X Factor: Number ones

I'm doped up on codeine due to my rickety back so if I say something offensive, blame the druggles. I am innocent!
So Lucy Spraggan has left the competition due to 'illness' - pig sick at the thought of what song they were going to make her cover next, I suspect. I think it's a shame for her fans and a bit of a kick in the teeth for them. It's weird when people are given an opportunity on a plate and hand it back; but then I guess the reality of fame - or what you thought you wanted - sometimes doesn't match up.
Bit tacky for Nicole to be bragging about having three acts when Lucy has left under a cloud.
Rylan: 'Essex is like the Hollywood of England.' Yeah, like Blackpool is the Las Vegas. Not good that he's up first, they must be sick of him. Rylan actually sounded in tune at the start. Maybe he just can't sing and dance at the same time. Even Gary's doing a little smile. I think he's doing quite a good job this week, it's a bit less OTT than usual. He's got his Brandon Flowers feathers on, too. Gary (the prophet of doom) going 'this might be your last week.' Keep peddling it, Gary, and people keep picking up the phones which is probably all a ploy anyway. I love Rylan calling Gary 'Gal' and 'G'. I even enjoyed Nicole's rehearsed 'shut up.' LOL to Dermot telling us not to smash through our glass windows at home, I was just about to.
Aw one of Union J is pretending playing the guitar, bless. This song is a bit lacklustre. I think this is one of the worse performances they've done. I do like the one on the right though, he can really sing. They're all done up like little Gary Barlows. Gary: 'you could work on your blending a little bit more.' Eh? How does one work on that?
Kye oh Kye, feels like there's a lot of deadwood now. Hahaha, he's doing 'You only get what you give'. 'Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson, they're all fakes run to your mansions.' OK, we will. I bet dude from the New Radicals doesn't have a mansion, probably more like a cardboard box. LOL I can't believe he sang the Courtney Love bit, I thought they'd cut it, or at least update it. That song was pathetic when it came out, and it's just tragic to hear it right now.  Don't dig up dead donkeys.
Kye's hair isn't doing much for him, I think he should keep his fringe covering his massive forehead. Strangely on X Factor US they have given EVERYONE fringes, even Britney and Demi. I thought it was fringe week when I watched it yesterday. That show is duff though, the contestants aren't as good as ours - the teen category is unbearable.
James Arthur looks like he's put on a stone since his first audition. How does Gwen Stefani look exactly the same as she did 20 years ago? I mean, obviously it's surgery, but she's got a good plastic surgeon.
James Arthur is better than this song. Is it 90s week? He's got his coat on again, I liked the person on Twitter last week who said 'he won't feel the benefit when he goes outside.' I thought his rap was pretty naff but I liked the way he pronounced 'love'. I notice he's holding his mic in the wrong hand this week, maybe it's to control the flappy hand. What is this 'album track' nonsense Tulisa is on about? Albums, lol. Grandma.
I thought Ella was good this week, and she actually looked nice for once, rather than the usual way they do her up. Firework is really hard to sing. And always reminds me of Beavis and Butthead. 'You like this song, don't you?' 'No.' 'You're not a firework, you're the plastic bag drifting down the street.' 'No, no, I AM a firework!'
The blonde one in District3 has a particularly annoying face. That song was annoying, but I don't understand why this band are still in anyway. Tulisa: 'you overstepped the cheese mark.' Where does the cheese mark begin and start? And with which cheese? I didn't think it was as bad as Tulisa and Nicole are making out, though.
Jahmene is taking Nicole to the Asda freezer department. Nicole pretending to enjoy scanning items was patronising - try doing it for the next 50 years. Did Jahmene just say 'YO-gurt' instead of 'YOG-urt.' What a knob. If he was in the Big Brother house, he'd be a champion fencesitter. I just fast-forwarded through Jahmene as he's so boring. I can't stand Beyonce, and I can't stand Jahmene. Get to fuck. That 'Jah-mazing' thing is getting tired, too. If Jahmene wins, then it will be a victory for sheep everywhere.
Christopher Malone: 'maybe the other judges see me as a threat' and 'I'm the public choice' - oh, shut up. This cunt's got his coat on as well. Is he doing Celine Dion? FFS. Pass the gun. Aw, he's doing a little 'gran vote' blub. Urgh.
Didn't feel there was much to get my teeth into this week. Time for my tablets.