Monday, 23 May 2011

There's something about Josie: If you can't hack it, get your jacket

Quick, pass the heroin. It's time to delve my foot into the murky pool of 'one of Britain's best loved celebrity couples.' Yeah, I love Josie and Crab Eyes marginally more than Wayne and Coleen Rooney, but slightly less than that thing off TOWIE and Jack Tweed's less articulate friend (I've never seen TOWIE so this may or may not be accurate).
Josie is designing clothes for overweight people. I hope it's not more of those horrendously unflattering maxi dresses she always wears.
BORING. Bring on the c-words!
Ah, here we go. Crabby is packing up a suitcase full of pleather jackets and guyliner. Josie should go back to Bristol and be happy. They'll find her hanging from the rafters of that disgusting flat if she carries on like this.
John James is doing a whole 'poor me' act, skulking in the corner behind a cardboard box. I always thought John James's highlights were gross. But his brown hair is even worse.
Ah, the infamous OK splitting up interview. I read the whole thing in Sainsburys (fuck you, OK, I'm not paying for your made up headlines!) and it was pure car crash, so can't wait to see it on TV, too. Imagine breaking up with not just a journalist in the room, but a TV crew as well. Shouldn't some things be done privately? I wonder what John 'I'm getting angry now!' James would have thought of a couple who did that sort of thing when he was ensconced in the BB house. Well, I've got an idea. I'd like to strangle him with that Topman scarf, cobber.
Ooh, The Decks got a mention! They should stay together for the sake of those decks. Think of the children!
Josie's hair looked nice when they were out for dinner. John James might as well have already been in Oz for the attention he gave her.
JJ! Can you fuck off out of Josie's house now, you fucking leech?
I hate the way John James is leaving just to punish her. It's really cruel. Does he take one bit of responsibility for the way he's treated her? Just admit you DON'T LOVE HER. Show her that bit of decency. He looks like such a knob in that hat, an' all.
Him saying 'you can't just walk away' in the airport is a bit rich when he's getting on a plane to Australia. This is actually quite upsetting. I guess she never saw him again after that. He shouldn't have done that to her; it's a cowardly way to dump someone.
The way he goes on reminds me a lot of someone I used to go out with, and those kind of mind games can really break you. Josie might shout a bit but she's pretty straight up. What you see is what you get (cliche intended).
Even that house Josie went to look at in Bristol was gross. I hate new build houses, they're like giant council houses. Aw I feel sorry for her planning for him to come back when he had no intention of doing that. Well, even if he had come back, they'd have just argued their way through those grotesque overgrown council houses.
Ugh this had gone really boring again now Crabby's gone.
Josie's mum seemed drunk. Why is John James wearing Josie's necklace?! Re. her mum's advice: fuck me, I'd rather be John James's emotional punchbag than go out with Olly Murs.
Her hair looked better when it was straight, before he curled it. Tongs should be banned. Why do they always style Josie with her arms out?! I've got fat arms and guess what, I don't get them out. You can cover yourself up and look really good. I'm the master of covering up my bad bits lately, cos there's so many of them! I suppose it's good she's not bothered, but I just think she could look really good with the right help. I feel like they're setting her up to look a bit stupid at times. Like 'well you're not anorexic so we're going to make you look a frump'. Put her in a baggy top and some skinny jeans and she'd look cool.
I liked Josie's attitude in the interviews afterwards, she seemed pretty strong. I think Josie is a good example to women to lose controlling boyfriends and get on with your life. It's just most of us don't have another continent to send them to.
So is that the end of the series? If not, it should be! I can't do these celeb reality shows. I need strangers. I need vetos. I need live feed.
PS. Don't ever put JJ on my screen again, please. Stick him back down the obscurity pipe.
PPS. She sold his decks on ebay. LOL!

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