Saturday, 13 November 2010

The X Factor: Ban Elton

Why the FUCK are they doing Elton John week? Elton can't stand them! I can only think of three songs of his, and one is Circle of Life. It's meant to be a modern show, ffs. Fuck Elton John. Don't pander to that old buzzard. Even Elton admitted he can't compete in the charts anymore. So why are we bothering?
Bet Matt does Your Song!
Paige has got the death box. Ooh, his part in Harry Potter was good. That's enough fame for one man alone. I think Paije's voice is better than usual this week, and he looks qood in his pink jacket, but I just can't be bothered with him.
It's not Paije's fault he wasn't born when that song was out! No one was (except Louis).
I think Dannii's been on the booze before the show, she's a bit lively tonight. Who wouldn't want to put their hand over Louis's mouth?
Why is Aiden on second? I get him. Well, I'd like to. I think he's got Paije's jacket on by mistake. I like it when he sings flat and out the corner of his mouth. I like all of it, really. He makes me dribble. Why isn't Dannii on her feet? She was for Paije. I like it when Aiden pulls that embarrassed 'vote for me' face.
I'm trying to work out if Simon saying 'it's Louis wrong time of the month' is sexist.
Mary shouldn't be doing Circle of Life, she should be doing something from the Little Mermaid because she looks like the baddie in it. I think she's totally lost it, TBH. I never liked her anyway. I like the star in her hair, though.
They are so blatantly doing this Elton John week just to kiss up to him, it makes me sick. I wish they would get with it and have 90s week (that's how current I am).
OMG Katie's had her roots done; well, if that IS her real hair.
Oh no, it's not cos the roots are back. What is the deal with her barnet? She should come out with it all sleek one day. I think she looks good today. I can't bear these songs though. The dance routines make me fucking cringe, too. Brian Friedman needs putting somewhere out the way.
Liked Simon almost saying 'you're not principled' instead of 'you're not predictable' to Katie.
Everything Katie says makes me feel embarrassed for her. But it's not her fault, it's just how she is, invoking the Pride of Britain, and talking about being true to herself.
Matt's going to give it 110%. is the 10% his hat? Hmm, he's not doing Your Song. Must be Wagner then. NOT REALLY. Cher, obv.
Matt looks like Derren Brown with a cold this week. His face just gets on my nerves. WTF is this song? Fuck you, Elton, you have ruined this show. And you're not even having to sit through it. 44 albums?! That's not quality control.
My boyfriend just said Matt sang that well. Ugh. Don't want to hear it! He leaves me cold (Matt- not my boyfriend).
Cher bear! She looks more like Cheryl than ever this week with the neutral make-up; I prefer her in a neon lipstick. I actually like her voice and I like her rapping. She's different! She's obviously a little madam, but so what? She's a zillion times more interesting than Joe Mcelderry or Alexandra Burke.
Why are they filling before Wagner! Louis's hoping for 'brilliant singing'. LOL! I hope Elton John turns on his TV RIGHT NOW whilst Wagner's on. Well, you know, get David Furnish to do it for him.
Wagner is the lion king! Didn't Mary just do Circle of Life?! Oh, no, same thing though. Don't want to think about Lion King- made me sad when Moustafa died (sorry if you've never seen it).
Dannii is saying 'more talking that singing' but it worked for Jarvis Cocker all these years. PS: can someone buy me Pulp tickets, please?
It's VAGNER, Louis. I love it when he says that. Honestly, no other country in the world would let Louis be on TV, let alone speak.
Why are one Direction standing on top of 'The Cube' (ie. the rectangular cuboid?) Loving the moody shots of them in the background, very subtle.
I can't hear a word any of the judges are saying. NO ONE HAS DONE YOUR SONG YET.
I like Rebecca, I like her voice, and she's stunning, but is it really going to be Rebecca and Matt in the final? I'd much prefer Cher and Aiden.
I like Rebecca's lacy gloves. I might start wearing little lacy gloves around the house. No one has done Your Song! WTF. That is literally his ONLY DECENT SONG. They're doing Sandals in the Bin instead! Even Diana is turning in her grave.
I like Rebecca's chandelier earrings too. She is lovely, and it's been nice watching her blossom. She's just... (whisper it) a bit boring.
I hope you don't mind... well I do mind! Why did no one do Your Song? FAIL.

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