Gawd, watching Saturday night's X factor on a Sunday is a tyranny; can't leave the house and get a paper in case I see the results. Oh hold on, the results are tomorrow now! Fuck this, I'm going out to get a sausage sandwich.
(disclaimer, I still think splitting it into two shows is utterly unnecessary.)
Wow that sandwich was good. I'm ready to bitch. Yes, I'm still mega smarting about Ethan and Daniel Fox. I reckon Simon would have chosen them. Cheryl needs to change her taste in men (in more than one area).
Hmm, they've put Rachel on first, not that pleased about that. She's brilliant so hope she doesn't crack under pressure! Oh fuck, Robbie Williams. WHY? He looks about 50. He makes me feel sick to my stomach. I could write 5000 words on why I hate Robbie Williams. If I could have him airbrushed from the planet, I would. Or machine-gunned even.
'Let me entertain you' doesn't have a tune, so Rachel was at a disadvantage from the start. Too much make up, too shreiky, too many 'wooos'! Too much dancing. Oh dear. Simon: 'I have mis-underestimated you.' Ahem.
Kandy Rain aka the Pussykat Trolls. Nah not really, I just wanted to do a Sun-style pun. They're good, good-looking and they can sing. A lot of leg boob on show though; why should men get to ogle when I don't get to perve over Ethan? Not fair.
Fuck off Cheryl; I've seen Girls Aloud wearing equally slutty (I'm using this word for men and women) things, and you're meant to comment on their voices, not their clothes. I hate Cheryl, she's being sexist; you can wear sexy things once you're established? This is bigger bullshit than Beyonce and her Sasha 'character'. They can wear what they fucking want, but it's not like they chose those clothes, the stylists did! Stick your demure up your old rotten fanny, Cheryl.
Next up is Deal or No Deal fella, Olly. He sang a Robbie Williams song, and sounded exactly like Robbie Williams. What's the point?
Ricky has basically stolen Ethan's spot as far as I'm concerned. Take your flat-cap and shove it up your arse. His voice sounded quite feminie singing Amy Winehouse but maybe that's just because of the song. I didn't mind it actually. *pines for Ethan*
I like Stacey, she's so dopey! She's like a comedy character. WOW, she was really fucking good! That actually moved me (I do like a bit of a cry-up to Coldplay). She can really sing. Dannii has got the strongest category by a MILE.
I like Miss Frank! I like the fact they came together by accident. They are a bit loud, but they're cool. And they're cute.
I found Jamie a bit tedious. Simon said that was the best thing he's seen so far? Shoulda gone to Specsavers.
Lloyd 'my little popstar tm.'; another dull foetus I have to look at instead of Ethan. Great, he can't sing high notes. Fuck off, then! Yuck, he's doing 'cry me, cry me!' I hate Timberlake almost as much as Williams (but not quite). I don't think this kid's voice is any cop whatsoever. To quote Courtney 'oh just shut up, you're only 16'.
Shit, I just saw on Strike Gently that Stephen Gately was dead (I was asleep for most of yesterday). Nuts. I know of someone who just went to sleep and never woke up, but who knows if there's more to it than that.
I think Lucie is very good. Dannii's category is seriously hot.
Next up is the distinctly non-psychic John and Edward. Oh they're irish! So THAT'S why. Robbie described them as 'endearing'. I think he meant 'arseholes'.
OMG Rock DJ; the worst song EVER EVER EVER written. At least there's barely any singing in it. The pair of them looked utterly embarrassed, and so they should be, the cocky little chancers. They make Same Difference look polished and likeable. Cheryl's backhanded insulting of them was good.
Little Joe whatever he's called doesn't do it for me, and that song was too low for him. I thought it was rubbish.
God this X Factor is sucking the life out of me, and I can fast-forward the adverts. It's too long, and tomorrow too? It's too much.
I like Danyl, but I hate that fucking song more than I hate Robbie Williams- FACT. Dannii outed Danyl as a bi! Hehe. Go on Danyl, squeeze out a tear.
Christ I need a stiff vodka and a lie down after all that.
Sunday, 11 October 2009
Thursday, 8 October 2009
Rant Blog: No TV so why not get sexually harrassed playing scrabble?
Wednesday night is clearly the death of TV; with no soaps to fill the hole, I am left floundering, twiddling my thumbs. So I turn to downloading some dreadful Placebo b-sides (I love you, Brian) and playing Facebook Scrabble.
If you're a girl; just don't play a man. Every. single. time. Where you from? How old are you? What you doing tonight? How does Scrabble and sex go together? It DOESN'T!!!
I actually vowed not to play men any more, but sometimes those pics move fast and you click in the wrong one, so I give the poor bloke a chance. Big mistake. 99% of the time if I play a woman they won't speak. If it's a man, they always do. They just have to try their luck.
Tonight's guy was holding a baby, seems harmless enough. Silly me.
Do you have a boyfriend? Yes. Then he says he has a partner and a baby. Good, I think, no sex chat here. Then; 'do you live with him/ you look about 18/ are you alone tonight?' He fired so many questions at me! Who asks for that when they play Scrabble? But I feel rude when I turn the chat off and someone is just being friendly and not creepy.
This is a man holding his child in his profile pic. Then I said 'this isn't the site for that' and that was the end of the game.
It's not actually FAIR that women have to put up with that, when just wanting to play a stupid game. There's enough sites out there for that stuff; they aint that hard to find. There's even specialist ones for cheating bastards; so go join one of them, you creepy fucker.
No more men! It shouldn't be this way. I wish men knew just how much low level harrassment women have to put up with daily. Just comments and looks and bloody patronising, sleazy bullshit, and it's not fair, because they don't have to put up with it, we don't encroach on their personal space in this insidious way.
Thanks, I needed to get this off my chest! The silly part is, on Friday when you want to have a drink and could live without the soaps, they force hours of them onto you.
If you're a girl; just don't play a man. Every. single. time. Where you from? How old are you? What you doing tonight? How does Scrabble and sex go together? It DOESN'T!!!
I actually vowed not to play men any more, but sometimes those pics move fast and you click in the wrong one, so I give the poor bloke a chance. Big mistake. 99% of the time if I play a woman they won't speak. If it's a man, they always do. They just have to try their luck.
Tonight's guy was holding a baby, seems harmless enough. Silly me.
Do you have a boyfriend? Yes. Then he says he has a partner and a baby. Good, I think, no sex chat here. Then; 'do you live with him/ you look about 18/ are you alone tonight?' He fired so many questions at me! Who asks for that when they play Scrabble? But I feel rude when I turn the chat off and someone is just being friendly and not creepy.
This is a man holding his child in his profile pic. Then I said 'this isn't the site for that' and that was the end of the game.
It's not actually FAIR that women have to put up with that, when just wanting to play a stupid game. There's enough sites out there for that stuff; they aint that hard to find. There's even specialist ones for cheating bastards; so go join one of them, you creepy fucker.
No more men! It shouldn't be this way. I wish men knew just how much low level harrassment women have to put up with daily. Just comments and looks and bloody patronising, sleazy bullshit, and it's not fair, because they don't have to put up with it, we don't encroach on their personal space in this insidious way.
Thanks, I needed to get this off my chest! The silly part is, on Friday when you want to have a drink and could live without the soaps, they force hours of them onto you.
Saturday, 3 October 2009
The X Factor: Final Cut
Saturday night on my own! Quick, start drinking. They keep saying 'it's crunch time' and weirdly, I just opened a giant bar of Crunch chocolate. Nice! I am a female cliche. Ooh Harry Hill's back next week. Score.
Urgh, Ronan 'you nearly got me punched in a fight' Keating. You say it best when you say noth... oh I've definitely done that joke before.
Mmm Ethan. Drool. Urgh, Will Young, the chinny, lisping closet-case-til-just-after-he-won-Pop-Idol. Yeah, I don't like him much.
Simon has Sinitta helping him, who came out covered in leaves. Quick, pop her in the oven. Dannii went slightly more A-list with her sister, who is going for the preserved in formaldehyde look. Lush.
The boyz, the boyz. I can't be fugged with Joe, he looks like a foetus. His voice is quite good, but I can't be bothered with him. The same with Lloyd. It's obviously going to be him or Joe going through, battling for the jail-bait vote. His voice isn't as good.
I like Daniel. He's all emotional and loud. Perhaps Will will give him the gay vote. Ha, Will did like him.
Mm, Ethan. Hot. I could look at him all day long. If he doesn't go through I'll doubt Cheryl's heterosexuality. I like his voice a lot, too! He's the FULL PACKAGE (tm). Them going 'oh he's too good looking' that's not a PROBLEM, dope-bags.
Ooh Duane's voice was quite good as well. Shit. This is quite hard to call. I don't mind Ricky, but I can't be arsed with his cheeky chappie/ hat schtick. So my picks are Daniel, Ethan and Duane.
The groups. Project A. One of them looks like Suffia off BB. I think they're alright, like a hen-night out down Wetherspoons.
Kandy Rain used to be strippers. Well, the name was a giveaway. But at the same time, who cares- what century is it?! Sexist tabloid scum. The little blonde one is cute. I'm going for Project A over them, though, for the 'likeability factor' *shoots self*.
I don't remember ever seeing the appallingly named De-Tour ever before so I guess they aren't going through as they're about as charismatic as Ronan. Oh, scratch that then.
Clamouring for the worst band name is Harmony Hood, a ragtag brood but I kind of like them a bit, like mismatched socks.
Miss Frank are kind of cool, like the Fugababes, you suspect they are just being forced to pretend they like each other. They are good, I liked their performance! They're quirky.
Urgh, the Fylight twins. Get rid. They are shit! Louis, just take them to bed if you fancy them that much, but don't inflict them on us, for fuck's sake. He's DEFINITELY going to put them through.
My pick for the groups are Miss Frank, Project A and Kandy Rain. Which aint gonna happen.
The over 25s... Olly! Deal or No Deal! You gotta love him just for that. He's a bit dull, though.
I like Treyc (yes that is how you spell it). But she's a bit lacklustre, too.
Daniel 'One True Voice' has a mohican now, so we must take him seriously. He has a 'look'. Zzzzz. What, he's got backing singers?! Cheat. He bores me to tears.
Nicole (dead dad 2) I can't stand. She sang that song I hate and I can't get over it. She's too shrieky. I'm not very impressed with this over 25 category.
Oh I do like Danyl. So that's something. Oh and Jamie. I hope they don't only put one of them through. So my picks out of this lot are them and Olly. But Nicole's definitely going through.
And lastly, the girls. The girls are GOOD. Stacey, the people's chav. I like her a lot, actually. She's sweet. Good voice.
Does Kylie have it in her contract that they can't film her up close?
The next Stacey is OK but lacks charisma I think. And her voice is a little shrill. Plus, two Stacey's? I don't think so.
I love, love, love Rachel. I think she's great. She seems like she really NEEDS it, and she's cool, too. I hope she goes through.
I don't remember ever seeing Despina before, so I guess she's not going through. She was a bit shrieky for my liking.
Lucie is excellent. She's super-talented. Nicole is boring. Even her messing it up was boring.
It has to be Stacey the mum, Rachel and Lucie.
Oh it's over. I hate this 'over two nights' thing. It's too much. I can't blog it tomorrow either. BOO!
Over and out.
Urgh, Ronan 'you nearly got me punched in a fight' Keating. You say it best when you say noth... oh I've definitely done that joke before.
Mmm Ethan. Drool. Urgh, Will Young, the chinny, lisping closet-case-til-just-after-he-won-Pop-Idol. Yeah, I don't like him much.
Simon has Sinitta helping him, who came out covered in leaves. Quick, pop her in the oven. Dannii went slightly more A-list with her sister, who is going for the preserved in formaldehyde look. Lush.
The boyz, the boyz. I can't be fugged with Joe, he looks like a foetus. His voice is quite good, but I can't be bothered with him. The same with Lloyd. It's obviously going to be him or Joe going through, battling for the jail-bait vote. His voice isn't as good.
I like Daniel. He's all emotional and loud. Perhaps Will will give him the gay vote. Ha, Will did like him.
Mm, Ethan. Hot. I could look at him all day long. If he doesn't go through I'll doubt Cheryl's heterosexuality. I like his voice a lot, too! He's the FULL PACKAGE (tm). Them going 'oh he's too good looking' that's not a PROBLEM, dope-bags.
Ooh Duane's voice was quite good as well. Shit. This is quite hard to call. I don't mind Ricky, but I can't be arsed with his cheeky chappie/ hat schtick. So my picks are Daniel, Ethan and Duane.
The groups. Project A. One of them looks like Suffia off BB. I think they're alright, like a hen-night out down Wetherspoons.
Kandy Rain used to be strippers. Well, the name was a giveaway. But at the same time, who cares- what century is it?! Sexist tabloid scum. The little blonde one is cute. I'm going for Project A over them, though, for the 'likeability factor' *shoots self*.
I don't remember ever seeing the appallingly named De-Tour ever before so I guess they aren't going through as they're about as charismatic as Ronan. Oh, scratch that then.
Clamouring for the worst band name is Harmony Hood, a ragtag brood but I kind of like them a bit, like mismatched socks.
Miss Frank are kind of cool, like the Fugababes, you suspect they are just being forced to pretend they like each other. They are good, I liked their performance! They're quirky.
Urgh, the Fylight twins. Get rid. They are shit! Louis, just take them to bed if you fancy them that much, but don't inflict them on us, for fuck's sake. He's DEFINITELY going to put them through.
My pick for the groups are Miss Frank, Project A and Kandy Rain. Which aint gonna happen.
The over 25s... Olly! Deal or No Deal! You gotta love him just for that. He's a bit dull, though.
I like Treyc (yes that is how you spell it). But she's a bit lacklustre, too.
Daniel 'One True Voice' has a mohican now, so we must take him seriously. He has a 'look'. Zzzzz. What, he's got backing singers?! Cheat. He bores me to tears.
Nicole (dead dad 2) I can't stand. She sang that song I hate and I can't get over it. She's too shrieky. I'm not very impressed with this over 25 category.
Oh I do like Danyl. So that's something. Oh and Jamie. I hope they don't only put one of them through. So my picks out of this lot are them and Olly. But Nicole's definitely going through.
And lastly, the girls. The girls are GOOD. Stacey, the people's chav. I like her a lot, actually. She's sweet. Good voice.
Does Kylie have it in her contract that they can't film her up close?
The next Stacey is OK but lacks charisma I think. And her voice is a little shrill. Plus, two Stacey's? I don't think so.
I love, love, love Rachel. I think she's great. She seems like she really NEEDS it, and she's cool, too. I hope she goes through.
I don't remember ever seeing Despina before, so I guess she's not going through. She was a bit shrieky for my liking.
Lucie is excellent. She's super-talented. Nicole is boring. Even her messing it up was boring.
It has to be Stacey the mum, Rachel and Lucie.
Oh it's over. I hate this 'over two nights' thing. It's too much. I can't blog it tomorrow either. BOO!
Over and out.
Monday, 28 September 2009
Soap speciale!
Good soaps tonight, and I cried, but the end of the month has me feeling fragile so it was inevitable. I'm vulnerable to the soapemotions! Hey, what was all that Rosie in her undies but only on the website thing about? That was stupid! I can't be bothered with that interactive bullshit.
I thought Fizz (it's Fiz but that doesn't look right) looked great tonight. She's just lovely in every way. If that John Snape/ Stape does her over, he'll have me to deal with. And, er... Chesney. And when Sean wished her luck and said 'you're my kind of crazy, Fizzbomb' that was what did me in. Just good writing and characterisation and human truth. All in one.
God knows why she wants to get married in prison, though. It's not like he's a lifer. I thought registry offices were grim enough.
Rosie's just a little CUNT! Rargh! Why is Luke Strong putting up with it? No wonder he buggered off to Strictly Come Dancing. Vince from Queer as Folk wouldn't put up with this shit. Michelle deserves all she gets! Her taste in men is dreadful. I'd rather go for Tony.
It's a bit unfair they ganged up on Rosie; he WAS going to sleep with her after all. You also can't fire someone for that reason. Tribunal!
Five hundred quid to split up Amber and Kebab Kid! Five hundred! That's pretty cheap. Wish they'd give Dev a decent storyline. He's amaaaaaazing.
I liked the ginger Windass tricking Chesney into admitting he loved Fizz. I kinda like that ginger chav. I've always had a soft spot for a weasley ginge, don't tell anyone.
I hope Norris does NOT employ that woman. End.
Eastenders was also good, in it's own Eastender-y way (i.e. not just as good, but five minutes of good). I hope Jane takes the satanic-looking Bobby and goes have her baby with someone else. Sod Ian!
I HATE all the Mitchells crap; fuck off Sam, fuck off Ronnie and your ugly boyfriend, and fuck off Dr. creepy Jenkins. He has all the good writing, characterisation and human truth of a cereal box that someone has written the work 'HUNK' on. RUBBISH.
OMG that bit with Syed and Christian was both sexy and creepy at the end (good combination). How GOOD did Syed look tonight, all stubbly and long haired? He's my Bollywood prince (is that racist?) And see the way those chocolates got flung to the floor as they snogged down an alley... oh yes. Fabulous. WHO saw them??? I don't want to know. I like the mystery.
Hey, I think I've just changed my mind about the interactive website bollocks, IF the interactive website bollocks can include a steamy X-rated scene with Christian and Syed. Down the alley, or otherwise, I'm open to suggestions, as long as Syed is unclothed.
Dear or dear, do you come here for this kind of smut?! Disgraceful! Think of the children.
I thought Fizz (it's Fiz but that doesn't look right) looked great tonight. She's just lovely in every way. If that John Snape/ Stape does her over, he'll have me to deal with. And, er... Chesney. And when Sean wished her luck and said 'you're my kind of crazy, Fizzbomb' that was what did me in. Just good writing and characterisation and human truth. All in one.
God knows why she wants to get married in prison, though. It's not like he's a lifer. I thought registry offices were grim enough.
Rosie's just a little CUNT! Rargh! Why is Luke Strong putting up with it? No wonder he buggered off to Strictly Come Dancing. Vince from Queer as Folk wouldn't put up with this shit. Michelle deserves all she gets! Her taste in men is dreadful. I'd rather go for Tony.
It's a bit unfair they ganged up on Rosie; he WAS going to sleep with her after all. You also can't fire someone for that reason. Tribunal!
Five hundred quid to split up Amber and Kebab Kid! Five hundred! That's pretty cheap. Wish they'd give Dev a decent storyline. He's amaaaaaazing.
I liked the ginger Windass tricking Chesney into admitting he loved Fizz. I kinda like that ginger chav. I've always had a soft spot for a weasley ginge, don't tell anyone.
I hope Norris does NOT employ that woman. End.
Eastenders was also good, in it's own Eastender-y way (i.e. not just as good, but five minutes of good). I hope Jane takes the satanic-looking Bobby and goes have her baby with someone else. Sod Ian!
I HATE all the Mitchells crap; fuck off Sam, fuck off Ronnie and your ugly boyfriend, and fuck off Dr. creepy Jenkins. He has all the good writing, characterisation and human truth of a cereal box that someone has written the work 'HUNK' on. RUBBISH.
OMG that bit with Syed and Christian was both sexy and creepy at the end (good combination). How GOOD did Syed look tonight, all stubbly and long haired? He's my Bollywood prince (is that racist?) And see the way those chocolates got flung to the floor as they snogged down an alley... oh yes. Fabulous. WHO saw them??? I don't want to know. I like the mystery.
Hey, I think I've just changed my mind about the interactive website bollocks, IF the interactive website bollocks can include a steamy X-rated scene with Christian and Syed. Down the alley, or otherwise, I'm open to suggestions, as long as Syed is unclothed.
Dear or dear, do you come here for this kind of smut?! Disgraceful! Think of the children.
Sunday, 27 September 2009
The X Factor: Boot camp 2
So like everyone else I haven't really been enjoying the X Factor this year, but after them sucking the life out of the audition process, I actually enjoyed last night's boot camp, mainly because there were at least three good singers; Ethan (hot), the bloke who was a contestant on Deal or no Deal and that little mousy girl. So let's watch tonight as they don't get through. Oh my god, I didn't like those twins and their stupid dancing, cocky little cuntrags. I ALSO didn't like that girl doing that dire 'I'm telling you' song. When does shrieking count as singing? If I ever hear that song again, I'm gonna do a Michael Douglas. You have been warned.
I must say Dannii is looking quite sharp this year, I'm liking her hair. Cheryl's hair, on the other hand, ages her massively, and her crumpled forehead oh-its-another-person-I-beat-on-pop-rivals-once expression is getting rather boring. Can't we have a female judge with an opinion, instead of one who likes handbags? Get that bullying Sugababe on instead, at least she'll tell it to people straight.
Oh god, first contestant up tonight was a sub-par Chico (unbelievable that could be, I know.) I like the black girl with the afro.
Kandy Rain sounds like a porn star. And collectively, look a bit like one.
I felt sorry for the one in the pork pie hat who lost his voice, I kind of liked him. It's not his fault that he's ill. I reckon they might put him through, anyway.
Olly is the Deal or No Deal one (he's obviously a fame whore!) Yep, I still back him. He's a cheeky chappie.
I like the big afro dude, I don't think he's trying to hard. Simon can talk about being 'corny'; if any English person except him would ever use such a word.
I thought the chavvy girl was out of tune. But Simon fancies her, so she'll make it.
Oh dear; the bisexual guy did a jazzy Simply Red number. Big mistake!
Deliberations...
Yes sob story, your brother is pulling strings, by getting you this far. Hopefully that's it though. Ah, it was.
Yay Deal or No Deal and big afro guy got through, and that weird blonde guy (Daniel). I'm glad that black girl with the short stripy blonde bit in her hair got through, she was really good. Fuck those little twins though. EVIL!
'For you it's the end... of the bad news.' Cruel! The misspelt Danyl AND Ethan got through! Yay. You can tell they cut it this year so most of the people you got to know got through. The ones going home I hardly recognised.
Oh dear, the group category looks AWFUL. Good luck, Louis. Are you telling me Simon doesn't have a hand in deciding the categories? Please! Personally I think the best category is the girls. Dannii FTW.
PS: Two shows it too many, what with Xtra Factor, too. I feel X Factored out.
I must say Dannii is looking quite sharp this year, I'm liking her hair. Cheryl's hair, on the other hand, ages her massively, and her crumpled forehead oh-its-another-person-I-beat-on-pop-rivals-once expression is getting rather boring. Can't we have a female judge with an opinion, instead of one who likes handbags? Get that bullying Sugababe on instead, at least she'll tell it to people straight.
Oh god, first contestant up tonight was a sub-par Chico (unbelievable that could be, I know.) I like the black girl with the afro.
Kandy Rain sounds like a porn star. And collectively, look a bit like one.
I felt sorry for the one in the pork pie hat who lost his voice, I kind of liked him. It's not his fault that he's ill. I reckon they might put him through, anyway.
Olly is the Deal or No Deal one (he's obviously a fame whore!) Yep, I still back him. He's a cheeky chappie.
I like the big afro dude, I don't think he's trying to hard. Simon can talk about being 'corny'; if any English person except him would ever use such a word.
I thought the chavvy girl was out of tune. But Simon fancies her, so she'll make it.
Oh dear; the bisexual guy did a jazzy Simply Red number. Big mistake!
Deliberations...
Yes sob story, your brother is pulling strings, by getting you this far. Hopefully that's it though. Ah, it was.
Yay Deal or No Deal and big afro guy got through, and that weird blonde guy (Daniel). I'm glad that black girl with the short stripy blonde bit in her hair got through, she was really good. Fuck those little twins though. EVIL!
'For you it's the end... of the bad news.' Cruel! The misspelt Danyl AND Ethan got through! Yay. You can tell they cut it this year so most of the people you got to know got through. The ones going home I hardly recognised.
Oh dear, the group category looks AWFUL. Good luck, Louis. Are you telling me Simon doesn't have a hand in deciding the categories? Please! Personally I think the best category is the girls. Dannii FTW.
PS: Two shows it too many, what with Xtra Factor, too. I feel X Factored out.
Wednesday, 23 September 2009
Album: Muse- The Resistance
Can I go this whole blog without mentioning sci-fi, space or prog? YES! Starting... from... now!
I used to LOVE Muse. I went to see them on my 21st birthday when their first album was out (that dates me!) And I have enough Muse b-sides to cause havoc whilst moving house. It's weird how your CD collection ages you so completely. The only new CDs I have are Bright Eyes and Moz (so youthful!)
So, Muse. Showbiz is a great album and Newborn and Plug in Baby are classics. I even like Thoughts of a Dying Atheist. I went off them around the time they released that one that sounded like Prince. The album Supermassive Black Hole was supermassively self indulgent and Knights of Cydonia can fuck off. Now I do find them quite tedious. I admire their live shows, and I admire the fact they've created a big old niche for themselves, especially in the face of the abuse they used to get from that old relic the NME (but then the NME hates all the greats- Brian, Mozzy, Patrick Wolf, Kele). Even talking about the NME is dating me.
Anyway, I couldn't listen to a whole album these days. Well, I'm going to now, but I'm going to damn well moan about it, I expect.
The first song Uprising is the usual geek-rock schtick, radio-friendly and catchy but quite disposable. Ooh I quite like Resistance, it's a bit Time is Running Out-ey. I could see them releasing this one. Poppy love song with cheesy backing vocals.
I saw Undisclosed Desires (bad title) on Jules Holland and didn't like it much but his voice sounds better on the record (record! LOL) Did he say something about booty? I like the drum machine. This is pretty good. I must say, I've been pleasantly surprised so far.
UH-OH. They've dug up Freddie Mercury for United States of Eurasia (what a name). Am I allowed to say 'pomp'? Oh christ, this is everything I hate about Muse, this is music for virgins. Come on Matt, give us a break, you must be off the magic mushy's by now. The end of this song is worse than the beginning, it's like a pretentious piano-ey bit. ARGH. Next!
Guiding Light. Isn't that an Ash song? Ah, Ash. They did have just the one good song, wasn't it.
This sounds like the national anthem in the future (mentions of the future- check!) when Matt Bellamy rules the world. That guitar is straight from Justin Hawkins. Bit rubbish.
Am I only halfway through? See, this is the problem with Muse these days! Still, it's more interesting than the Monsters of Folk review... right?
Unnatural Selection is employing the vocoder/ cardboard box vocal technique. Oh god, it's gone national anthemy again. I can see fists being punched in the air. By virgins. This one went on for so long I forgot I was listening to it and started daydreaming. And I still skipped two minutes at the end.
MK Ultra makes me think of Mark One. Have you been in Mark One lately? There's one on Holloway road, honestly, the clothes make New Look look like Vivienne Westwood. I don't think they'd survive the journey home, let alone a wash. Not that you'd buy them. Lord, no.
The lyrics said something along the lines of 'how much more can you take?' and the answer is not much more. At the moment my tip is just download the first three tracks, and be on your way.
I Belong To You has something in French after the title, always a worry (except Protege Moi by Placebo which is fucking mega). This has got a kind of squidgy computer game feel to it. I've lost the will to live now, though. Uh-oh, here comes the French bit. Oh God, it's REALLY bad. Is it OK to vomit?
Oh Christ, the final three tracks are called (brace yourself) Exogenesis Symphony Parts 1, 2 & 3. Pretentious? How dare you. I did listen to them, so you don't have to. God, and I used to think Citizen Erased was a bit over the top.
Right, I'm off to reconsider Monsters of Folk (not really, the only album you or I need this year is BATTLE FOR THE SUN, by king of the bi's, Brian Molko. You know it makes sense).
NB: Heat gave Peter Andre's lyrical masterpiece Revelation one star more than it gave this album by Muse. So buy carefully, people. You don't want to be sat down ready to be emotionally moved by the song about how Peter can't give Harvey a cud no more and find yourself in the Time Warp.
I used to LOVE Muse. I went to see them on my 21st birthday when their first album was out (that dates me!) And I have enough Muse b-sides to cause havoc whilst moving house. It's weird how your CD collection ages you so completely. The only new CDs I have are Bright Eyes and Moz (so youthful!)
So, Muse. Showbiz is a great album and Newborn and Plug in Baby are classics. I even like Thoughts of a Dying Atheist. I went off them around the time they released that one that sounded like Prince. The album Supermassive Black Hole was supermassively self indulgent and Knights of Cydonia can fuck off. Now I do find them quite tedious. I admire their live shows, and I admire the fact they've created a big old niche for themselves, especially in the face of the abuse they used to get from that old relic the NME (but then the NME hates all the greats- Brian, Mozzy, Patrick Wolf, Kele). Even talking about the NME is dating me.
Anyway, I couldn't listen to a whole album these days. Well, I'm going to now, but I'm going to damn well moan about it, I expect.
The first song Uprising is the usual geek-rock schtick, radio-friendly and catchy but quite disposable. Ooh I quite like Resistance, it's a bit Time is Running Out-ey. I could see them releasing this one. Poppy love song with cheesy backing vocals.
I saw Undisclosed Desires (bad title) on Jules Holland and didn't like it much but his voice sounds better on the record (record! LOL) Did he say something about booty? I like the drum machine. This is pretty good. I must say, I've been pleasantly surprised so far.
UH-OH. They've dug up Freddie Mercury for United States of Eurasia (what a name). Am I allowed to say 'pomp'? Oh christ, this is everything I hate about Muse, this is music for virgins. Come on Matt, give us a break, you must be off the magic mushy's by now. The end of this song is worse than the beginning, it's like a pretentious piano-ey bit. ARGH. Next!
Guiding Light. Isn't that an Ash song? Ah, Ash. They did have just the one good song, wasn't it.
This sounds like the national anthem in the future (mentions of the future- check!) when Matt Bellamy rules the world. That guitar is straight from Justin Hawkins. Bit rubbish.
Am I only halfway through? See, this is the problem with Muse these days! Still, it's more interesting than the Monsters of Folk review... right?
Unnatural Selection is employing the vocoder/ cardboard box vocal technique. Oh god, it's gone national anthemy again. I can see fists being punched in the air. By virgins. This one went on for so long I forgot I was listening to it and started daydreaming. And I still skipped two minutes at the end.
MK Ultra makes me think of Mark One. Have you been in Mark One lately? There's one on Holloway road, honestly, the clothes make New Look look like Vivienne Westwood. I don't think they'd survive the journey home, let alone a wash. Not that you'd buy them. Lord, no.
The lyrics said something along the lines of 'how much more can you take?' and the answer is not much more. At the moment my tip is just download the first three tracks, and be on your way.
I Belong To You has something in French after the title, always a worry (except Protege Moi by Placebo which is fucking mega). This has got a kind of squidgy computer game feel to it. I've lost the will to live now, though. Uh-oh, here comes the French bit. Oh God, it's REALLY bad. Is it OK to vomit?
Oh Christ, the final three tracks are called (brace yourself) Exogenesis Symphony Parts 1, 2 & 3. Pretentious? How dare you. I did listen to them, so you don't have to. God, and I used to think Citizen Erased was a bit over the top.
Right, I'm off to reconsider Monsters of Folk (not really, the only album you or I need this year is BATTLE FOR THE SUN, by king of the bi's, Brian Molko. You know it makes sense).
NB: Heat gave Peter Andre's lyrical masterpiece Revelation one star more than it gave this album by Muse. So buy carefully, people. You don't want to be sat down ready to be emotionally moved by the song about how Peter can't give Harvey a cud no more and find yourself in the Time Warp.
Monday, 21 September 2009
Album: Monsters of Folk
It's with a heavy heart I sit down to listen to this. I don't care if they're a 'supergroup', I only want to hear Conor sing. Plus, supergroups are ALWAYS rubbish. And I hate M. Ward. And Mike Mogis. Still, I'm clinging on for a crumb.
The first song sounds like a boring Death Cab song. It's sort of electronicy but not quite. I didn't like the mixture of voices. Conor pops up in the second verse.
The second song Say Please is just some country twaddle. As is the third song.
Temazcal starts promisingly (ie. Conor's singing alone). Then it goes a bit like a hymn. Then plods along a bit.
I had to skip The Right Place after about 10 seconds; too country. Baby Boomer; also rubbish. It reminds me of the ones where he lets the others sing on his 'solo' album.
Don't know how Man Named Truth snuck on here; that song has been doing the live rounds for a while now. Ooh just Conor singing; hurrah! And his voice sounds a bit shaky and trembly. Good.
Enjoy this one, cos it's as good as it gets. But it still only sounds as good as his solo stuff, it's not a patch on Bright Eyes.
I can't STAND that country guitar noise on Goodway, it makes me want to throw up.
Ooh hold on, Ahead of the Curve is quite nice. It's minor-country but Conors voice sounds good on it, and he does all of the singing.
Slow Down Joe sounds like a Christmas song. Losing Yo Head is quite catchy but not Conor-heavy.
Magic Marker is dreary. Map of the World is Conor-led vocally, and reminds me of a cut-price Lenders in the Temple.
Sandman, the Brakeman and Me- noooo. The last song is rubbish too. Glad I didn't buy this!
It's not just Conor's tunes that have gone down the toilet; it's his lyrics too. And I'm sad about the death of Bright Eyes, and I'm sad about Bright Eyes on the blinking Halifax advert. It's like watching an ex-boyfriend deny your existence.
In the News of the World yesterday Ian Hyland said Holly Willoughby should be off to LA, not sitting on the sofa ten years too soon with Pippy Schofield. Well, that's how I feel about Conor. He has the youth on his side to be Prince or David Bowie. It seems he just wants to be Kenny fucking Rogers.
The first song sounds like a boring Death Cab song. It's sort of electronicy but not quite. I didn't like the mixture of voices. Conor pops up in the second verse.
The second song Say Please is just some country twaddle. As is the third song.
Temazcal starts promisingly (ie. Conor's singing alone). Then it goes a bit like a hymn. Then plods along a bit.
I had to skip The Right Place after about 10 seconds; too country. Baby Boomer; also rubbish. It reminds me of the ones where he lets the others sing on his 'solo' album.
Don't know how Man Named Truth snuck on here; that song has been doing the live rounds for a while now. Ooh just Conor singing; hurrah! And his voice sounds a bit shaky and trembly. Good.
Enjoy this one, cos it's as good as it gets. But it still only sounds as good as his solo stuff, it's not a patch on Bright Eyes.
I can't STAND that country guitar noise on Goodway, it makes me want to throw up.
Ooh hold on, Ahead of the Curve is quite nice. It's minor-country but Conors voice sounds good on it, and he does all of the singing.
Slow Down Joe sounds like a Christmas song. Losing Yo Head is quite catchy but not Conor-heavy.
Magic Marker is dreary. Map of the World is Conor-led vocally, and reminds me of a cut-price Lenders in the Temple.
Sandman, the Brakeman and Me- noooo. The last song is rubbish too. Glad I didn't buy this!
It's not just Conor's tunes that have gone down the toilet; it's his lyrics too. And I'm sad about the death of Bright Eyes, and I'm sad about Bright Eyes on the blinking Halifax advert. It's like watching an ex-boyfriend deny your existence.
In the News of the World yesterday Ian Hyland said Holly Willoughby should be off to LA, not sitting on the sofa ten years too soon with Pippy Schofield. Well, that's how I feel about Conor. He has the youth on his side to be Prince or David Bowie. It seems he just wants to be Kenny fucking Rogers.
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