Monday, 21 July 2014

Big Brother 2014: Battle of the blands

Run bilious blog.
Hiya! Thought I'd better do a blog NOT on an eviction night for once. I do feel I've dropped the ball with my blog; but then Big Brother have dropped the ball with these housemates, so I guess it's checkmate. Still: I'll soldier on and just pray for a better series next time, or for someone who gives a shit about Big Brother to buy it. Live feeds don't work? Seem to be working in BBUS just fine. Our BB is so cheap and nasty in comparison, it makes me feel grubby. Also, these new housemates are hopeless. Danielle for them was NOT a good swap. Everyone is so odious at this point that Helen and Ash are looking positively charming. How did THAT happen?!
Some other things: I'm fed up with Chris getting singled out in EVERY SINGLE task. Can you remember the last time Helen got stitched up? That someone saw Helen bitching? No, because it's never happened. Maaaaaaark's game is unraveling fast, and the weaker he gets, the stronger and more sane Christopher seems. He's sweet and charming, and you can't say that for anyone else in the house. He's my pick to win right now.
Ashleigh sold Danielle down the river way too fast for my liking, but it's not like Danielle didn't do it to her as well (letting Helen call Ashleigh a bitch) so I'll call that a draw.
So Kimberly was gone for good (not a great shock there) and they give psycho Steve a PHONE CALL. Why, exactly?! Big Brother is about making people SWEAT about the outside world, not reassuring them, and especially not reassuring this entitled prick. He really does get everything he wants, and I can't bear it. I hope he chokes on his ham and toast. Are we missing Kimberly? No, we are not. Still, an interview with her would be nice. Even ejected housemates get an interview. What gets her off the hook? Hospital? She was in the morgue a couple of weeks ago and still looked lively.
Anyway, onto tonight. Battle of the bands! They did this in BBAU and it was really good. The song they sang was really catchy and got stuck in my head. They spend a few quid on their tasks, though, unlike us. They recorded their vocals and everything. Can't see that happening here.
Did Ash and Helen do more under the covers? I don't know and I'm happy not to know. Let's just use our imagination, or not as the case may be. All the 'jokes' on Twitter about her invoicing Ash etc are absolutely pathetic (as opposed to absolutely fantastic) by the way. But we do love to slut shame, don't we. People just cannot resist it. Ash and Helen are well matched; I just don't have much confidence in him to stick by her (even as a friend) once his mum has her say.
Mark not choosing Christopher for his team! What a prick. Mark's treatment of Christopher is really poor. And Christopher's little face, too. Aw.  
So it's Florence and the (Dialysis) Machine vs The Killers. How can people not know how Mr Brightside goes? Animals! Dear God, I hate Zoe. She loves herself SO much! She's super bossy, too. It's like doing karaoke with someone who can actually sing. Annoying. It reminds me of when Rex's girlfriend came in and did Thriller. That's the only thing I can remember about her. Except she was a complete cunt.
Aw, Christopher at the back is too cute. Nice to see Ashleigh with a smile on her face for once, too.
Mark is getting The Killers confused with Bon Jovi, lol. Winston during that song made me cry with laughter. Ashleigh bitching about them was funny, as well. The Killers was clearly more entertaining! Haha, and they won. Hilarity.
Mark getting overruled on inviting Ashleigh to the party. Talk about outvoted. Helen is so bossy! How Ash ever stayed on the block when the boys were up is beyond me with Helen 'alwaysintheright' in his corner.
I don't blame Ashleigh for being annoyed! On Helen: 'She's an absolute tramp.'Weeeeeeelll (refer to my earlier comment).
Christopher pining over Mark; Mark was the weak link in the band if anything. Oh God, Helen's on the cider. God help us.
I like Ashleigh's reaction to being chosen as the power housemate. I voted for Christopher! I'm glad Ashleigh got it, though. Shit though, everyone who's been the power housemate has pretty much left so far. Mind you, it's secret so maybe that will help her. I'd say her acting was so/so when it got announced. Steven: 'I think Pauline's coming back in.' What?! Finger so not on the pulse .
Detective Winston is on the case of the power housemate! He needs the moustache again. Ashleigh seems somewhat drunk for someone who doesn't drink. And Chris is doing a drunk diary room.
Helen fretting about losing her pass. Steven trying to force Ash and Helen into a relationship! Stop! It's not good to be a hash pusher.
ARE Big Brother going to give Ashleigh the power to evict Helen? That would be delicious. So they probably won't.
Helen would give her pass to the final to STEVEN! Argh! Why is she always so rude to Christopher! It's horrible. Her and Mark should be ashamed. I hope Mark doesn't win, purely because of his treatment of Christopher. I'd rather see Winston take it as at least he sticks up for people.
Ashleigh likes having the power, because she likes hatching evil plans. Can she finally finish off what she started with Ash this week? I like it when she's super confident in the diary room. She looks stunning again when she's not carping in the corner. Are we actually going to have a happy week? Happy happy house? Nah, don't be silly. I'm sure they'll think of a way to fuck it right up. Remember Toya was the power housemate and went home? Expect the unexpected. And unwanted. And unfair. Night all!


Anonymous said...

What an incredibly pointless 'blog'.
"Never have so many words been used by such a bore to say so little".
Your power of observation is incredibly remedial. You're inarticulate, vulgar and shallow.
Christopher is despicable, he's such a doormat and a coward. He seems to gain masochistic pleasure from letting Mark treat him with such indifference and I have no respect for him. I wouldn't be surprised if he's deliberately playing the lovesick martyr with Mark to try and get our pity, but I just despise him for it.
The way he slimes up to Helen because she scares him is disgraceful, he really needs to grow a pair of balls.
He'll bitch about her to Ashleigh and Chris but never says a word to her face, but just creeps around her like such an arse-licker. He's also incredibly boring and just rambles on like an old woman, just repeating the same point in as many different ways as possible. No wonder the others find him so irritating with his verbal diarrhoea.

lightupvirginmary said...

Thanks for that, I thought it was a really meaningful commentary about something vitally important. But now I know! That's put me in my place.

torontomatt said...

Plz don't give up on this series! There's still some of us, many from outside the uk that still love the show and also love your podcasts.

You guys have really good insights to the show and the housemates and I always enjoy your recaps.

He'll you should do 2 shows a week.

There aren't a lot of bbuk poscast left and with couch potatoes shutting down and sistah speaks eps so few and far between, u guys and RHAP are it!

Look forward to your next show

Matt from canada

lightupvirginmary said...

Oh thanks, Matt, I know you from Couch Potatoes too. I appreciate the support. Why has Couch Potatoes stopped podcasting? Hopefully Doc's just having a break. We would do more but James works nights and funny shifts so it's a bit difficult! I won't give up on the show, I'll be there at the bitter end, like Helen. :)

RenThraysk said...

Wow, the pointless police have turned up. Must be a full time job.

DrDetroit is in the process of moving apparently. So not entirely sure he's given up on the series, though I think Sas is considering taking over reigns for a bit.

lightupvirginmary said...

Oh that would be cool, I like Pete. Would be a shame to lose the show as it offers what ours doesn't - interaction! :)

torontomatt said...

Oh that's great news, well i do hope it comes back and doc gets back into it and if Sasquatch takes over for a while I'd be fine with that too!

It's all in the edit! It's all in the edit!

Anonymous said...

I actually like your blog, it's usually well written and amusing, however you use the pc card far too quickly.... You attack the minute you feel any woman is being put down, you became argumentative over someone saying camp yet you are happy to use words loaded with stigma such as psycho. Sometimes the word slag is justified.