Big Brother 2016 UK: Kiss and tell (it to my face)

SAY YACHT?

We did a podcast last night if you missed it and you like a bit of aural.
I'm so over the others, especially their disgusting green bedroom, it makes me want vomit. Also, ALL the housemates tattoos make me want to buy shares in Dr Tattoff. GROSS. Jason's tribal tattoo is at the top of my shitlist at the moment, but believe me, there's plenty of others to choose from.
Chelsea thought Marco was entertaining: HE WAS! Vote to evict CULLS ENTERTAINMENT. It's fucked.
Jason recognised Charlie's boobs and hair extensions. How romantic. 'It was like being hit over the head by a baseball bat. My ears dropped to my mouth, my mouth dropped to my gut.' He's got quite a way with words, hasn't he? What a dreamboat.
Jackson is eating an apple alert.
I love the fact Laura has cottoned onto that gross comment Andy made about Marco getting a reality check. That was so mean and uncalled for. Seeing the other side to Andy? There's only one side: being an absolute cunt. How can people like him? He's not funny. He's not interesting. He's not attractive. And he's NOT intelligent. He's sour but without all the fun of being sour that Georgina has.
The others are arguing about cleaning. 'TALK TO THE HAND. SAY IT TO MY FACE.' The others house is like the shouting factory. Please stop. SO MANY LOATHSOME PEOPLE. Hughie came in at the end and nearly started, too. Haha. At least Hughie is there.
Georgina still sourfaced knowing Jackson loves her. Why is everyone constantly eating cereal in Big Brother? Crunch, crunch, slurp, slurp. How exactly are the housemates going head to head? So whoever wins gets immunity. It needs to be a one on one battle to the death with a pugle stick.
Lateysha: 'I hope there's no questions cos I'm thick as fuck.' Don't worry, yours will be a drinking task.
Chelsea is saying the others are going to band together. In between yelling at each other and nearly braining each other. I'll believe it when I see it!
Why is Andy alienating his own alliance? Great social game, mate. Really intelligent. How can anyone call this man intelligent? Go get back in the lift, bitch. Your local shops are missing you.
Great task outfits. Electric shocks? No, just decorative, I think.
Viewers tweets! Outside contact. Robot American Big Brother FTW. Jayne has crossed out some of her answers but you can still read some of the housemates she's insulting. Weak gameplay. Why not read out my tweets Big Brother, too spicy for ya?
Andy: boring. Natalie: too opinionated. Chelsea: up his own arse. Andy is a sly fox. Many lols.
Ryan and Lateysha are downing vom shots. Lateysha has fucked it, Ryan swallowed like a champ.
The others are smashing it (eggs and otherwise).
Chelsea and Andy are having a brain off. The pound of feathers and stone. Hughie really loudly: THEY'RE THE SAME.' while everyone shhes him. I'm dying.
SPELLING! Hughie is deffo the man for this job, Yacht is actually quite hard to spell, I just misspelt it writing it then and I'm a writer/ editor (I know it's hard to believe when you read this). Embarrassment is also tricky although I got that first time this go (gold star for me, mummy)
Century egg! *Gordon Ramsey vomit noise* Pass the sick bucket. Laura is going for it! Jackson can't do it! I admire her for that. She did well. I remember I found newfound respect for Jordan back when I watched I'm a Celeb and she did all those tasks in the jungle and tonight I feel like that about Laura, not just about the egg, but about something that comes later.
Honesty task: Natalie vs Georgina. Most untrustworthy: Andy. Hoodie gate redux. Andy looks so annoyed, I love it. His face is a one man meme machine.
Jayne gives all the money from her kiss and tells to charity. BHAHAHAHA. I've heard it all now. Literally fucking for charity. That's a new one. What a philanthropist.
Who will win? Alex. Yep. Doesn't say a word, is a man and strips of regularly; great strategy.
Who would you evict right now? Georgina said Andy. Natalie said Hughie. Natalie is on my shit list for targeting Hughie. YOU TICK COONT!
I don't think you should say 'pot kettle black' to a black person even though going 'you tick coont' on our podcast is also racist, so you can't win. Yet it's so much fun.
Just think, that was the FIRST TIME the main house met the others. They didn't really make a good impression, did they, bellowing at each? They come across MENTAL. Oh, that's because they are.
Andy whining about Georgina. 'Bullied'! Bitch, please, you little shrew. I knew he'd play the pity party card now. 'HOODIE GATE.' Hahaha it's funny when even the housemates are calling it that. Do you think Jason even likes Andy? I don't. He's just someone to smoke with until Charlie comes in to terrorise him.
I LOVE Laura bringing 'reality check' thing to Andy. Him: 'I meant it was a reality check for everyone.' You fucking liar. Backtracking shit. I love the fact everyone hates him. Now he's backtracking on saying he might like the new people better, too! Even Evelyn is onto him! Sssssssnake!
Natalie is such a wooden spoon about Jayne and Chelsea, I've got to give her that. Jayne is SOOOO sanctimonious. I hate her diary rooms.
Remind me never to eat pasta, everyone is eating it like their mouths all shrunk by one size.
Jayne: 'I've dealt with the Natalie's of the world.' What, black people? Ha, Natalie overheard. Jayne: 'I want to go home.' GO HOME THEN. I HATE YOU.
I'm suddenly warming to Natalie halfway through my blog, haha. I can't get a handle on these housemates. It's just different levels of odiousness. It's definitely who you hate least on any given day.
Ryan LOVES Hughie, I called it. Meanwhile, Sam thinks HUGHIE fancies him! He was probably just looking at him because he's Ryan's ex boyfriend and he's curious. Unless he has a penchant for neck acne.
Natalie has like half a posh accent, half common. She's referring to herself in the third person. Stop giving her so much DR time. I'd rather see Hughie in the DR. I'd rather see Marco and Laura fucking in the DR chair, TBH.
Still can someone explain to me how this others shit works? Is it all the others stay or some stay? NO ONE KNOWS DO THEY. Not even Endemol. We'd better lose at least three or four people. It's only an eight week series. Let's stark kicking these motherfuckers out in bulk.