The X Factor: Rock off

Rock night. I hope they are doing heavy metal, rather than indie pop and calling it rock. I don't like Dermot's suit for starters.
Ooh, Wagner's first. They deffo got the knives out. Aw, Wagner is a cat lover. I knew he was a decent bloke.
Wagner's doing Creep. Well, apart from the fact I never want to hear it again, it's the perfect choice. He's actually singing it good, too! This is ace. He almost sang it in time, too. It seemed very short, though! That was Wagner's best song ever.
Dannii is calling Wagner a creep. Cheryl's got Jordan's make up on tonight. Simon, the song is not called 'I'm a creep'. Louis, neither are the words, 'I'm a winner'- it's 'weirdo', love. Little Thom Yorke is amused, I'm sure (if he's watching from his eco-house). Either way, I like Wagner more than Simon, Louis, Cheryl and Dannii combined.
One Direction doing Bryan Adams; ugh. It would have been better to give them something a bit indie, a bit more edgy like The Libertines or something (snort). This is 12 different kinds of shit; their target audience don't know this song.
I don't like the way Mary is singing this song, and I don't mind it normally (even though it's U2).
Not sure what Cher's singing but it sounds like a tape slowly getting chewed up in a car stereo. She looks about 12 with what she's wearing too. The rap was the best bit.
OMH look at her blusher! It's like how a mental person would put makeup on. I like her lipstick, though. Shame she's such an arsehole. Even the way she asked for people to vote for her was shirty. Was that an Avril Lavigne song? Rawk.
Rebecca. U2 AGAIN. Fuck off. she's doing a jazz version. She should try screaming, it might suit her. This is drab.
Matt is falling on his arse again, this week I see. These shouty ones do nothing for him, his voice just gets lost. He really should be doing Coldplay. Or Travis.
LOL Katie's doing Kings of Leon. Behold the fire! WOO! Backing vocals agogo. This is making me pine for Aiden, he would have smashed rock week. Her voice is too reedy for rock, this reminds me of Jamie Afro's faux rock (frock). All the 'wooing' and 'come on's. Not I won't come on.
Oh, Simon, please crawl out of her arse, you're losing any modicum of credibility you ever had. Cheryl: 'you got into character'. Being a rock singer isn't some sort of hat you can pput on. Her hair looks horrible as well, I'm missing the blonde bird's nest.
Oh Jesus Christ, they're all performing again! I'm going to get a drink. My boyfriend is having a nap and just woke up and I told him they're doing another song and he went back to bed.
Wagner won the first round! Which is why they put him at the start, so people could conveniently forget that he was actually alright. Boo!
Wagner does seem to be more in tune this week, even on this second song. Weird. LOL it had a Harry Hill ending.
WTF are One Direction singing?! This isn't rock. This is cock, not rock. I'd love for them to be in the bottom two. DRIPPY.
I hate MARY. I just do. FAST FORWARD.
Rebecca: I hate this song.
Katie: Everybody Hurts. Hmm. I'm losing the will to live. Simon was a bit unfair on her really; she sang it well, it's not her fault she only gets a minute to sing it.
Matt: ugh. Simon: 'genius'. Oh, do shut up.
Cher's been playing dress up again. I hate this song too. In fact; I hate my life.
Oh Cheryl, just get off with Cher already. Zzzz.
Right: I'm waking my boyfriend up. I think he had the right idea.