Thursday, 11 November 2010

Natalie Cassidy: Becoming Mum

Natalie Cassidy (aka Sonia from Eastenders) will never go to Hollywood, I suspect. Unlike Barbara Windsor, she won't be starring in any films alongside Johnny Depp. Hell, they didn't even invite her back for Billy's funeral. I'd say she's about my sixth favourite Jackson; and Alan Jackson and Gaffney are obviously way ahead of her. So's the little ginger kid and that little black kid who is of mysterious parentage. But not Ricky Butcher's kid with the baseball cap. I like Sonia more than that little gimp. But anyway, I digress.
So how come this doc is on E4? It sounds like it should have BBC3 written all over it. If this show blows (which it will) I'm going to amuse myself by counting how many times the word 'weight' is mentioned.
Weight count: 4 (that's LOW!)
Natalie Cassidy- notorious party girl? I must have missed that edition of The Sun. She's hardly Calum Best, is she? I have genuinely never read a story where she's been labelled a big drinker, and believe me, I read a lot of noxious gossip. But this is obviously the angle they're going for.
Fuck me, she looks like a dog's dinner in that blue shiny dress. She looks like Joan Collins. Her boyfriend is a total dullard. He recognised her off the TV: no shit.
Magazine deal or no deal? Deal. The journalist is a right crawly creep. Oh god, tealights and rose petals were involved in the proposal. I think I preferred Billy Mitchell proposing via the alphabetti spaghetti.
The boyfriend 'doesn't particularly like the attention' just like Alex Reid hates the paparazzi.
I still can't work out why Alan Carr is working for fucking More magazine. It's a sexist shitrag. It makes the Daily Mail look well-reasoned and at least the Daily Mail is fun to read. That interview was just false as fuck.
Oh poor Natalie being chased by the paparazzi. Come on now, she's not even in Princess Tia'ami's league, let alone Kerry Katona's.
I don't understand people who have 'close families'. It makes me suspicious.
It's 38 minutes in and this is the first time they've even mentioned the baby. They should have just called it 'Natalie Cassidy shows off and chats shit.'
Stop going on about the tabloids! Just don't read them, or fuck off and live in the country like you're threatening. Except then you'll be FORGOTTEN.
When Nikki Grahame is handing out the marriage guidance counselling, forget Relate, just call the local loony bin. (Aw I like Nikki though. I'd like her to listen to my problems with that crinkly frown on her face)
More moaning about paparazzi. Oh I feel so sorry for you. But you pose for the OK shoot and take the money. Don't you see the link between the two? Are you that stupid or just that mercenary?
Mystery surrounds where they've moved to. But let's face it, it's Surrey.


lucille said...

this article deserves comments, oh how it made me chuckle

agreed about rickys kid with the cap worn at a jaunty angle...what a prick

lightupvirginmary said...

Thanks- i don't always get what I deserve, so I appreciate your comment :)