation.
Bear is being such a dick... bet he's too scared to ask Aubrey for a snack today though. I liked her palm-reading, with her telling him he's an arsehole. Is 'I'm going to get my boyfriend to kick his ass' a threat? It's like an indirect threat. Bear is being so so passive aggressive to Aubrey. He's SUCH a douche.
Sad hearing Sam talk about her partner. Really sad. And also great strategy, ha.
So for the task they have to not show their emotions. Ricky should do well. Why does Chloe look like she's crying!? Oh cos Heavy D is pestering her.
Loved Chloe's nip slip and Grant 'Kenny Brain' Bovey's 'fuck it, I'm gay' before snogging Frankie. Hilarious!
James is worried about Grant's kiss with Frankie being more entertaining that his game, ha.
Biggins accusing Lewis of being a gameplanner and then saying 'we all know who we're going to vote for next.' Bit rich.
Bear daring Chloe to snog him! Smooth. Heavy D is peering out the window like a stalker. Chloe: 'Why does everyone always think I'm a stripper?' Haha.
Marnie said she's snog Bear 'for a dare'. Lewis going on about some imaginary 'squad' again. How old is he?
Chloe is worried Renee is going to be annoyed that Chloe has stolen her man! HAHAHA. 'He's hers.'
Heavy D and Renee are both FUMING! Haha.
Heavy D in the DR: 'You can't trust anyone. She played me.' How?! She didn't even kiss you. His misery gives me pure joy. Renee: 'How is your boyfriend going to feel?' HAAAA. Like you care about her BF. Get a grip old lady, Bear doesn't fancy you. Renee is 'disappointed.'
I liked Bear trying to save Chloe from Renee. Almost chivalrous. Renee going on about her boyfriend. Why are you furious and disappointed about two kids having a laugh then? STFU.
Bear and Chloe still kissing (not for a dare this time). He likes kissing her ginormous lips.
Ooh handbags in the bedroom with Bear and Heavy D. Heavy D: 'You're giving it lemon.' Someone is a bit sour. Aggressively squaring (or should that be rounding) up to someone? Heavy D is pretending he's defending Biggins. 'He put his foot on my bed.'
Renee aggressively circling Chloe like that! Not cool. She's a psycho, too.
Bear has smashed a window. Don't fuck with the fixtures and fittings, bitch. Have some respect. What a tool. He's getting a tell off from Big Brother and sent to the David Gest suite.
Bear: 'what the fuck have I done wrong?' Broken a window.
Frankie is 'terrified'. He wants a booze ban and declared Bear 'terrifying.' He said he wanted three people out. Which three?
Bear: 'OPEN THIS FACKING DOOR NAW.' Is that you Megan McKenna? Ha, he smashed the door. SECURITY! I think he was feeling claustrophobic.
'Damage to the Big Brother property.' And all he got was a formal warning! 'You threw a recepticle.' Tough talk.
I did like it when he went 'hopefully see you in the morning.' He does make me laugh a bit, I can't help it. If you had to rate housemates in order of entertainingness (yes I know not a word) he'd be in the top tier.

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Despicable Aubrey

Robo-crap

2026 is not that far into the future, is it? If we're gonna go future, I want to go 3000 years in, like the Busted song. ROBOT TASK. The 'Artificials'. Not that catchy. They have their own 'charging room' ie. the others house. I need time away to recharge against this crop of housemates.
They've spent about 25p on the outfits for this task. I did wonder why they were all covered in glitter on the live feed. I thought Frankie had shit himself.
Frankie is doing a good Kryten style robot voice. Very 'Humans'.
Heavy D (aka the female villain out of the Little Mermaid) is ordering Chloe around. I think I Chloe is quite nice now, I don't really know why as I can't stand a word she says and I'm scared of her slug lips, especially when ensconced in glitter, as it looks like they're on the move. But I like her pigtails in the robot outfit, she looks like a Manga character. I like Grant taking over the massage.
Marnie doesn't know that there's dragon on the Welsh flag. 'I don't even know what colour Wales is.' Green. Also, she's a cheat. Chloe correctly spelled technotronics, I mean, technology.
Why do robots need to wee and eat? Bear being a cunt as usual. My mum rang earlier and asked who I like in Big Brother. I said, 'nobody'. She said she hates Bear the most and Heavy D next. Can't argue.
Renee clueing Chloe up on what Heavy D said about her the other night. Chloe: 'Even if I'm single I don't have to fuck the fat one.' Good point. Then Heavy D walks in ordering her to wash his pants. Would you order a stranger you fancied to wash your pants? Leo Sayer must be turning in his grave. Chloe has pranked Heavy D to get revenge! Yes, Tampax in his bed. Hope it's used. Aubrey on Heavy D: 'This is why he's single and 80 years old.' HA. Don't forget 80 stone.
Biggins: 'Could you wipe my bum for me?' to Saira. LOL.
Renee snitching to Bear about the bed being pranked! GRASS. At least it's not a horse's head. Looks like blood and jizz in the bed. They have spoiled the prank! Would have been better to see Heavy D get in the bed.
Heavy D: 'That's vandalism.' No, casting you as a CBB housemate is ratings vandalism.
They all think Marnie snitched but it was Renee! Heavy D thinks Bear did it. He didn't seem to suspect Chloe AT ALL. Bear grassed up Chloe! Boo.
I think Heavy D just said something was 'a boat from the blue.' God, these people are pure scum. I actually can't even. They are scummier than the civilian version!
Ooh a warning for Aubrey! She spat in Bear's sandwich and in his drink AND STILL LET HIM EAT IT. OMG. That's the best. I just rewound and he took a right big bite, too. Also, Grant and Fatboy both laughed when Aubrey did it. Saira didn't look too bothered, either. She 'knowingly passed bodily fluids'. That sounds sexier than it was.
Bear has been called to the DR for medical advice. What medical advice, exactly?! Bear 'doesn't give a fuck' allegedly. He's 'had worse in his mouth.' I think if he'd kicked up a fuss, she'd have been kicked out. The funny thing is, if it had been someone else doing it to someone else, I'd feel differently about it. If it had been Bear or Marnie spitting in Saira's drink we'd be howling from the rooftops. But for Bear, we don't care. Weeeeeelll. It's funny the things you get kicked out for and the things you don't, isn't it?
Aubrey's apology: 'I don't know how to do pranks.' I think you do. This prank thing on Big Brother has got to stop. It's getting so boring and annoying.
Bear thinks Renee (his substitute mum/girlfriend) knew about spitgate and has got the hump. Their relationship is SO weird. Renee seemed to find it funny at the time in the flashback!
Bear is FESTERING on spitgate now. Her name is AUBREY. Lewis finds spitgate 'despicable.' Heavy D would need to go 'in a padded cell' if that happened to him. Bit extreme. Bear: 'Aubrey has the cheek to apologise.' You were moaning she didn't earlier!
Renee is right, they are at war now. Everyone is going to put Aubrey up. Anyone for a jam sandwich?

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: I call dibbies

New world moron

Early morning tell off times. Nom chat crack down. Turning the hot water off. Original punishment, Big Brother! Good one. I liked it when they used to put people up for eviction who didn't toe the line.
I don't blame Bear for walking off when James tried to call another house meeting. It was the oldies chatting shit about noms!
Saira is not mates with Grant just cos they're fellow oldies. I love Saira's hate for Bear. Looks like Bear's gonna go on the rampage today. Bring it on!
Who knew Renee had a soft spot for Bear? Saira doesn't want to see 'the other point of view.' No kidding.
Renee warning Bear to leave Saira alone, interesting.  She's keeping him in line, or at least trying to. Renee needs to give those PJs a wash at this point, I think.
Lewis 'fell in love with Biggins'. What are you, bisexual? Ooh Grant knows the other oldies nominated him. 'Snakey McSnake.' Good one.
Lewis: 'Bear speaks before he thinks which is kind of an art form.' Say what? He won't be saying that later on.
Chloe does not fancy Heavy D, despite what the boys say. Heavy D: 'I'm not getting played again.' Lewis telling Heavy D what 'all girls like.' He knows what girls want.
Bear thinks James, Biggins and Saira are illuminati. Weeeellll.
Saira apologising to Bear for calling him a dickhead as it 'made her a bad mother.' Shut up. Looks like she's trying to cause a row mid-apology.
Ah, the Big Brother talent show. A BB staple. Nothing will ever top Chantelle's singing. 'American's answer to Louis Spence, Frankie Grande.' That's not a compliment. Renee 'knows a soft spot to bury the bodies.' Ha. Aubrey looks gorgeous, loving her red lips.
Saira is wincing at Katie's singing, bit rude.
Renee is crying at Grant's motivational speech, lol. Fatboy is having to do his own doof doofs. Chloe's magazine posing was funny. James and Saira's talkshow would be good in real life. Why is everyone getting so angsty? I can't work it out. 
Is Sam Fox going to get boobs out? Oh no, she's singing. Lewis and Bear are grinding on her. She's a lesbian. Hold on, is she considered bisexual? She was one then the other. And Marnie is bi! They need to give Biggins what for.
Sam Fox is calling BS on the showmances. Magazine deals! That's my girl. Saira: 'He wants to get his tongue down somebody's throat.' Ha.
Are Bear and Renee going to fuck? Interesting when he was confiding in Renee about Lewis and Marnie. What an unlikely friendship. I like it when that happens in the house, like Lauren Harries and Courtney Stodden.
Bear is pissed out of his face. There was some weird chemistry going on with them there. Renee said, 'If you were going to kiss someone, it would be me.'
I knew Bear was going to see Renee out a second later when Lewis made a jibe about her being 'his missus.' Bear: 'I'll kiss who I want to kiss.' Then going on about calling dibs like Marnie is front seat of a car. Classy. Lewis: 'I aint got dibs, it's up to her.' Chivalrous. How much have they had to drink? Looks like the friendship between Lewis and Bear is done.
Bear in the DR: 'You can't call dibs on fuck all in here.' Lewis: 'I call fucking dibs.' Marnie: 'That turned me on.' Marnie is being passed round by the blokes in there metaphorically.
Why is Marnie yelling at Heavy D now? She's actually stupid (and trash). Lewis is turning on Heavy D now.
Heavy D saying 'I don't give a shit about that' about Chloe. GROSS. Lewis: 'You wrote her a love poem last night.'
Fatboy is sticking up for Chloe! YESSSSSS! Finally he speaks and says something worthwhile. Then Heavy D went and apologised. Ha!
Marnie apparently has no say in whether Bear wants to kiss her. Marnie: 'It's disrespectful to Lewis.' NO it's disrespectful to YOU! Arghhh! Wake up. The women in this house are letting themselves be treated like doormats. This is one of the the most sexist Big Brothers ever. No, not sexiest. Sexit. What an accolade. I guess this is what you get when you scrape the barrel for contestants.

Celebrity Big Brother UK: A fish is not an animal

Frankie Grande aviators. Available now in Poundland

Good evening! The main story seems to be the old/young divide. Someone has obviously has had a word in Marnie's ear to apologise (ie. Big Brother.)
Apology tours! Lewis said they need to find a new person to victimise. Why not just leave people the fuck alone? I really despise pretty much everyone in the house, yet I'm still finding it entertaining.
Saira bagging on Grant for cheating on his wife. NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, BITCH. Saira is playing the victim HARD and I don't normally use that phrase, but she deserves it.
Heavy D and Bear rubbing James's head! There's a BAD atmosphere in that house. He told them not to and he still rubbed it! Rude. I LOVED James pouring the coffee over Bear. He looked FURIOUS!
That was the one of the the most uncomfortable food fights I've ever seen. I wonder if anyone will get a warning? There's a proper pack mentality going on.
I love Frankie's concern about the coffee 'my coffee!' and James going 'well get some more.' You shouldn't! If you're gonna waste food like that, it shouldn't be replaced. James: 'They're playing a game, man.' And they're not playing it real good.
James is calling a house meeting! Why is he apologising? It went beyond pranking and a bit sinister.
Noms! Frankie nommed James for coffeegate, so I guess Bear and the gang did get what they wanted; James on the block. Frankie also nommed Grant. Bad noms!
Gormless Lewis nominated James and Fatboy. Fatboy is like one of the oldies, ie. he does nothing. Actually, the oldies do a lot more than him.
Bear's sex stories! His charming story about sniffing his fingers before he goes down on someone was so romantic. Swoon!
Sam nommed Bear and Marnie. Chloe nommed Katie for defending Amy against being a crackhead. LOL! And James.
Grant is nomming Renee and fellow oldie James! Why none of the young uns?
Grant looming over Marnie asking if he thinks she'll stay friends with people in here. No names mentioned!
Biggins nomming Marnie for boobgate. Wow, look at his shirt. Amazing. And then Grant! Because of Anthea! That should be struck from the record, it's irrelevant to the house. I hate that sort of nomination.
Marnie nommed James and Frankie for not talking to her, he probably can't understand what you're fucking saying.
Renne doesn't like homosexuality 'being shoved down her throat'. This is code for being homophobic like when you say a black person 'has a chip on their shoulder' is racist code. Who the fuck is gay to 'be trendy'?! You can't CHANGE your sexuality. If people want to experiment, let them!
Biggins: 'The worst type is the bisexuals.' HA! Biggins hates women and bisexuals, basically everyone trying to stand in the way of him and dick. What an arsehole this guy is, seriously.  Then Renee said, 'You have to pick a team.' WHY! Why should you? Such a backwards attitude.
James nominated Grant and Bear. What did Grant do? I don't get it.
Renee nominated James and Grant. Heavy D nommed James as he sees him as a threat to win. Interesting. Also nommed Renee.
Vegetarian chat. Chloe: 'A fish is not an animal. Don't ruin it for me.' Bear: 'It is. It's got to be an animal.' Chloe: 'Who told you so?' Bear: *looking slightly confused* 'I've just heard.' Chloe: 'Don't believe everything you hear.' Chloe then declared fish a plant. Classic BB chat. I genuinely enjoyed that.
Saira nommed Bear because she's worried he hasn't passed the psych test (they probably don't even do one anymore) and Grant, because of boobgate. Why not nominate Marnie over boobgate as she's the one who did it?
Fatboy nommed Grant for 'snoring and coughing' in bed and James for coffeegate. I'm not sure Fatboy has earned his vote yet. The monkey lamps are more interesting than him.
Aubrey nommed Grant (why does everyone hate Grant?) and James. Boo. All the ones I like are being nominated. No, hold on, I don't like anyone.
Katie nommed Grant (et tu, Katie?) and James. How come they're all voting the same way? Fix!
Bear nommed James for 'bringing the mood dahhhhnn' and Fatboy for being a fencesitter. I love the fact Bear hates Fatboy for no reason, I find it amusing. I mean, what's the point of nominating Fatboy?
James has slept with over a hundred women. But he's not looking for a bird, he's looking for a partner. Yet then said Marnie was a 'top draw bird.' Marnie seemed flattered by that. Didn't take much. Lewis kissing Marnie in the storeroom. Not sexy. Why is Katie so excited about Marnie snogging that idiot for one second? She must be hard up for entertainment.
Frankie's tattoos. Eek.
Grant is jealous of Marnie and Lewis getting off. Grant: 'I think she was a little young for me.' He looks proper miffed. I like Aubrey telling him to be more aggressive.
Up for eviction is: James, Grant and who else? There can't just be two people up. All the girls cuddling Grant, what a pimp he is.
Ha, they are all saying who they voted for! Rule break.
Truth or dare. Chloe doesn't want to kiss Heavy D as she has a fella. Marnie and Lewis kissing was horrid. Too much tongue.
Lewis is showing Frankie his dick in the toilet. (Why?) Frankie was on it like a rat up a drainpipe! Is that normal behaviour for a straight guy to show a gay guy his dick for no reason?
Heavy D is calling Chloe out for not being single. She's got a little 'something something' on the side. I like the way Renee dealt with it. She was quite formidable.'Leave it alone.' Heavy D: 'Deception is deception.' She was never going to get with you! Relax.
WHY is there only two on the block? I am confused! I don't mind a head to head, but why does it have to be two people I half don't mind? Fuck you, Big Bro. I want the TOWIE/Geordie Shore/Ex on the Beach nobodies out. Actually, let's keep Bear. I find him quite entertaining. He's probably the best person in the DR at the mo. SLIM PICKINGS. Night then!

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Victim blame game

Oh no, so much airtime for Saira tonight by the looks of things. She's annoying! Show me more Frankie! I put a fiver on Frankie today at 22/1. Call me crazy if you will.
Renee is the Michael Jordan of giving blowjobs. How is that ascertained? Sounded like she was changing a lightbulb from her description of it.
Nice try, Lewis, Marnie wants a bit of Bovey, not your 90s-curtained arse. Him touching her hair and taking about her lack of make up. Subtle as a brick.
Saira wants to teach life skills - aka being a skivvy - to Marnie.
Biggins is confident about pulling off nominating someone by singing 'simply the best to them'.
What is Heavy D wearing? A Hawaiian shirt TWO PIECE. BOOM! He's pleased he's got immunity. I'm not.
Saira busting out 'say it to my face.' To Bear: 'You find pleasure in hurting people?' Bear: 'I find it quite funny.' Saira wants everyone to be like her. She wants 15 Sairas in the house. It's quite rude to ask someone if they've ever punched someone or if they're violent, I think. Also, they might start with you.
Marnie and Bear are teaming up as victim of Saira's one-woman interregateathon. In the DR she's saying she's got the vibe that Marnie and Bear hate her, yet she still wants to go on endlessly at them. WHY.
Frankie's looking a little haggard today as they reveal the task to Biggins. I like the way he handled it. I still suspect he knew all along.
Ooh, new task. SHITSTIR. Renee is exempt on medical reasons. Let's hope she's not got David Gest-itis. Game of phones: see what they did there? They're obsessed with phone booths on BBUS and BBUK. Gunge! I can't be bothered to go through all the questions, but Frankie got gunked, so what more do you want? Although Aubrey had her dog's sperm frozen 'after jacking him off'. WHAT? 'My gay hairdresser did it, it was so fierce.' WHAT THE FUCK.
Saira and Marco: joint hall pass holders/givers. God, I miss Marco. Still reading his tweets on a weekly basis sustains me. Saira is 'now having good sex'. Bet she's not.
Fraubrey are in the diary room (Frankie and Aubrey). I'm putting Frankie's black and yellow leaf jumper on the chic list. They are perving over Bear. Bear not even cute with his mouth shut. Frankie on Bear: 'I think he swings both ways.' LOL.
Saira is attention seeking, bemoaning that she always tells it like it is. Ha to Saira telling Heavy D to exercise more! How fucking rude. Let it be noted that Saira created this row if it kicks off.
Ha to Saira saying she 'doesn't talk down to people'. NOT MUCH. Ha, they are all confronting her.
They are sitting round the table, they haven't got her by the throat behind the bike sheds.
I think Bear is right that Saira WAS trying to trick Beat into looking bad. What he said wasn't out of context. It was the exact same context as it was this morning. Saira: 'I don't think you need me to make you look bad.' That was rude.
Heavy D was not in anyway 'threatening or aggressive.' She's only saying that because of his size. Neither Bear nor Heavy D were aggressive (t.m. Daley). In fact the most aggressive person in that conversation was Saira. Saira is victimising herself here. Implying Bear might punch her was quite a stretch.
Saira: 'I've been through more shit than you can imagine.' Ugh. You don't know what anyone has been through, shut up.  Then she goes to the DR to cry.
Renee: 'Of course as a man you belt people.' Ha! She won't go out with a man who won't punch someone. Weird.
Saira thinks Bear is an 'aggressive, violent person.' Where did she get that from? She's mental. She's reading things into people that aren't there.
Aw, Heavy trying to make amends with Saira. She's so ungracious. I hate people who can't accept apologies. I don't think Marnie is helping this situation either, yapping off. Marnie is half attractive, half Michael Jackson. Her face looks rubbery, she looks botoxed to fuck and her nose is weird. Her old face looks like it was probably nice, though.
Saira is playing the old card, and the mother card now. How dare she tell Marnie she's different when she has a drink. Tough shit. Marnie has been perfectly reasonable here an Saira has acted like the nutty bat that she is.
I love Renee saying 'what could you argue with Bear about? He's a young goofy prick.' LOL.
Why would you bet Marnie to say she's got better boobs to Saira when you know Saira is wound up anyway?
Oh shit! When Marnie waved her boobs in Saira's face! Not the smartest move after tonight's row. I feel like that was sexually intimidating or something? I wouldn't like someone waving their boobs in my face. I'm sure most men would, but that's different. That made me not like her very much at all. Something a bit sinister and mean about that.
I really wish Saira wasn't immune. However, I think she may follow Brian Belo over the wall, or John James out the fire exit.