Monday, 14 July 2014

Big Brother 2014: Come Armageddon come

Nice to have a Morrissey-related title on the day his new album comes out, isn't it? Nicer still to have Armageddon; if only they'd wipe this lot out for real.
So why is tonight's episode only an hour!? Surely we need longer for three new housemates and an eviction. What about the highlights?
Who goes? They decide. Not quite got the same ring to it, has it? I don't trust these lot to make the right decision, that's the problem! They keep fucking it up.
'Mark is feeling regretful.' Five minutes later: 'No regrets.' Mark has 'thrown himself into the full experience.' Well you could have done it on camera and not in a blind spot in the storeroom, spoilsport! Sort your cameras out, Big Brother. Get your angles in order. I like the Mark and Christopher romance. And they know how to get it on DISCREETLY under the covers.
Mark being all cagey around Christopher now and Christopher covering for him, pretending nothing happened. Maybe Mark's parents are really conservative?
I don't even know what Ashleigh and Danielle are getting pissy with each other about. I enjoyed the raft wars yesterday, it was actually quite a fun episode with the focus off psycho Steve and the robot.
Remind me not to tell Ash any secrets, blabbermouth. Aw, Christopher likes Mark 'a little bit.' I think their relationship is so cute and fragile. I don't think either of them know what they want. I think Christopher is right that Mark likes him more than he'd admit. Christopher's Mark impression was startlingly good.
Chris having a little sing to the moon there. It's like Eastenders, isn't it? Only more depressing.
WTF so they nominated yesterday and we don't even get to SEE the nominations! Why aren't they doing it live? Oh I know, so they can fix the result, ie. make it the person with the most nominations as opposed to making the other housemates choose between them if they didn't like that result. I see you, Big Brother! I know your game.
It's got to be Marlon. Please! OMG it was. Thank God. Is he going out with no top on? LOL Marlon is getting evicted naked to no crowd. Hilarity. He seems to be taking it in good humour. I've never seen him so perky. Maybe him pressing that button last week wasn't so bad after all! Byeeeeeeee! Imagine if it HAD been Ashleigh though? I've even warmed to that maggot Ash in the past week. BB was playing with fire there; well, if they hadn't already fixed it beforehand, that is.
Marlon getting interviewed in a dressing gown from Jo O' Meara's autumn collection is quite fitting. It is sad when they don't get the crowd, I think, even if they are an arse. But that's the way it goes sometimes.
Marlon got nominated by everyone, didn't he? Oh, everyone except Danielle and Ashleigh apparently. Feel a bit jibbed that we didn't get to see all the nominations, I would have like to have seen the reasons for Ash, at least.
I don't know why Emma is going Marlon such a hard time about the button pushing thing, because he dug his own grave anyway. He's sitting there in the grossest looking dressing down I've ever seen and everyone in the house will have forgotten his name by midnight. I feel sorry for him really, the sheen really came off. He had no personality, no game, nothing. 
Marlon's best bit was getting evicted in his underpants. And his reaction to the new housemates, lol. Christ, did Emma have to speak to him for so long? Not much time for new housemates, is there? Bollocks.
All housemates up for eviction this week! I hope Steven goes.
LOL Helen's face at the new housemates! Her lips are TIGHT. This is all going TOO FAST. I can't keep up. Couldn't they have made tonight's show an hour and a half? They are showing the VTs, so it's lucky Pauline's not in there.
First in Zoe, a singer from Pop Idol. I don't remember her. She doesn't like lethargic people. You're lucky, Marlon's just gone. She doesn't like people having sex in the house. Well... tough?
Pav. An Asian guy from Essex. Studied psychology so thinks he's the next Dan Gheesling or something, probably.
Bianca is an exotic dancer who fancies Essex boys. She's got some teeth on her. Ooh, she 'says it to your face.' Toya times. God, she talks like Jordan. 'I will be having sex in the house!' Whether any man in there likes it or not. Ha! Love it. Danielle, spare us the fake shock.
The guy seems mildly interesting. The girls look the same. None of them seem like TRUE GAMERS. I want an evil genius in there. I really wish they'd just put some adonis in there that all the girls would drool over. It would be more interesting to see that dynamic and Steven's reaction than this bollocks.
WTF, they are letting these muppets choose who will be evicted this week? That's totally unfair. What if they evict Mark, or Chris or (insert your favourite here). Oh, I know what will happen. They'll take Helen's pass off her midweek and the new housemates will evict her. It's too risky otherwise! Big Brother wouldn't take an entirely pointless risk that would jeopardise the integrity of the show, would they? Hahaha! Of course they would.
It's almost like Big Brother don't WANT our money! Oh, we can boot one of the housemates. Either of the girls will do, then I'll be able to tell them apart. Still, who really gives a fuck about that? I wanted to evict psycho STEVE this week! Fuck you, Big Brother, you old cunt, and fuck Armageddon, too.
It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel whine.

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