Celebrity Big Brother 2017: Kitchen sunk

Vinnie Jones

James C

A double eviction! Ooh, who will it be? As it all ends on Friday, the drama isn't that exciting. There's still life in this old dog but they're putting it down too soon! 
Who goes, you decide? Shouldn't that be 'who stays, you decide'?
Hope Chad doesn't go, but Americans haven't fared well so far. Up for eviction is Chad, Helen, Jemma, Sam, Sarah and Sandi. I hope Sarah, Chad and Jemma stay. The others are deadweight. 
There's not really the cameraderie of Rose Cottage and Thorn Cottage this season, is there?
Jemma wants a role in Helen's sitcom. Two things that are never going to happen.
Sarah wants to travel and have a family. Perhaps stop smoking and drinking non-stop first.
Chad on their fictional daughter: 'We shall name her Megatron. Or Laquesha.' Why is he not running in the other direction? Chad is a masochist, I believe. Who would put up with that?
Who spray tanned Sam? I just switch off when he's on screen. He 'looks like a racoon'. He looks like a buffoon. Oh it was Jemma, ha.
Sarah is quizzing Chad on his relationship history. His longest relationship is one year. His shortest will probably be this one with Sarah.
Sarah and Chad are off with a bottle of red. Jemma: 'she's off with her second boyfriend' haha.
Jemma: 'The alcohol stealers.' Derek: 'I had a little drop. They're holding onto it.' Shut up, Derek, you drip. They offered you a glass. Then Jemma goes and swipes it, ha. Jemma is just constantly on the look out for a row. Now Paul Danan has gone, she's lost.
Jemma to Chad: 'You're secluding yourself as people don't want to sit with you. Go sit in the bedroom.' He can sit where he wants. I don't get why everyone is so grumpy with their relationship! Let them be.
Big Brother is playing Girls Aloud to get Sarah out of bed. Her dancing with a broom, well, it's not much different to Cheryl, is it? Positive Sarah airtime just before the vote closes, nice one, BB.
Derek's getting in the pool in his speedos, phwoar! Lol.
God, what is Barry and Helen's problem with Sarah and Chad? I'd rather watch Sarah and Chad's mental relationship than Helen and Barry moaning about it. They're even grumbling about Derek going in the hot tub with them. Moaning about Derek's speedo airtime! He's not even up for eviction, you boring old bags, leave him alone.
OMG the crowd chanting 'get Sarah out'. She's going to melt! Why cheer Sam and Sandi! They're useless. Sarah is being entertaining! Although, what is she wearing?
OMG, it was Sandi and Helen evicted! They both look so shocked to go! They are so smug! I love it when the cheers don't reflect the votes. And they get the old Janice Battersby and Mario Falcone treatment! Two by two, the ultimate indignity! And the others acting like it's not real. It's real! Sandi: 'Keep the kitchen clean!' It's not your kitchen, so bye!
Sandi and Helen both thought they were a cut above and annoyed the hell out of me, so I think it's great the entertainment has been kept in.
Sandi saying she was shocked to go, how vain! I guess Helen didn't sell her wares well enough at the trade fair.Then admits she's dull. How is the sitcom going to get made at this rate?
Sandi going on about the kitchen... no one cares! Saves us sitting through two boring interviews, I guess. I'm surprised so many people on Twitter are upset Sandi went. What did she actually do except Vinnie Jones up the kitchen? She did nothing! Helen did less than nothing. Byeeeeeee.
Helen can't even remember Sandi's name. Says it all.
Haha Chad livening up Helen's best bits: 'Helen's awesome but I probably wouldn't date her.' Lol. 
They both got paid thousands to be in there and weren't entertaining. Say what you like about Sarah: she's carried the show. Her, Chad and Jemma deserve to be in the final.
PS: Check out our latest podcast, it's had over a thousand listens (fuck knows why). Oh, I think it was because I forgot to put it on iTunes for half a day. But still. That's a shitload of listens. Thank you so much if one of them was you, although you've now given me stage fright for the next one!
Chad to win!