Jodie Marsh: Bullied

You're not one of those dullards who hates Jodie Marsh, are you? Sometimes I think hating Jodie Marsh is just something people feel they're expected to do, like a default setting in humans that they don't really think about. Well, stop and think about it for a minute. Jodie Marsh is actually quite amazing. There's lots of things I love about her. Her digging out Pete Burns in Big Brother about the 'gorilla' coat (and he did bully her, and others on that show, and I don't throw the word 'bullying' around lightly, like they like to on Big Brother). Her completely mental blog (now defunct); it kept me amused for HOURS during one particularly boring job. Her ill-advised TV marriage. Her lesbian period (is she bi now, or is that done with?) Her tattoo period including her dad's wonky tattoo. Her obnoxiously bright red hair. I'm not into weighlifting, but I admire that she can do it. It takes a LOT of discipline to have a body like that, and go on that strict a diet. But my favourite thing about Jodie Marsh is it's always something different with her. There's always a new scheme cooking, and I admire than in a person. She bounces back, no matter how many times people knock her down, how many boring jokes about her nose, which incidentally, looks completely normal. I like the way she goes on about bullying and vegetarianism until you're bored senseless. I just like the way she is. You've got to hand it to her, as well, she keeps getting TV shows. And if you put her up against her old 'nemesis', the monotone beach-ball, botoxed, dead-eyed, sexless Jordan, Jodie ALWAYS comes out on top. No kids, no baggage, just a spring in her step, and a plan to change the world. Next year she'll probably be your MP or she'll be in the circus, or she'll have had a religious conversion. So, take another look, and I think you'll find you do like her, after all, don't you? I bet you probably like Danny Dyer, too, if you think hard enough about it.
This show is on Channel 5, so you know it's gonna be good. Jodie Marsh is kind of monotone, too, I suppose, but she's sparky. I wish she didn't have the fake boobs and the trout pout and the botox now, but I suppose there's pressure from Nuts and all that bollocks. But really, she's better than that. That's more Jordan's style.
Jodie has gone to America to investigate their 'unique' form of bullying; school massacres. Oh no, it's the shooters who went on the rampage as a reaction to bullying. Well, it's a fair point. If you hate the world, I suppose it makes sense to take a few with you when you go, especially when you're 15, have never had sex, people are giving you shit every day and there's guns galore. It's not hard to see how it happens.
Jodie goes to talk to a school teacher, who must wonder who made this cartoon character of a woman - with blusher going from her earhole to her mouth - a 'journalist'. Still, it's better than Rick Edwards or John Fashnu's charmless daughter, isn't it?
It's quite interesting that bullying is illegal in America and you can take action in that way. I think it's true that schools in the UK sweep bullying under the carpet. Teachers don't want to know.
Not sure about 'Mr Mojo' who 'empowers' the students; I think I prefer Mr Motivator, and he's creepy.
Jodie flirting with the guy in the school! Naughty!
It was sad when she went to see the parents of a boy who'd hung himself. It's horrible when any child kills themselves because they don't realise that life changes when you get older, but you can't see outside your narrow margin of your tiny world when you're that age. Although I did. I wasn't bullied but I had a difficult home life, and I always had one eye on leaving school and getting the fuck out of town. I feel sorry for those who lacked that imagination.
Oh bloody hell, this next guy she met was left paralysed by school bullies - by one punch! Fuck. Poor guy. That's a tearjerker. Oh my God, and the bully was still at school afterwards! WTF? The school took no responsibility?! How could this poor kid even have to go back to the same school?
Ok, they sued the school for four million dollars, so schools are forced to be more responsible (because of money, not because they care about kids). But what about the individual who did it? He just gets of scot-free?
I liked the 'it's cool to be kind' teacher who played music instead of having a school bell and educated students to step in and defend other kids. It's so 'American', though, can things like that ever work here? We're too cynical! See; Jodie wants to change the world. I like that about her, it saves me the trouble, as personally, I can't be bothered.
You can't stop bullying unfortunately, it's like trying to achieve world peace, or stop people being arseholes. But schools could definitely do more. I remember the first day I went to 6th form college and someone held a door open for me, instead of spitting on me, and I actually felt shocked. And I wasn't even bullied at school, I was just a grebo so got shit for the way I looked, but I was a tough little teenager and gave as good as I got. My dad was of the 'if someone hits you, hit them back' school of parenting. So if that was my minor experience, god help the weak kids who didn't dare say boo to a goose. It's funny to think Jodie Marsh was probably that girl once, a little mouse, and now look at her, begging to be looked at. And you don't like her? You animal. You bully!
And Pete Burns: I haven't seen you on TV lately.

Big Brother's Bit on the Side (BOTS)

I thought I'd do a quick review of BOTS, as I've actually been watching it this series, unlike last series, when it was Big Mouth, but bore no resemblance to the surreal art-house knockabout romp fronted by Russell Brand in our youths, but instead was Davina McCall (remember her?) shrieking and trying to be impartial. Appalling.

I've had my doubts about Emma Willis in the past (shrilllllll!) but she loves Big Brother, and she's easy on the eye, and I think she's been pretty good for this show. She watches it (which is more than Davina or George Lamb - shudder - did) and she has a good sense of humour. The format of the show is generally quite good and easy to watch, and although I can't warm to Alice (what's the point of her?) I went from hating Jamie East to thinking he's pretty funny, and he gets away with saying the most offensive things. They don't try too hard to be funny or surreal, as has been the mistake on this show in the past.

The guests are generally quite good with a few exceptions (how much did they have to pay Linda Lusardi?). Pete Burns, Lauren Harries and Victor have all been extremely good value and entertaining, although you can get a bit sick of anyone after a week.

Victor can somehow get away with being so offensive and sexist, yet still being super funny. I'd say there's slightly too much Josie on it (what is the fascination with her?) but I like it when they dig up ancient housemates like Freddie, Ahmed and Jonty. And it's always a pleasure to see Rodrigo on my screen. But when are they going to dig up the Irrepressible Dark Horse, or did I miss that one?

I think when BB finishes, and BOTS is no more, I'll miss it. But I'd still swap it in seconds for even an hour of live feed. Sort it out, C5. I miss it on those nights I stay up late. Waiting for them to wake up used to be a gentle sort of fun.

PS: a word on OKTV. Fair enough ditching smug Matt, but Kate Walsh is worth a hundred of the sleazy Jenny Frost. And Jeff Brazier is no good, either. Goodbye!

Celebrity Wife Swap: the Aftermath

OK I'm watching this almost a week late cos I'm drunk and there's nothing on. Do you think there's scope for a 'Wife Swap: the Aftermath' Aftermath, where they watch the Aftermath show and comment on it?
I was really revolted by whatsherface referring to herself as 'a bird'. I know she does Page 3, but I credited her with a smidgen of intelligence. There is something really revolting about that mentality (of making women less than human) which should be stamped upon by women. Any woman referring to herself as a 'bird' is culpable in all forms of women being treated as second-rate citizens.
On the other side of the fence was Pete Burns back in Pete Burns cunty mode, calling Leah 'a silly bitch' and taking control of his boyfriend again. Sigh. I'd hoped he'd learnt something. Then when face to face with Razor and his 'bird' he backed right down. Pathetic.
Then when Leah saw the footage of Razor reading her a poem, she went 'what you being all girlie for?' as if 'girlie' was weak, and a bad thing. What a fucked-up anti-feminist mentality. Then she goes 'what's an alpha male?' I mean, they even explain what an alpha male is on Big Brother. Does she not read the paper?
For anyone who thinks the battle is won: it isn't. And here's the proof.

Wife Swap: Pete Burns and Razor Ruddock

Pete Burns described his relationship with his husband as 'like Mills and Boon' which made me laugh at the time but in a strange way it is. Certainly compared to Neil 'Razor' Ruddock's 'relationship' with his glamour model girlfriend Leah who seemed 25 going on 40 with the way he was treating her. Mind you, more fool her for giving up her... er, career, and being treated as a skivvy by that fat moron. Pete Burns summed things up nicely when he said it seemed like a 'nightmare'. I was pretty unimpressed with Leah when she described Pete as 'it'. She also made a few dubious comment about Razor being 'a real man' implying Pete and his partner weren't. A 'real man' in her book clearly means a fat, lazy, disgusting pig. Shame.
Actually, though, there weren't as many fireworks as you would expect from a Wife Swap including Pete Burns. In fact at times it was bordering on TOUCHING, what with him and Razor eating their dinner out of the pan together.
Pete summed things up very astutely when he said Razor was one of those men who see women as a different species. I think it's very true that there are still a huge number of men with this attitude, that women are purely there to be housewives and to shag. Mind you, women are obviously culpable in feeding this outdated stereotype. There is something profoundly lonely about a man who needs to go to the pub every night to 'go out with the lads'. Pete and Michael's relationship looked postively rosy in comparison with them totally devoted to each other (although perhaps a little clingy).
Razor's girlfriend was only 25 and there's only so much of looking at his beer belly snoozing away a girl can take, I'd imagine, especially one who on the whole seemed very nice, and certainly attractive. No wonder taking her top off seemed like a sort of freedom. I think unless he bucks his ideas up she'll be out the door with Pebbles (their baby) in tow. He concluded quite nicely, 'I'm a macho prick'.
There was no Ikea lamp to be seen in the Burn's household, instead they had a giant light up Jesus, which naturally, I approve of. What did I learn? Not much. Love Wife Swap though. Roll on the new series.