Big Brother UK 2016: UKIP fucking things up

Lost hippy. Please return to Worthy Farm

Roll up, roll up for the biggest vote injustice ever; oh, no, that was yesterday. Here we just have a foregone conclusion that if a black woman is on the block against a gay man and a white woman, she may as well pack her bags. I even have historical evidence thanks to my timehop app that this time two years ago, Toya was shown the door over MARLON and ASH. And still with the VOTE TO EVICT. Why??? Can someone explain what the logic is? With vote to evict in the celebrity series, there would be NO Rylan vs Spiedi finale. No James vs Austin. It would be fucking Calum Best and Toadfish in the final. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? So they can get it right with the celebs? Why not the normal housemates? I like 'who goes, you decide' is catchy, but it's not worth ruining the show for, right? RIGHT?
Georgina is calling Evelyn 'a trashy slut' for doing handstands. What?
Chelsea thinks Charlie should leave. So do I. I feel like the third wheel in their boring ass non-relationship. Jason: 'This aint Blind Date.' Maybe if it was, he'd want to get off with her. He'd rather walk than get back into it with Charlie. Charlie: 'I still don't know where I stand.' RESTRAINING ORDER. Charlie: 'I just want my boyfriend back.' HE'S NOT INTERESTED. I hope BB is showing this crap to get votes for Charlie. I can't take it!
Emma doesn't want to bitch because she doesn't like the energy. Has she ever said a sentence without the word 'energy' in it? She wants to talk about the world or dreams. I fucking hate people who talk about their dreams. FUCKWITS.
Jane's DR's bore the ass of me. I HATE HER. I wish she was going tonight. Now she's yelling at people in the bedroom. STOP. Natalie to Jayne: 'What is wrong with you, you're such a witch.' Ha.
Jayne: 'Talk to the hand, go back to your brothel.' Chelsea: 'It's only round two, plenty more to go.' ABSO-BLOODY-LUTELY.
Hughie is wearing the same clothes as yesterday, just saying I noticed, as I liked them yesterday. Unless they're just using feed from any day now? I wouldn't be surprised. I'm surprised they don't make them wear the same clothes every day like X Factor judges or The Simpsons for continuity. Hughie says, 'Natalie has been saying 'evil tings' and 'building nests in people's ears.' HA!
LOL at Georgina calling Evelyn a 'stupid cow' when she was sat there. Oops! Haha. Fail. That's the worst feeling, but we've all been there. Evelyn: 'You're a stupid cow, you stupid bitch'. Georgina rulebooking again: 'You shouldn't be sleeping.'
Evelyn: 'You can go fuck yourself you entitled little rich bitch.' I wish she'd said that to her face. Haha now Georgina has fallen asleep and Evelyn is capitalising on it, haha. NAP WARS. I don't see why BB doesn't just let them sleep in the day, it's not like we can fucking watch anyway.
OMG Jackson just declared himself Georgina's boyfriend. Needy! Georgina will not be putting it on Facebook. 'It's complicated'?
Hughie would fuck Alex or Evelyn if pushed. And then came the storm. Andy in the storm is like in a really bad b-movie. It's like CGI rain. God is angry with the Big Brother house. Jason is taking charge. I'm getting Mario health and safety flashbacks. It's like the Titanic. Lucky they have the other house to go to, otherwise they'd probably put them in a Travelodge. Jason: 'Don't do another fucking raindance, will ya?' LOL.
It looks like there's blood on the floor of the other house. If not, there will be soon. It's like when the fire alarm goes off at work, isn't it, with them all huddled round. Natalie just said, 'I think you can read my mind!' in the style of Raul from Big Brother Canada (niche references are us).
Ah they're jigging the eviction when they save someone first. Love it. Charlie actually looks nice tonight. Hughie got cheers, yay. I hope it doesn't go to his head.
Yay! I love Hughie being safe and Jane cuddling him. GODFREY BBCAN3 style jump in the air. Then Lateysha cuddled him! LOL. She's changed her tune. I love Hughie getting the validation from the crowd. Let's see who sucks up to him now.
Jayne is trying to escape or just whining about escaping. GO HOME, OLD LADY. You're boring. 'I want the public to vote me out.' NO PROBLEM.
The housemates are 'role playing' in the garden. Cringe. Ryan was quite good as a gruff dad in the 'ears pierced' roleplay. It did feel slightly like a 70s porno.
Jackson: 'Georgina believes in monogamomy.' I believe in that word having four syllables.
Emma's 'on acid at Glastonbury' outfit is not doing it for me.
Jackson is clingy as fuck. 'My missus.' Oh Georgina is buying it. 'Communication is key' are not sexual words. It's like a PowerPoint presentation.
Toothbrush talk in the DR! I say talk, I mean bitching.
Jayne is missing her REAL FRIENDS (t.m. Kanye.) Natalie: 'I do make my presence known.' Welllll. 'I'd be more missed than Hughie.' NEGATIVE. She wants to come out with 'a bit of her dignity left.' Good luck with that.
'Get Natalie out' seems to have too many syllables (second mention of the word sylables in this blog, maths fans) for the dumb crowd. Oh Natalie's gone. You do surprise me. A black woman? Out second? You do surprise me. 'OFF OFF OFF OFF.' Why? For pot stirring? She did nothing wrong.
Natalie enjoyed 10% of her time in the house. Wellllll. This interview is going south fast. Emma is calling Natalie out saying Hughie never called Lateysha a slut. Natalie: 'Are we going to talk about anything positive?' Probably not. I like it when people start giving Emma grief.
DRY MOUTH TIMES. Can't they give the evictees some water FFS? Are they on a meter? It just flooded so they should be awash with the stuff.
Natalie seems broken. 'Emma's as fake as hell.' Haha. Emma (Willis) was so cold in that interview. She is SO BAD AT IT. I can't even.
Emma just came down those stairs like a crab. Prob back off to the sea, to swim around in the precious water she won't give to the evicted housemates while grilling the crap out of them.
So that's it. We're out of Europe, and we're out of Natalie. Sigh. The worst part is, I don't even care anymore. The second worst part is: nor does anyone.