Yes I did write a blog about Arthur's actual leaving (although... um... not much to say about that, thanks Big Brother) but Blogger ate it and yes, I did press the back button. And the rest. So yesterday I went on strike in protest. I'm sure but BBUK and Blogger were seriously concered. Actually BBUK probably was as the ratings are on the slide and then some. It's weird cos BB is always crap, always full of fame whores, always with the outside contact, never with the live feed, but people seem to actually care this year. And people LIKE Love Island. Not anyone I've ever met, but there you go. Probably young people. So why doesn't BB cater to it's audience of 30 plusses? Now THAT is the million dollar question.
God the house is depressing now. Raph is lovely (too lovely for that mess) but he's not exactly entertaining. Charlotte does nothing. Imran and Sukhvinder: truly a social experiment for their marriage (just don't put a bread bag over her head). The rest can go die. Joe, Kayleigh and Tom are actual SCUM. The others are just pond life, bobbing about.
I didn't see spitgate (couldn't find the energy to rewind it) but the way Kieran called Chanelle a 'cunt' was really mean. ROTTEN PEOPLE. I may say 'cunt' but I say it with a smile on my face (90% of the time).
Charlotte looks like she's sleeping with some Victorian-era teddy bears.
What's this task? Charlotte and Raph are housekeepers? Kayleigh in charge? God help us. Chanelle and Lotan are running the beauty parlour, which is ironic, as they're both beasts.
I thought it was funny when Chanelle said 'no English.' She does say the odd funny thing, but it's once a week.
OK, so they've put Marnie, Gemma Collins and Nicola McCuntrag in for a task. Why no Kim Woodburn? Why these three mutts? (No offence). Kayleigh looks ruff today. Her personality is poisoning her face.
Gemma Collins loves Joe. Case closed. Ugh are these people actually staying over? Why?
Kayleigh is shitting herself because Marnie is best mates with Charlotte Crosby 'who she's not allowed to go anywhere near.' Restraining order? Understandable.
Marnie: 'I was with your mum on BOTS' to Charlotte. Charlotte sobs. Sukvinder: 'At least she's still alive.' I'm sure they would have told Charlotte if her ma had died. Probably via a tweet.
The way Kieran talks about Rebecca is disgusting. Ugh, Rebecca asking how their relationship is viewed. CUT THAT BIT OUT FFS. At least let's pretend we care about the integrity of the game for ONE SECOND YOU THICK FUCKS. God, who am I kidding? They probably give them the betting odds while they're at it.
Gemma is bonding with Joe. Drop the bomb.
Rebecca: 'This fucking house is a pile of shit and I don't want to be here.' Fuck off then. She is obsessed with Kieran. 'A couple of million people watching.' Not unless it's time warp week. Not unless the Odessey is bending space and time again, and we know it's in the garage. Rebecca: 'I just miss my friend.' As the song goes, 'With friends like these, who needs enemies?' Kieran treats her like a piece of shit.
I love how Imran is proud of Sukhvinder being bossy.
Kayleigh: 'Deborah's always got a face like a slapped arse.' Well, she's got a point, but so does nearly everyone in there, cos it's fucking awful and depressing as shit.
'The VIP guests' lol. Only if VIP stands for 'Very idiotic pricks.' (I know, it's poor, but why use my brain power thinking of something different? The producers can't be bothered to give us good housemates).
Imran is going mad about Ellie and Chanelle eating. I don't know why.
Imran is being a kitchen Nazi. I hate people who go on about how long it takes them to cook. I didn't ask you to. Get over it. Who cooks for THREE HOURS. No meal takes longer than about 10 minutes to eat. My favourite dinner takes 12 mins - chicken and chips, since you ask.
Lotan is shouting at Hannah. I'm not sure why. Oh cos he said 'say my name'. I missed most of what they were arguing about. I also don't care because I hate all of them.
Hannah is upset cos 'as a black girl they try and get the worst out of you.' I'm not sure it IS a race thing, but I wouldn't be surprised if t was. If she feels like it is, I'll take her word for it. She's black, I'm not, she's in there all day long and she knows what subtle racism looks like. I'm sure if people were being racist, they'd cut it out these days. Fuck everyone on Twitter going 'race card'. If you're white, what the fuck do you know about it? Unless you can can understand nuance and put yourself into someone else's shoes. Everyone on Twitter just seems boneheaded when it comes to race. Other people's lived experience is different to yours! Check your privilege. I had to look up how to SPELL privelege, that's how out of touch with mine I am.
Kieran: 'I don't understand what's going on.' Me either. And I don't care either. I like the fact Deborah started on Rebecca for no reason, ha. Fuck Rebecca.
Hannah is right, black women do get labelled aggressive for no reason. Look at the way Kayleigh goes on and no one calls her aggressive cos her skin is lighter (I'm still not sure if she's white or not but you get the point). Hannah: 'If you walked in my shoes every day and 10 million people tell you you're aggressive all the time, I take that personally.' That was actually quite moving.
I don't like the way Sukhvinder just spoke to Raph. Can't Raph catch a break?
Kayleigh and Sukhvinder just had a row. I don't even know what it was about, but it ended with Sukhvinder saying, 'Don't call me Sukh, I never said you could' to Chanelle, haha. Sukhvinder does like to revisit old arguments. Hope the flat earth comes up again soon.
Kayleigh: 'My fucking boyfriend has Charlotte Crosby tattooed on his fucking leg.' Her old face, new face, or a portrait of her wetting the bed? Who's her boyfriend? No wonder Kayleigh so angry. Imagine having to look at that every day. I'd demand an amputation.
Kieran is comforting Rebecca telling her how she is and isn't being portrayed. How would he know.
I really wish I'd lost this blog and not my one from two days ago.
What's the point of the 'VIPs' even being in there. What is the point in LIFE!
Kayleigh bitching on the stairs about Marnie's 'disgusting behaviour' at a charity event. I wonder what she did? Probably shit herself. Kayleigh acting all demure like Princess Diana. Pull the other one.
Lotan's long nipples are freaking me out. At least Tom has hardly been in this episode. I feel how Sukhvinder is acting. That was the WORST EPISODE. Argh. These are dark days. DARK DAYS.
Guys, we're in trouble. If there's no one to root for, and it's not even enjoyable anymore, where do we go from here? Answers on a postcard please.
PS: Thanks if you've left a comment. It's just a bitch to log into Blogger and reply cos Blogger is a wanker.
PPS: Catch the podcast while you can, this could be its swansong!
Wednesday, 14 June 2017
Sunday, 11 June 2017
Big Brother UK 2017: Another one bites the dust
So Arthur left the house today so tonight is probably the last entertaining evening of this year's BBUK. Whhhhhhhhhyyyyy!
Why is everyone always having a go at Arthur? Annoying.
Arthur is 'expecting full on apologies today.' Good luck with that.
God, I can't stand alomost everyone in the house. This is not good. Really hard to be enthusiastic about the programme when I don't care about anyone in there. Yuck.
Sukhi is apologising to Imran. Well, that's something. 'Thank you for understanding me.' 'I love you so much.' Aw.
All anyone is talking about is Arthur. The store room row continues. Arthur to Tom: 'I think you're being a fucking cunt.'
Tom is an aggressive twat smashing stuff in the kitchen like that. I wouldn't live with someone like that. I couldn't. Tom is an oik. He should have got a warning.
Imran is talking to Arthur as if he's a little boy. I love it.
Arthur tidying up: 'This is my pennace before the crimes I'm about to commit.' Haaaa.
Ooh, Imran is holding a house meeting. I'm sure this will go well.
Arthur walked in with a bowl of dust! I don't think Lotan wants any. Lotan threw the bowl across the room! The way they talk to Arthur is disgusting. Arthur is being a provocative little shit, but 15 against 1 doesnt look cool.
The boring women are talking about shaving their vaginas. Female casting on Big Brother kills me.
Joe is talking to Arthur about his behaviour. I've been seeing tweets saying Arthur might be on the autistic spectrum. I don't know about that, but he is socially awkward. Joe looming over him going 'have a little bit of respect.' Then Tom comes looming over.
Joe intimidating Arthur again cos Arthur called him 'a dickhead'. Well, if the cap fits.
They have asked Tom to come to the dur-brain suite (sorry, the intelligence centre). The housemates are watching him answer pointless questions. Dull AF.
Imran and Sukhi 'being on TV intensifies the relationship.'
Chanelle is talking about sticking a finger up men's bum. Lotan is discussing his anal sex technique. Chanelle has no shame.
Lol, Big Brother have locked the storeroom with the food in it. Arthur wants a carrot. Who cares that much about a carrot? Oh he's giving up smoking. No wonder he's being such a cunt.
I don't think the others get that doing tit for tat when it's 15 against 1 isn't cool.
At least Big Brother stepped in when they started hiding his bedding.
Big Brother is being very stern with Arthur. They weren't that stern when Tom was throwing things.
Aw, Big Brother is getting Raph to be the mediator, that's too cute. Raph trying to explain common sense to Arthur, ha. 'You need to show them respect to get respect back. If they have negative qualities, they will show on their own.' So true.
Arthur: 'Can I have a carrot, Big Brother?' Ha.
I feel so defeated that Arthur is gone. I hate all the others (except Raph and I'm interested in Imran and Sukhvinder's dynamic).
The online chat was fake! Sorry, I forgot to care.
Imran and Sukvinder not getting up when the booze is delivered, haha.
Tom's jeans are absolutely gross. He is everything I despise in a human.
Joe: 'In my world being called a dickhead doesn't exist.' Wait until you get on Twitter.
I love watching housemates dance. It's one of the true pleasures in life.
Ellie pretending she can't pronounce 'paramedics'. She doesn't want to finish her food because she wants Lotan to eat some of it. Jesus. She might as well have 'doormat' tattooed on her head.
OMG Lotan just sexually assaulted Rebecca and she didn't seem keen. Don't touch people uninvited, you dick.
Kayleigh starting on Arthur for laughing at something. She is a fucking skank. The language that comes out of her mouth is just gross. She's actually rotten on the inside.
I liked Arthur saying 'see you next Tuesday' to her, ha.
Lotan is now demanding an apology off Arthur. Wasn't Arthur after apologies today?
Lotan's 'moral compass is in a spin'. Is Kayleigh going to apologise for being a gutter rat?
I can't even look at Kayleigh anymore. 'This aint a fucking game'. Yes it is. And it looks like you won.
The producers are dumb twats for letting Arthur go and for letting the others carry on like that, and my podcast just got 80% less interesting. It's like Marco Pierre White Jr leaving followed by Andrew getting kciked out for having consensual sex in the outside world all over again.
Moral compass? Big Brother's one is FUCKED.
Why is everyone always having a go at Arthur? Annoying.
Arthur is 'expecting full on apologies today.' Good luck with that.
God, I can't stand alomost everyone in the house. This is not good. Really hard to be enthusiastic about the programme when I don't care about anyone in there. Yuck.
Sukhi is apologising to Imran. Well, that's something. 'Thank you for understanding me.' 'I love you so much.' Aw.
All anyone is talking about is Arthur. The store room row continues. Arthur to Tom: 'I think you're being a fucking cunt.'
Tom is an aggressive twat smashing stuff in the kitchen like that. I wouldn't live with someone like that. I couldn't. Tom is an oik. He should have got a warning.
Imran is talking to Arthur as if he's a little boy. I love it.
Arthur tidying up: 'This is my pennace before the crimes I'm about to commit.' Haaaa.
Ooh, Imran is holding a house meeting. I'm sure this will go well.
Arthur walked in with a bowl of dust! I don't think Lotan wants any. Lotan threw the bowl across the room! The way they talk to Arthur is disgusting. Arthur is being a provocative little shit, but 15 against 1 doesnt look cool.
The boring women are talking about shaving their vaginas. Female casting on Big Brother kills me.
Joe is talking to Arthur about his behaviour. I've been seeing tweets saying Arthur might be on the autistic spectrum. I don't know about that, but he is socially awkward. Joe looming over him going 'have a little bit of respect.' Then Tom comes looming over.
Joe intimidating Arthur again cos Arthur called him 'a dickhead'. Well, if the cap fits.
They have asked Tom to come to the dur-brain suite (sorry, the intelligence centre). The housemates are watching him answer pointless questions. Dull AF.
Imran and Sukhi 'being on TV intensifies the relationship.'
Chanelle is talking about sticking a finger up men's bum. Lotan is discussing his anal sex technique. Chanelle has no shame.
Lol, Big Brother have locked the storeroom with the food in it. Arthur wants a carrot. Who cares that much about a carrot? Oh he's giving up smoking. No wonder he's being such a cunt.
I don't think the others get that doing tit for tat when it's 15 against 1 isn't cool.
At least Big Brother stepped in when they started hiding his bedding.
Big Brother is being very stern with Arthur. They weren't that stern when Tom was throwing things.
Aw, Big Brother is getting Raph to be the mediator, that's too cute. Raph trying to explain common sense to Arthur, ha. 'You need to show them respect to get respect back. If they have negative qualities, they will show on their own.' So true.
Arthur: 'Can I have a carrot, Big Brother?' Ha.
I feel so defeated that Arthur is gone. I hate all the others (except Raph and I'm interested in Imran and Sukhvinder's dynamic).
The online chat was fake! Sorry, I forgot to care.
Imran and Sukvinder not getting up when the booze is delivered, haha.
Tom's jeans are absolutely gross. He is everything I despise in a human.
Joe: 'In my world being called a dickhead doesn't exist.' Wait until you get on Twitter.
I love watching housemates dance. It's one of the true pleasures in life.
Ellie pretending she can't pronounce 'paramedics'. She doesn't want to finish her food because she wants Lotan to eat some of it. Jesus. She might as well have 'doormat' tattooed on her head.
OMG Lotan just sexually assaulted Rebecca and she didn't seem keen. Don't touch people uninvited, you dick.
Kayleigh starting on Arthur for laughing at something. She is a fucking skank. The language that comes out of her mouth is just gross. She's actually rotten on the inside.
I liked Arthur saying 'see you next Tuesday' to her, ha.
Lotan is now demanding an apology off Arthur. Wasn't Arthur after apologies today?
Lotan's 'moral compass is in a spin'. Is Kayleigh going to apologise for being a gutter rat?
I can't even look at Kayleigh anymore. 'This aint a fucking game'. Yes it is. And it looks like you won.
The producers are dumb twats for letting Arthur go and for letting the others carry on like that, and my podcast just got 80% less interesting. It's like Marco Pierre White Jr leaving followed by Andrew getting kciked out for having consensual sex in the outside world all over again.
Moral compass? Big Brother's one is FUCKED.
Saturday, 10 June 2017
Big Brother UK 2017: Whine-gate
Evening all. A warning of marital confrontations! Who's that a warning for exactly? Kids from broken homes?
Ooh the girls going 'if Sukhi goes, Imran will come out of his shell.' They will prise him out by the sound of it. Yes, I'm calling her Sukhi now cos they are and it's shorter.
Sukhi is in a bad mood EVERY DAY. I mean, I can relate.
Raph to Chanelle: 'I think you have a rocking body.' What about those boobs?! Chanelle is having a wee in the hot tub as the loo is 'too far.' Haha, the hot tub is now out of bounds. Alex Sibley must be turning in his grave.
Keiran is talking again *glazes over*.
The others are laughing at Arthur cos he only has money on an Oyster card, not in a bank account. Well, that's more than some people have got. How much is on his Oyster?
Is it just sex between Keiran and Rebecca? Um, let me think for two seconds. Keiran, you wouldn't even be in the house if it wasn't for Rebecca so maybe treat her with a bit more respect (even though she's a twat)?
It's a good sign when the eviction starts in the second quarter. Must be loads of rows coming up, ha.
Shout out for Arthur's jacket, the most 'dad' item of clothing I've seen in the house since Spencer Pratt's teacher fleece collection.
OMG Tom going 'alright, fuck off' to Mandy. Very rude. I don't like Mandy, but you just voted her out, shut your trap, she doesn't owe you anything.
Tom 'I'm the better person cos I went to go and give her a hug.' Then told her to fuck off.
Raph is actressing in the kitchen.
Arthur needs to piss and Big Brother won't 'shut the cunt door.' He's very red in the face. He's even taken his jacket off.
At least Lotan is trying to calm Arthur down. That's the nicest thing I've ever seen him do.
Arthur to Kayleigh: 'You've been bullying me.' Joe is outside with his head in his hands.
Arthur is calling Kayleigh 'jealous girls' because he has money and they don't.
Arthur: 'I've literally given my life to women and you're not a woman.' Haha. How has be dedicated his life to women! I need more details. Kayleigh: 'You're a contradicting little cunt.' Then calling him a weirdo and a freak. Niiiiiiiiice. She is TRASH.
Kayleigh: 'He's a sociopath.' Define sociopath.
Joe is trying to make it all about him. 'I'm a father figure.' What's he crying about! Keep your hair on. Then he said 'much love'! Terry Tibbs!
Arthur was 'negging' Sukhi when he had the flat earth files blown open. I don't think he knows what negging is.
'Highly personal marital confrontations' coming up.
What's up with Arthur! He's like a posh Bear. He's Bear gone to Eton. That would make a good reality show actually.
Sukhi hid some wine. ALWAYS a boiling point in the BB house.
Tom nearly dropped a bottle of wine on Chanelle's head. Not sure it would have done much damage, but...
They're all tense so why not ship some more wine in! Nice one, Big Brother. Bottoms up!
Sukhi doesn't like Imran mediating about the wine. DO NOT tell her to calm down. She's one of life's overreactors. Like me, apparently.
I like Imran trying to cover for Sukhi being insane by going 'this is a domestic between me and my wife.
Sukhi is wearing make up in one of the indent things! Hypocrite, ha.
Arthur is citing the 'invisibility cloak.' Has he been playing Snatch? Imran has only got Arthur to hang out with now. 'Do you like Harry Potter?' Haha. Comedy.
If Sukhi hits Imran, will she get kicked out? Let's face it, it wouldn't be the other way round.
'Don't come for me' drinking game. Oh shit, you're dead.
If someone told me how to talk to my own husband in there, I would spin out. That's their relationship, mind your own business. If he wants to put up with that: let him.
Sukhi crying under the covers and moaning about Imran's 'new friends'. God, she is really unreasonable. I hope she watches this back. I wish I could find a nice guy who would let me talk to him like that, haha. No, really though, I think Imran might be in an abusive relationship?
Arthur watching it like it's a TV show. I thought Raph was going to get up and go but he didn't.
OMG Sukhi going 'he's just the same on the outside.' That's harsh. Then Arthur comforting her! After FLAT EARTH gate. That's gotta hurt.
I like the kind of al fresco dining area so it looks like a greasy spoon.
Imagine how nervous you'd feel if you were in that house with a couple kicking off like that! I'd be terrified. I come from an experience of domestic violence, I don't want to be around that crap.
I'm not sure what this argument about food is about. It seems boring compared to the rest of it.
Rebecca to Arthur: 'The food was happy in the cupboards.' Because it wasn't being eaten.
I can't believe I thought Kayleigh was attractive. She's disgusting.
Arthur is sat with his head in his hands. I think I feel a bit like that after this episode. Everyone is going, 'best episode ever'. No humour and all shouting and a marriage breaking down? Not for me! I need a Nurofen.
Ooh the girls going 'if Sukhi goes, Imran will come out of his shell.' They will prise him out by the sound of it. Yes, I'm calling her Sukhi now cos they are and it's shorter.
Sukhi is in a bad mood EVERY DAY. I mean, I can relate.
Raph to Chanelle: 'I think you have a rocking body.' What about those boobs?! Chanelle is having a wee in the hot tub as the loo is 'too far.' Haha, the hot tub is now out of bounds. Alex Sibley must be turning in his grave.
Keiran is talking again *glazes over*.
The others are laughing at Arthur cos he only has money on an Oyster card, not in a bank account. Well, that's more than some people have got. How much is on his Oyster?
Is it just sex between Keiran and Rebecca? Um, let me think for two seconds. Keiran, you wouldn't even be in the house if it wasn't for Rebecca so maybe treat her with a bit more respect (even though she's a twat)?
It's a good sign when the eviction starts in the second quarter. Must be loads of rows coming up, ha.
Shout out for Arthur's jacket, the most 'dad' item of clothing I've seen in the house since Spencer Pratt's teacher fleece collection.
OMG Tom going 'alright, fuck off' to Mandy. Very rude. I don't like Mandy, but you just voted her out, shut your trap, she doesn't owe you anything.
Tom 'I'm the better person cos I went to go and give her a hug.' Then told her to fuck off.
Raph is actressing in the kitchen.
Arthur needs to piss and Big Brother won't 'shut the cunt door.' He's very red in the face. He's even taken his jacket off.
At least Lotan is trying to calm Arthur down. That's the nicest thing I've ever seen him do.
Arthur to Kayleigh: 'You've been bullying me.' Joe is outside with his head in his hands.
Arthur is calling Kayleigh 'jealous girls' because he has money and they don't.
Arthur: 'I've literally given my life to women and you're not a woman.' Haha. How has be dedicated his life to women! I need more details. Kayleigh: 'You're a contradicting little cunt.' Then calling him a weirdo and a freak. Niiiiiiiiice. She is TRASH.
Kayleigh: 'He's a sociopath.' Define sociopath.
Joe is trying to make it all about him. 'I'm a father figure.' What's he crying about! Keep your hair on. Then he said 'much love'! Terry Tibbs!
Arthur was 'negging' Sukhi when he had the flat earth files blown open. I don't think he knows what negging is.
'Highly personal marital confrontations' coming up.
What's up with Arthur! He's like a posh Bear. He's Bear gone to Eton. That would make a good reality show actually.
Sukhi hid some wine. ALWAYS a boiling point in the BB house.
Tom nearly dropped a bottle of wine on Chanelle's head. Not sure it would have done much damage, but...
They're all tense so why not ship some more wine in! Nice one, Big Brother. Bottoms up!
Sukhi doesn't like Imran mediating about the wine. DO NOT tell her to calm down. She's one of life's overreactors. Like me, apparently.
I like Imran trying to cover for Sukhi being insane by going 'this is a domestic between me and my wife.
Sukhi is wearing make up in one of the indent things! Hypocrite, ha.
Arthur is citing the 'invisibility cloak.' Has he been playing Snatch? Imran has only got Arthur to hang out with now. 'Do you like Harry Potter?' Haha. Comedy.
If Sukhi hits Imran, will she get kicked out? Let's face it, it wouldn't be the other way round.
'Don't come for me' drinking game. Oh shit, you're dead.
If someone told me how to talk to my own husband in there, I would spin out. That's their relationship, mind your own business. If he wants to put up with that: let him.
Sukhi crying under the covers and moaning about Imran's 'new friends'. God, she is really unreasonable. I hope she watches this back. I wish I could find a nice guy who would let me talk to him like that, haha. No, really though, I think Imran might be in an abusive relationship?
Arthur watching it like it's a TV show. I thought Raph was going to get up and go but he didn't.
OMG Sukhi going 'he's just the same on the outside.' That's harsh. Then Arthur comforting her! After FLAT EARTH gate. That's gotta hurt.
I like the kind of al fresco dining area so it looks like a greasy spoon.
Imagine how nervous you'd feel if you were in that house with a couple kicking off like that! I'd be terrified. I come from an experience of domestic violence, I don't want to be around that crap.
I'm not sure what this argument about food is about. It seems boring compared to the rest of it.
Rebecca to Arthur: 'The food was happy in the cupboards.' Because it wasn't being eaten.
I can't believe I thought Kayleigh was attractive. She's disgusting.
Arthur is sat with his head in his hands. I think I feel a bit like that after this episode. Everyone is going, 'best episode ever'. No humour and all shouting and a marriage breaking down? Not for me! I need a Nurofen.
Friday, 9 June 2017
Big Brother UK 2017: Mate, the world's round
So why bother voting when the people's prick Tom gets to decide who goes out of the bottom two? And why is it all the best people are on the block. If Raph or Arthur go, I riot. I'm a one woman riot right now.
What shape are Emma's earrings? Oblangle? Looks like she's about to go parachuting, too.
Who cares if girls at the gym wear make up! Stop subjagating make up wearers!
Arthur wants to have a wank to 'get that energy out.' Arthur and Lotan have a wank plan. Is it to toss each other off? Kayleigh told him to do it in the pool. Um!
Rebecca is upset she can't wear make up, even though she's still wearing mascara. Boo hoo.
Arthur and Rebecca in the bath together talking about Keiran. Arthur: 'You said you've just given him a blowjob.'
Arthur: 'What is it that ticks your boxes?' Arthur is a character.
Rebecca: 'Keiran needs another 15 years of mucking about.' Arthur: 'By that time you'll literally be dead.' Lol.
You can't win with this task. You have to argue for or against so it's not like your true opinion.
Sukhvinder: 'Climate change is made up. People think the earth is a globe.'
Flashback: Imran: 'The world is flat and there's an outside world that's full of ice.' Oh my god. Do people actually think like this? Oh. my. god.
One in, one out policy for immigration. Like four in, four out on Big Brother in the glittery toilet roll of doom.
Why is Joe being so rude when Rebecca is talking? I agree you shouldn't have kids if you can't afford them, but it's unenforcable so we just have to suck it up. We can't exactly just let babies starve to death (unless we're Teresa May).
Tom thinks we needs a 'vote off' about Brexit. Can we have a vote off about him?
Chanelle comparing Brexit to taking a handbag back. Show your receipts!
Chanelle: 'Oxo layer.' Save it for the 'fake Jade Goody of the week' section of the podcast. Seems like she's making some good points to me!
Why is Joe so grumpy about talking about politics?!
Why does everyone look like they're in their undies? Charlotte... Sukvinder.
Arthur: 'The real question is why do you think the world is flat. The world is round cos I met a bloke who sailed round the world.' Is that your only proof? Hahaha.
Arthur: 'Mate the world's round.'
Sukhvinder: 'I don't want to talk about the flat earth!'
Arthur: 'No cos it's fucking bonkers, love.'
Sukhvinder: 'I don't hang around with fucking morons.' (Ironic)
Arthur: 'Well don't walk too far that way love, or you'll fall of the fucking edge.' Just the best line. You couldn't scriptwrite it.
It's not threatening behaviour challenge ignorant views, Imran. They were soooo touchy about it! Sukvinder goes: 'I'm a big personality and Imran's... um... got a character of his own.' Lol. Talk about crackpot. I didn't even think people had views like that. Absolutely mental.
Why did Arthur start on one of the sisters then? Ha.
The house voted Labour. Shame they weren't outside voting.
What is the point in telling the housemates the results of the election. Like these fuckwits understand anything. They think the EARTH IS FLAT.
Deborah is taking on Arthur by sitting in between Tom and Arthur. Not exactly pressing the nuclear button is it. He thinks it's a 2D coversation like the flat earth.
Arthur reiterating that Deborah is a rubbish housemate. He rephrased it as 'you're a bad housemate' as they didn't like the world 'rubbish'. The Sun put Jeremy Corbyn in a bin on the front cover this week, so get some perspective. Like that on the Earth.
Arthur: 'What do you want to do, sit and have some backward conversation about politics?'
Hannah saying Arthur's irrelevant and chanting 'who are you' at Arthur is like Jackie trying to take on Ika Wong.
Arthur getting a frosty reception from 'the Earth is flat' brigade in the kitchen. I love Arthur's facial expressions.
Deborah: 'Arthur's really rude.' True, he's mute as fuck.
Why is Emma being so cunty about Arthur! Stop that.
Arthur to Deborah: I would quite like your sister to go.' OMG. He's shameless! It looked like he was going to say sorry, haha.
Mandy is so gross leering over Keiran and 'Leighton'. Mummy sandwich. I'm allergic to wheat since Teresa May ran through those fields.
Imran is rulebooking about Arthur drawing a dick on the wall in nail varnish. Yes, I did just write that sentence. Imran: 'Why are you writing on the wall?' Arthur: 'We're just another brick in it.' OMG. He's a BB legend.
Rebecca and Keiran are desperately trying to cobble a storyline together. Keiran: 'Don't play mindgames with me love.'
Arthur: 'What's the first rule of Arthur's house... don't have a go at Arthur... be yourself and fight fire with fire.'
Tom: 'I'd love to know what your thoughts are about me.' She can't stand you. Charlotte: 'You don't offend me or anything.' He thinks her mum is standing in the way of them getting it on. Can't see it happening. If he evicts her mum, her daughter isn't going to run into your arms, Tom. Charlotte: 'I'm far filthier than her.' I doubt it.
Lotan is teaching Arthur to striptease. Don't.
The crowd cheering seems very quiet.
Imran and Mandy are the only two not safe. So Tom has to piss off either Charlotte or Sukhvinder.
He has to tell Imran why he thinks he's not been saved, that's a bit mean. OMG he's gonna evict the mum.
Ha, Imran has to say why Tom should evict Mandy. not why he should save you.
Mandy: 'You need a rich mix in this house.' That would mean Imran then!
Mandy is such a sore loser. I'm SO glad she went over Imran. The people's housemate finally got it right! Took him all week, the thick fuck.
May saying Tom has a 'gameplan' and talking about about 'throwing people under the bus.' Tom is not smart enough to have a gameplan.
Emma: 'Why did he evict you tonight?' Cos he wants to fuck her daughter.
Mandy saying Tom sees Charlotte as a challenge. Tom would sleep with anyone who would say yes I think.
Mandy, all you did was be creepy, entitled and a bitch. BYE.
Podcast incoming later if you can stay up til about 3am! Hopefully I can.
What shape are Emma's earrings? Oblangle? Looks like she's about to go parachuting, too.
Who cares if girls at the gym wear make up! Stop subjagating make up wearers!
Arthur wants to have a wank to 'get that energy out.' Arthur and Lotan have a wank plan. Is it to toss each other off? Kayleigh told him to do it in the pool. Um!
Rebecca is upset she can't wear make up, even though she's still wearing mascara. Boo hoo.
Arthur and Rebecca in the bath together talking about Keiran. Arthur: 'You said you've just given him a blowjob.'
Arthur: 'What is it that ticks your boxes?' Arthur is a character.
Rebecca: 'Keiran needs another 15 years of mucking about.' Arthur: 'By that time you'll literally be dead.' Lol.
You can't win with this task. You have to argue for or against so it's not like your true opinion.
Sukhvinder: 'Climate change is made up. People think the earth is a globe.'
Flashback: Imran: 'The world is flat and there's an outside world that's full of ice.' Oh my god. Do people actually think like this? Oh. my. god.
One in, one out policy for immigration. Like four in, four out on Big Brother in the glittery toilet roll of doom.
Why is Joe being so rude when Rebecca is talking? I agree you shouldn't have kids if you can't afford them, but it's unenforcable so we just have to suck it up. We can't exactly just let babies starve to death (unless we're Teresa May).
Tom thinks we needs a 'vote off' about Brexit. Can we have a vote off about him?
Chanelle comparing Brexit to taking a handbag back. Show your receipts!
Chanelle: 'Oxo layer.' Save it for the 'fake Jade Goody of the week' section of the podcast. Seems like she's making some good points to me!
Why is Joe so grumpy about talking about politics?!
Why does everyone look like they're in their undies? Charlotte... Sukvinder.
Arthur: 'The real question is why do you think the world is flat. The world is round cos I met a bloke who sailed round the world.' Is that your only proof? Hahaha.
Arthur: 'Mate the world's round.'
Sukhvinder: 'I don't want to talk about the flat earth!'
Arthur: 'No cos it's fucking bonkers, love.'
Sukhvinder: 'I don't hang around with fucking morons.' (Ironic)
Arthur: 'Well don't walk too far that way love, or you'll fall of the fucking edge.' Just the best line. You couldn't scriptwrite it.
It's not threatening behaviour challenge ignorant views, Imran. They were soooo touchy about it! Sukvinder goes: 'I'm a big personality and Imran's... um... got a character of his own.' Lol. Talk about crackpot. I didn't even think people had views like that. Absolutely mental.
Why did Arthur start on one of the sisters then? Ha.
The house voted Labour. Shame they weren't outside voting.
What is the point in telling the housemates the results of the election. Like these fuckwits understand anything. They think the EARTH IS FLAT.
Deborah is taking on Arthur by sitting in between Tom and Arthur. Not exactly pressing the nuclear button is it. He thinks it's a 2D coversation like the flat earth.
Arthur reiterating that Deborah is a rubbish housemate. He rephrased it as 'you're a bad housemate' as they didn't like the world 'rubbish'. The Sun put Jeremy Corbyn in a bin on the front cover this week, so get some perspective. Like that on the Earth.
Arthur: 'What do you want to do, sit and have some backward conversation about politics?'
Hannah saying Arthur's irrelevant and chanting 'who are you' at Arthur is like Jackie trying to take on Ika Wong.
Arthur getting a frosty reception from 'the Earth is flat' brigade in the kitchen. I love Arthur's facial expressions.
Deborah: 'Arthur's really rude.' True, he's mute as fuck.
Why is Emma being so cunty about Arthur! Stop that.
Arthur to Deborah: I would quite like your sister to go.' OMG. He's shameless! It looked like he was going to say sorry, haha.
Mandy is so gross leering over Keiran and 'Leighton'. Mummy sandwich. I'm allergic to wheat since Teresa May ran through those fields.
Imran is rulebooking about Arthur drawing a dick on the wall in nail varnish. Yes, I did just write that sentence. Imran: 'Why are you writing on the wall?' Arthur: 'We're just another brick in it.' OMG. He's a BB legend.
Rebecca and Keiran are desperately trying to cobble a storyline together. Keiran: 'Don't play mindgames with me love.'
Arthur: 'What's the first rule of Arthur's house... don't have a go at Arthur... be yourself and fight fire with fire.'
Tom: 'I'd love to know what your thoughts are about me.' She can't stand you. Charlotte: 'You don't offend me or anything.' He thinks her mum is standing in the way of them getting it on. Can't see it happening. If he evicts her mum, her daughter isn't going to run into your arms, Tom. Charlotte: 'I'm far filthier than her.' I doubt it.
Lotan is teaching Arthur to striptease. Don't.
The crowd cheering seems very quiet.
Imran and Mandy are the only two not safe. So Tom has to piss off either Charlotte or Sukhvinder.
He has to tell Imran why he thinks he's not been saved, that's a bit mean. OMG he's gonna evict the mum.
Ha, Imran has to say why Tom should evict Mandy. not why he should save you.
Mandy: 'You need a rich mix in this house.' That would mean Imran then!
Mandy is such a sore loser. I'm SO glad she went over Imran. The people's housemate finally got it right! Took him all week, the thick fuck.
May saying Tom has a 'gameplan' and talking about about 'throwing people under the bus.' Tom is not smart enough to have a gameplan.
Emma: 'Why did he evict you tonight?' Cos he wants to fuck her daughter.
Mandy saying Tom sees Charlotte as a challenge. Tom would sleep with anyone who would say yes I think.
Mandy, all you did was be creepy, entitled and a bitch. BYE.
Podcast incoming later if you can stay up til about 3am! Hopefully I can.
Thursday, 8 June 2017
Big Brother UK 2017: Intelligence centre malfunction
Hiya! So I heard rumours there was an eviction tonight but as lines not even open, I'm filing that under FAKE NEWS. Jesus, who are we going to lose tomorrow. It's going to be one of only one person I like, isn't it?
Actually I do like more than one person, but barely. Looks like Sukhvinder is earning her stipend tonight. Yes! Give us the rows and the entertainment.
Please stop showing Ellie fawning over this thick twat Lotan. I can't bear how down on herself she is, it's depressing, plus it's soulless. Did she just say she wouldn't mind being his bum chum? I'm not rewinding it to find out.
Arthur flashing his bits in the shower in front of the WHOLE house, exhibitionist or what! Mind you, he is on Big Brother. I think Joe and Lotan are threatened. Arthur must have a big one. Ah, he has got a big one! That's why he's flapping it around. I like 'I didn't know we were having sausage sandwiches this morning.'
Tom thinks Arthur is entertaining. I agree! Shame Tom isn't.
Sukhvinder is SPOILING for a fight. I love it. Calling Rebecca out on not employing women wearing make up. Well, she is employing honey trappers - they do need to look attractive I guess. Most women DO wear mean up on a night out. I'm sure Keiran wears make up, too.
Rebecca: 'Wearing make up is part insecurity, part professionalism.' For me it's wholly about sexiness or standing out.
I can kind of see both sides, it IS discrimination because men don't have to do it, but there's more important things to worry about, in my opinion, if we're going to talk about discrimination or sexism.
Kayleigh: 'What does discrimination mean?' Um, I dunno, what does 'pig ignorant' mean? Oh, it mean 'Love Island rejects.' Rebecca: 'It's like racism.' Uh oh! I don't think she meant it like that, I think she just used it as an example OF discrimination, but she didn't quite articulate that.
I don't care personally about make up or not, if people wear it or not. My friend worked in a casino and she had to wear make up and nail varnish, but it was the Playboy club, so you know, if you're working in places like that, no shit they want you to spruce up. Is it sexist? Yes. But Joe would be OK with the policy, ha.
I do like Sukhvinder starting a row for no reason. That's what I want in a housemate. She is ready to GO. Some days you just feel like that, you're just waiting for someone to look at you sideways and then you're like 'Right!!!!!'
I'm going to stop commenting on the Ellie/Lotan non-story. It bores me rigid.
Rebecca sounds drunk in the DR slagging of Sukhvinder. Where was Imran when Sukhvinder was kicking off?
Oh, she's kicking off again! Woo! I do agree brushing your hair where someone's eating is gross. Why even do it there! I hate Kayleigh, she's thick as fuck. Kayleigh: 'Have you seen the things people do in this kitchen?' Like what, I wanna know. 'Chill the fuck out, you stupid twat.' Nice.
I liked Imran giving his wife a bit of kitchen roll to dry her tears. I loved it when he said, 'We'll take that bitch out later on' and laughed. Noms talk! That's the thing with these couples being two housemates. How do you stop a married couple colluding under the covers? I said colluding, not canoodling!
Imran to Sukhvinder: 'You can stick up for yourself.' Affirmative! People are going 'oh he's henpecked' etc but he clearly adores her, so mind your business. Some guys like fiesty, mouthy women. Personally, I'd like to meet one!
What is Kayleigh wearing? She has boob laces, but they're too high for her boobs.
Kayleigh moaning cos Sukhvinder is wearing high heels and hot pants and 'what impression does that give to girls?' Er, none whatsoever. I like Sukhvinder's cardigan that looks like an old blanket. Ooh, she's talking to herself in the mirror. 'Stay me.' I think she's having an identity crisis in the house. Big Brother brain kicked in early this year.
Oh no, a task where Tom has to read off a card. We're fucked.
Something to do with Lotan, whatever. Rebecca took a punishment so Keiran didn't get one. Hold on, if the punishment was 'give up all of your make up' how was that a punishment for Keiran?
Raph has to open a box. Joe: 'You've won a ticket back to New York!' Lol.
Raph didn't open the box cos he's a true gamer. It's his dream to be in BB, not to be a ssssssnake. I wonder how much was in it!
I'm starting to think Sukhvinder is a bit mental. I kind of love it, though.
I like the sister's impressions. I missed which sister it was and I can't rewind cos I'm already behind. Don't hate me. I like both sisters so far!
I like Sukhvinder's foil jacket, looks cool. But she's still going on about the fucking make up. Stop.
Arthur has to eat brussel sprouts cos he hates them. Yeah, I'd say I hate chocolate if I went in Big Brother. Doesn't take a Raph strategy to plan that one ahead.
So now I have to watch some old shit I already saw on BBBOTS last night! Why! The intelligence centre. The outside contact machine more like. I was literally agog at how much info he got on BOTS, imagine if someone with a brain got it. You could sew up the whole game! Tom is too stupid to take instruction, but he's also too stupid to think of his own ideas, so who knows what he'll do now. It's like seeing an angry dog get spun around on a chair and working out who it will bite first.
Tom now has to save one person from citizenship. He's 'been advised' not to give it to Rebecca.
Tom is pulling out the 110% crap with Raph. He's not fit to speak to Raph, in my opinion.
Tom thinks Sukhvinder will 'be fine' on Friday. I'm not so sure.
Tom gave boring Charlotte citizenship. Does she even have a sex tape? Tom wants to see her 'become a wild child and jump in the hot tub naked.' Not gonna happen.
Oh fuck, Sukhvinder is going to go. A woman, non white and with quite a forceful opinion. 100% gone. I think I've decided... Hannah is the cool sister.
Tom exiled Imran! Uh oh. And Arthur! Oh God, this is awful. Why can't we evict Joe or Kayleigh! Urgh!
Yuck, Tom is trying to crack onto Charlotte. Grim! Get your hands off her, creep.
Imran believes in the British public. 'They always make the right decision'. They never get it wrong, do they? Helen Wood, Jim Davidson, Brexit, the Tories again tomorrow... not keeping Adjoa in longer. We can't be trusted to mark down numbers on a FUCKING BINGO CARD. He called Kayleigh a 'fame whore' and said 'she's here to show tits and arse.' True, but that's Big Brother (now).
Mandy telling Tom to BACK OFF in no uncertain terms. I hate 'coming out of shell' talk. Mandy: 'Charlotte doesn't get off on the banter... not going to bounce on chairs. She likes sarcastic, witty humour.' Good luck with that.
Mandy about Tom: 'He's not yet raised a smile out of you...she rolls her eyes.' Haha.
The only thing interesting about Charlotte and her mum is their friendship with Raph.
Ellie and Tom downing wine. I could see them getting off when they've both run out of options, ie. tomorrow.
What is this thing with Chanelle and Hannah? Are they really arguing or not? I can't work it out.
'I would never allow someone to kick me with their shoe.' Relax.
Chanelle citing the 'on site medic' aka Dr Ottoman after having a flip flop kicked at her chest. It's not exactly the new spitgate is it?
Hannah is rulebooking. 'You don't know how it felt.' Insignificant?
OMG IT'S VOTE TO SAVE! FINALLY. We lost TOO MANY classic characters over the years with stupid vote to evict, propping up deadwood all the way to the final. WHY have they not done this years before! This gives me hope. If you listen to BB on Blast, please vote to save Raph! And don't give me none of that Trump bullshit, you know he was storylining so relax yourself. Cheers.
Actually I do like more than one person, but barely. Looks like Sukhvinder is earning her stipend tonight. Yes! Give us the rows and the entertainment.
Please stop showing Ellie fawning over this thick twat Lotan. I can't bear how down on herself she is, it's depressing, plus it's soulless. Did she just say she wouldn't mind being his bum chum? I'm not rewinding it to find out.
Arthur flashing his bits in the shower in front of the WHOLE house, exhibitionist or what! Mind you, he is on Big Brother. I think Joe and Lotan are threatened. Arthur must have a big one. Ah, he has got a big one! That's why he's flapping it around. I like 'I didn't know we were having sausage sandwiches this morning.'
Tom thinks Arthur is entertaining. I agree! Shame Tom isn't.
Sukhvinder is SPOILING for a fight. I love it. Calling Rebecca out on not employing women wearing make up. Well, she is employing honey trappers - they do need to look attractive I guess. Most women DO wear mean up on a night out. I'm sure Keiran wears make up, too.
Rebecca: 'Wearing make up is part insecurity, part professionalism.' For me it's wholly about sexiness or standing out.
I can kind of see both sides, it IS discrimination because men don't have to do it, but there's more important things to worry about, in my opinion, if we're going to talk about discrimination or sexism.
Kayleigh: 'What does discrimination mean?' Um, I dunno, what does 'pig ignorant' mean? Oh, it mean 'Love Island rejects.' Rebecca: 'It's like racism.' Uh oh! I don't think she meant it like that, I think she just used it as an example OF discrimination, but she didn't quite articulate that.
I don't care personally about make up or not, if people wear it or not. My friend worked in a casino and she had to wear make up and nail varnish, but it was the Playboy club, so you know, if you're working in places like that, no shit they want you to spruce up. Is it sexist? Yes. But Joe would be OK with the policy, ha.
I do like Sukhvinder starting a row for no reason. That's what I want in a housemate. She is ready to GO. Some days you just feel like that, you're just waiting for someone to look at you sideways and then you're like 'Right!!!!!'
I'm going to stop commenting on the Ellie/Lotan non-story. It bores me rigid.
Rebecca sounds drunk in the DR slagging of Sukhvinder. Where was Imran when Sukhvinder was kicking off?
Oh, she's kicking off again! Woo! I do agree brushing your hair where someone's eating is gross. Why even do it there! I hate Kayleigh, she's thick as fuck. Kayleigh: 'Have you seen the things people do in this kitchen?' Like what, I wanna know. 'Chill the fuck out, you stupid twat.' Nice.
I liked Imran giving his wife a bit of kitchen roll to dry her tears. I loved it when he said, 'We'll take that bitch out later on' and laughed. Noms talk! That's the thing with these couples being two housemates. How do you stop a married couple colluding under the covers? I said colluding, not canoodling!
Imran to Sukhvinder: 'You can stick up for yourself.' Affirmative! People are going 'oh he's henpecked' etc but he clearly adores her, so mind your business. Some guys like fiesty, mouthy women. Personally, I'd like to meet one!
What is Kayleigh wearing? She has boob laces, but they're too high for her boobs.
Kayleigh moaning cos Sukhvinder is wearing high heels and hot pants and 'what impression does that give to girls?' Er, none whatsoever. I like Sukhvinder's cardigan that looks like an old blanket. Ooh, she's talking to herself in the mirror. 'Stay me.' I think she's having an identity crisis in the house. Big Brother brain kicked in early this year.
Oh no, a task where Tom has to read off a card. We're fucked.
Something to do with Lotan, whatever. Rebecca took a punishment so Keiran didn't get one. Hold on, if the punishment was 'give up all of your make up' how was that a punishment for Keiran?
Raph has to open a box. Joe: 'You've won a ticket back to New York!' Lol.
Raph didn't open the box cos he's a true gamer. It's his dream to be in BB, not to be a ssssssnake. I wonder how much was in it!
I'm starting to think Sukhvinder is a bit mental. I kind of love it, though.
I like the sister's impressions. I missed which sister it was and I can't rewind cos I'm already behind. Don't hate me. I like both sisters so far!
I like Sukhvinder's foil jacket, looks cool. But she's still going on about the fucking make up. Stop.
Arthur has to eat brussel sprouts cos he hates them. Yeah, I'd say I hate chocolate if I went in Big Brother. Doesn't take a Raph strategy to plan that one ahead.
So now I have to watch some old shit I already saw on BBBOTS last night! Why! The intelligence centre. The outside contact machine more like. I was literally agog at how much info he got on BOTS, imagine if someone with a brain got it. You could sew up the whole game! Tom is too stupid to take instruction, but he's also too stupid to think of his own ideas, so who knows what he'll do now. It's like seeing an angry dog get spun around on a chair and working out who it will bite first.
Tom now has to save one person from citizenship. He's 'been advised' not to give it to Rebecca.
Tom is pulling out the 110% crap with Raph. He's not fit to speak to Raph, in my opinion.
Tom thinks Sukhvinder will 'be fine' on Friday. I'm not so sure.
Tom gave boring Charlotte citizenship. Does she even have a sex tape? Tom wants to see her 'become a wild child and jump in the hot tub naked.' Not gonna happen.
Oh fuck, Sukhvinder is going to go. A woman, non white and with quite a forceful opinion. 100% gone. I think I've decided... Hannah is the cool sister.
Tom exiled Imran! Uh oh. And Arthur! Oh God, this is awful. Why can't we evict Joe or Kayleigh! Urgh!
Yuck, Tom is trying to crack onto Charlotte. Grim! Get your hands off her, creep.
Imran believes in the British public. 'They always make the right decision'. They never get it wrong, do they? Helen Wood, Jim Davidson, Brexit, the Tories again tomorrow... not keeping Adjoa in longer. We can't be trusted to mark down numbers on a FUCKING BINGO CARD. He called Kayleigh a 'fame whore' and said 'she's here to show tits and arse.' True, but that's Big Brother (now).
Mandy telling Tom to BACK OFF in no uncertain terms. I hate 'coming out of shell' talk. Mandy: 'Charlotte doesn't get off on the banter... not going to bounce on chairs. She likes sarcastic, witty humour.' Good luck with that.
Mandy about Tom: 'He's not yet raised a smile out of you...she rolls her eyes.' Haha.
The only thing interesting about Charlotte and her mum is their friendship with Raph.
Ellie and Tom downing wine. I could see them getting off when they've both run out of options, ie. tomorrow.
What is this thing with Chanelle and Hannah? Are they really arguing or not? I can't work it out.
'I would never allow someone to kick me with their shoe.' Relax.
Chanelle citing the 'on site medic' aka Dr Ottoman after having a flip flop kicked at her chest. It's not exactly the new spitgate is it?
Hannah is rulebooking. 'You don't know how it felt.' Insignificant?
OMG IT'S VOTE TO SAVE! FINALLY. We lost TOO MANY classic characters over the years with stupid vote to evict, propping up deadwood all the way to the final. WHY have they not done this years before! This gives me hope. If you listen to BB on Blast, please vote to save Raph! And don't give me none of that Trump bullshit, you know he was storylining so relax yourself. Cheers.
Wednesday, 7 June 2017
Big Brother UK 2017: I'm fucking allergic to people, man
I think us viewers are 'waking up in the dingey thorn cottage' as opposed to the 'rose cottage' metaphorocally speaking.
Sukhvinder hates EVERYONE. I kind of agree with her.
Uh oh, Tom is having to read off a cue card, sorry, I mean an iPad. Ted is giving him punishments to choose from cos he's too thick to think of them himself. Ted knows how to punish us viewers though; through casting a series of dolts and duds. Thanks, Ted.
Raph and Arthur are the housemate dream team as far as I'm concerned, talking about how they're not lads. Tom coming in and demanding they bow (as part of the task) was quite poetic. What a twat. He's barely comprehensible.
I love Sukhvinder going 'I'm fucking allergic to people, man' and Imran saying 'you're doing amazing.' What a nice husband to have. Sukhvinder doesn't want to be a sheep or lose who she is. I don't think there's any danger of that. I like her honesty, I just hope she doesn't downward spiral and become too moany (I know, pot, kettle, black, right?)
Chanelle: 'I just stroll around with my feathers on... Arthur ruffles feathers.' Yours or someone else's?
Arthur to Joe: 'Do you always wear make up?' I LOVE ARTHUR! I love the way Joe made Arthur repeat it several times. 'Do I always what? What the fuck are you fucking saying.' Terry Tibbs has gone mental. He had to resist punching Arthur. Lotan: 'He's just got dark eyelashes.' What about the guyliner! I've seen less eyeliner on John James!
Joe (huffily): 'Just because I've got nice eyes.' I liked Hannah trying to tell Arthur not to put his foot in it.
Arthur: 'You've got a good complexion.' Good backtrack. Joe seemed to agree? Joe has a good complexion like Donald Trump has a good complexion.
Ooh, I don't like the way Arthur turned on Hannah after that cos he's scared of Joe, not cool. She was trying to help you. I HATE the way he called her 'love', too. Sexist twat. I just went off Arthur in two seconds flat. I still think he's a good housemate, though.
Joe picking on Arthur telling him to 'bow quicker.' Arthur: 'Two plus two makes you.' What does that mean, exactly? Joe: 'It's a game.' I like it when people say it's a game, as if we didn't know.
Arthur is more Caroline than Ben or Harry in the posho stakes, I'm afraid. Real shades of twattery. Joe is an abysmal human, though, and an annoying housemate. I wouldn't mind if we hadn't seen it ALL BEFORE last year with Chelsea. Think outside the box, people!
Why is Hannah bothered Arthur used the word 'dickhead' though? That's MILD!
Chanelle's had a bum lift using fat from her chin. I can't finish this sentence without failing as a feminist/human so I'll just leave it there. Chanelle is giving a shopping list of her low level cosmetic procedures.
Tom forcing them all to do sit ups. He has the worst case of HOHitis since Tom Plant in BBCAN1.
The mum says 'Tom's a cutie... small but perfectly formed.' EW! He's disgusting.
Pillow fight... not as good as a food fight. Lotan looks like a fucking garden gnome. Hideous.
Fake news task. As if headlines are written about the housemates anymore! I can't be bothered to write it all down.
I'm not surprised that Rebecca wouldn't hire someone not wearing make up. Plus, she needs it. (Meow!)
The mum going on about the sex tape is GRIM. VHS. She seems so proud! 'I was 7 stone 6 and I gave a great performance.' Can't see Jackie Travers saying that. Also, the daughter didn't even seem that shocked! WEIRD. The mum is deffo gonna snog someone. I feel a lapdance coming on!
Tom looks like he's gonna glass someone. Chanelle is upset she's been labelled a cheat. So going 'waaa' is Chanelle's thing, then. Raph is a cheat. He's not helping the public vote, is he! Buck up your ideas, Raph.
OMG this sister commenting on the asian couple's relationship. 'Doesn't mean he can't be a sex warrior.' JESUS.
What's Raph pretending to cry about? Lol! Gameplanner. 'And not one tear was shed'
Sukhvinder is not going to last long hanging onto her morals in there. Her husband is a bit henpecked, isn't he? (Sorry for the sexist terminology but weeeelll).
Arthur thinks people on benefits should take whatever they can get (like he does). 'If there's a system, play it.' I completely agree (my view is it's the systems' fault if it's exploitable) It's easy for him to say though, cos he does fuck all. Imran is trying to hard to say the right thing - or maybe he is just a really nice guy and I'm a suspicious mess. It's possible!
Tom talking about Mandy's sex tape: 'I was a size 7 and I put a good shift in.' That's not quite what she said and there's no such thing as a size 7, but hey, near enough.
The sisters seem cool if a little conservative for Big Brother so far.
Tom is going to be told by the public what to do again next. It's lucky the public is thinking for Tom cos he's thicker than brick. He not so much wrote his strategy in crayon (shout out to Keith from BBUS) but in his own shit on the back of a toilet door.
Tom cannot STAND Chanelle. I still half like her. Half!
Ellie thinks Lotan is 'so beautiful' and he's out of her league. I hate leagues. Ellie fishing for compliments from Lotan. Stop putting yourself down! You're fine, he's a twat.
Lotan: 'People assume I'm an arrogant prick.' I wonder why! Then he said 'looks don't matter.' NICE! But then 'of course you're beautiful.' Too late.
Kayleigh is stirring about Ellie and Lotan. I think Kayleigh is jealous. Charlotte looks drunk.'Would you bang her?' Charmed, I'm sure. Like mother, like daughter, I guess.
Lotan: 'I turn women crazy.' You turn my channel over. The producers actually think we care about this crap. Ugh, Ellie all over Lotan is grimbles. And she's not even allowed to sleep in there! Clinger.
What the hell is Tom wearing?! Looks like one of the net curtains.Who knew they were doing the HOH robe in lace now?
I LOVE all the bedspreads. But I'm concerned about where the series may be going (showmances in the first week). If you're gonna force a showmance on me, make it a slow burn. Make it mean something. Otherwise, keep it.
PS: Launch night pod (still pimping!)
Sukhvinder hates EVERYONE. I kind of agree with her.
Uh oh, Tom is having to read off a cue card, sorry, I mean an iPad. Ted is giving him punishments to choose from cos he's too thick to think of them himself. Ted knows how to punish us viewers though; through casting a series of dolts and duds. Thanks, Ted.
Raph and Arthur are the housemate dream team as far as I'm concerned, talking about how they're not lads. Tom coming in and demanding they bow (as part of the task) was quite poetic. What a twat. He's barely comprehensible.
I love Sukhvinder going 'I'm fucking allergic to people, man' and Imran saying 'you're doing amazing.' What a nice husband to have. Sukhvinder doesn't want to be a sheep or lose who she is. I don't think there's any danger of that. I like her honesty, I just hope she doesn't downward spiral and become too moany (I know, pot, kettle, black, right?)
Chanelle: 'I just stroll around with my feathers on... Arthur ruffles feathers.' Yours or someone else's?
Arthur to Joe: 'Do you always wear make up?' I LOVE ARTHUR! I love the way Joe made Arthur repeat it several times. 'Do I always what? What the fuck are you fucking saying.' Terry Tibbs has gone mental. He had to resist punching Arthur. Lotan: 'He's just got dark eyelashes.' What about the guyliner! I've seen less eyeliner on John James!
Joe (huffily): 'Just because I've got nice eyes.' I liked Hannah trying to tell Arthur not to put his foot in it.
Arthur: 'You've got a good complexion.' Good backtrack. Joe seemed to agree? Joe has a good complexion like Donald Trump has a good complexion.
Ooh, I don't like the way Arthur turned on Hannah after that cos he's scared of Joe, not cool. She was trying to help you. I HATE the way he called her 'love', too. Sexist twat. I just went off Arthur in two seconds flat. I still think he's a good housemate, though.
Joe picking on Arthur telling him to 'bow quicker.' Arthur: 'Two plus two makes you.' What does that mean, exactly? Joe: 'It's a game.' I like it when people say it's a game, as if we didn't know.
Arthur is more Caroline than Ben or Harry in the posho stakes, I'm afraid. Real shades of twattery. Joe is an abysmal human, though, and an annoying housemate. I wouldn't mind if we hadn't seen it ALL BEFORE last year with Chelsea. Think outside the box, people!
Why is Hannah bothered Arthur used the word 'dickhead' though? That's MILD!
Chanelle's had a bum lift using fat from her chin. I can't finish this sentence without failing as a feminist/human so I'll just leave it there. Chanelle is giving a shopping list of her low level cosmetic procedures.
Tom forcing them all to do sit ups. He has the worst case of HOHitis since Tom Plant in BBCAN1.
The mum says 'Tom's a cutie... small but perfectly formed.' EW! He's disgusting.
Pillow fight... not as good as a food fight. Lotan looks like a fucking garden gnome. Hideous.
Fake news task. As if headlines are written about the housemates anymore! I can't be bothered to write it all down.
I'm not surprised that Rebecca wouldn't hire someone not wearing make up. Plus, she needs it. (Meow!)
The mum going on about the sex tape is GRIM. VHS. She seems so proud! 'I was 7 stone 6 and I gave a great performance.' Can't see Jackie Travers saying that. Also, the daughter didn't even seem that shocked! WEIRD. The mum is deffo gonna snog someone. I feel a lapdance coming on!
Tom looks like he's gonna glass someone. Chanelle is upset she's been labelled a cheat. So going 'waaa' is Chanelle's thing, then. Raph is a cheat. He's not helping the public vote, is he! Buck up your ideas, Raph.
OMG this sister commenting on the asian couple's relationship. 'Doesn't mean he can't be a sex warrior.' JESUS.
What's Raph pretending to cry about? Lol! Gameplanner. 'And not one tear was shed'
Sukhvinder is not going to last long hanging onto her morals in there. Her husband is a bit henpecked, isn't he? (Sorry for the sexist terminology but weeeelll).
Arthur thinks people on benefits should take whatever they can get (like he does). 'If there's a system, play it.' I completely agree (my view is it's the systems' fault if it's exploitable) It's easy for him to say though, cos he does fuck all. Imran is trying to hard to say the right thing - or maybe he is just a really nice guy and I'm a suspicious mess. It's possible!
Tom talking about Mandy's sex tape: 'I was a size 7 and I put a good shift in.' That's not quite what she said and there's no such thing as a size 7, but hey, near enough.
The sisters seem cool if a little conservative for Big Brother so far.
Tom is going to be told by the public what to do again next. It's lucky the public is thinking for Tom cos he's thicker than brick. He not so much wrote his strategy in crayon (shout out to Keith from BBUS) but in his own shit on the back of a toilet door.
Tom cannot STAND Chanelle. I still half like her. Half!
Ellie thinks Lotan is 'so beautiful' and he's out of her league. I hate leagues. Ellie fishing for compliments from Lotan. Stop putting yourself down! You're fine, he's a twat.
Lotan: 'People assume I'm an arrogant prick.' I wonder why! Then he said 'looks don't matter.' NICE! But then 'of course you're beautiful.' Too late.
Kayleigh is stirring about Ellie and Lotan. I think Kayleigh is jealous. Charlotte looks drunk.'Would you bang her?' Charmed, I'm sure. Like mother, like daughter, I guess.
Lotan: 'I turn women crazy.' You turn my channel over. The producers actually think we care about this crap. Ugh, Ellie all over Lotan is grimbles. And she's not even allowed to sleep in there! Clinger.
What the hell is Tom wearing?! Looks like one of the net curtains.Who knew they were doing the HOH robe in lace now?
I LOVE all the bedspreads. But I'm concerned about where the series may be going (showmances in the first week). If you're gonna force a showmance on me, make it a slow burn. Make it mean something. Otherwise, keep it.
PS: Launch night pod (still pimping!)
Tuesday, 6 June 2017
Big Brother UK 2017: 'It's 210 times harder to get into Big Brother than Harvard'
Here we go again! I was asked why I watch Big Brother today when it's full of 'low lives, gays, slags, whores and scum.' I know, nice, right? I guess I feel at home in that company!
So let's find out a bit more about my new best friends.
Oh God, it's the recap part.
I like Arthur not knowing what a dreamboy is. Wow, Sukvinder and Imran have been married 22 years! That's cool. I still believe in love!
Do not be calling Sukhvinder Sukh. She is NOT keen. I like the way she says it with a smile on her face. I guess I'd better get used to spelling it right then.
Arthur seems a bit out of his depth with all the magazine dealers. Cos he just seems normal. NORMAL is the keyword isn't it. As Morrissey says, there's no such thing in life as normal.
Haha, Keiran calling Chanelle a 'handful' when she comes in. We can SEE that much!
Someone doesn't know what 'having your citizenship revoked' means. Ask Donald Trump.
Arthur getting into the pool was a bit anti-climatic. Like an old person lowering themselves into the shallow end.
I HATE this Tom guy. MORON. Who voted for him! You fuckheads.
Joe doesn't like Arthur undressing the mannequin. Who cares! Mannequin gate has zero rings to it. Who did Arthur go 'what's your problem love' to? Boo.
I would like to have seen more than one sentence of Arthur and Sukhvinder's conversation about religion ie. 'Sikhs come from India.' Literally then show us one sentence conversations. Editing!
Oh no, Joe likes Raff (I'm spelling it how it's pronounced so I pronounce it right on my pod) and Tom doesn't cos he's seen his VT. I hate people getting judged on VTs. It reminds me of Jackie Travers vendetta against Callum cos of all the imaginary women he'd slept with.
I love Raff strategising with Chanelle. They're gonna have 'psycho chats'. I'm sure! He's enjoying talking to her. 'It's important to find someone you can trust.' ALLIANCE. He's gonna use Chanelle as a meat shield, lol. OMG at 'It's 210 times harder to get into Big Brother than Harvard.' AMAZING. I HATE everyone who says he's gonna be first boot. He's EXACTLY what I want from my Big Brother contestant. I look at his Twitter today, he was chatting about KEVIN ROBERT MARTIN. He is us.
People say, oh it's all Love Island people and it is, but I still feel this same familiar feeling in my heart, that my favourite is going out first week. And maybe I like that feeling. Cos it gives me more to moan about.
Tom has been called to the 'intelligence centre.' Uh oh. How did he get past the doorman?
Ooh! Tom sees Lotan as his competiton! Good, I want them to fight and take each other out.
Why is Lotan plugging Head and Shoulders? Oh I know, cos Ted told him to. He makes the Twistos twist look subtle.
Who cares what the 'people of Facebook' think. I hate the fact Raff has got thrown under the bus cos of his VT. Dickwad shouldn't have even seen his VT.
I didn't note down who the public like or don't like. I hate the way Tom spoke to Rafe. So he's been nice so he's playing a game? Fuck off, he's being polite on the first night, you thick fuck.
So dimwit has to split the house in two.
Ooh, he's splitting the sisters up. That's not going to go down well. It's good though cos we'll then see them under the cosh. Oh he's split up the couple, too! Meanie. Basically everyone he is putting on the poor side, I like.
I like Chanelle screeching in Tom's face, ha. 'Cos you're loud and annoying.'
Ooh Tom has drawn first blood against Lotan! Nice. Let the young bucks fight it out, to the death preferably. 'Time to go big game hunting!' as Karen BBCAN5 said.
Chanelle on her boyfriend: 'He's got a ten inch dick and he's a very giving person.'
Blowjob talk! 'I haven't got the patience to do it until they come.' Half arsed!
The man whore is explaining his strategy for honey trapping. Haha, I like them saying he's out of a job. He's like a cut price Derrick Lavveseur who can't go back to pretending to be a hipster park co-ordinator/undercover cop.
I don't like that outdoor DR one bit! Unsettling. If I wanted to watch outdoor things, I'd watch fucking Survivor. I like things INDOORS. Like my social life. I want to feel relaxed, like I can wear a dressing gown like Jo O Meara. OK, maybe not that relaxed.
The sisters don't like anyone. Weeelllll.
Have they actually been exiled yet? I can't tell the difference between the exile side and the other side.
Lotan: 'United citizens of who the gives the fuck.' That was almost a sentence.
The mum and daughter like Rafe! Yay. He is cute.
OMG I LOVE the bedroom furniture. I have those net curtains, basically. I like the wallpaper, the poofe, the rug... everything. The artwork looks very me, too.
I realise where I recognise this honeytrapper woman now... This Morning. I couldn't give a fuck what she thinks about anything. Boring!
Sukhvinder has got the hump: 'I don't want to come on some dumb show.' Um. Her husband looks weary already, ha.
Ellie: 'I love drinking, me.' Well, it's moving on from blinking, I guess.
I don't really get the split when they can both hang out on both sides (like Chanelle's boobs). What's the point?
Chanelle: 'I'm not gonna lick anyone's arse.' She won't even give anyone a blowjob, so...
Argh they're all worrying about Raff being a gameplanner. Annoying! Stupid Tom!
I like the decor in the exile room too. It still has nice cushions, etc even though they've made the walls look mock grubby.
Woah, that bathroom is very green. Toothbrush strategy first night! Bold.
Arthur is doing a stirring speech to the exiles. Ooh I like this sister saying 'we have to win.' The exiles wanna start a riot. Start by burning Tom's jeans.
That seemed to go by really fast, which I think is a good sign?
I'm just enjoying having BBUK back on and all the Twitter fun, really. The house will take shape and what will be, will be. We can't affect it. We don't decide.
Ooh, did you check out our launch night podcast by the way? Thanks if you have a chance to listen.
So let's find out a bit more about my new best friends.
Oh God, it's the recap part.
I like Arthur not knowing what a dreamboy is. Wow, Sukvinder and Imran have been married 22 years! That's cool. I still believe in love!
Do not be calling Sukhvinder Sukh. She is NOT keen. I like the way she says it with a smile on her face. I guess I'd better get used to spelling it right then.
Arthur seems a bit out of his depth with all the magazine dealers. Cos he just seems normal. NORMAL is the keyword isn't it. As Morrissey says, there's no such thing in life as normal.
Haha, Keiran calling Chanelle a 'handful' when she comes in. We can SEE that much!
Someone doesn't know what 'having your citizenship revoked' means. Ask Donald Trump.
Arthur getting into the pool was a bit anti-climatic. Like an old person lowering themselves into the shallow end.
I HATE this Tom guy. MORON. Who voted for him! You fuckheads.
Joe doesn't like Arthur undressing the mannequin. Who cares! Mannequin gate has zero rings to it. Who did Arthur go 'what's your problem love' to? Boo.
I would like to have seen more than one sentence of Arthur and Sukhvinder's conversation about religion ie. 'Sikhs come from India.' Literally then show us one sentence conversations. Editing!
Oh no, Joe likes Raff (I'm spelling it how it's pronounced so I pronounce it right on my pod) and Tom doesn't cos he's seen his VT. I hate people getting judged on VTs. It reminds me of Jackie Travers vendetta against Callum cos of all the imaginary women he'd slept with.
I love Raff strategising with Chanelle. They're gonna have 'psycho chats'. I'm sure! He's enjoying talking to her. 'It's important to find someone you can trust.' ALLIANCE. He's gonna use Chanelle as a meat shield, lol. OMG at 'It's 210 times harder to get into Big Brother than Harvard.' AMAZING. I HATE everyone who says he's gonna be first boot. He's EXACTLY what I want from my Big Brother contestant. I look at his Twitter today, he was chatting about KEVIN ROBERT MARTIN. He is us.
People say, oh it's all Love Island people and it is, but I still feel this same familiar feeling in my heart, that my favourite is going out first week. And maybe I like that feeling. Cos it gives me more to moan about.
Tom has been called to the 'intelligence centre.' Uh oh. How did he get past the doorman?
Ooh! Tom sees Lotan as his competiton! Good, I want them to fight and take each other out.
Why is Lotan plugging Head and Shoulders? Oh I know, cos Ted told him to. He makes the Twistos twist look subtle.
Who cares what the 'people of Facebook' think. I hate the fact Raff has got thrown under the bus cos of his VT. Dickwad shouldn't have even seen his VT.
I didn't note down who the public like or don't like. I hate the way Tom spoke to Rafe. So he's been nice so he's playing a game? Fuck off, he's being polite on the first night, you thick fuck.
So dimwit has to split the house in two.
Ooh, he's splitting the sisters up. That's not going to go down well. It's good though cos we'll then see them under the cosh. Oh he's split up the couple, too! Meanie. Basically everyone he is putting on the poor side, I like.
I like Chanelle screeching in Tom's face, ha. 'Cos you're loud and annoying.'
Ooh Tom has drawn first blood against Lotan! Nice. Let the young bucks fight it out, to the death preferably. 'Time to go big game hunting!' as Karen BBCAN5 said.
Chanelle on her boyfriend: 'He's got a ten inch dick and he's a very giving person.'
Blowjob talk! 'I haven't got the patience to do it until they come.' Half arsed!
The man whore is explaining his strategy for honey trapping. Haha, I like them saying he's out of a job. He's like a cut price Derrick Lavveseur who can't go back to pretending to be a hipster park co-ordinator/undercover cop.
I don't like that outdoor DR one bit! Unsettling. If I wanted to watch outdoor things, I'd watch fucking Survivor. I like things INDOORS. Like my social life. I want to feel relaxed, like I can wear a dressing gown like Jo O Meara. OK, maybe not that relaxed.
The sisters don't like anyone. Weeelllll.
Have they actually been exiled yet? I can't tell the difference between the exile side and the other side.
Lotan: 'United citizens of who the gives the fuck.' That was almost a sentence.
The mum and daughter like Rafe! Yay. He is cute.
OMG I LOVE the bedroom furniture. I have those net curtains, basically. I like the wallpaper, the poofe, the rug... everything. The artwork looks very me, too.
I realise where I recognise this honeytrapper woman now... This Morning. I couldn't give a fuck what she thinks about anything. Boring!
Sukhvinder has got the hump: 'I don't want to come on some dumb show.' Um. Her husband looks weary already, ha.
Ellie: 'I love drinking, me.' Well, it's moving on from blinking, I guess.
I don't really get the split when they can both hang out on both sides (like Chanelle's boobs). What's the point?
Chanelle: 'I'm not gonna lick anyone's arse.' She won't even give anyone a blowjob, so...
Argh they're all worrying about Raff being a gameplanner. Annoying! Stupid Tom!
I like the decor in the exile room too. It still has nice cushions, etc even though they've made the walls look mock grubby.
Woah, that bathroom is very green. Toothbrush strategy first night! Bold.
Arthur is doing a stirring speech to the exiles. Ooh I like this sister saying 'we have to win.' The exiles wanna start a riot. Start by burning Tom's jeans.
That seemed to go by really fast, which I think is a good sign?
I'm just enjoying having BBUK back on and all the Twitter fun, really. The house will take shape and what will be, will be. We can't affect it. We don't decide.
Ooh, did you check out our launch night podcast by the way? Thanks if you have a chance to listen.
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