Saturday, 6 January 2018

Celebrity Big Brother 2018: Anything's a dildo if you try hard enough

Right, let's see if the men going in ruins the show or not. I think we have the most old school CBB on our hands since C4... and the male casting was OK (despite obvious minus points). So fingers crossed.
I can barely remember watching the eviction last night I was so hammered so apologies for yesterday's blog. And in advance for this one.
India has her boobs out in the bathroom. Well, that's quite Big Brother-ish isn't it. I wish I hadn't put that tenner on her to win. That was the worst timed Big Brother bet I've ever done. I think it's good India is body confident. I'm sure Twitter doesn't. The amount of abuse she is getting is disproportionate to her actions in the house. So I can only think the truth: transphobia.
Ha, the women are getting a sneak peek at the men and assigning them jobs to do. Ann is hoping to see Harrison Ford. You'd be lucky to get Jar Jar Binks. Malika can't understand a word Shane is saying.
Ann 'didn't take to' Dapper Laughs. Me either. Finally, we agree. Ha, her face when Ginuwine was on the screen. Malika used to fancy him at school.
India was not happy to see Courtney go in. I just had to write down 'gender queer pansexual polyamourous vegan athiest feminist blonde Australian.' What a delightful intro. I didn't have the motor skills to write that last night.
They made Daniel the toilet cleaner. Ann thinks it's disgusting. It seems she prefers rape jokes to athiest polyamourous vegans. Why am I not surprised?
Ann is upset that the task is about women humiliating the other gender. Just like men have done to us throughout history. Boo fucking hoo.
I think it's fair Ann doesn't want to sleep in the room with then men. Didn't India say she'd give Ann the bed back after a few days? Ah, Big Brother SHOWED IT. They are really throwing her under the bus. India, you did say you would move and go in with the men.
India: 'Some people are more equal than others.' I think I'm done with India now... except when she's getting trans bashed. I will always stick up for her on that one. 'Ann Widdecombe is a miserable old bag'. Truth.
Bedgate! India is fed up with the 'OAP Mafia' and doesn't want to move beds. Big Brother is tell her she has to move! Is Big Brother taking sides?! If it was Ann's bed, they should have given it to Ann on night one.
Does Courtney have an invisible cord attached to her dress to make it fall off all the time? It's very Carry On, isn't it.
Daniel looks like a potato. But has less charm. Rachel is not liking the men. Courtney trying to win Ann over, ha. Good fucking luck.
Wayne pirouetting in. He seems nice! He'll probably turn into a complete terror. I'm a terrible judge of character.
India telling Courtney she has a phobia of drag queens. I think India just has a phobia of people thinking she's a drag queen.
John wants to share a bed with Andrew because he's skinny. That's my policy on sleeping with men, too.
Aw, Courtney and Wayne sharing a bed! Oh no, Shane is sharing with Shane! I like them clarifying what to call Courtney. I would do the same. The answer was quite simple, wasn't it.
It's great that Courtney isn't sensitive about being called he or she... because she plays BOTH roles. India DOESN'T. But the idiot general public are too dumb to work out the difference.
Ooh the women are in a secret room! The power room. Power trip!
The women assigned John and Shane to be chefs. They assigned Wayne and Ginuwine to ve the butlers.
Malika has come out of her shell since the men entered! I like it. The house cleaners were picked as Courtney and Andrew because they both look hygienic, haha.
Jonny and Daniel were chosen as toilet cleaners. At least it's quicker than having to clean the whole house. I'd be a bit annoyed at cleaning a toilet I haven't even peed in yet.
Daniel: 'My missus makes me do a bit of cleaning.' Heaven forbid you do it off your own back.
Andrew saying he likes Ann's 'dark salmon nightie.' Thanks for the shot of that.
India likes 'a cocktail of genders on the house.' Courtney: 'Anything's a dildo if you try hard enough.' I really wish she'd said that to Ann. Mind you, Ann knows.
Daniel doing his rape joke story. 'I was teaching men how to pull birds.' His rape joke was 'out of context' haaaa. Good one! Now that's a funny joke. Him winning Big Brother during the 'year of the women' - that's not. I hate Alma and Maggie coddling him. They're not getting my vote. Apologists!
I'm getting Sean Maguire (old person reference) vibes from Jonny and Daniel is a cut-price Jamie O Hara, if you can imagine such a thing. Yes, cleaning up shit is your appropriate role.
Daniel saying he'd be 'second knuckle' into Jess. And Dapper was just a character, hey? I think you forgot to take him off. Hardly going to be a feminist vegan underneath  that sort of comedy character, which is why I also despise Leigh Francis/ Keith Lemon.
Any airtime Jess gets reminds me of the bad old days of Big Brother. She makes my IQ drop.
Courtney sleeps with anything. If a woman says that, they'd get shit.
Ah Ann in the DR, let's see what she thinks of this crap. Ann, don't you have a dressing gown! Ann didn't like Courtney losing her skirt. You don't say.
Why does India use the word 'transsexual?' As far as I was aware that was an outdated term, but you think she would know? I find it puzzling.
She's asking the guys if they would go out with a transgender person. They're saying no. But lots of guys would. Courtney is right... it is about fragile masculinity.
Ginuwine has massive hands. He says who he sleeps with is a choice. He's right! India, you can't nag someone into dating you. I have been with guys who have been with trans people. They are out there.
India is a bit too much. Courtney: 'He's just not that into you' is correct.
I'm glad Courtney is challenging India on her views. India doesn't see herself as LGBT. But she doesn't really have a cohesive argument.  She's as fixed in her views as Ann.
Poor Ginuwine coming into this! Malika: 'I'm 100% sure we're dealing with a victim.' She's right. I like fiery Malika! Victim blame! But... OK in this case, ha. India has skulked off to bed.
Courtney is wearing a onesie! Is that still a thing in Australia? I haven't seen one of those in five years.
Rachel cuddling India. I feel Rachel enjoys the drama tbh. I do agree with India though that people just pretend to accept she's a woman. Several people in the house do.
New BBonBlast podcast tomorrow! Stay tuned. Dapper fave to win, apparently. God bless the UK. Snowflakes! Brexit!

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