Big Brother UK 2016: Horror corrid-Borehamwood

Who could resist this face? LOL!

Well, at least my friend Dawn will get that title.
Fridge raiders: Big Brother edition. I think there should be more paranormal type tasks on Big Brother: Bunky behind the windows and all that (deep cut reference, so deep I have probably got the wrong person). Marco's laugh is becoming a housemate of it's own. I think I'm starting to like Marco? Like, not like him, but appreciate him as a human specimen of what too much money can do to a tiny mind, you know.
Lateysha telling Laura not to fuck Marco. It's too late! Marco has a chain of fiancées lines up by the sounds of it. He's only been with his current girl for two months! 'He's going to get girls flooding towards him' said someone insane. Only crackheads.
Laura and Marco have agreed to be just friends. HAHAHA. They'll be rutting again by the end of the episode. And 'rutting' is the right word for those pair.
I love Georgina vs the drippy twin, whining about tuna juice. You should be more worried about the fluids leaking out from Marco and Laura's gross orifices.
Ryan is pretending he doesn't know what optimistic means. Hughie thinks he has malaria. Sarah Harding Sr mentioned Cheryl Cole but luckily Andrew had been photoshopped out of the scene.
Lateysha: 'Some girls have too much slag in them, no not slag, inner whore.' I thought when she said 'not slag' she was going to say something nice! Haha. I admit I laughed, though. At least she clarified that it was unfair that Marco wouldn't get the shit for it, and Laura would, even though she herself is perpetuating that ideology by calling Laura the slag and not Marco. Lateysha continues: 'Georgina is a moany bitch.' I like Lateysha. I can't help it. She's actually one of the quieter ones, but she seems down to earth.
I can't follow this task, kind of because I can't be bothered. So Ryan has to do something or other - is it fail the task again? We know he can't. Have they removed Andrew from the edit entirely?
Oh god, not more guts and gore. I can't cope. I HATE ALEX. So bland. Bring back Andrew. WE MUST SEE HIS MASTERPLAN UNFOLD. Even though he wasn't smart enough to delete a couple of tweets. I've still not seen his BDSM video. I'm quite surprised he's a boxer or whatever the fuck he is. He looks like a little dweeb. But man, what a housemate.
This task is quite boring. I'm not scared.
OMG my friend just sent me the Andrew video. So here's why Andrew got kicked out. Really, Big Brother? The girl is laughing! Marco carries on worse than that in the house. The girl has come forward and said she's friends with him. He's spanking her. It's not like he's got her chained to the bed. And even if he did, if it was consensual, what the fuck has it got to do with you? I'm just surprised women sleep with Andrew, tbh. He looks like a shark.
So after ghosting Andrew the entire episode, they announce he's gotta leave. Why is BB such a prude? It's like Aaron Frew all over again, a storm in a teacup. But did Marco or Laura even get a warning for throttlegate? That is genuinely dangerous. Just ask Michael Hutchence.
Laura regrets what she's done in the house (but not with Marco- what then?) Andy: 'You have it within your power to stop it.' Andy is such a wet flannel.
Hughie is on lighter patrol but Jackson doesn't want him 'feeling up his balls, G.' Doesn't mind Sam feeling them, though. At least they made up quick. I think I might be starting to weirdly like human firework Hughie, too. He's just permanently aggrieved. Jackson came across a bit of a dick, there.
Andy: 'What have you done so far? Kissed and cuddled?' Laura: 'Just a bit of dry humping.' Nothing dry about that humping, bro. Marco not speaking to her anymore now she won't strangle him. Lol, Marco is the alpha male. You've got a problem, then. I'd put Georgina above him for that spot.
OMG everyone suddenly hates Marco. His singing is not going down well. Andy looks horrified. Marco is actually brilliant. I've decided now and there's no going back. What a housemate. He's got second or third boot (after a black woman, of course) written all over him.
Haha, this shitstir task. Andy labelled 'the worst at sex and the most boring.' 100% true because of the way he reacted to it. Everyone is defending Andy on Twitter 'oh he's a nice guy.' BORING. I don't want nice guys in BB, I want 18 Marcos and Andrews. I like Georgina getting pissy with Marco. I wouldn't cross her. I don't see how Georgina is two faced. She has a go at everyone, haha.
Charlie fancies Alex. She looks old enough to be his mum.
Marco wants to be 'free as a bird'. The twin is 30 'but looks 17/18.' according to Marco. Marco is like the Cheshire Cat. Picking his new target, haha.
Andy: You ARE boring.I've heard all this shit from creepy Chris last year. 'A varied and colourful sex life.' OMG gross. Spare me. He's been in A LIFT WITH LADY GAGA. AND BEEN TO SHOPS. I love how much he hates Marco. It makes me love Marco. 'I know I'm not boring.' Imagine having to say such a thing. Haha, you're deffo boring as shit if those words ever come out of your mouth. Who do you want in that house, Andy or Marco? Obviously Marco! And Andrew. But that ship has sailed.
OK, I'm onto the live episode now. Why is this a separate episode? I was worried my Sky Box wouldn't tape it, as that's the usual bullshit.
I don't know what's going on. The others have just chosen who's the 'biggest horror.' Why are they calling Chelsea 'the biggest horror'? Jackson just said 'wagwon'. I love thumbs aloft Chelsea. Boo! Hughie: 'Jane's description of him was horrible. I don't know what I'm talking about.' That much is true. 'We don't like his haircut.' Another good reason. Then mentioned 'throwing under the bus.' True gamer. Hughie FTW. I've gone full circle on Hughie. I think he's brilliant.
Haha at them pretending to be shocked about 'the others'. Hilarity. Hardly 'I knew it, I knew it' is it. Someone goes, 'I knew we were getting another one.' Easy come, easy go, hey?
I love Chelsea's mod Jarvis Cocker look. His haircut is looking on point. My friend Dawn said, 'Spock vs Liam Gallagher' which is certainly something to ask your hairdresser for. I also like Big Brother saying 'dethision' instead of 'decision.' I like Chelsea's matter of fact style of dealing with BB. 'Now what?'
They won't get rid of Chelsea. They've lost two housemates already. Oh, he's gonna be an other. BORING. 'Can I ask you something? Is Alex and... oh actually, you won't answer.' Ha.
'I KNEW IT.' Hahaha. Marco fucking knew it cos he bust out, en route to Miami, and saw Alex through the window FFS!
Jason: 'Unlike the public, who get an hour a night, the others watch 24/7.' Good point! He's a live feeder, haha.
Er, there's gremlins in Big Brother's system so we missed Chelsea going into the house! Are adverts the new bird feed? What the fuck is going on? Haha, what a fucking mess. This series of Big Brother is a JOKE! The others are like the fucking Raggy Dolls.
Marco called to the DR! Get to stepping, you prick. Haha, just joking, I love Marco. He's lush.
Marco: 'I miss Chelsea.' He only left two minutes ago. Haha. 'I'm upset.'
Marco is worn out 'physically and mentally' from the game. He'll miss cracking jokes with 'cool cat' Chelsea at night. Big Brother is doing some mind games on Marco. Bit unfair as he's unhinged anyway.
Restaurant talk! Zebra crossing. 'Tune into BBBOTS for the fallout.' What fallout? I feel like something was meant to happen but didn't.
Seriously, what was the twist? That show was called 'Live twist revealed'. Also on the blurb it says 'Emma reveals what Big Brother is really up to.' Where was Emma? The episode started with silence and ended with bird feed. In between someone just went to the other house, then someone was called to the DR. GOOD TV! Fucking hell. Bring back Andrew!
Please, can another channel just buy Big Brother and sort this fucking mess out? It's beyond a joke.