Big Brother UK 2016: You don't have to stick your finger in every situation

Spoiler alert! Andrew has been ejected for his gross tweets. Gross tweets aside, it's a shame as he was one of the only compelling housemates in there. Also, can't BB check people's tweets before they go in? Can we get a Tila Tequila? I know they've given up on social media but really. Just search *housemates name* then *racist/homophobic slur*. It's not that hard. Twitter seems to do it within about five minutes after launch. Cheryl Cole ruins another programme! (victim blame). I do feel a bit deflated after this news, though. Put Andrew in BB18, they don't mind a racist. He was doing something genuinely interesting in there, like a next level Marc O Neil. Now who's the mastermind without Andrew? Hughie? Twin X?
I can't cope with too much more of the Marco and Laura show, can you? The tit chewing, the gurning, it's like you were trying to click on handjob on Pornhub and you've clicked on 'hardcore gangbang' by mistake.
Big Brother is checking Laura is OK. Force feed her a morning after pill FFS. We can't have her and that reproducing, we've already got the 'give your head a wobble' tattooed baby to contend with (if it exists, although I didn't believe Jade had cancer either and I got that one wrong). Marco's is nature's greatest mingebag. He needs a Channel 5 documentary of his own, like the tree man, or the boy who's skin fell off. Him and Laura are a match made in magazine-deal-dom.
I like seeing Andrew trying to strategise with Ryan. It's like Professor Brian Cox trying to reason with Megan McKenna.
Andy: 'There's been a cigarette squirrel.' He doesn't want to make a big deal of it but... weeeeellll. I fucking hate Andy. At least creepy Chris had some semblance of charm. Although he was obsessed with smoking, too.
Charades. How low we've stooped. Alex's arse don't impress me much. Mr Boring. BLAND! Give me my rat boy Jackson instead.
Victoria: 'What do you want us to do, sit around and moan?' Why not? 'There's a low vibrancy frequency' whatever that means. It's all Wolfy bullshit, isn't it, all karma and spirituality and that rot. 
Marco looks like he's permanently in fancy dress. I love the fact Georgina hates him. 'Laura's just going to go and suck his willy. It's like he shits glitter and gold to Emma. We need a dart tranquilliser for him.' That much is true. But he's so coked up, would it even work? A drone might do it.
Ryan is getting a 'BUT THE REAL TASK IS.' But he's so stupid he probably doesn't understand it.
GUNK. Scarecrows. Who the fuck is this dude giving out the punishments,some little ork. OUTSIDE CONTACT.
Ryan looks like he's gonna do a Mark Byron style vom. He's also fucking up the task by not making anyone quit. Haha they are just piling everything on Ryan now. LOL.
I'm not sure about the glasses on Alex. I'm calling eek.
Laura is being game about being covered in slop; can't be worse than being covered in Marco's saliva and pre-cum. Blergh.
Alex rubbing his crotch in Charlie's face cheered her up. That fake tan is really ageing, isn't it?
Hughie is eating an orange in a weird manner. At least it's not an apple. Jackson is being pissy about Ryan failing a task. I'll cheer you up, Jackson.
Jayne has got one up on Chelsea by being in the other house. How does that work exactly? You're in a boiler suit with Hughie and Natalie. Chelsea is bragging about wads of cash, wearing his designer charity shop chic, in close proximity to a zebra.
Laura: 'Part of me thinks my relationship with him has put me in a bad light, but it does take two to tango.' Two to tango klaxon. Alert Emma and Daley. 'Part of her'. Hahahaha. Which part?
I like Georgina vs the twin. I love Georgina slagging off the energy bullshit. It IS bullshit. Twin doesn't like people moaning? Fuck you. Georgina doesn't want to be 'aggy'. Victoria doesn't like Emma 'talking about someone behind their back on national TV.' I'm not sure that's even possible. If you're on TV, it's not behind someone's back. Twin don't like the energy now. What energy does she like? What is a twin without her other twin? Just a tw.
Watching housemates dance 'at a party' is one of my greatest joys in life. Marco is like, 'where are the rails of cocaine?'
I don't think the only reason Jason is in there is cos of Sarah Harding Jr. Although admittedly, I can't think of another reason.
TRUTH OR DARE. Now we're talking. Naked Marco? You can do better than that, BB.
Ryan: 'I don't know why I can't just be a normal housemate, I'm obviously sound.' Er.
I will miss Andrew's face looking disgusted with Marco and Laura. Laura shouldn't get the flak for it.
I can't even comment on Ryan's faux DR rants. He is so fake ass.
Jayne seems somewhat unhinged don't you think. I know there's some underlying issue there, I'm just trying to work out what.
Alex is giving everyone a kiss including Jackson. Fair play. Lucky Natalie is getting a kiss off Jackson too, even though he's her son's age. I wouldn't say no!
Threesome chat in the boudoir. £50 for a ticket to go swinging. Can I take a look at the goods first? I don't want it to be like that dogging programme I saw on Channel 4 once.
Andrew: 'My unmatched perspicacity matched with my sheer undefeatibility (not a word according to my spell check) makes me a feared opponent in any realm of human endeavour.' He needs time. I don't think that's something he's got, although he does know words of more than one syllable, even if some are made up. 'Ryan is not loyal to the cause. Ryan is not prepared for war. He is of no use to me or the others.' Ryan is a (to use his word) goon. Even Andrew's body language in the DR is majestic. He's like a perfect housemate. No wonder he had to go. Just like Jeremy, the swimsuit botherer. He was my perfect housemate until the sexual assault.
They are mad for bandanas in BBUK and wearing them knot side forward, which is not approved of in America (although Canada doesn't mind). Charlie wants to rekindle things with sausage fingers Jason. Why? No one knows. She said she treated him like shit and told him to get botox!
Marco has dared Evelyn to take her top off. She seems obliging. Who is Evelyn? What motivates her? I don't think I've ever heard her speak.
Andrew will allow the Andrew/ Laura snog (lol). He really is Drexel. At least Andrew got a bit of action before he left.
Sam had an eightsome! Is that even a thing? Is that with an octopus? Seven power troopers? Power rangers? Power trippers more like. 
Marco's laugh is really getting quite grating. I mean, even more grating than mine.
Andrew sizing up Marco in the garden was beautiful. Marco: 'One person's craziness is another person's reality.'One spoilt little rich cunt is another person's meal ticket.
Evelyn and Laura's boob-off is actually tragic. Singing Titanic, too! I am ashamed to be female.
Jackson wants to screw the others to 'get back home'. It's not your home. You can't steal any milk. BB still hasn't worked out what the rules are. But they have decided to kick out the best housemate. Nice one, geezer.