Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: All she is is a set of boobs and fake hair

Well, we're both still here (yes, all two of us) so we've obviously got nothing better to do. Shame on us! I'm feeling better though, and you keep ticking my boxes (not a euphemism!) no matter how low I sink, so for that, I'm happy. An eviction, then. With an hour's break in between. Will anyone stick around for the denouement? And can Carol patronisingly explain to us what denouement means?
My boyfriend gave up on yesterday's episode halfway through, and I switched off the live feed immediately as soon as I saw someone (Sophie) moaning to go home. I'm not watching it. If live feed dies, you can rest the blame squarely on Louie Spence's thick head. Done.
I've decided not to vote, even though I want Sophie to stay and Bruce out. If this is the best celebs they can afford, I'm not giving them more money to spend on... what? Fuck 'em! Let the chips fall where they may. I want no part of it.
I don't think even Emma can muster up any enthusiasm for this series anymore. I'd rather go shag one of Busted than deal with this shower of cunts, too.
I cannot BEAR these people in the safe house, or whatever the hell they're calling it today. Courtney is being pathetic, too. She looks alright in the boiler suit.
TOWIE prick: 'All she is is a set of boobs and fake hair.' Well that's two more things than you are, Mario. You're just Carol's little bitch. I actually didn't mind him until two days ago, but his real personality is leaking out all over the place, like an STD.
Ha, pleased to see they're humilating Abz with his Five back catalogue. Is this really want Mr Big wants? He was better off in Sex and the City, sleeping with that horse (I haven't seen that show, so I can't confirm that's what actually happens).
Geordie Shore is right that Courtney is ungrateful about seeing her husband. I can only assume her husband is solely a business arrangement, which is why she doesn't give a shit. Otherwise, wouldn't she still be on a high from it?
Big Brother, recreate Sophie's goth moment, please.
How can you recreate a Corrie moment with Janice and Les and not bring back Janice's horse fleece? I quite liked seeing Janice back in action. She was good in Corrie. Les: not so much.
Bruce does not look happy that the housemates were eating sushi. He probably doesn't like sushi anyway. He probably doesn't know what sushi is. Ha, they're stitching them up as usual. Ooh, showing Mario and Lauren's horrid comments about Courtney was cruel.
Evict Carol! This is all BS anyway. I wish they WOULD evict Carol. I hate it when they pretend to do something cruel but don't. Actually do it!
Carol should be happy to leave, she's always moaning anyway. Poor Screech, Carol has been mean. Mario has been mean, too!
Carol IS vicious. They shouldn't let her wear sunglasses whilst they're nominating her to go. I want to see her face fall (further). She IS hurt, I don't care what she says. Charlotte, don't cry over Carol. She called you a Geordie slag just three nights ago.
So they've pretending to evict Carol and stuck her in a secret room. I'd be glad to have a night on my own if I was Carol.
Oh, Courtney's reasoning makes sense that she thought the others would evict her for boiler suit gate. If that's true.
Louie moaning about people being 'venomous'. Ha.
That was nice of Lauren to say Carol doesn't hate Sophie, because I believe she does.
Courtney, your nipples are hanging out. Lauren is talking crap here; she said loads of shit about Courtney in the secret room! 'Peer pressure' made Lauren say bad things about Courtney. OK then.
I hope when Carol goes back in, she apologises to Charlotte for calling her a slag, as it was disgusting what she said and it's clear Charlotte cares for her. Carol doesn't care about ANYTHING.
Why isn't anyone getting booed?! Have they turned the crowd down?
OMG Lauren got the most votes! What the fuck. I've had enough of her. Even my curiosity about her wardrobe is pretty much through. My boyfriend put a fiver on Lauren to win, you know. Could the prophecy come true?
Oh God, I gotta wait an hour now? Well, I'm going to eat a bin bag full of crisps (ie. a bag of Sensations lemon chicken). I'm not gonna post this in between. That would just be sick, plus no one would read the last bit.
And we're back. I ate my crisps and several chocolate orange eclairs, aka, filling destroyers. I notice the second part is just labelled 'eviction interview' in the planner; that's useful for people searching for Big Brother. Well done.
Let's get on with this so I can go to bed. And if they think I'm staying up for BOTS, they've got another think coming. I've lost the will to live. 11pm is too late on a school night, and I generally stay up late.
Why is Sophie looking so prim? Looks like she's going to a society wedding.
Ahhh Sophie was evicted. She's one of the old people I actually like in that house. And I can't stand her most of the time, ha.
I see from Twitter that AJ spoilt the result. This is why I don't look on Twitter when a show is on I care about. I squint at my @ replies and that's about it. Social media = entertainment ruined.
Sophie doesn't care about being booed and she's happy to win. She was there for 'the experience'? Pull the other one.
Sophie doesn't agree she's bossy. She IS bossy and a know it all. Why is Emma being so hard on Sophie? So what, she's a know it all. I hope Emma is going to be equally hard on Carol, Louie and Bruce, etc. Yeah, as if. Emma can be a right pissy little bitch sometimes, yet she's universally seen as 'sweet'. Well, I think she's sour.
Oh, God, Carol going back in. I'd rather see Carol in the electric chair. Courtney doesn't look too happy. Oh, seriously, are they going to give Carol powers now? Great, that's all we need.
I'm glad Sophie doesn't have to put up with this. Why do I?! So what if Carol gets to nominate one housemate? Courtney would have been up anyway.
I would rather look in the mirror than look at Carol. I'd rather be Les and look in the mirror naked than look at Carol. I am definitely not touching the live feed with a barge pole with her smug face all over it.
You're right, the live feed is boring, Carol. But not as boring as you gloating, you hamster-faced, dried out shrew. As she's made personal attacks on every single person in that house, I'm sure she won't mind me insulting her appearance.
Well, what a load of balls. Can I go bed now?
PS: If you're a fan of our BBUS podcast, sorry there's not been one for a bit. We haven't even covered Aaryn drinking nail polish (a personal highlight - if only it had been a litre bottle). We'll be catching up at the weekend, anyway. Goodnight!

No comments: