Saturday, 24 November 2012

X Factor: Where's Fernando?

What are the two musical styles you'd rather eat your own fist than listen to? That's right, it's Abba and Motown week! Talk about giving Christopher Maloney a free pass to the next round. Why can't we have 90s week, rock week, dance or pop week? Why has it always got to be these dated, duff themes? It's fucking idiocy.
It seems boring now there are only men left in the competition. I loved Rylan's amateur dramatics at Ella leaving. He's dra-ma, as Nicole would say. 
I like Rylan's throne and the Alice in Wonderland set. I genuinely believe he's improved a lot since the beginning. Louis is right, Rylan is the people's champion, unlike Christopher who still gets boos at the mere mention of his name. Rylan keeping it classy with the comment about Gary's OBE, unlike Gary slagging of Rylan at his 'gig' this week, if that's what you call it.
I love the gay one in Union J. I think the other dark haired one is quite nice looking, too. My boyfriend's comment: 'There's four of them, one is gay and can sing - is it the new Queen?' They are singing my favourite Abba song, and the only Abba song I like. I'm not particularly liking their version. It's lacking the drama of the original - I think they made it a bit too frothy. I actually think Union J would be better without that George they shoehorned in, I think. He looks like a puppet Harry Styles.
Jahmene is still rolling out his sob story. It is horrendous what happened to him. Life's hard, innit? 'I had a dream'... I nodded off, more like. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Stop going on about your mum, you little lick-spittle. We all know how close Jimmy Savile was to his mother and how that ended up.
Ella, Ella, Ella... yeah we get the message. She gone now. Move on.
I thought James did the best he could with that rubbish song. They should have added some wub wubs. His voice sounds strong this week. I really hope he wins it. Angst and Abba. I've agreed with all of Louis's comments tonight. Gary: 'I'm your biggest fan.' What about Christopher Maloney? I wish they'd let James sing one of his own songs this week. I think I might ring up for James tonight. I just did - he doesn't sound quite as chirpy as when you ring up for Rylan.
Gary's introduction for Christopher Maloney was nice: 'brace yourselves.' Indeed. I don't think I've ever seen a judge so publically hate their own act. I can't stand Christopher's personality either, and how rude to say 'if people liked her, they should have voted for her.' Arsehole.
They've hidden him this week behind a bunch of half naked people. I just shouted 'FUCK OFF' very loudly at my screen. It's lucky the cat isn't near by or I'd probably have kicked it (OK, I wouldn't).
Louis giggling at the naked people was hilarious. 'Where's Fernando?' I don't think Louis has taken his meds tonight. Sir Gary apologising for the other judge's comments; who does he think he is? Just give the wrong number out so we can finally get rid of this cunt (Chris, not Gary, although...).
I like 'I'll be there' and I thought Union J sang it better than they did the first song. I do hope they become successful, I like them better than One Direction. Louis is making me laugh tonight.
Nicole just looked in the wrong camera and introduced James Arthur before Rylan came on. Oops! What is Rylan wearing? He's dressed like Mr Blobby. He didn't sing as well as in his first performance, but I still like the way he commands the stage. I love the way he talks to the judges, calling 'T' and Gary 'G' - it's so over-familiar, but lovely. Imagine if they'd pushed James Arthur out on the stage in that yellow suit and with those flashing lights, then we'd see what he was made of.
Jahmene's mum is definitely too old for bunches. I'd say 40 is the cut off point, but that's only because I like to wear bunches sometimes.
I wouldn't like to be 'wooed' by Let's Get It On. Is James wearing Gary Barlow's suit? I think he's got Dermot's shoes on, too. I hate this song. This is so cheesy. It's not the right fit for him. He smiled at the end of it, that's a rare sight. Louis is getting a bit over-excited. I think Nicole wants to look up 'you murdered it' in the English Dictionary, as that's not a compliment over here.
I actually like this song Jahmene is singing, argh! Nice to have your name up in lights like that, isn't it? LOL to Tulisa telling Louis to 'give it a rest'. I think he's drunk.
I like Gary's next introduction for Christopher: 'get out of your seats for Christopher Maloney.' Yeah, time for a tea break. He's got his jacket on again - good, perhaps he'll leave soon. There's overstaying your welcome and there's Christopher.
Nicole's cornflake analogy was a bit tenuous. She said 'I don't see much soul' and my boyfriend said, 'I do, an arsehole.' And there endeth my blog.

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