What horrendous injustice will be served up tonight? I guarantee you Christopher 'orange' Maloney won't be in the bottom two. Those Northerners are mad fer (sh)it.
JACKETS! Coldplay. A winning combination. Jamie from Union J is a MUCH better singer than Jahmene.
Next up is Bruno 'I'd catch a grenade for you' Mars. That's the only good song he's got, isn't it? And it's only good because it's so stupid. He seems to have taken the Madness route with this new single. Absolutely interminable. Is he miming? He's a funny little thing, isn't he, like someone who'd offer to help you in a computer game and then send you off in the wrong direction, rubbing his hands with glee. My advice; shank him before he gets the chance. Also, take your shades off, you little dick.
I think Tulisa's actually looked good the past two nights, maybe she sacked her stylist.
Is Rhianna singing a serious song? Can you really believe that she's really back with that revolting thug? I refuse to believe it, but I have seen her interviewed before and she's thick as pigshit, so it's possible. Shame that rain isn't going onto her *crackle*. She could have done so much for battered women; instead she did nada. She never condemned him, never helped a DV charity, she was just stubborn and pig-headed. And you can say I'm victim-blaming if you like, but her attitude has probably killed a few women ('well if she's forgiven him, maybe I should forgive the person terrorising me?'). Ooh, she is getting wet now. Anyway, I do think she's beautiful and I hope Chris Brown doesn't kill her. It's quite interesting her album is called 'unapologetic'; it should be called 'naive' or 'idiotic'. As for him, he is beneath contempt and the fact the music business has 'forgiven' him makes me feel physically sick and ashamed to be human. I can't even stand to look at his face, he is so vile. Let's not ever forget what he did, please. Let's never excuse it. I genuinely hope he dies alone, poor and crying.
James: 'Six months ago, I was sitting on my bed, strumming...' Ahem.
I'm so SICK of hearing Christopher saying THE SAME FUCKING THING... 'I just want to thank the public... I can't believe I've got this far... I've come such a long way... thanks for all the support...' STFU!
Liking Rylan's silver leggings. LOL to Tulisa not allowed on stage anymore. James is through, whoop. Louis' face when Christopher went through, haha.
Aw, Rylan vs Union J in the bottom two. I think Rylan's a goner. He's singing WIRES! I love Wires. YES he's singing it well! This is amazing! My boyfriend just said 'if Simon was there he'd put him through cos he loves Athlete.' I don't know why my boyfriend knows this information. OMG, he sang it really well. That was quite moving. Nice when he cuddled Gary. Aw, I was blubbing then. What a ninny I am.
LOL, Union J are doing Snow Patrol. It's a middle of the road indie-off. Louis's face is a picture. Jamie is really pulling out all the stops. Aw, I do like Union J. But I don't want Rylan to go.
I feel all emotional right now! Even Gary is admitting he loves Rylan. Oh, Tulisa did him in. So sad to see Rylan go. He went out on a real high, though. I so wish it was Christopher.
I really hope Rylan goes on Celebrity Big Brother. He's the new Jedward! Love him.
Sunday, 25 November 2012
Saturday, 24 November 2012
X Factor: Where's Fernando?
What are the two musical styles you'd rather eat your own fist than listen to? That's right, it's Abba and Motown week! Talk about giving Christopher Maloney a free pass to the next round. Why can't we have 90s week, rock week, dance or pop week? Why has it always got to be these dated, duff themes? It's fucking idiocy.
It seems boring now there are only men left in the competition. I loved Rylan's amateur dramatics at Ella leaving. He's dra-ma, as Nicole would say.
I like Rylan's throne and the Alice in Wonderland set. I genuinely believe he's improved a lot since the beginning. Louis is right, Rylan is the people's champion, unlike Christopher who still gets boos at the mere mention of his name. Rylan keeping it classy with the comment about Gary's OBE, unlike Gary slagging of Rylan at his 'gig' this week, if that's what you call it.
I love the gay one in Union J. I think the other dark haired one is quite nice looking, too. My boyfriend's comment: 'There's four of them, one is gay and can sing - is it the new Queen?' They are singing my favourite Abba song, and the only Abba song I like. I'm not particularly liking their version. It's lacking the drama of the original - I think they made it a bit too frothy. I actually think Union J would be better without that George they shoehorned in, I think. He looks like a puppet Harry Styles.
Jahmene is still rolling out his sob story. It is horrendous what happened to him. Life's hard, innit? 'I had a dream'... I nodded off, more like. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Stop going on about your mum, you little lick-spittle. We all know how close Jimmy Savile was to his mother and how that ended up.
Ella, Ella, Ella... yeah we get the message. She gone now. Move on.
I thought James did the best he could with that rubbish song. They should have added some wub wubs. His voice sounds strong this week. I really hope he wins it. Angst and Abba. I've agreed with all of Louis's comments tonight. Gary: 'I'm your biggest fan.' What about Christopher Maloney? I wish they'd let James sing one of his own songs this week. I think I might ring up for James tonight. I just did - he doesn't sound quite as chirpy as when you ring up for Rylan.
Gary's introduction for Christopher Maloney was nice: 'brace yourselves.' Indeed. I don't think I've ever seen a judge so publically hate their own act. I can't stand Christopher's personality either, and how rude to say 'if people liked her, they should have voted for her.' Arsehole.
They've hidden him this week behind a bunch of half naked people. I just shouted 'FUCK OFF' very loudly at my screen. It's lucky the cat isn't near by or I'd probably have kicked it (OK, I wouldn't).
Louis giggling at the naked people was hilarious. 'Where's Fernando?' I don't think Louis has taken his meds tonight. Sir Gary apologising for the other judge's comments; who does he think he is? Just give the wrong number out so we can finally get rid of this cunt (Chris, not Gary, although...).
I like 'I'll be there' and I thought Union J sang it better than they did the first song. I do hope they become successful, I like them better than One Direction. Louis is making me laugh tonight.
Nicole just looked in the wrong camera and introduced James Arthur before Rylan came on. Oops! What is Rylan wearing? He's dressed like Mr Blobby. He didn't sing as well as in his first performance, but I still like the way he commands the stage. I love the way he talks to the judges, calling 'T' and Gary 'G' - it's so over-familiar, but lovely. Imagine if they'd pushed James Arthur out on the stage in that yellow suit and with those flashing lights, then we'd see what he was made of.
Jahmene's mum is definitely too old for bunches. I'd say 40 is the cut off point, but that's only because I like to wear bunches sometimes.
I wouldn't like to be 'wooed' by Let's Get It On. Is James wearing Gary Barlow's suit? I think he's got Dermot's shoes on, too. I hate this song. This is so cheesy. It's not the right fit for him. He smiled at the end of it, that's a rare sight. Louis is getting a bit over-excited. I think Nicole wants to look up 'you murdered it' in the English Dictionary, as that's not a compliment over here.
I actually like this song Jahmene is singing, argh! Nice to have your name up in lights like that, isn't it? LOL to Tulisa telling Louis to 'give it a rest'. I think he's drunk.
I like Gary's next introduction for Christopher: 'get out of your seats for Christopher Maloney.' Yeah, time for a tea break. He's got his jacket on again - good, perhaps he'll leave soon. There's overstaying your welcome and there's Christopher.
Nicole's cornflake analogy was a bit tenuous. She said 'I don't see much soul' and my boyfriend said, 'I do, an arsehole.' And there endeth my blog.
It seems boring now there are only men left in the competition. I loved Rylan's amateur dramatics at Ella leaving. He's dra-ma, as Nicole would say.
I like Rylan's throne and the Alice in Wonderland set. I genuinely believe he's improved a lot since the beginning. Louis is right, Rylan is the people's champion, unlike Christopher who still gets boos at the mere mention of his name. Rylan keeping it classy with the comment about Gary's OBE, unlike Gary slagging of Rylan at his 'gig' this week, if that's what you call it.
I love the gay one in Union J. I think the other dark haired one is quite nice looking, too. My boyfriend's comment: 'There's four of them, one is gay and can sing - is it the new Queen?' They are singing my favourite Abba song, and the only Abba song I like. I'm not particularly liking their version. It's lacking the drama of the original - I think they made it a bit too frothy. I actually think Union J would be better without that George they shoehorned in, I think. He looks like a puppet Harry Styles.
Jahmene is still rolling out his sob story. It is horrendous what happened to him. Life's hard, innit? 'I had a dream'... I nodded off, more like. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Stop going on about your mum, you little lick-spittle. We all know how close Jimmy Savile was to his mother and how that ended up.
Ella, Ella, Ella... yeah we get the message. She gone now. Move on.
I thought James did the best he could with that rubbish song. They should have added some wub wubs. His voice sounds strong this week. I really hope he wins it. Angst and Abba. I've agreed with all of Louis's comments tonight. Gary: 'I'm your biggest fan.' What about Christopher Maloney? I wish they'd let James sing one of his own songs this week. I think I might ring up for James tonight. I just did - he doesn't sound quite as chirpy as when you ring up for Rylan.
Gary's introduction for Christopher Maloney was nice: 'brace yourselves.' Indeed. I don't think I've ever seen a judge so publically hate their own act. I can't stand Christopher's personality either, and how rude to say 'if people liked her, they should have voted for her.' Arsehole.
They've hidden him this week behind a bunch of half naked people. I just shouted 'FUCK OFF' very loudly at my screen. It's lucky the cat isn't near by or I'd probably have kicked it (OK, I wouldn't).
Louis giggling at the naked people was hilarious. 'Where's Fernando?' I don't think Louis has taken his meds tonight. Sir Gary apologising for the other judge's comments; who does he think he is? Just give the wrong number out so we can finally get rid of this cunt (Chris, not Gary, although...).
I like 'I'll be there' and I thought Union J sang it better than they did the first song. I do hope they become successful, I like them better than One Direction. Louis is making me laugh tonight.
Nicole just looked in the wrong camera and introduced James Arthur before Rylan came on. Oops! What is Rylan wearing? He's dressed like Mr Blobby. He didn't sing as well as in his first performance, but I still like the way he commands the stage. I love the way he talks to the judges, calling 'T' and Gary 'G' - it's so over-familiar, but lovely. Imagine if they'd pushed James Arthur out on the stage in that yellow suit and with those flashing lights, then we'd see what he was made of.
Jahmene's mum is definitely too old for bunches. I'd say 40 is the cut off point, but that's only because I like to wear bunches sometimes.
I wouldn't like to be 'wooed' by Let's Get It On. Is James wearing Gary Barlow's suit? I think he's got Dermot's shoes on, too. I hate this song. This is so cheesy. It's not the right fit for him. He smiled at the end of it, that's a rare sight. Louis is getting a bit over-excited. I think Nicole wants to look up 'you murdered it' in the English Dictionary, as that's not a compliment over here.
I actually like this song Jahmene is singing, argh! Nice to have your name up in lights like that, isn't it? LOL to Tulisa telling Louis to 'give it a rest'. I think he's drunk.
I like Gary's next introduction for Christopher: 'get out of your seats for Christopher Maloney.' Yeah, time for a tea break. He's got his jacket on again - good, perhaps he'll leave soon. There's overstaying your welcome and there's Christopher.
Nicole's cornflake analogy was a bit tenuous. She said 'I don't see much soul' and my boyfriend said, 'I do, an arsehole.' And there endeth my blog.
Sunday, 18 November 2012
X Factor results: an Imbruglia-sized mistake
The two 'guests' on tonight: I hate Alicia Keys so much I'd rather be trapped in a prison cell with that one Olly Murs song about the crab on a loop for a week than go to 30 minutes of her of her tedious gig. Fuck her and her piano, I just find her pretentious, humourless, and I particularly hate that phone thing she does with her hand. Just: no.
Ella has got her hair up in that gross bun again. She's such a cute little thing, but they get her styling right once in ten times.
I thought Rylan sang well in the group song. I just gave him my vote. Take that, Barlow, etc.
So the gay one in Union J has come out, shocker. I've not been less shocked since Will Young came out. At least this guy did it whilst the competition was still on. Good for him.
I think there could be a big shock tonight and James or Ella could be in the bottom two, as I thought they were both patchy last night.
They're were taking the piss out Christopher with the laser beam eyes, weren't they? I do feel a bit sorry for him. But I still want him to go.
Gary's Evil Knievil joke goes over a thousand young heads - keep your references relevant, Granddad.
Who are these cunts buying Olly Murs's 'music'? The only interesting thing about Olly Murs is that he's been on Deal or No Deal twice, making him the only non oho (only here once). He's not even a good singer. I will give him something, though; I think he does a good job presenting Xtra Factor with Caroline Flack. I think she's brilliant; but he bounces off her well. Do you remember when Connie Huq was doing it *cringes and throws up simultaneously*. I think Caroline Flack is one of the most natural female TV presenters around right now. She just seems really down to earth and like you'd have a good time if you hung out with her. She makes Fearne Cotton and Holly-thingy look like boring old gits.
I'm so sick of Christopher thanking 'the public' for their support. Yeah the drunk/ elderly or sadistic public. THANKS A BUNCH. He's doing it for his nan, so it's all her fault.
Thank fuck I had a nap earlier and started watching the show 10 minutes late, which allowed me to forward through Alica Keys, who appears to have turned white. There were so many stupid props on the stage that I can only assume the song was utterly dire.
'Good luck to everyone' means 'Good luck to no one' so you might as well not waste your breath, Dermot.
YES! Rylan is through. My vote did count. LOL. He's got to sack his psychic now.
It's between James, Ella and Christopher. OMG. I was right, I predicted this right at the start - James and Ella in the bottom 2. Bad song choices, I'm telling you! This is a super cock up. I feel sorry for them because they should both be in the final. This is wrong.
Ella should go just for singing Beddingfield. Aw, she looks really sad. She has got one big mouth, bless her. Tulisa's face says she's already gone.
Aw, so cute when James kissed her as they crossed paths. 'This is James f-ing Arthur.' Oh Christ, he's singing Alicia Keys. Too much Alicia for one show! One second is too much. He should have put his glasses on for old times sake. Can you imagine if he went over to America with those teeth? They'd think there was something wrong with him, like he was simple or something. I love the fact he's not had them done. I thought he outdid her in that song. I hope she goes, but it's still wrong.
I love Tulisa's bile! At last she shows her teeth. Telling the public they're fucking wrong, yeah, eat that, public, you fucking morons. Don't you know how to use a sodding phone?
OH NO. Louis sent James home. Oh no. Bad feeling in my stomach. DEADLOCK.
Oh, thank God James got through. I'm sure that Ella will still do well, I think she should sing her own songs, get away from X Factor and become a credible artist and do her own hair and styling. She could still be massive. Who's successful after X Factor has diddly squat to do with who wins, anyway. I think it's just who gets the best manager.
No WOMEN left in the competition. I love you, Britain, you sexist fuckwits. And remember, kids, don't blame Rylan for this shitstorm; blame Christopher!
Ella has got her hair up in that gross bun again. She's such a cute little thing, but they get her styling right once in ten times.
I thought Rylan sang well in the group song. I just gave him my vote. Take that, Barlow, etc.
So the gay one in Union J has come out, shocker. I've not been less shocked since Will Young came out. At least this guy did it whilst the competition was still on. Good for him.
I think there could be a big shock tonight and James or Ella could be in the bottom two, as I thought they were both patchy last night.
They're were taking the piss out Christopher with the laser beam eyes, weren't they? I do feel a bit sorry for him. But I still want him to go.
Gary's Evil Knievil joke goes over a thousand young heads - keep your references relevant, Granddad.
Who are these cunts buying Olly Murs's 'music'? The only interesting thing about Olly Murs is that he's been on Deal or No Deal twice, making him the only non oho (only here once). He's not even a good singer. I will give him something, though; I think he does a good job presenting Xtra Factor with Caroline Flack. I think she's brilliant; but he bounces off her well. Do you remember when Connie Huq was doing it *cringes and throws up simultaneously*. I think Caroline Flack is one of the most natural female TV presenters around right now. She just seems really down to earth and like you'd have a good time if you hung out with her. She makes Fearne Cotton and Holly-thingy look like boring old gits.
I'm so sick of Christopher thanking 'the public' for their support. Yeah the drunk/ elderly or sadistic public. THANKS A BUNCH. He's doing it for his nan, so it's all her fault.
Thank fuck I had a nap earlier and started watching the show 10 minutes late, which allowed me to forward through Alica Keys, who appears to have turned white. There were so many stupid props on the stage that I can only assume the song was utterly dire.
'Good luck to everyone' means 'Good luck to no one' so you might as well not waste your breath, Dermot.
YES! Rylan is through. My vote did count. LOL. He's got to sack his psychic now.
It's between James, Ella and Christopher. OMG. I was right, I predicted this right at the start - James and Ella in the bottom 2. Bad song choices, I'm telling you! This is a super cock up. I feel sorry for them because they should both be in the final. This is wrong.
Ella should go just for singing Beddingfield. Aw, she looks really sad. She has got one big mouth, bless her. Tulisa's face says she's already gone.
Aw, so cute when James kissed her as they crossed paths. 'This is James f-ing Arthur.' Oh Christ, he's singing Alicia Keys. Too much Alicia for one show! One second is too much. He should have put his glasses on for old times sake. Can you imagine if he went over to America with those teeth? They'd think there was something wrong with him, like he was simple or something. I love the fact he's not had them done. I thought he outdid her in that song. I hope she goes, but it's still wrong.
I love Tulisa's bile! At last she shows her teeth. Telling the public they're fucking wrong, yeah, eat that, public, you fucking morons. Don't you know how to use a sodding phone?
OH NO. Louis sent James home. Oh no. Bad feeling in my stomach. DEADLOCK.
Oh, thank God James got through. I'm sure that Ella will still do well, I think she should sing her own songs, get away from X Factor and become a credible artist and do her own hair and styling. She could still be massive. Who's successful after X Factor has diddly squat to do with who wins, anyway. I think it's just who gets the best manager.
No WOMEN left in the competition. I love you, Britain, you sexist fuckwits. And remember, kids, don't blame Rylan for this shitstorm; blame Christopher!
X Factor: Guilty Pleasures and even their babies
That's a proper recap of last week's events! It's like something out of 24. So it's guilty pleasures week - at last Christopher will be in his element. Are we every going to see the back if his enormous orange moon-face?
I liked Dermot's Hammer Time intro. We also like it when he says 'your Saturday night starts here' as it feels like a FACT, even if you've started watching it two hours late like me. My night is just beginning! Dermot says so. There's a takeaway on the way, too.
If I was singing on 'Guilty Pleasures' week I think I'd do Abba, The Winner Takes it All. Or Like a Prayer by Madonna.
Isn't it cute how Union J's names all start with G or J? Hopefully they'll get more votes now those dress-up rapists have gone. Talking of sexism, I also don't like a pre-pubescent boy use phrases such as 'screaming like a girl.'
As much as I'm loathe to admit it, 'Call me maybe' is SO fucking catchy. 'Before you came into my life I missed you so bad' as lyrics are almost Morrissey-esque. I don't like their suits, they look like they're going for a job interview at a bank. My boyfriend said this was their 'en vogue' moment. Not sure I was feeling it myself. The cute/gay one in their band is so head and shoulders above the others in terms of vocal ability it's becoming embarrassing. It was a lazy production moves-wise, I think, Nicole was right.
I thought Ella's performance was dire. You can't reimagine 'You are one that you want'. My boyfriend said she can sing this at John Travolta's funeral. The Scientologists will have her lynched. No want wants an Angkor Wat version of a song off Grease. Did Gary really just say that was her best performance ever? Been on the wine again, Baz? I hate 99% of all slowed-down versions of songs, primarily because you can't sing along to them.
STOP SAYING ELLA IS ONLY 16. I don't CARE!
How can James Arthur top the wub wubs? I thought this was his duffest performance of all. He should have done a rap. Tulisa felt like she was 'down Camden with the cool kids.' Have you been down Camden lately? It's a dump. LOL to GB saying he wants James to win over Christopher there. Nice! Loyalty fail.
I want someone to 'reimagine' the Birdie Song or Snooker Loopy. LOL to Ed Balls tweeting Tulisa to tell her what's what about Call Me Maybe. Yeah eat that, Tulisa. Call Me Maybe rocks.
I have loved Rylan ever since he told the story of a fox mugging him for his wallet on the Xtra Factor and I will love him for 1,000 years more. What is Rylan going to do for guilty pleasures? Every week it's a guilty pleasure.
Rylan looks great! I like his flashing trousers. He seems vaguely in tune. Rylan always does a medley! I thought that was his best performance yet. He does own that stage and his singing was good. He murdered the Spice Girls last week, he was much better this week, what is Tulisa on?
Gary Barlow's comments are JUST PLAIN WRONG. Rylan has improved over time. I liked Rylan's comeback about wanting to mime. Not that he wants to sing better, just that he wants to be able to be autotuned and miming asap. It's genius.
Rylan's quip about Gary being fat was just brilliant. He's got comic timing you just can't learn. You got zinged, Gary! Hilarious, and then he tried to run away on the treadmill, it's almost Frank Spencer-like. Rylan was born to be a star, I'd kill to see him in Celeb BB this year. I'd just love to be his mate, really.
Christopher Maloney, we are getting a little bit tired of hearing your voice. I do like this song. Is that a giant him with laser beams coming out of his eyes behind him? Fucking hell, one looming orange face was enough! He's actually doing this quite well, but enough alreadyz.
I do feel a bit guilty about the mean things I've said about Jahmene, as I heard his brother committed suicide, so I think that abuse by their dad must have been pretty hardcore. This still doesn't make him a popstar. Jahmene is doing a dreary slowed down version of Don't leave me this way. No, really, do. Louis: 'you have got it all'. Except a personality. Tulisa's comments were nice to him. He does need his confidence building. Hard to get that back when it's been beaten out of you.
So basically Rylan was the best act tonight by about 300 miles. Get your baby out, give it your mobile and vote. Fuck the cancer risk.
I liked Dermot's Hammer Time intro. We also like it when he says 'your Saturday night starts here' as it feels like a FACT, even if you've started watching it two hours late like me. My night is just beginning! Dermot says so. There's a takeaway on the way, too.
If I was singing on 'Guilty Pleasures' week I think I'd do Abba, The Winner Takes it All. Or Like a Prayer by Madonna.
Isn't it cute how Union J's names all start with G or J? Hopefully they'll get more votes now those dress-up rapists have gone. Talking of sexism, I also don't like a pre-pubescent boy use phrases such as 'screaming like a girl.'
As much as I'm loathe to admit it, 'Call me maybe' is SO fucking catchy. 'Before you came into my life I missed you so bad' as lyrics are almost Morrissey-esque. I don't like their suits, they look like they're going for a job interview at a bank. My boyfriend said this was their 'en vogue' moment. Not sure I was feeling it myself. The cute/gay one in their band is so head and shoulders above the others in terms of vocal ability it's becoming embarrassing. It was a lazy production moves-wise, I think, Nicole was right.
I thought Ella's performance was dire. You can't reimagine 'You are one that you want'. My boyfriend said she can sing this at John Travolta's funeral. The Scientologists will have her lynched. No want wants an Angkor Wat version of a song off Grease. Did Gary really just say that was her best performance ever? Been on the wine again, Baz? I hate 99% of all slowed-down versions of songs, primarily because you can't sing along to them.
STOP SAYING ELLA IS ONLY 16. I don't CARE!
How can James Arthur top the wub wubs? I thought this was his duffest performance of all. He should have done a rap. Tulisa felt like she was 'down Camden with the cool kids.' Have you been down Camden lately? It's a dump. LOL to GB saying he wants James to win over Christopher there. Nice! Loyalty fail.
I want someone to 'reimagine' the Birdie Song or Snooker Loopy. LOL to Ed Balls tweeting Tulisa to tell her what's what about Call Me Maybe. Yeah eat that, Tulisa. Call Me Maybe rocks.
I have loved Rylan ever since he told the story of a fox mugging him for his wallet on the Xtra Factor and I will love him for 1,000 years more. What is Rylan going to do for guilty pleasures? Every week it's a guilty pleasure.
Rylan looks great! I like his flashing trousers. He seems vaguely in tune. Rylan always does a medley! I thought that was his best performance yet. He does own that stage and his singing was good. He murdered the Spice Girls last week, he was much better this week, what is Tulisa on?
Gary Barlow's comments are JUST PLAIN WRONG. Rylan has improved over time. I liked Rylan's comeback about wanting to mime. Not that he wants to sing better, just that he wants to be able to be autotuned and miming asap. It's genius.
Rylan's quip about Gary being fat was just brilliant. He's got comic timing you just can't learn. You got zinged, Gary! Hilarious, and then he tried to run away on the treadmill, it's almost Frank Spencer-like. Rylan was born to be a star, I'd kill to see him in Celeb BB this year. I'd just love to be his mate, really.
Christopher Maloney, we are getting a little bit tired of hearing your voice. I do like this song. Is that a giant him with laser beams coming out of his eyes behind him? Fucking hell, one looming orange face was enough! He's actually doing this quite well, but enough alreadyz.
I do feel a bit guilty about the mean things I've said about Jahmene, as I heard his brother committed suicide, so I think that abuse by their dad must have been pretty hardcore. This still doesn't make him a popstar. Jahmene is doing a dreary slowed down version of Don't leave me this way. No, really, do. Louis: 'you have got it all'. Except a personality. Tulisa's comments were nice to him. He does need his confidence building. Hard to get that back when it's been beaten out of you.
So basically Rylan was the best act tonight by about 300 miles. Get your baby out, give it your mobile and vote. Fuck the cancer risk.
Sunday, 11 November 2012
X Factor: Christoph-uck off, please.
Soz for the no show last night; like Father Christmas, I leave the house once a year. James and Ella were clearly the best, but I enjoyed Rylan murdering the Spice Girls. I think one member of Union J is a badass; the others can all sod off, especially the little ventriloquist's dummy who 'plays' guitar. One Direction and all who sail in them are beyond creepy, do they have any songs about not controlling fat girls?
OMG what's with the U2 Beautiful Day singalong? They should have sung Lemon instead.
I like Ella and her normal figure, and James and his bad teeth. I'm soooo tired of Jahmene. 'I'm singing for my mum' he opined on Xtra Factor. Why don't you stay at home and sing for her and save all the rest of us the drudgery, then? I find him as exciting as a dishcloth. If he beats either James or Ella, it will be a travesty. I thought he killed Angels, and I hate Angels, anyway. But at least Robbie can sing it.
As for Christopher, the desperation to get rid of him is clearly turning into the biggest pity vote since Rylan. District3 doing Eric Clapton was dire. Ella made me cry and James brought the wub wub.
Next up, it's my little muffins, Little Mix! I haven't heard them sing anything since the horrendously inappropriate Cannonball, so it will be interesting to see what they do here. This sounds like that Katy Perry song ET. I generally like songs that have stuttering in, not sure this is my bag, though. Lion hair is virtually unrecognisable. They all look a bit cross and frowny. I wonder if they speak to Tulisa anymore?
It's lucky my boyfriend's not here as he won't allow Ed Sheeran on the TV. It's indie music for people who've never heard indie music, isn't it? Do people actually fancy him? He looks like a hobbit. I'm a fan of gingers but he gives ginger a bad name. He's so boring he makes James Morrison look wacky. Look at what he's wearing! You're on TV, hobbit! Fix up, look sharp. I'd rather drink bleach than listen to his dreary album. It's like he's taken something people genuinely like and extracted all the good parts out of it and served it up morosely in a hoodie, wearing a wooden necklace. What is this, 2001? Fuck off Frodo, Gollam wants his ring back. SIX singles off his album??? Money-grabbing gimp. And Morrissey can't even get a record deal. Britain: you disgust me.
James through first. Whoop: Rylan's through next, sweet! He's gone back to black but I'll forgive him. I love his and James Arthur's friendship. All Nicole's boys through, including Asda-nerd. Interesting way to announce it. Ooh, will it be Christopher or the boybands in the bottom 2?
Ooh, harsh time to have a break, Dermy, you little sod! How many breaks can they cram into one hour-long show?
LOL Chistopher is through so Louis has to eat one of his babies. It better be District Blee. Union J are way better. Louis is looking grim-faced. Looks like Christopher might be getting all those zillions of votes after all. HOW?
There's not even an attractive one in District 3, they all like they could be scampering round Middle Earth as Ed Sheeran's little henchmen. I find them quite cheesy. I suppose it's good drama to have to kill off one of the boybands, though. I sense another one of Louis' meltdown's coming on.
Neither boyband can be THAT popular, anyway, if they keep getting beat by the squarest shelf-stacker in England and someone who can't sing a note.
Put Union J though! They're cuter. They have better clothes. They seem more passionate. I think they want it more. Aw, it's cute when they all hug at the end. This better go my way or I'm gonna be pissed.
It's weird they're getting Louis to vote first. He's refusing to vote! Go, Louis. Gary has voted to send District3 home. Good. Yes, Nicole did, too. It's conclusive. Hopefully Union J will rack up a few more votes now the vote is split, and the singing pumpkin will finally be binned next week. Tulisa: 'District3 were R&B'. Er, no they weren't.
I was going to give 'I'm a Celebrity' a go and write a first blog about it, but honestly, I can't stomach it. I can never keep up watching a whole series of it, and I'm always baffled how it does so much better than Big Brother with it's mixture of human and animal cruelty. I think it's just a tired format like The Apprentice. Big Brother never gets old for me. Yeah there have been magic moments on 'Celeb' (Burrell, Gaffney) but it's not enough. I'm out. Xtra Factor it is.
(PS: I reserve the right to watch one episode and change my mind at some point. But it's unlikely, my planner is on 0%. I've already had to delete about 40 Deal or No Deals.)
OMG what's with the U2 Beautiful Day singalong? They should have sung Lemon instead.
I like Ella and her normal figure, and James and his bad teeth. I'm soooo tired of Jahmene. 'I'm singing for my mum' he opined on Xtra Factor. Why don't you stay at home and sing for her and save all the rest of us the drudgery, then? I find him as exciting as a dishcloth. If he beats either James or Ella, it will be a travesty. I thought he killed Angels, and I hate Angels, anyway. But at least Robbie can sing it.
As for Christopher, the desperation to get rid of him is clearly turning into the biggest pity vote since Rylan. District3 doing Eric Clapton was dire. Ella made me cry and James brought the wub wub.
Next up, it's my little muffins, Little Mix! I haven't heard them sing anything since the horrendously inappropriate Cannonball, so it will be interesting to see what they do here. This sounds like that Katy Perry song ET. I generally like songs that have stuttering in, not sure this is my bag, though. Lion hair is virtually unrecognisable. They all look a bit cross and frowny. I wonder if they speak to Tulisa anymore?
It's lucky my boyfriend's not here as he won't allow Ed Sheeran on the TV. It's indie music for people who've never heard indie music, isn't it? Do people actually fancy him? He looks like a hobbit. I'm a fan of gingers but he gives ginger a bad name. He's so boring he makes James Morrison look wacky. Look at what he's wearing! You're on TV, hobbit! Fix up, look sharp. I'd rather drink bleach than listen to his dreary album. It's like he's taken something people genuinely like and extracted all the good parts out of it and served it up morosely in a hoodie, wearing a wooden necklace. What is this, 2001? Fuck off Frodo, Gollam wants his ring back. SIX singles off his album??? Money-grabbing gimp. And Morrissey can't even get a record deal. Britain: you disgust me.
James through first. Whoop: Rylan's through next, sweet! He's gone back to black but I'll forgive him. I love his and James Arthur's friendship. All Nicole's boys through, including Asda-nerd. Interesting way to announce it. Ooh, will it be Christopher or the boybands in the bottom 2?
Ooh, harsh time to have a break, Dermy, you little sod! How many breaks can they cram into one hour-long show?
LOL Chistopher is through so Louis has to eat one of his babies. It better be District Blee. Union J are way better. Louis is looking grim-faced. Looks like Christopher might be getting all those zillions of votes after all. HOW?
There's not even an attractive one in District 3, they all like they could be scampering round Middle Earth as Ed Sheeran's little henchmen. I find them quite cheesy. I suppose it's good drama to have to kill off one of the boybands, though. I sense another one of Louis' meltdown's coming on.
Neither boyband can be THAT popular, anyway, if they keep getting beat by the squarest shelf-stacker in England and someone who can't sing a note.
Put Union J though! They're cuter. They have better clothes. They seem more passionate. I think they want it more. Aw, it's cute when they all hug at the end. This better go my way or I'm gonna be pissed.
It's weird they're getting Louis to vote first. He's refusing to vote! Go, Louis. Gary has voted to send District3 home. Good. Yes, Nicole did, too. It's conclusive. Hopefully Union J will rack up a few more votes now the vote is split, and the singing pumpkin will finally be binned next week. Tulisa: 'District3 were R&B'. Er, no they weren't.
I was going to give 'I'm a Celebrity' a go and write a first blog about it, but honestly, I can't stomach it. I can never keep up watching a whole series of it, and I'm always baffled how it does so much better than Big Brother with it's mixture of human and animal cruelty. I think it's just a tired format like The Apprentice. Big Brother never gets old for me. Yeah there have been magic moments on 'Celeb' (Burrell, Gaffney) but it's not enough. I'm out. Xtra Factor it is.
(PS: I reserve the right to watch one episode and change my mind at some point. But it's unlikely, my planner is on 0%. I've already had to delete about 40 Deal or No Deals.)
Sunday, 4 November 2012
X Factor results: Kye bye
Evening! Well I enjoyed the X Factor judges on Alan Carr (minus Louis) more than I did last night's show. And in X Factor US they kicked out two of my favourites in one night, so I think I'm going to ditch that because children and cowboys don't really appeal to me. Also, there's too much screaming on it, you can't hear a bloody thing. Oh, and the hosts are insufferable. Come back Steve Jones, all is forgiven.
My boyfriend has taken to calling James Arthur 'Lurch' which I think is a bit harsh. I wouldn't mind him lurching at me down a dark alley, flappy hand and all.
My boyfriend just claimed 'Ella can't sing for shit.' That's a bit cruel. Firework is a hard song to sing, even Katy Perry can't sing it. She's probably the second best singer there.
Can we finally ditch the singing orange tonight, please? I don't care if grannies love it. That's purely speculation anyway. It's probably just Gary's wife ringing up 20,000 times from their Northamptonshire mansion.
I liked Rita Ora when she was guest judge but her song is ropey. She looks good, though.
Gwen Stefani: 'do you think I'm looking hot, are you looking at my rack?' More your stomach, if anything. 'Ow, ow, ow.' Did she stub her toe? Gwen Stefani might make a good X Factor judge. Shirley Manson would be better. Courtney Love would be better still, but she'd be sacked within a week. But oh, what a week.
Rylan should either dye his beard blonde or ditch the beard. The two-tone looks odd. I think he should embrace his natural ginger, personally.
OMG Christopher is through again! You've got to be kidding me. The audience were actually booing. WHO IS VOTING FOR HIM? Oh, I forgot, Gary's wife.
Shit, Kye and Rylan in the bottom two. I think Rylan's time might be up. Ooh what was the coarse language! I want to know. Bet it was Tulisa.
Nicole introduced her act by the power of mime. Eh heh, Rylan's going serious. He's doing the fish tank song from Romeo and Juliet. Aw, this is quite moving. He DOES sing better when he's not dancing! Go, Rylan! He's not hit a bum note yet. He looks really happy, too. Wow! That might have just saved him.
Kye's doing a dreary song. He looks like he's got leggings on and he's wearing a little girl's bow round his neck. He is singing it quite well, but he's so boring. Rylan FTW. So cute seeing Rylan and Dermot cuddling whilst Rylan sings. I think Kye is over-egging wandering behind the judges now. Rylan is the fan favourite. Is Gary going to stomp off again if things don't go his way?
Gary 'I'm sure that everyone at home agrees' - don't speak for me, you fucking prick! How dare he say that! Don't tell us what everyone thinks. Grr, I hate it when people say that, like when people say 'Every girl wants to get married' or 'everyone wants to be famous'. Piss off.
YES, Tulisa sent it to deadlock and Rylan was saved. Show Gary's face! So apparently 'everyone at home' DOESN'T agree with Gary after all. Funny that. Presumptuous prat.
Gary: 'when you have an act like Rylan good singers will go home every week.' What is that even supposed to mean? An act people enjoy, an act people like watching rather than dreary Kye and Christopher, or an act at least two of the judges AND the public are saving? What a twonk. Hopefully Rylan will win and Gary will quit. And then Simon will come back. And then something else. Shit, Downton Abbey has got a cricket match coming up. Pass the smelling salts. And the remote.
My boyfriend has taken to calling James Arthur 'Lurch' which I think is a bit harsh. I wouldn't mind him lurching at me down a dark alley, flappy hand and all.
My boyfriend just claimed 'Ella can't sing for shit.' That's a bit cruel. Firework is a hard song to sing, even Katy Perry can't sing it. She's probably the second best singer there.
Can we finally ditch the singing orange tonight, please? I don't care if grannies love it. That's purely speculation anyway. It's probably just Gary's wife ringing up 20,000 times from their Northamptonshire mansion.
I liked Rita Ora when she was guest judge but her song is ropey. She looks good, though.
Gwen Stefani: 'do you think I'm looking hot, are you looking at my rack?' More your stomach, if anything. 'Ow, ow, ow.' Did she stub her toe? Gwen Stefani might make a good X Factor judge. Shirley Manson would be better. Courtney Love would be better still, but she'd be sacked within a week. But oh, what a week.
Rylan should either dye his beard blonde or ditch the beard. The two-tone looks odd. I think he should embrace his natural ginger, personally.
OMG Christopher is through again! You've got to be kidding me. The audience were actually booing. WHO IS VOTING FOR HIM? Oh, I forgot, Gary's wife.
Shit, Kye and Rylan in the bottom two. I think Rylan's time might be up. Ooh what was the coarse language! I want to know. Bet it was Tulisa.
Nicole introduced her act by the power of mime. Eh heh, Rylan's going serious. He's doing the fish tank song from Romeo and Juliet. Aw, this is quite moving. He DOES sing better when he's not dancing! Go, Rylan! He's not hit a bum note yet. He looks really happy, too. Wow! That might have just saved him.
Kye's doing a dreary song. He looks like he's got leggings on and he's wearing a little girl's bow round his neck. He is singing it quite well, but he's so boring. Rylan FTW. So cute seeing Rylan and Dermot cuddling whilst Rylan sings. I think Kye is over-egging wandering behind the judges now. Rylan is the fan favourite. Is Gary going to stomp off again if things don't go his way?
Gary 'I'm sure that everyone at home agrees' - don't speak for me, you fucking prick! How dare he say that! Don't tell us what everyone thinks. Grr, I hate it when people say that, like when people say 'Every girl wants to get married' or 'everyone wants to be famous'. Piss off.
YES, Tulisa sent it to deadlock and Rylan was saved. Show Gary's face! So apparently 'everyone at home' DOESN'T agree with Gary after all. Funny that. Presumptuous prat.
Gary: 'when you have an act like Rylan good singers will go home every week.' What is that even supposed to mean? An act people enjoy, an act people like watching rather than dreary Kye and Christopher, or an act at least two of the judges AND the public are saving? What a twonk. Hopefully Rylan will win and Gary will quit. And then Simon will come back. And then something else. Shit, Downton Abbey has got a cricket match coming up. Pass the smelling salts. And the remote.
Saturday, 3 November 2012
X Factor: Number ones
I'm doped up on codeine due to my rickety back so if I say something offensive, blame the druggles. I am innocent!
So Lucy Spraggan has left the competition due to 'illness' - pig sick at the thought of what song they were going to make her cover next, I suspect. I think it's a shame for her fans and a bit of a kick in the teeth for them. It's weird when people are given an opportunity on a plate and hand it back; but then I guess the reality of fame - or what you thought you wanted - sometimes doesn't match up.
Bit tacky for Nicole to be bragging about having three acts when Lucy has left under a cloud.
Rylan: 'Essex is like the Hollywood of England.' Yeah, like Blackpool is the Las Vegas. Not good that he's up first, they must be sick of him. Rylan actually sounded in tune at the start. Maybe he just can't sing and dance at the same time. Even Gary's doing a little smile. I think he's doing quite a good job this week, it's a bit less OTT than usual. He's got his Brandon Flowers feathers on, too. Gary (the prophet of doom) going 'this might be your last week.' Keep peddling it, Gary, and people keep picking up the phones which is probably all a ploy anyway. I love Rylan calling Gary 'Gal' and 'G'. I even enjoyed Nicole's rehearsed 'shut up.' LOL to Dermot telling us not to smash through our glass windows at home, I was just about to.
Aw one of Union J is pretending playing the guitar, bless. This song is a bit lacklustre. I think this is one of the worse performances they've done. I do like the one on the right though, he can really sing. They're all done up like little Gary Barlows. Gary: 'you could work on your blending a little bit more.' Eh? How does one work on that?
Kye oh Kye, feels like there's a lot of deadwood now. Hahaha, he's doing 'You only get what you give'. 'Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson, they're all fakes run to your mansions.' OK, we will. I bet dude from the New Radicals doesn't have a mansion, probably more like a cardboard box. LOL I can't believe he sang the Courtney Love bit, I thought they'd cut it, or at least update it. That song was pathetic when it came out, and it's just tragic to hear it right now. Don't dig up dead donkeys.
Kye's hair isn't doing much for him, I think he should keep his fringe covering his massive forehead. Strangely on X Factor US they have given EVERYONE fringes, even Britney and Demi. I thought it was fringe week when I watched it yesterday. That show is duff though, the contestants aren't as good as ours - the teen category is unbearable.
James Arthur looks like he's put on a stone since his first audition. How does Gwen Stefani look exactly the same as she did 20 years ago? I mean, obviously it's surgery, but she's got a good plastic surgeon.
James Arthur is better than this song. Is it 90s week? He's got his coat on again, I liked the person on Twitter last week who said 'he won't feel the benefit when he goes outside.' I thought his rap was pretty naff but I liked the way he pronounced 'love'. I notice he's holding his mic in the wrong hand this week, maybe it's to control the flappy hand. What is this 'album track' nonsense Tulisa is on about? Albums, lol. Grandma.
I thought Ella was good this week, and she actually looked nice for once, rather than the usual way they do her up. Firework is really hard to sing. And always reminds me of Beavis and Butthead. 'You like this song, don't you?' 'No.' 'You're not a firework, you're the plastic bag drifting down the street.' 'No, no, I AM a firework!'
The blonde one in District3 has a particularly annoying face. That song was annoying, but I don't understand why this band are still in anyway. Tulisa: 'you overstepped the cheese mark.' Where does the cheese mark begin and start? And with which cheese? I didn't think it was as bad as Tulisa and Nicole are making out, though.
Jahmene is taking Nicole to the Asda freezer department. Nicole pretending to enjoy scanning items was patronising - try doing it for the next 50 years. Did Jahmene just say 'YO-gurt' instead of 'YOG-urt.' What a knob. If he was in the Big Brother house, he'd be a champion fencesitter. I just fast-forwarded through Jahmene as he's so boring. I can't stand Beyonce, and I can't stand Jahmene. Get to fuck. That 'Jah-mazing' thing is getting tired, too. If Jahmene wins, then it will be a victory for sheep everywhere.
Christopher Malone: 'maybe the other judges see me as a threat' and 'I'm the public choice' - oh, shut up. This cunt's got his coat on as well. Is he doing Celine Dion? FFS. Pass the gun. Aw, he's doing a little 'gran vote' blub. Urgh.
Didn't feel there was much to get my teeth into this week. Time for my tablets.
So Lucy Spraggan has left the competition due to 'illness' - pig sick at the thought of what song they were going to make her cover next, I suspect. I think it's a shame for her fans and a bit of a kick in the teeth for them. It's weird when people are given an opportunity on a plate and hand it back; but then I guess the reality of fame - or what you thought you wanted - sometimes doesn't match up.
Bit tacky for Nicole to be bragging about having three acts when Lucy has left under a cloud.
Rylan: 'Essex is like the Hollywood of England.' Yeah, like Blackpool is the Las Vegas. Not good that he's up first, they must be sick of him. Rylan actually sounded in tune at the start. Maybe he just can't sing and dance at the same time. Even Gary's doing a little smile. I think he's doing quite a good job this week, it's a bit less OTT than usual. He's got his Brandon Flowers feathers on, too. Gary (the prophet of doom) going 'this might be your last week.' Keep peddling it, Gary, and people keep picking up the phones which is probably all a ploy anyway. I love Rylan calling Gary 'Gal' and 'G'. I even enjoyed Nicole's rehearsed 'shut up.' LOL to Dermot telling us not to smash through our glass windows at home, I was just about to.
Aw one of Union J is pretending playing the guitar, bless. This song is a bit lacklustre. I think this is one of the worse performances they've done. I do like the one on the right though, he can really sing. They're all done up like little Gary Barlows. Gary: 'you could work on your blending a little bit more.' Eh? How does one work on that?
Kye oh Kye, feels like there's a lot of deadwood now. Hahaha, he's doing 'You only get what you give'. 'Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson, they're all fakes run to your mansions.' OK, we will. I bet dude from the New Radicals doesn't have a mansion, probably more like a cardboard box. LOL I can't believe he sang the Courtney Love bit, I thought they'd cut it, or at least update it. That song was pathetic when it came out, and it's just tragic to hear it right now. Don't dig up dead donkeys.
Kye's hair isn't doing much for him, I think he should keep his fringe covering his massive forehead. Strangely on X Factor US they have given EVERYONE fringes, even Britney and Demi. I thought it was fringe week when I watched it yesterday. That show is duff though, the contestants aren't as good as ours - the teen category is unbearable.
James Arthur looks like he's put on a stone since his first audition. How does Gwen Stefani look exactly the same as she did 20 years ago? I mean, obviously it's surgery, but she's got a good plastic surgeon.
James Arthur is better than this song. Is it 90s week? He's got his coat on again, I liked the person on Twitter last week who said 'he won't feel the benefit when he goes outside.' I thought his rap was pretty naff but I liked the way he pronounced 'love'. I notice he's holding his mic in the wrong hand this week, maybe it's to control the flappy hand. What is this 'album track' nonsense Tulisa is on about? Albums, lol. Grandma.
I thought Ella was good this week, and she actually looked nice for once, rather than the usual way they do her up. Firework is really hard to sing. And always reminds me of Beavis and Butthead. 'You like this song, don't you?' 'No.' 'You're not a firework, you're the plastic bag drifting down the street.' 'No, no, I AM a firework!'
The blonde one in District3 has a particularly annoying face. That song was annoying, but I don't understand why this band are still in anyway. Tulisa: 'you overstepped the cheese mark.' Where does the cheese mark begin and start? And with which cheese? I didn't think it was as bad as Tulisa and Nicole are making out, though.
Jahmene is taking Nicole to the Asda freezer department. Nicole pretending to enjoy scanning items was patronising - try doing it for the next 50 years. Did Jahmene just say 'YO-gurt' instead of 'YOG-urt.' What a knob. If he was in the Big Brother house, he'd be a champion fencesitter. I just fast-forwarded through Jahmene as he's so boring. I can't stand Beyonce, and I can't stand Jahmene. Get to fuck. That 'Jah-mazing' thing is getting tired, too. If Jahmene wins, then it will be a victory for sheep everywhere.
Christopher Malone: 'maybe the other judges see me as a threat' and 'I'm the public choice' - oh, shut up. This cunt's got his coat on as well. Is he doing Celine Dion? FFS. Pass the gun. Aw, he's doing a little 'gran vote' blub. Urgh.
Didn't feel there was much to get my teeth into this week. Time for my tablets.
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