Big Brother 9: Crappy, Crappy House

I've missed a bit, sorry. I didn't actually miss it, I just didn't drag myself over to the computer and blog it to death. You can tell I'm not into it this year, can't you? What did I leave out? The humiliation of Stale being made to run around in their pants. Dale and Princess Manky Teeth being reunited (how very moving). Er and that's about it.
Nicole is mega getting on my nerves. Her face was (even more) like a slapped arse when her Roxy-esque hair extensions got threatened. Sara was brave to offer to have an undercut. We all had those back in the Doc Martin/German trench-coat days. Some were more successful than others.
Darnell's hair did look somewhat sheepish. I thought his skinhead was alright. It was funny when he called Lisa Sweeney Todd.
Kat: you're retarded! Even so, why do Rex and Veruca Salt have to be so horrible. Dear God, please let them both be up this week, I'd love it. Surely it's a certainty?
MIKEY! STOP! SHOUTING! But... Rex telling him to show some respect is like Hitler telling you to give a Jew a cuddle.
Hmm, Darnell and Lisa slating Kat, interesting. Eyes on the prize, methinks. I liked Kat's undercut and her asymmetric hairdo. Mikey! Long lost Mitchell brother.
How had Nicole never seen whether Rex's belly-button was an inny or an outy before? Has she never given him a blowjob? (Urgh, sorry for the ginger pubes image- I BET he shaves them!) She's right though, he IS pathetic. I don't know how that revealed anything except him being a psycho.
Oh my God, I felt so sorry for Mo when he got told off for slapping Mikey, he was only mucking around. Poor Mo. He can't do anything right. I liked it when Mikey said 'don't mention it out there' so more people didn't start on Mo, it was kind.
All you need to know about Rex was revealed when he went 'yeah!' as he watched his girlfriend stick her tongue down another girl's throat. That's real love right there. How ironic that someone so unpleasantly jealous doesn't mind his girlfriend swapping saliva with another person, as long as they've got a fanny. Pathetic. Plus it is just a show; an offensive, attention seeking gesture by straight women to titillate men and has nothing whatsoever to do with genuine lesbianism or anything associated with it. Gross.
Actually: Rex had a face like thunder after, despite Sara reassuring him, 'it's OK, you own her.' Lovely! She might as well have just bundled feminism into a bag and thrown it in the river.

Music: Conor Oberst- Conor Oberst

Well, I expected the worst, which paid off, as I really like this album. Yes, it is country. Yes it is dated, unoriginal, lyrically regressed. But there is something lovely about it. If you can just forget Bright Eyes for a minute.
This is easy-listening Conor, which is offensive, obviously, as the beauty of him has always been in the pain, the raw emotion. But it's not awful for him to be reflective, or mellow. It's just awful when he sounds like he's going to go 'yee-ha!'
Cape Canaveral is a soft, tender start to the album. I think I like the pared down ones the most. Get Well Cards could easily be on Cassadaga (it's quite Hot Knives-esque). He does sound like he's doing a Brandon Flowers impression on it, which is peculiar, but not entirely unpleasant. He almost shouts in parts, and he definitely goes out of tune a bit, which I like. I hate it when he's too polished but his voice does sound really strong on this album. Almost slick, but not inhuman like on 'Brakeman'.
Lenders Inside The Temple I love, I've been caning the live version of this for a while anyway. Lyrically it's Bright-Eyes strong, and very-anti country. It could be off Letting Off The Happiness. There's something really moving about it, I think it's probably the line 'I'd give a fortune to your infomercial if somebody would just take my call... take my call.' I like the wobble in his voice.
That's not to say I like ALL of this album. I think Danny Callahan and Souled Out! are both pretty average, so I was surprised they were the lead tracks from the album (this is why my hopes weren't high). They are reasonably catchy, but you wouldn't die if you'd never heard them. But Conor has always had a few throwaway tracks in his album like these (Train Under Water, for example).
The guitar/piano combination on I Don't Wanna Die in The Hospital should be highly offensive but actually the song is sooo damn catchy, it's totally forgivable. It makes me want to go to a ho-down. And he screams! Yay. NYC- Gone Gone also reminds me of this one, it's a catchy foot-stomper. If it was anyone other than Conor, I'd hate it. As it is, I love it.
Eagle on a Pole's lyrics; 'thought the kettle was a train, thought that monday was a door frame.' Has Conor been huffing too much of that magic dust again? Actually I really like that one, it's got passion.
Moab could easily be off I'm Wide Away it's Morning. Cos it's Conor, there's a stupid 50-second track which is an assault on your ears in the middle, but I couldn't cope without that these days.
Finally Milk Thistle finishes the album where Cape Canaveral started it, with understated emotion.
Do you know what, I think I like this album more than Cassadaga! There are songs I HAVE to skip on Cassadaga (Make a Plan to Love Me springs to mind- vomit), where I could happily put this on and just go for the ride. Shit, I never thought I'd say that!
Oh yeah, so here's the video for Souled Out! I was mega surprised to see Conor acting in it, normally he's soooo po-faced and not even in his videos, but here he is (with short hair again- yum) larking around (and he even has his top off at one point- oh yes!)
But you know, it's all about the music. I can't wait to go to Conor's solo gig later this month. He's back and I still love him. Always have, always will.

Big Brother 9: With the Leash Off

Rex. You do need to get rid of a cone. A nation has spoken.
Sarah: your voice is annoying. Shut up. You're a tease. Stop. Give the poor guy a break. Aw, Darnell has never had a girlfriend! What a shame. He's a sweetheart. She'll probably deflower him now. She is such a compliment fisherman! So insecure. She's a head-fuck and a half. And she smacked his arse later. I don't think he'd get away with that, do you?
Rex, Rex, Rex. Nicole should dump him on TV. Is this how he treats his princess? He's abusive. If he's worried she's cheated on him, it's just cos he's cheated on her. I notice Nicole was using the word 'challenge' which was invented by people too afraid to say 'big fucking mess.'
Omg did you see Mohamed's pants?! They are like the sort of pants people have in cartoons. NOT SEXY. What was I expecting? Just black would be preferable, not giant white Y-fronts.
Stale's glee at being up for nomination was annoying. I'm surprised they didn't bang chests together. I don't want them to go, the thick, plastic pair with dour voices. It makes me sad.
Forcing Mo to wear high heels was a bit mean. He gets enough stick anyway! However, he seemed to enjoy it.
Why was Mikey so keen to find out how big Darnell's willy was? How dare Mikey describe Stuart as loud? Mikey addresses the house with as much grace and subtlety as the Sinner or Winner guy (now banned from Oxford Street). However, he was right about Rex; nothing makes him happy, and nothing ever will.
Sarah didn't say she couldn't do the task, she just said she wanted some sleep.
I liked the end when Rex wanted Mikey and Kat to go to bed. He looked ready to kill. You could tell he didn't want his princess mixing with them. It's too late now, Rex, she's contaminated!
I've decided: I want Stu to stay. He has two braincells to Dale's one.

Big Brother 9: Stale's up. Sob.

NB. I don't think men can have camel-toe.
Dale nominating Mohamed: 'he's lazy, he doesn't bring anything to the house, he's not funny, he's not entertaining, he's lazy, so why is he still in the house?' Quite.
Brussell sprouts. Who cares?
Stuart is right: everyone is boring. Including him. Darnell is boring going on about how ugly he is. Rachel is boring because... oh god, you know why. Dale is pretty vacant. If you needed a party entertainer, you wouldn't book any of these losers, would you?
Rachel, 'continue to wash up at your peril' means, stop doing it, thicko. It was funny they made her into a gimp after that. They should have made her wear an actual dog collar. And they should make Mo wear a nappy. And make Dale and Stuart have sex. Sorry, my head's in a funny place at the moment.
It's a shame Stale is up when there is so much dead weight in the house. People I'd rather see go than Stale: Mikey, Rachel, Kat, Mo, Sara.
Dale to Rachel: 'You're not Gandi.' No, she's Mother Teresa.
It's not getting any better, is it?

Big Brother 9: Headbanger's Ball

My laptop is still dead, so here’s your bitesize offering. I cried for 45 minutes of yesterdays BB. Especially the letter from Mario: it was beautiful! Dale’s letter was crap, I’ve had more heartfelt postcards (in fact, a LOT more). Stuart crying was very moving, I’ve warmed to him this week, he’s not faking all that daughter stuff. You can tell he’s actually cut up. He’s still a gonk, though.
Mo’s crying was funny/ cute. Rachel is actually a saint (OK, 10% martyr, but 90% saint) for giving the housemates from hell their letters. I would have let them suffer. She’s is wholly nice: Luke never saw it, but it is true.
Dale describing what ‘underpinned’ meant to Lisa very eloquently. Then Darnell called him ‘super witty and smart as fuck.’ Has Dale had the worst edit in history? Surely not.
Rex choosing to view his own audition tape; what a vain, smug bastard. Did you see Nicole recoil from him again when they were in the hallway? Love’s young dream they aint.
The whole Sara/ Darnell thing got on my nerves; she leads him on a bit (and I wouldn’t say that lightly). What he said to her was nothing. She should have just let it go and got on with it, she’s not exactly a delicate flower like Rachel, is she? I think she likes the attention, and then when she gets it, she pretends she doesn’t want it. Boo.

Big Brother 9: What's the worst that could happen?

My laptop bit the dust yesterday but I felt compelled to write about BB (which is good as I haven’t given much of a shit about it lately). So here’s a next-day quickie/longy.
Putting Rex’s girlfriend in there has been an utter stroke of genius. They imploded a BILLION times quicker than I thought they would. Rex’s girlfriend is miles too good for him (i.e. she appears to have a brain and some kindness in her) but they are well matched in that they are both utterly shallow and insecure. I watched them talk about all the different pairs of jeans she’d brought into the house on the live feed the other day, as he simpered and said how much he liked each pair. Is that really what some couples talk about? Shopping and jeans and bloody money. I would rather be dead.
Rex’s girlfriend styles herself as ‘high maintenance’- what this actually means is ‘I’m a spoilt bitch.’ She wasn’t crying about the suitcase by the way. She was crying because it had dawned on her that her boyfriend was an utter bastard. Needy, insecure, controlling, jealous. And constantly trying to convince himself and the world she’s the second coming. What a croc. I remember Steph! And so do a lot of people, and I bet Nicole does too.
Mikey is being quite a card this week, he’s been involved in some amusing scenes and he’s telling it like it is about Rex and Nicole. I also enjoyed Dale and Stu saying she wasn’t that cute and if you’re going to harp on about her, you’d better make sure she’s fit. I kind of liked Stuart AGAIN yesterday, make it stop.
Rex said it all last night with his ‘if a guy comes up to Nicole in a club I get angry’ (potential wife-beater signal! Run for your life!) then his constant ‘what’s wrong? What’s wrong?’ But what sealed the deal was when he went in the diary room and said ‘this is the worst thing that could have happened.’ Because actually it is. I was annoyed that they seemed to be rewarding Rex, but really it was something else entirely, wasn’t it? I love that he’s been robbed of his happy reunion. I love that they can’t sleep together. I love that their little ploy to get into Hell together didn’t work. I love that every time she looks over his shoulder she looks absolutely sickened, like a bad actor in Eastenders. They both must know that they have fucked up big time. Neither of them can leave. She’s destroyed his game. Their relationship is finished. It’s car crash telly, and joy to watch.
PS. I hate Kat and could happily punch her repeatedly in the face. I just fast forward through her now. The singing, her voice, the cookies, her idiotic banter If she wins, I’m disowning the nation.

Big Brother 9: Fix up, Look Sharp

Needless to say, it was a heartbreak to see the back of Luke. I loved the level of vitriol in his interview. He was totally done of course; there's no fucking WAY he got 37% of the vote out of nine people. There is no possible human way that more people did not pick up the phone for the unbridled horror of the megalomaniac Rex. I'd sooner believe that Mohamed will be the next prime minister.
But then we know why, didn't we? Because Rex's little princess wanted to go in the house. And what Rex and his beautiful, stunning, perfect girlfriend want, they get. But hold on? Where was this goddess-like vision of beauty? Instead we got some bleach blonde, mildly orange, plain-looking girl. As Lisa said; 'a bit common.' But it's not actually Nicole's fault; no one could ever live up to the amount of crowing Rex had done about her.
So what happens when you get everything you ever wanted? Do you go live happily ever after? As that wise old poet Courtney Love once said, 'you get what you want, then you never want it again.'
I believe Rex didn't know she was going in, he looked gobsmacked. Less than four hours later on the live feed he was saying he was 'disappointed' and that it wasn't like he imagined. If he loved her that much, why didn't he spend the entire night sleeping on the floor with her, holding hands through the fence? If you'd not seen the person you love for two months, wouldn't you just want to touch them, to breathe them in?
Still, I'm looking forward to seeing their relationship implode on telly. She must think he's behaved like an absolute cunt, like everyone else does.
Onto tonights show- I LOVED Rex smirking at Mikey when the alarm was going off in the morning, it was pure joy. Making fun of a blind man is truly fantastic viewing. This is the problem with Rex, he is equally as loveably hateful as he is an utter villain. Calling Sara a dog, saying Lisa was threatening him.
So well done, Lisa. Someone finally stood up to him. Her repeatedly saying shut up to him was amazing. How common did she go when she got all angry? It was bizarre. A stand like that can make or break you in BB, so she was brave. Then Rex went running to the diary room, like a big baby. Come on Rex, it wasn't exactly 'pow pow pow' was it. I'm glad BB told him to shut up, basically.
'Misinterpretated' is not a word, Lisa. Rex, who cares if Lisa is 40 or 80 or 14? You're still a cunt. CUNT! God, he actually said he would try and show her some more respect. I'll believe it when I see it. APT! A-P-T. What the fuck? I thought they both dealt with that quite well afterwards actually. Until later, of course.
There was something really moving and wonderful about Kat saying she wanted to have a baby when she got out of the house, it just felt very pure and honest, I thought. I've never heard a friend of mine say those words, it must be mental.
Girlfriend gate: it MUST be a kick in the teeth for everyone else in the house. And she's 19? Fuck me, she must have had a hard life, she looks about 30. 'Isn't she beautiful? Doesn't she look like a princess?' said Rex every ten seconds to the other housemates. No, she looks like a wannabe wag, a Hollyoaks extra, a generic prototype blonde. And you, Rex look like a ginger pig. You can't force other people to find her attractive. You are protesting WAY too much. His controlling nature and utter possessiveness is actually frightening; you can see where it might head eventually, if BB doesn't crush them utterly.
I liked Stu being sarky tonight in the first half of the show. In the Stale stakes, he's my pick at the mo (mind you that's not saying much).
Actually Rex's girlfriend seemed OK in the diary room. I'm glad she said she was going to form her own opinions. But they will be heavily tarnished by his, you can count on it.
Omg, Lisa did a Leo Sayer! How cool. All that sereneness just collapsed and she cracked. I'd definitely go out through the back door not saying goodbye (just like I do in all situations in life!) But then she came back. Oh. I've never done THAT before.
Stuart: 'she knows she's not going to win so she might as well just go.' Charming! 'We could have got a new housemate.' Yeah, thats how we felt before you got in and it was just an uglier, camper Dale; life's a bitch, innit?
I wish Lisa would win. At least she's strong. At least she's kind.