Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Boom-in-laterz

Boomtown Twats

Who would vote to save any of these cunts? No, really? I'm saving at least £3.50 this series of CBB as I despise everyone. Most unrootable cast ever. At least McGiff's season had Abz and the swan apple for a bit of light relief. Someone's been let loose with the crazy colours hairspray! Wooo! Rebels.
Lewis now changing his tune and telling Bear he's on his side. Make your mind up! You were pissing and moaning about him yesterday. Bear is right, there is a reason they put Lewis up. He's an arse.
Lewis giving Marnie a motivational speech about 'targets' and then saying, 'you're lovely and so am I.' Then going on about the media. Blah! Transparent. Even Marnie, who is half cretin, must see through this shit.
I hate Sam Fox now, by the way. Saw her on live feed being a sanctimonious cow, and also using two face wipes simultaneously to take her make up off (wasteful). She thinks she's king of the world in that house, and I'm fed up with her 'family friendly' slutshaming. Wasn't there a countdown to you being able to get your boobs out when you were 16? Fuck off, hypocrite.
Ha, Aubrey forgot Fatboy was even a man in the house. Aubrey: 'There's something wrong with Heavy D more than his personality.' I agree. His looks, his dress sense, his use of the English language.
I like Heavy D not knowing Aubrey's name after all this time. I kind of like his bleached eyebrows, too. I'm calling chic!
Frankie's impressions in the diary room are fair to middling. Mind you, I can't talk.
Why is Lewis always talking in management speak? He's like a mini David Brent. He looked disgusted at the thought of being in Geordie Shore, like TOWIE is Downton Abbey or something. 'I don't want to be on TV.' Aubrey: 'Why are you here then?' 'So I can buy my mum a house, that's why, princess.' Patronising cunt. I'd knock his teeth out for that shit. I'm glad Aubrey was quizzing him. She sees right through his BS.
Renee to Marnie: 'Don't give up your day job.' Good advice.
Haha, Aubrey telling Marnie that Lewis had a girlfriend already. LOL. She's on form tonight.
Marnie confronting him then Heavy D taking the piss, haha. I like Bear laughing at it. No loyalty! Lewis: 'I'm a 26 year old man.' At what age do you stop saying your age in arguments? I think about 13?
Lewis being an aggressive prick as usual. Notice when Lewis and Heavy D square up to each other, Big Brother says NOTHING. Only when Lewis 'dashes bare water' (t.m. Aisylene) in Heavy D's face do they say anything.
Lewis: 'I stood my ground in front of my girlfriend.' 26? He comes across like he's 12. He's a total numpty. What a total gimp.
Bear appreciates a fellow trouble riser in Heavy D more than his 'friend' Lewis. I'm like that, if someone makes me laugh, I don't give a fuck who's side they're on. They made me laugh, they win.
Lewis getting a warning for saying 'you're a big fat pussy, son.' Ha. Oh and messing with the fixtures and fittings. This Big Brother isn't that stern. A formal and final warning. But we can't kick you out yet, because you're up for eviction.
Ha, Bear is getting cheers, LOL! WTF Lewis is getting cheers! Why! Hold on, Renee is getting cheers!? Everyone is getting cheered, and everyone is an arsehole. Go figure.
I like Bear riding the zebra agog when Heavy D went. ROOTHLESS! I liked him running up the stairs to say goodbye, too.
Heavy D's underpants attire is quite good. Emma giving him a strong tell off. Come on, he's pretty harmless. Relax, Emma.
Heavy D: 'These people are coasting and trying to get an easy paycheck. I'm making them earn their money.' Totally agree!
Heavy D was trying to ride the middle. I liked him calling himself a 'loveable rogue' and saying 'there's a bit of Heavy D in everyone.' Blergh!
At least Heavy D can go squawk in the morning in peace now.
When they advertise Ex on the Beach in between Big Brother, it does make you think they're lining up a Bear win, doesn't it? But is Bear a good advert for that show? WE'LL NEVER KNOW. Cos we don't watch that shit. And soon: maybe not this shit either.
Just kidding, we'll always watch it. Ha!

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Gameplan first, money second

Jam doughnuts

School task! It's just an opportunity to put Bear in a dunce hat, isn't it? Will he wear it better than Dappy? 'What you gonna tell your daughter?' etc. I bet Bear doesn't have any A levels like Dappy.  Or was it just GCSEs? I forget.
Fatboy has been perfectly cast as head boy, cos he's already like the school monitor/ swot. Aubrey is HBIC: head bitch in charge. Or head bimbo in charge if you're sexist (which I'm not).
I can imagine this is JUST what Bear was like at school. A fucking nightmare. He's ruining the task, ha. Why put in a task which encourages bullying/ behaving like brats. Well, I know why, but. Don't be surprised when it all kicks off!
Sam Fox used to charge 10p for kisses. Prostitute! Was selling her body from a young age (I'm just kidding, for those with a sensitive disposition).
What has Bear got against coffee?! He's a chronic coffee spiller. I fucking hate coffee, so I don't care. He should destroy someone's cigarettes, then we'll really see how much self-restraint people have. Fatboy is LOVING being in charge.
Bear has less respect for tasks than Gemma Collins. I still hate the GC more, though. I'm still surprised no one has strangled him yet.
I like Bear mis-remembering the rules in the DR (sorry, headmaster's office). How do you handle him?! I have no idea. Big Brother clearly doesn't, either.
Lewis would 'fight a shark' for Marnie. Can we book the aquarium now, cos I'm sure we'd shift some tickets, it'd be a bigger seller than his TOWIE boxing match mess (I only even know about that cos someone sent me the clip). He's an 'adrenaline junkie' or a coke head, as Bear would call it.
James is apologising to Aubrey for nominating her. Who cares? 'Mrs W' as he calls his wife, sounds like something out of a sitcom. She probably doesn't even exist.
Life drawing class! How long before Bear assaults one of the models? I actually quite like his art. Not so much is petty intimidation tactics, though. I was on board with him a couple of days ago, he's grinding my gears a bit today. 
Fatboy said Bear has been using his 'third eye'. Excuse me?
I like the little school hall set up they've got going on. I love them trying to to make Heavy D say boom by playing songs with that word in. Great idea! Did you see Lewis's dancing, by the way? He looked like an estate agent 'throwing shapes' at the Christmas party. And Frankie Grande enjoying himself in the mirror? God, why did I bet money on him to win?
The yearbook bit was a bit cringe. Katie most likely to make people laugh? Have I missed something? Most likely to shout at people in an American accent then run off for a cry, more like.
Lewis: 'I would never do a spin off show.' What else have you got going on?! You're no Josie and John James, are you? You don't even have any decks. 'Love first, money second.' Why is he saying this shit? It's like when John James got so annoyed about magazine deals and then did one. Lewis is FAKE ASS. At least Bear is as advertised; a ginormous prick. Lewis is a cunt in prick's clothing.
Renee's romantic tales of dating a gangster. Should Lewis and Marnie marry after 18 days? Only if their agent tells them to. It's not even Big Brother brain. At least that's a real condition. They've just got famewhore-itis.
Lewis showing off his elephant cock and balls. His balls are marginally more attractive than his dancing.
Bear is destroying the year book 'because he wants to.' He's also talking like a baby. Fatboy is FUMING. Katie: 'Bear is writing his opinions in jam.' Probably one of the best lines of the series. Second time this series jam has had a starring role in a storyline. Jam is BIGGER player in the house than Katie. Jam is an airtime whore.
Lewis and Marnie pretending they care about the jam/yearbook in the diary room. They don't give a fuck, they've got their eye on the endgame! Lewis: 'He's not my best friend in the house, Marnie is.' Grow up. I've never seen a scrotum journeying before. Yet here it is, right before my very eyes.

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Coco pops a cap in your ass

CBB is like the worst sort of Groundhog Day at the moment. So chronically boring, no matter how much sex or arguing happens.
I liked Bear waking up and saying 'Has anyone seen Chloe?' Bear and Heavy D make a noise like me in the morning. It's fun to squawk in the morning.
I am amused by how much the others are annoyed by Bear. But that is my only source of amusement in the entire show so it's a bit hollow.
Bear doing the shopping list. Ordering fags and fake tan. I like Renee not rising to Bear's bait of ordering seven manicure kits and condoms. Oh, hold on, she went in the bedroom and went nuts, haha.
The sanctimonious crew are going to stop Bear eating food. How?! Good luck with that. I'm amazed no one has punched him yet. They have pretty good self restraint.
Heavy D is calling Renee out for not washing up, ha. He's brave! Heavy D has ALWAYS got a slice of toast in his hand. Katie looks traumatised by the washing up row. Some people just grew up in in soft environments and can't handle shouting. Bear is stirring it up, too. Renee has a real sense of humour failure. Heavy D: 'If it's not true, why are you so touchy?' to Renee. Lol. She's crazy. 'I am somebody's mother!' So what? Then BB told Bear off for goading Renee, but Heavy D started it!
Bear is so camp at times, especially when dressed as a pirate. Bear is not responsible for Renee being unhinged. That's on her. She's NUTS.
Renee is after an Oscar here, trying to get Bear kicked out, while giving veiled threats. Should have kept Chloe in to occupy Bear. You took away his toy!
Heavy D: 'It's like a dictatorship, like 1950s Cuba.' I'm liking Heavy D sticking up for himself AND knowing what a dictatorship is.
Aubrey is so up Renee's arse, it's tragic. Minion! Renee trying to make friends with Bear; I can't work out if it's real or not. 'I've been mean!' You have been mean. But Bear's not the one crying about it.
Renee: 'My bad behaviour has gone to bed with me here.' Then straight after they make up, Big Brother plays the nominations. They are exacerbating the situation!
Ooh, they're showing noms on the screen! Bring it! I love Bear's excitement at the arguments that will follow.
Frankie nommed Lewis for being Bear's bitch and Marnie for being Lewis's bitch. Fair comment. Frankie: 'I'm cute in the diary room.' Er. I'm never going to win my bet on him, am I?
Sam nommed Heavy D for eating too much and 'telling lies'. What lies? And Lewis for being friends with Bear. I like Bear rubbing salt in the wound, as if it were needed!
Lewis put up Renee and Bear (aka Colin). Aubrey put up Heavy D for being 'emotionally unstable' and Lewis for being 'amazing.' Eh?
Heavy D nominated Renee for being 'sly, devious, controlling and two faced' and for 'not doing any washing up' and 'barking orders.' I love it! 'This house is not the Mafia.' Good point. He also nommed Katie for being pointless. Good choice if a bit of a waste.
Marnie nommed Heavy D for saying 'you can't fall in love in two weeks' and James for having a brain.
James nominated Aubrey for 'telling him how to conduct himself.' In what way!? And Heavy D for eating too much. I love Bear winding Aubrey up about James! Haha. James was giggling, ha.
Renee nommed Heavy D for being 'weak and disloyal' and Lewis for making everyone 'feel some type of way' (like a loony cunt, in her case).
Katie nominated Heavy D for 'making her cry more than twice' and James for being a threat. Fatboy nommed Lewis for the usual reason and Heavy D for squawking in the morning! WTF.
Bear nommed Renee and Ricky in an amusing fashion in the DR. Fayboy is SO under the radar.
Ooh, Bear, Heavy D, Lewis and Renee are up. Hope Renee goes. Or Lewis.
Aubrey is being a twat to James, he's allowed to nominate her if he wants. She's being a div. 'You're fake!' No, you're misunderstanding the rules of the game. You've obviously been bugging the crap out of him.
Bear is pouring cooking oil around the garden. Fatboy's response: 'It is what it is.' TV GOLD, not. The Heavy D spilt cereal everywhere. Why don't the others just relax a bit? They're coming off like uptight freaks. Coco pops! I hope they don't replace the food, though. Food waste is bad.
Heavy D's tell off was amazing. 'I did it cos Bear did it!' Grow up. 'If you can't interact nicely with your other housemates take yourself off to the bedroom.' I loved Big Brother telling them to basically go tidy their room, ha. That Big Brother did not sound scary, though, he sounded like a work experience kid. They need someone with a bit more gravitas for that.
Katie W finally did something for her best bits; shouted at someone to clean up. I was getting flashbacks to my mum there.
Aubrey still butt hurt about James in the DR. Get over it. I don't think he has a problem with women. You obviously just get on his nerves and I can't really blame him.
God; what an unholy mess. And I don't just mean the Coco Pops on the kitchen floor. Is this series over yet?

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Bear Joke(r)s

From desp-bear to where?

OK, just putting it out there, Bear is my favourite person in that house. Even though he's a toerag, I've seen a loyal side to him, and a funny side to him, which is more than I've seen from most of these people. He entertains me, which is more than I can say for ALL these other people. Yes, he's a complete twat. At this point, I don't really care.
Squeaky bum time. Whatever that means. Apparently it's to do with sport (gross). Yuck. God, I hate Lewis. He has none of the charm or panache of Bear. Yeah, I said it.
The task involves all housemates holding up bags of money 'but the real task is...' only one has to do it for the allotted money of time. Ricky and Sam bet that Lewis could pass the task. What's the opposite of TV gold? Ha, Lewis fucked it up. What a tool. Oh what, he still won? Boo.
Lewis has got a strong case of Big Brother Brain/ magazine deal-itis. Wasn't he saying he wasn't bothered the other day?
I LOVE Chloe making Bear up as the Joker! I love Renee being worried about it, haha. 'That means we're in trouble.' She's right though, Bear will be there at the end, as he should be, as he's been the whole show.
Marnie is trying to push the old 'good people/ bad people' strategy that only BAD PEOPLE ever say. It's like Lewis saying he's 'a good man.' You're not. It's like someone going 'I'm mad, me.' You're NOT. The maddest people don't KNOW THEY'RE MAD.
Renee giving Fatboy a pep talk about their common nemesis. It's not 'war paint', it's just a laugh, Renee. Who WOULD be their nemesis if Bear went? Cos you know they'll need a new one.
Ah, the wheel spinning/ Chloe leaving again. I didn't notice Emma's teleprompter of the floor before. She's like Courtney Love.
Big Brother is making me sick the way they keep pushing Marnie and Lewis! They must know the viewers despise them. Fuck off!
I wanted Bear to do a Jackson-style wail there. No such luck. Bear: 'It's cos she's knocking about with me, isn't it?' Well done, Poirot. Heavy D: 'Every argument, she's been the centre of it.' Not really!
Frankie: 'I didn't like Chloe as much as you' to Marnie. Turncoat!
Bear sees it, too. Frankie IS two-faced (so is Bear tonight, with the face paint, but there you go). I love the way Bear calls Frankie 'Frank'. I like him saying it's bad form. It is! Good to see Frankie under a bit of pressure. Bear: 'You're up Renee's bum.' He's right, they all are. They're all scared of her.
James is right: the public love to hate Bear. I don't understand how James got the most votes though, even though I like him. I like his confidence he's going to win!
Bear starting on Aubrey and Renee, ha! He pulled it back, though, I was quite surprised. I hate the fact Chloe went over Renee, especially as she wasn't even meant to be up.
Bear: 'When my money clears, I'll treat her as best as I can.' How romantic! Haha.
Renee is pushing for Bear to go up 'there's a bomb to dismantle.' Hold on, Bear is eternally nominated! He's already up.
Aw, Bear doing a pine for Chloe in the diary room. He's got feelings! He's human, he's got a brain. (Really?) Haha. Ooh Bear is pretending he cares about people slagging him off! Good gaming.
Marnie: 'I'm a pretty good judge of character.' You're not.
Heavy D is loving the fact Chloe has gone and Bear is weak. Heavy D wearing nail varnish: sexy time. What Heavy D is saying to Bear is true though, that for the first time the house decided, not the public.
Bear: 'They've won the battle but they've not won the war. They've got to live with me for two weeks.' YES!
Ugh, there is nothing to say about this show in my blog anymore. There are no more layers of these people's personalities to see. There's no side to anyone's personality that's going to come out and surprise us.
PS: Emma saying she wants to watch Big Brother not Ex on the Beach on BBBOTS last night! Join the fucking club, mate.

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Wheel of Bore-tune

Just catching up on last night's CBB. The alleged 'nice' people are really hamming it up now, you'd think Fatboy was going off to war the way he's going on. Sam Fox's disgust when Lewis said the night previously had been the best night of his life was hilarious. The martyrdom is becoming real. Aubrey is right, there's loads more of them than there are of the plebs. It's just none of them have a spine!
I loved Bear accusing Renee of being jealous BECAUSE IT'S TRUE. Renee came across so desperate the whole episode. Absolutely psychotic. As if Chloe is the brains behind Bear's ignominy! Give me a break.
Oh so they are doing kind of a lucky dip thing with the two bottom housemates tonight. It's like when Nikki Grahame should have been HOH in Big Brother Canada and it ended up being the fucking Pax brothers. (And this is exactly what happened tonight)
Rule break! Turn off Aubrey's hot water. Oh, she's gone straight to jail. Bear is right that they all agreed when Aubrey said it. They did.
Chloe vs Renee equals airtime for Chloe which equals votes to save (I hope). I want Chloe to stay.
I DESPISE Lewis's fake nice guy act! What a douchelord. At least with Bear you know your enemy.
Renee to Bear: 'I have warned you not to speak to me.' Who does she think she is? I fucking hate her. I hate the way she talks to Chloe, too. SHE'S SO JEALOUS.
Aubrey telling Bear to 'be civil' ha. Bear is in 'diffuse mode.' I'd hate to see him in TNT mode.
Renee is full on bonkers. Like, insane. I can't BEAR her (ha). My mum said she LIKES Renee on the phone to me today! WHY.
There is a task going on, something to do with dice. Some people are playing for the house, some for themselves. What did Arisa Cox say? The house always wins. So think on.
That party looks so crap. Looks like a toddler's party. The fact Lewis likes the Killers make me hate them. 'The Killers, sick!' Grow up. Still, remember when Winston and Helen had to sing The Killers and they didn't know the words.
Marnie: 'I would have sacrificed myself for Lewis.' You probably have. What's with Lewis's Hugh Grant look today? What a cuntrag.
I love the fact Bear has CBB winner 2016 on his arm. Are you allowed writing utensils in the Big Brother house these days?
What is this Marnie and Lewis argument about? Fuck off, no one cares. FAKE ASS. Lewis punching a door like the little tool he is. Kick him out, aggressive knob. Lewis loves Marnie 'so much.' No one cares, go and die.
James listing the veg his wife grows in the garden more interesting than this reality bullshit.
Lewis doesn't like Marnie flashing her bits cos she's 'his girlfriend.' They are both insecure pieces of shit. How many days have they been in there to fall in love?
OMG James and Bear got the most votes to save! Cos they're MEN! LOL James got more votes than Marnie. Hilarious. He has had probably 1% of the airtime she's had. Will BB get the message that we're sick of these reality losers now?
Who goes? Fate decides. Not that catchy, is it? Oh, Emma's in the garden again. Bear, Chloe, Marnie and Lewis look genuinely sick.
Emma has zero gravitas during these kind of things. Uh oh, the rules are too complicated for Bear. Everyone is going to evict Chloe to annoy Bear.
I hope it's 90% Chloe on the wheel and it lands on Marnie. Bear praying for Chloe was cute.
I do feel like there's a bit of tension. But not that much. 10 have chosen Chloe to go, 2 Marnie. James gets to spin the wheel, lol. It's like the jackpot on Candy Crush. You never get the good shit.
And sure enough, Chloe left. BORING! Fate always decides WRONG. Hope Bear smashes the gaff up. Give Fatboy a little scare.
Just awaiting Chloe's standard slutshaming now. Ah, she got a whole compilation of slutshaming. Emma: 'Are you not worried what people think?' Does she look like she is? And why would she?
Emma: 'Bear likes to push people's buttons.' Specifically Chloe's.
Why is Emma telling Chloe off about Bear? She's not his keeper. Oh sorry, we've ran out of time to interview you because we were so busy telling you off for being female.
Chloe, where do you normally go to be patronised? Honestly, why cast these feral people and then tell them off for BEING THEMSELVES. It makes NO SENSE. If you want polite civilised people in there, stop casting from sub-par reality shows!
Ha, Bear is saying the wheel is rigged! LOL. Nothing would surprise me!
PS: I was considering 'Wheel of (air)time' for my title but even I think that's too niche. Still, a nod to any geeks out there. Goodnight!

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Why do they care?

Reality bites

Ugh, when will this series be over? It's like a nightmare I'm trapped inside and I can't get out.
Lewis is mindgaming Marnie! Making her jealous with the eyelash girl and then making her come talk to him in the morning. 'I would have respected your distance' means, 'I would have waited until you came crawling, which didn't take too long.'
Saira and Renee slagging off Chloe thinking she's asleep (but talking SO loudly). Who sleeps wearing false eyelashes? Maybe Courtney Love in the mid 90s after a bender. Chloe looks pissed off. Play it up! Game! Who uses the word 'climax'? I'm glad Saira's gone. That was really horrible and uncomfortable. Like the opposite of when Alex overheard Evelyn and Laura talking about him.
Chloe in the DR asking why the others can't be happy for her and Bear. 'Why do they care?' Good question.
Ha, then she went and told Bear that Renee called her a prostitute. I love Bear sticking up for Chloe! Ooh and now Chloe's going to stick up for herself! Even better.
Saira and Heavy D emulating Chloe and Bear was just plain mean. Why is Saira so offended by a 'massage'? Cos she's a frigid bitch. She is jealous and stuck up. She hates all the young women. She's gone the full Joey from BBUS.
Chloe is not looking too hot without her make-up on, bless her.
Renee: 'I would call you a hooker or a whore.' Fucking old trout. They WERE alluding to that, don't mess about, supposed gangster's moll.
Chloe: 'I think Saira's a fucking snake, full stop.' Correct. Chloe to Saira: 'It's dodgy when you have a bit of fun, because you're not a fun person.' SO TRUE.
Renee: 'I'm not going to be attacked by a fucking troll.' You ARE the fucking troll.
I love the expression 'social idiot' (Marnie on Saira). Best thing she's ever said.
Dare task. Fuck this electric shock pad bullshit. Where are the electric shock suits? I demand to see Frankie in full Lycra.
Marnie pied Heavy D in the face. I don't think she thinks he was the least trustworthy, I think she just wanted too. Sam called Bear the 'most boring.'Um. She should fail the task for that.
 Renee in the eating task is me. Although probably the only way to make me eat something disgusting is to blindfold me. Gagging on fishy things! Mmm. My favourite thing to watch (no really, it isn't.)
James thinks 'the house would be quieter without Bear.' You don't say.
Marnie looked so pretty on eviction night. Lewis looked like a knob as usual. 'For the first time I can look in the mirror and call myself a good man.' Where does he come up with this bullshit? What rot.
I love Bear trying to get Saira to take the coffee with her. What a mental mindset he has.
Bear being saved: 'Fuck yeah!' Haha. I bet he says that all the time in bed.
Oh God, Bear, Heavy D and Lewis getting a killer nomination each. WHY??? Can they nominate each other?
I LOVED Bear calling Renee 'very negative' when he nommed her. Great revenge! He's obviously forgotten about the spit sandwich. Lewis nominated James for playing an 'under the radar game'. Well, that much is true.
Heavy D is giving it the old Negan treatment! OMG! He nominated Marnie for 'not being a nice person'. Lewis did not look pleased. Frankie's face was also a picture. What's Heavy D's beef with Marnie? I was sure he'd nom Chloe! I would love it if Marnie went, but can't see much chance of that happening. Renee calling Bear 'a fucking roofer.' Bit mean to roofers.
Ooh, bring on the risque sexual activity! What could it be? More strangling in Marco's sex chamber? Hope so.
Renee HATES Bear so much cos he won't fuck her. Meanwhile the others are fucking in the shower. Is that the 'risque activity'? Chloe can't drown with those lips. They are deffo buoyant.
Renee is still bitching and moaning about being nommed despite saying she wouldn't.
Everyone bitching about Chloe topless dancing. WHO CARES. Sam: 'Call me a prude, I don't care.' FUCKING HYPOCRITE, FUCK OFF. That's one of my top hates, women who have made money from their bodies slagging off OTHER WOMEN doing toe exact same thing. It's the SAME THING. Do you not think people called you a slag on Page 3, Sam? Shut up then. I'm guessing 'it was art' was a joke.
Aubrey: 'How come you didn't nominate Chloe?' Because she's harmless!
Bear is now messing about on a plant and Fatboy is calling for security because 'they've knocked over a tree.' GET A GRIP, MAN. THEY ARE HAVING A LAUGH. Try it sometime! Don't get me wrong, I hate Marnie and Lewis. But at least they're doing SOMETHING. The others just moan.
Lewis, keep wabing round your ginormous rubbery willy round at your rubber faced girlfriend cos your pale flabby arse isn't much to speak of. I do feel a bit sorry for Heavy D trying to get some sleep. But not that sorry?
All the old people hiding in the bathroom. God, Frankie without his make up. Scary. James trying to arrange a mutiny.
Haha, they're all in the DR threatening to walk. Walk then, bitches! I've seen strikes in Big Brother before. John McCruick didn't speak for about five days cos he had no Diet Coke. This is amateur hour.
What do you do when you don't support either side, when there's no one to root for? When the choice is between a sadist who is at least entertaining and people who are probably OK, but so boring you can't stand them? What's your next step? Answers on a postcard.

Celebrity Big Brother UK 2016: Loose ends

Lash-lustre

Four on the block and no one I want to save. Thanks, Big Brother. Actually, I do want Bear to stay. He's earned his fee, unlike some people in there. I hope Lewis goes tonight, but Heavy D will do fine, too.
Heavy D wants to see 'boominator' tattooed on women's arses when he comes out. Good luck with that.
Who cares if people are just 'fucking' Katie? Lewis and Marnie are no more romantic than Chloe and Bear. She's coming off a bit Alex Sibley, telling people where they can wash their fanny. At least the showmances are doing SOMETHING. You're just a viewer at this point.
Bear's slapstick lobbing of the eggs makes me laugh, despite myself.
'Falling in love' is not on Lewis's radar right now. How romantic! And then the cut to Marnie is saying 'it's fate.' At least Chloe has her eyes open. Marnie is clueless when it comes to who Lewis really is.
Katie and Ricky (ie. fencesitters anonymous) are talking about the only thing they care about: Bear. Yawn!
Lewis is already trying to let Marnie down gently about the outside world. Marnie feels like 'her stomach is in knots' and Lewis feels 'like a whole man' when he's with her. Who is buying this bullshit? The cue cards are barely out of shot.
Katie and James perving on Chloe and Bear having a massage. Bear: 'This is one of the best days of my life.' Sam: 'Do you think she wants her family to see that?' What?! It's like a carry on film. It's nothing!
Saira: 'I love a bit of soft porn.' Ha. All the others think Bear and Chloe are fucking, but they're just messing round. Frankie in the DR: 'Where am I?' On a low-rent reality show, that's where.
Lewis showing Marnie some girl he hooked up with advertising eyelashes. Yet more romance from Prince Charming. Lewis is just showing off that he can get other hot girls, basically. I watched the live feed last night and even Bear thinks Lewis and Marnie are faking it and 'have the same agent.'
Marnie: 'Lewis is perfect... you could get a model, what are you doing with me?' Get a grip, he's nothing.
Bear is on Marnie's side! Didn't come across that way on the live feed last night. I enjoyed him taking the mick out of Lewis with the mouthwash.
Saira thinks everyone is after airtime. Especially herself. 'Using her tits'. Oh shut up. Might as well use your assets in life, especially if you've paid for them.
Ha, Bear's got his eye mask on again. And blue nail varnish! ALL the potential evictees are getting booed, ha. OOH Saira went! I'm actually surprised. Who the fuck voted to save Heavy D? Like, really? Don't get me wrong, Saira is annoying as fuck. But Heavy D!? Looks like Lewis's bad acting paid off either way. So annoying that all the TOWIEs are still in as they'll get big heads.
Saira came across very well in her interview. Is a bit of an insult for her to go over the others, but she's Asian, she's a woman, it shouldn't really be that much of a shock, should it?
Saira championing Bear! Emma not convinced cos she's a prissy cow. She's got SUCH a stick up her arse. RELAX, Emma. The producers cast Bear to BE BEAR. Don't fight it. Chloe and Bear snogging on the sofa at the end when they all have to sit round together. Gross, that would drive you mad.
So what dumb twist is there? The three safe housemates will be nominating? Why? Why not everyone? Then the house will have to take part in 'group or singular games of chance'. I'm sure it won't be a lot of recycled crap we've seen before (much!). Bring on the electric shock suits!